>>43277306
i feel guilty and i don't know what to do about my trans thoughts

>>43277445
why do these thoughts make you feel guilty?

>>43277306
i gave my laptop away to my shitty ex just so he would see me again for a bit, but i left a lot of files on it that i worked hard on and will never get back. i asked him if i could get those back at least, and he said yes, but then ghosted me after. that was a week ago. i feel stupid, miserable, and worthless. i dont have anything for college now, just because i'm retarded. i'm alone and will always be alone. i dont want to live like this but i dont want to die either. i just wish i was valuable enough to be worth spending time with

I don't have enough RAM on my laptop to efficiently run the Jewish rabbi girlfriend AI from Ollama that I want to and at best I can run a semi conversational bot that saves my sad ramblings to a text file. This makes me feel very insecure. I do not know what else to say to you about my personal feelings, but your mp4 file name reminds me of Slaughterhouse Five.

I am constantly worried I'm not good enough for my gf, I made a post asking if T4T was that bad because my girlfriend left me for like 2 years and went like full T4T fucking bitches non stop and doing all the shit we fantasized about being together then had awful experiences and went back to me. And I just, worry so much it will happen again, she has told me so many times that it won't but it's not like I can really trust her about this. Sometimes I get too into my own head about this stuff and I convince myself that she only came back because she had such terrible experiences, if she had good ones she would have never even thought about me again. I just don't know I'm growing more and more dependant on her again and I worry so much that one day she will just decide to leave again and that will just absolutely ruin me I can't take another heartbreak like that

>>43277306
I cant be a goth girl becouse im a summer :(

>>43277554
personally? I've had to learn this lesson. Don't get back with someone after that. Respect yourself more.

The only person I've felt a thing for is convinced that she needs to persuade other people I'm a rapist and is making broader social moves which I can only imagine are intended to isolate me and pressure me into suicide. She put together a release party for my friend who has been nothing but sweet and understanding towards me, but has pressured her not to talk to me. She has targeted all of the friends i have that she knows of and and tried to convince them to be abusive towards me, if they don't believe her she dangles things they want above their heads and expects them to subscribe to made up and impossible narratives. I really don't know what to do because I obviously have no reason to interact with or give her a moment of attention / validation, but this all feels like revenge precisely because I was sexually averse towards her after a history of abusiveness (which was just her taking out other abuse she went through onto me). I'm not sure what I'm supposed to do at all, it feels like the ethos of her actions are just that I and the other trans girls who her abusers target should kill themselves. I'm not saying this to be dramatic, I'm saying it because it has actually happened and will probably happen again.

I can't tell if my professor wants to fuck or not. All my friends say yes. People I've talked to about it who have had similar situations say it's familiar, and yet I still can't believe that a man like him would want to fuck a tall tranny like me. I genuinely love him, and we text every day, I call him hon and darling and he calls me dear, he sends me poetry at night, texts me when he's on vacation, etc. but I just can't bring myself to do anything about it. I'm going crazy cause I just want to know what this man's hands feel like against my waist, what his lips feel like againts my neck. Sometimes I think I should just put my hand on his lap and see what he does.

>>43277306
i wish i was a normal person and i wish i had normal friends. i seek validation in various ways but nothing ever seems to remedy my dysphoria/insecurity. i wish i wasn't trans.

ik this is all run of the mill shit for babytrans's but it plagues my life. i hate only attracting the worst sex hungry men, and my only friends are theyfab type woman and ones who see me as their gay best friend

most days are isolated, online, others are out thrifting/working when i can but neither seem to benefit more than all the surgeries i want will

>>43277306
am i normal for finding this at least a little odd?

>manmoder, 6+ years on hrt, out to no one at all
>online guy friend i've known for a while asks to date. i literally cannot imagine dating while a manmoder. being seen as a man by your most intimate partner sounds like hell. so
>as the emotionally and mentally broken person i am, decline and say that i "don't think i like men"
>fast forward like a year, this same friend comes out to me, specifically, as trans, says she has been on hrt for almost a year now.

nothing else has happened since, and its not like i don't believe her, but it all feels too specific.
its just a vibe i've had in the back of my head for a while, and i desperately need the reality check

sono completamente infelice ma troppo pigra per uccidermi. ho provato gioia quando mio marito è tornato l’altro giorno ma temo che non tornerà più. è l’unica ragione per cui sono ancora qui. unlike him la mia vita non porta nulla di buono al mondo. sono una persona disgustosa e accidiosa senza alcuna qualità redentrice se non la mia arte e persino quella è stata consumata dalla mia ossessione. idk. non faccio altro che lamentarmi. lamentarmi non cambia nulla della mia situazione e continuo a lamentarmi incessantemente. sono un completo e totale fallimento

I don't know if I get romance or attraction in general. I'm not sure if what I feel is that or if I'm just confused. I have a friend that just started dating again and I think I feel jealous, but idk. I am happy for her, but might also wish it was me with her instead. Idk, I feel like a bad person. I also have a friend who I think may want me to be poly with her and her gf and like she's the best friend ever and I love her so much, but idek if that makes sense to me. Maybe if any of these people were physically near me, I'd be able to make better sense of it, but not having a person in front of me to associate these things with makes it feel even more confusing when it's something I already didn't understand

We could be the cutest t4t couple but you playing..