Thread #84350611
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There is no rational argument against incest. Every outcestfag is a slave to ideology.
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Exhibit B as you say
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>>84350665
Go fuck your sister dude I don't fucking care at ALL. fuck your aunt. Crash your car into a building I'm sick of arguing with trash humanity. Fuck the world. I hope it gets nuked. Fuck trying to give people advice fuck humanity. Let them destroy themselves.
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>>84350611
There is some arguments to it, but it's just problematic. I know because i'm talking from experience, as i have these feelings for a family member myself, and i can't act up on them, nor do i want to.
The thing is that in the visual novel, they are both very damaged and clearly also want it. But in reality, it's usually the way it's with me. Where 1 person really wants it or thinks about it, and the other is fully oblivious to it. Another part is just being normal. I wish i could be normal, but i'm not. And i realize that my feelings for that person are very unhealthy, and if i was to reveal them, would be very damaging and would cause the other person lots of sadness and sorrow and worry, on top of all the other existing sorrow and worry i already caused that person. He is very normal and not insane like me, and that's why acting up on feelings like this would do nothing but hurt the person for no reason, and i would in his eyes be an even bigger mess than i already am.
Another thing is, power dynamic. I don't know about with normal people, but in my case the power dynamic issue would be... well an issue. As i said, i'm very much not a normal person, so if i was to reveal these feelings and push on them or insist on them, or just ask, the other person would be in a weird spot. Apart from being hurt and shocked that i even think about this or want something as insane as this, there would be the fear of "what will happen when i reject her?". And thus it could be an emotional blackmail situation, or just other very unhealthy variants. This is why i don't think it's ever a good idea to reveal such feelings or act up on them, especially if you are in a position where you can cause the other person monstrous hurt and sadness by doing so.
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>>84350611
I agree. I still don't want to fuck my sister though, that's gross. But you do you buddy, don't let moralizers and nannystate government proponents put their boot on your neck. Unless you're also into asphyxiation/humiliation/etc. in which case let them but also inform them you will derive sexual gratification from it.
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>>84350611
>There is no rational argument against incest.
ok
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There's been some talk in high level places questioning if it's been excessively socially demonized and I would lean on the side that it might have. People may think of shitholes of inbreds and think inbreeding must be bad, right? But if you breed two shithole dwellers together it obviously results in a shithole dweller, that's not compelling evidence. In those examples you have a bunch of people with negative traits repeatedly reinforcing those negative traits. But if we look at the animal breeding industry, their incest rates are rather high. It was also popular amongst royal families and it honestly might still be practiced in some rich families, we certainly know it's practiced in the Biden family for example.
I was bored enough to search through some papers about this stuff and using ai to make them more digestible. There are a few interesting points, first off our extreme lack of inbreeding in modern society combined with low natural selection is rapidly filling our genetics with landmines, we really need to get to genetic editing technology before we get to the point of genetic trash saturation where our chances of accidentally activating bad recessives gets worse than asian eyesight genetics.
Another important point is what the livestock industry refers to as inbreeding depression, it's what happens when a large amount of potentially negative recessives get activated all at once. If there was a high volume of inbreeding then these traits would be frequently expressed and genetics could effectively be cleaned of junk by having offspring that were critically negatively impacted simply not breed and flag the parents for being a possible carrier of pretty bad recessives.
So we're going to be outbreeding/junkmaxxing until every child is born to be balding, have organ defects, and have an endless creeping list of small negatives that will be deemed "fine" until we casually need glasses-like crutches/tools for every little thing that we used to be capable of.
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>>84351145
The holstein problem is a magnification problem, it's only possible with artificial insemination alloweing a bull to have millions of offspring.
Anyway this misses the intermediate ground argument where you close the population but don't breed immediate relatives
Did AI make that chart? I's wrong about the brace and glasses those aren't a product of inbreeding more a shit diet and living environment
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>>84351145
>>84351249
sorry I misread the glasses part.
I would argue outbreeding is directly causing dental irregularities because it's causing incompatibilities between the genes of the mouth and others.
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>>84351261
I'm not versed enough to be able to comment on that, but I would not be surprised. And yes it's part of an ai summary of a larger volume of text, could have inaccuracies.
I suppose the next step is to determine where the sources of the demonization came from and if they're to be trusted as an honest mistake/overcorrection vs malinformation. We know who WOULD be responsible if it's malice and merely observing their population norms vs claims would reveal much, such as immigration policy double standards.
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>>84351331
No. I'm a foid not a bro, but no, i got a lot more than a crush on my Dad. And those are definitely very unhealthy feelings, and i shouldn't be having them, because all they can do is hurt him and our current relationship.
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>>84350622
>>84350611
bro there's nobody oppressing you, you can fuck your sister all you want stop whining
you probably don't even have a sister, you just a weirdo with a fetish
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>>84351371
oh hi anonymouse. i wondered if i would see you again. you said i should look out for your tag but i didnt realise at the time you had one, i assumed it was anonymous i didnt read the mouse part.
i would love to have sex with a milf who reveals she wants to bang her son, then we can arrange it somehow
>>84351538
if something is illegal then the state can lock you up for doing it. you fucking idiot
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>>84351388
No, my case is a lot more unique i think.
Basically speaking, i fucked up my Dad's life.
I'm disability level mentally ill, i have very strong neurotic SPD. Basically i can't handle hearing peoples voices, or having them around, and the worst trigger is touching. Sends me into violent neurotic spasms and seizures, just very bad. My psychiatrist told me a good metaphore for this when i was diagnosed to explain the condition to me, basically imagine your mind as a big theater. In it you have seats, some for family, friends, coworkers, random people, etc. This is your social battery in a way. For me, i have only 1 single seat in my head. And that seat is permanently occupied by my Dad. Very usual that people like me latch onto a family member, parent or sibling or etc, if you had this from birth.
So basically i couldn't love my Mom, or develop any kind of relationship with her, she is a stranger to me. Her voice and her touch trigger my condition as do any other people, and so my childhood was basically running away from her, or screaming if she got too close. Wouldn't get in car with her, nothing. By age 10 she basically gave up, by age 12 she left Dad and ran off because she wanted to experience life while she still had youth left. Dad was destroyed as fuck by this, took years for him to stop randomly breaking down about it.
Anyway after they divorced, Mom told me she wouldn't take care of me if i tried to get her to have custody or something. Dad got the place we have now and we moved here, and he takes care of me and i basically just neet in my room, because i'm on disability once i was finally diagnosed. He is the only person i can be around. He is the only person whose voice is soothing, and whos touch feels good to me. And he sacrificed so much from his life to provide me with a nice and comfortable life being locked in my room 99% of the time. And it has been some years now that i realized i loved him and would want to be his wife.
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>>84351606
That's a tough one. Maybe he'd be down, especially if the situation effectively blocks him from pursuing other women. Tough thing to breach in any case for sure. Might be down if I were him in that specific case, especially if you were both effectively blocked from alternatives.
This is also a bit random but consider trying high dose folinic acid supplementation (or folate if you can't find that one), I've been reading a lot lately about the negative brain impact of severe folate deficiency and with the high rate of (trash synthetic) folic acid (not to be confused with the first one) effectively serving as a common roadblock to proper absorption it leads to issues that are either similar or sidegrades to yours. If you try also cut out any form of folic acid consumption (it's in any grains that say "fortified" on the label and potentially in low quality B complex vitamin supplements)
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>>84351616
I did actually, just once so far, but i did, after i had a nightmare and woke up sweated through. Summer is slowly creeping up and the temperatures here are being stupid. One day it's sunny hot and the other it's raining cold again, feels nice. Also baths are not a problem, i love baths. Problem is i can't do those, because we don't have a bathtub like we did in the old house before Mom and Dad divorced. If i could bathe everyday i wouldn't have no problem with this.
>>84351656
Schizoid, with the neurotic being the nature of triggered response, in my case uncontrollable anger outbursts or violent seizures. As said, i have a very strong variant. It's usually not this strong for most people. Being on disability from schizoism is a lot lees common than from something like heavy BPD.
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>>84351691
I mean i take brain fixers that i got from my psychiatrist. Also have to go for checkups regularly to keep the disability status and disability checks, which are not a lot but it helps. Still human touch is an almost instant trigger. Last one was couple weeks ago, i was at a grocery store, clerk knows me actually, but i guess he spaced out, and he wished me a nice day and touched my hand when giving me my change. Went screaming to the ground almost instantly. Dad had to leave work to come get me. As i said, i'm... i'm a huge fucking burden to him.
>blocked from partners
For me, obviously. I'm actually not a virgin, i was raped when i was 13, very stupid story about how that happened, i don't think you want to hear that. But what i can say is that the sex, while unmedicated, was the worst torture i ever felt. Like my brain was frying me from the inside, that was CIA waterboarding level torment. So yeah, other than him, i have no chance of dating or friendships or anything.
As for him, there was one woman over some time after Mom left us. I don't think he told her about me, good move probably. Anyway she woke up before him in the morning, and went "exploring" the house for some reason. Went into my room, i woke up in shock, and for some reason her reflex was to grab my arms and say that everything is okay and that i don't need to be scared. Naturally touch triggered a seizure, and i started to seize and scream, which made Dad come... yeah never saw her again. Or any woman since then. He begged Mom to come back on the phone many times over the years but stopped that too.
>>84351701
Nothing direct. Yeah masturbating while thinking about him, and sneaking into his bed a couple times while he was sleeping. Told him i had horrible nightmares and was scared to sleep alone again in the morning. Sometimes this was a lie, sometimes truth, my meds can give me absolute horror fuel nightmares at random.
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>>84351606
your dad sounds like a great person, so do you, but your mom sounds evil. She deserves misery. Honestly femanon I would be happy to have a daugher to cares about me as much as you do with your dad. It would be cool if I had a sister a few years younger than me who latched onto me like you did your dad (but ofc cus everything in my life is bittersweet and cursed, I would probably end up with a sister I disliked, similar to the one I have now).
>>84351611
the milf part does not have much to do with it, just me being horny. If you had a son, somehow, and he latched onto you the same way you did with your dad, and then you read his journal and discovered he desired you the same way you desire your dad, how would you react and take things forward from there?
>>84351718
when you snuck into his bed, did you try and touch or press into his genitals? I think you should do this again, and position yourself so you are the little spoon. In the night you can position your bottom so it is touching his penis. I don't think he will be alarmed. People naturally move around to be closer to each other in sleep.
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FFS why cant you ever find the relevant pic when you need it.
Anyway:
>There is no rational argument against incest.
3 mental-mud-retards on the floor with cousine parents in the back.jpg.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SV6YyX3zL8c
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>>84351815
>Dad is great
He is, you know disability checks aren't much. The only reason why i can live comfortably and stuff is because he still takes care of me and let's me live with him and only takes like 300 euro of rent, which includes stuff he cooks, which i wish i could eat more regularly, because i'm grateful for it.
>Mom is evil
I don't know. As i said, i feel nothing towards her. She is a stranger except i know her name. But that's because i'm unnable to form these relationship, on behalf of my mental illness.
>Son
I have absolutely no idea. You gotta realize, a ton of social things are alien to me. I have no idea what friendships feel like, or having a boyfriend, or a lot of other things. Even my fantasies about being Dad's new wife, i don't know how a marriage actually works, so they are just what i wish it was probably. But i can't imagine this. If i was normal, my life and my perception of reality would likely be much different.
This is also a reason why i should never have kids even if i somehow could. If i had a child, that child would most likely not be excluded from my condition. Which means i couldn't love it, touch it, be motherly to it, you get the jist. Child abuse olympics essentially. I'm not made to be a mom.
>Did you touch him?
No. As i said, i myself was raped when i was 13. I know sexual assault is horrible. Lucky for me i'm not actually traumatized from it because the worst part was the seizure not the act itself. But i would never want to do that to my Dad. That's the thing, i don't want to be creepy or something on him. I love him, and doing some rapey stuff like fondling him or something while he sleeps... my Dad is very normal, and the last thing i want him to do is think his daughter is even more insane than she is by telling him i have these feelings for him, or touch him without his consent or something. In his bed i just cuddle up to him and yes also spoon up. It's hard to not be small spoon since he is a lot bigger than me.
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>>84351982
i understand that. do you ever feel his penis pressing or lightly touching your bottom or back, not on purpose, just naturally? I hope you and your dad somehow blossom your relationship into something more intimate, and sexual, where you can both feel safe exploring each others bodies and feel safe and warm and intimate with each other in that way, as well as you being his 'wife' without it beinf creepy and what not
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>>84352053
>do you feel it?
I mean sure, somewhat yeah. But again i'm not trying to intentionally set up some kind of a situation, i just like being in bed with him, but i don't do it too often, because i don't want it to seem weird. The only other "way out there" thing i did was, when i was a bit younger, i once pretended to sleep walk out of my room naked while he was watching hockey on the couch. I do very rarely sleep walk a bit, a side effect of the meds, it's more of like a foggy state where i can't tell that i'm awake for a while. I don't really know why, i just wanted him to see me naked for some reason, which was actually very stupid, because he has seen me naked plenty of times due to me having some problems like fainting in the shower or something, and him having to pick me up, dry me off and carry me to bed.
But otherwise when i cuddle up to him in his bed like this, i don't try to make it sexual, it's more like i enjoy the romancey feeling of it. Again, my Dad is very normal, i doubt he ever even thought about me this way. And i don't want to hurt him by telling him something like this. There are hurtful things that he doesn't need to know. Like if he knew that i was raped when i was 13, he would probably just think this is some coping mechanism from that, and that would be even worse.
The only way i ever see this actually happening is if he was the one to innitiate anything. I know from my side these feelings are super unhealthy, and my mental illness is likely at play here. I don't want to force anything on him, even if i confessed in an orderly manner, it's still a lot to unload on him, and the power dynamic makes it a very hurtful thing for him, because i'm a big mess.
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>>84353276
I was summoned to that thread once by a redirect when someone thought i would be "one of the gang" when i talked about this previously. Didn't really stay around or browse that particular thread anymore. It's not for me. Those people heavily fetishize this, and some of the things they were saying were pretty weird, and that's for MY standards, so pretty far out.
The thing is for me, it's not a fetish or something. I don't goon my brain out to the fact that he is my Dad. I suppose those who have the option to go for someone else can fetishize the choice. For me it just feels shit. I still have all the needs, wanting for companionship, friendship, love, intimacy, sex. Everything. I just can't build those relationship. Everyone makes me condition flare up. Everyone in the world except for my Dad. The only human touch that i have ever felt that was pleasant and not like having acid spilled on me, is my Dad's. The only soothing voice that doesn't make my ears ring i ever heard, Dad. And likely the only man ever i could ever be with and have it feel good, also Dad. Basically my partner choices are loneliness (current), or my Dad.
It's an insanely shit feeling to be in love with him you know? Even siblings in a way would be lees frowned upon. But him? It's basically the most frowned upon thing imaginable. Let's ignore the strain and pain it would put between us, if anyone was to find out from the outside, they would just think he is a rapist forcing himself on his daughter. Between us, the same. I have always been a lot to handle, i have made his life difficult, i have costed him his marriage and a ton of effort. And now, after all that he sacrificed for me, i'm supposed to hurt him even more by telling him that i'm hopelessly in love with him and very attracted to him. Tell him that i'm even more insane than he already thinks. Do you know how much that would hurt him? Just the thought alone that he spent all that effort, and this is what he gets in return?
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>>84354725
Well as i said, the only way anything would ever happen between us is if he initiates it. If i decide to make any move or whatever, it will be very hurtful for him, it will just cause problems, and it will be a power imbalance emotional blackmail, because i'm not fully sane. I simply can't be the one that makes the choice or the step in this direction. But if he ever comes onto me or confesses that he developed some loving feelings towards me that are more than just being a parent, i will gladly tell him that it's something i feel for him too.
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>>84355978
Do you think if your daddy knew, not from you but just from somewhere, that his sweet neet daughter is just waiting and hoping for him to make a move, that he would make his move on you?
Because the way you describe it, it sounds like he is pretty lonely, like he traded the rest of his dating life to take care of you and provide you a safe place to call home. Every man has needs, and having a young hot girl that he lives with suddenly turn into his secret wife would solve a lot of the problems
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Having retarded kids is. Having kids with your cousin isn't a big deal if it's only done once in a few generations, but when you keep doing it your race become inbreed. Just look at Jews and Arabs.
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>>84357279
>If he knew from somewhere else
I don't think so. I don't know really. But i don't think so. You see unlike me, my Dad is a normal, regular, functional adult human being. He married his highschool sweetheart, they got married and had me fairly young, and already owned a house together. I was born into what i think is a very healthy and stable household. And that hasn't really changed. He is a very normal functioning adult man. He has a job, he has friends he sometimes goes out with to drink or hangout or something, i don't really know what people do when they go hangout and socialize, just from reading about it or seeing it in movies and shows. But you see the picture i'm trying to pain right? He is very normal, so i imagine if he somehow found out, let's imagine he somehow gets on 4chan, and reads this board, and recognizes it's me, i don't think his first instinct would be to come to my room and tell me he wants to upgrade our relationship to lovers. I think it would just be shock and probably shame and surprise that i'm even more insane in the head than what he already knows. It would probably make him regret having me even more than he already does. I know he loves me, he has proven that 50000x times over, but i know his life would be better if i didn't exist, and i think he thinks about it too. Without me he would still be married.
But yes, if he actually feels lonely and misses these things or has his needs as you said that are not being furfilled, i would love to help him with that, i would love to do anything to start repaying the monstrous life debt i have towards him. Even if all he wanted was sex because he has needs that aren't being satisfied, i would be happy to have it with him if it would help in any way. But again, i find it very unlikely he would ask for this, because he is very normal, and has the option to have these relationships with other people. My options are him or no one.
>>84357838
I try to everyday unless meds zone me out.
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>>84350611
>There is no rational argument against incest
Higher rate of actual deformed retard babies that are a drain on society for decades if they survive the first few weeks of their lives.
That is the main issue with incest. You cannot rationalize making retard babies all because you want to fuck your blood relatives.
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>>84357889
That doesn't track when we see the damage from pollutants and already genetically fucked up people having kids as in the OP example.
But that's obviously seeking equivalence in the already degenerated society where two disfigured men can marry and have children via surrogate.
If we consider producing an actively desirable society this would be a different discussion
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>>84357886
That is kind of the thing. He (i believe that is what you meant to write) knows i'm mentally ill, and he is supportive and everything. He takes crumbs of rent from me and cooks for me and everything, basically the only reason i'm not homeless and thus dead, is because he cares. I understand that i'm already a lot with the stuff i already got going on. Maybe he wouldn't freak out, maybe he would be calm and just tell me that he isn't mad, and that i simply need to focus on not having these feelings because they are unhealthy. But it would still be something more to add onto the mountain of worries i already dropped on him. Now he has to worry that his daughter has weird feelings for him, which for sure is going to hurt and bother him, even if he wouldn't let me see it. Would also likely affect what we do. When we watch movies or shows together, we cuddle very closely and he let's me sit on his lap and also i sometimes sneak into his bed while he is sleeping. With him knowing about my feelings, i imagine he would put a stop to all of that. I would hate that, it's the only physical contact with another person i get, and i look forward to it everytime. It's also just facing the rejection. The way it is now, i can at least dream about it or imagine what it would be like. But after being rejected, it will just hurt.
Look the point is, even if he is not going to freak out or be mad, this is still going to worry him for sure. And i don't want him to have to deal with more than what he already has to deal with regarding me. That's why i didn't tell him about the rape thing either for example. It would just add pointless pain and worry to him, and to this day i don't regret that decision.
>>84357935
>baby fever
Not gonna happen. I'm very well aware that i should never have kids. My mental illness likely wouldn't exclude them, so i would just be a distant horrible Mom that doesn't love her own kids and likely neglects them heavily.
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>>84358284
Naturally. The alternative that because i'm a neet on disability i have literally nothing else to do than practice my drawing or be on here and waste time all day until death finally takes me one faithful morning is honestly kinda shit, i think i will rather be a larp indeed.
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>>84351718
nta but what drug did they get u on? some of the drug they gave me for "the condition" give me horrific nightmare and night sweat but didn't fry my brain. ya know u might want talk to your doc about the meds
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>>84358473
It's not the meds just full frying my brain, it's sort of the lifestyle, the existance and mindset. The meds do like mellow me out a bit or do like a little brainfog, but overall i have kinda trouble with commiting to stuff, especially to stuff that isn't like, instant gratification, if you know what i mean?
Basically you know, i don't have anything going on. I wake up, i waste my day, i fall asleep whenever, i flip a coin if i get nightmares and shit sleep or weird dreams and random duration sleep, and rinse and repeat. So the existance itself is very lethargic, very much just like floating through my life and my time, and then the light brainfog just amplifies that. I'm still enjoying it really in a way, because i was diagnosed very late, thanks to my Mom btw, so until second year of high school i had to go to regular school, so everyday was just basically nonstop sensory torture. It was insanely bad. So now at 21, i'm still kinda riding the high of being able to just be locked in my room and safe from all the noise and the people and the contact and everything else. Again, all thanks to Dad, could never afford that on disability checks alone. But yeah i imagine by the time i turn 23-25 the crippling loneliness and absence of anything meaningful will probably start getting to me. God knows what i do then. Hopefully nothing too stupid.
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>>84358145
You are implying he wouldn't do it. You say he's "normal", but he got divorced and he knows he won't be able to have a GF with you around. If you are attractive he might be down to fuck. Don't understimate the sexual frustation of a man who can't get regular sex from a relationship.
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>>84358505
yea i understand all of it. it would be shameful for me to say i too lead a life like that. having trouble of commiting to long term stuff is understandable if u cant see your future anyway
so i supposed i understand it a little bit. but yea mine is same as your too from waking up waste my day and spend most of it sleep away. i supposed the only i don't have is sensory torture for me it manifest as a disdain for people and just general dislike for sound (mostly disdain for people that i cant neither explain or help myself and some form paranoia too) and yea i too was diagnosed very late actually i think i was only diagnosed because i try to kill myself then botch it so the whole thing is really a walk of shame for me and uh they laid me off few months after the whole thing and i just live like you do ever since. i want to live like this forever too but how could anyone really without some form of self torment and guilt i know it eating at me everyday and sometimes i genuinely dont know what to do
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>>84358515
>imply he is normal
I mean sure, i don't really know what normal means, but just... it's hard to imagine you know? My Dad was always in my eyes the absolute paragon of how a person at their best should be. Kind, caring, nice, pleasant to be around, well kept, straight out of school with a wife, a stable job, a house fully owned and not loaned / rented. Basically up until i was born, he was the rolemodel of a succesful person. And even after i was born, i have always admired him for how much grip he has on life. Even when Mom left and he for a couple years kept breaking down, crying, and begging her to come back on the phone, he still kept himself composed, was working, was taking care of me, was keeping himself in shape, and so on.
My point is, it's so hard for me to imagine a reality where a person this normal, this well kept would want to have a romantic relationship and sex with his mentally ill daughter. Or just daughter, even if i was fully sane, i still can't imagine a person like him wanting to do something like that.
>attractive
I don't know. I mean i'm not dangerously underweight anymore, for the first time in years i got above 40kg, so i guess i got that going for me. But even then i never like, dressed up for school, or learned how to do makeup well, or most social things, since i can't do social. Also my hygiene isn't the best, i do feel ashamed for this btw, i'm not some slob who enjoys not being clean, but it's hard to care enough and push myself with the lethargic lifestyle + brainfog + not having a bathtub.
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>>84350611
>2 of their children died after inheriting both parents dwarfism
How small would a double dwarf be? Even smaller than Verne Troyer? Can we get down to a mouse sized adult human? A triple or quadruple dwarf maybe?
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>>84358709
fuck it i will just write it again
I was saying in the reply that won't show up that i find it funny we had to push to an extreme to get there. For me it was when i became so dangerously underweight that i had to be hospitalized when i was finally sent to a psychiatrist. Obviously they will send you one to ask why you are turning into a skeleton. I was finally diagnosed and put on disability and taken out of highschool. I remember my Dad when he was told about my condition and just how ultra severe my SPD is, he hugged me and he was apologizing for not taking me here earlier and stuff, but it's not his fault. Mom kind of fucked me over on this thing.
Ever since i was little, my Mom insisted that there is nothing wrong with me, and that i'm just a missbehaving brat and that i don't need to be taken to any therapist or psychologist. All the weird behaviour, the sensory overloads, running from her, screaming when touched or avoiding it, refusing to hug her, refusing to get in the car with her, the constant problems at school. All of it, she always dismissed it as me just being a brat and doing it to establish control or dominance, like i was a dog on the dog whisperer or something. Well she kept it up for 10 years, then gave up, and 2 years later left us. I don't blame Dad that he didn't take me anywhere after Mom left, at that point i was basically conditioned to know that seeking professional help is not an option, and to Dad, Mom's word was law plus he was super depressed from her leaving so i think he just kinda went through the motion day to day. So yeah, my torment filled school years, i have Mom to thank for those. If it wasn't for her insisting, i could have been diagnosed as a kid, or maybe homeschooled or somehow isolated. I definitely didn't belong to a normal public school.
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>>84359644
Not yet because i'm not good enough at it yet. I haven't really been drawing for that long, but once i hopefully get good enough at it, i 100% want to draw him something. But i don't wanna do it or even post anything or show stuff before i get good, because i find it so pointless to share around bad art, especially when it's nsfw. I'm not talking bad art like just because someone gets wrong shading or something, i'm talking those drawings that look like they are made by a 5 year old, like they are "my first sonic oc". You can probably imagine what artwork type i'm reffering to. Especially when you come accros such stuff in porn, really dislike that. I want to maybe try drawing some smut too myself eventually if i get good enough so that my drawings start look like anything. But yeah still not good enough at it.
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>>84358888
why were you starving yourself?
also you can just look up youtube tutorial for dolling up if you really want to try and be a looker for him, there is about a billion of them
you might need to buy some products but you said you have some money to spend since your dad doesnt take much rent from you
How old are you btw? Im guessing not more than 25. either way i can tell you a dolled up skinny pretty virgin girl in her early 20s is totally going to rile up a guy in his im guessing 40s or 50s who had his wife leave him and has been pussy free for years because he cant date properly
trust me put some effort into it, and im sure you can get daddy very riled up
>Also my hygiene isn't the best,
yeah this here, i dont know about others but i like my girls clean so you might wanna do something about this part. Dont be a stinker
what is your hygiene routine like?
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>>84351261
Anon I agree with your overall point but holy fuck you need to not speak on what you don't know about.
The glasses issue is caused almost entirely by lack of sunlight during formative years, look into the inuit study. The Chinese are all inside studying due to their culture and rekt their eyes.
The issue with dental irregularities are diet caused; lack of hard chewing and an abundance of sugar.
Genes are important but not for all/most of our modern ills. Though yes the future landmine issue is true too.
Protip: a lot of issues are caused by childhood vaccinations fucking over our immune system but the population is thoroughly brainwashed not to touch that sacred cow.
>>84351982
Anon, l'm phone posting with a headache right now but i want you to know that your condition has room for improvement. I went through something similar. It's not quite so simple as exposure therapy but it's along that line of "small things you do" (as opposed to something like medicine (do keep taking yours though, it's not exclusive)).
Quick questions though: does this apply to animals or plants? It would go partially towards the loneliness aspect if so, if you would be okay with the financial hit of buying them food.
Not even necessarily dogs which need to go out, can be cats or even rats.
And for the voices, is it all human voices regardless of context? I.e. music and asmr as well?
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>>84350611
Just look at British Pakistanis. Those fuckers inbreed like crazy - it's estimated over 50% of them are born as a result of first-cousin incest - and they suffer from so many birth defects and genetic deformities that the health services in areas with lots of them are flat-out collapsing because of all their incest babies clogging the system.
Here's a pretty infamous documentary on it:
https://youtu.be/gDGUZxUTwBI?si=VOp9IKE_DajU-_1b
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>>84360275
>starving
I don't think i was anorexic, that is it's own thing. I was just kind of... in the process of wasting away to describe it correctly. I was still forced to go to normal high school, i had constant daily problems with everyone, both the classmates who bullied me and the teachers who hated me for obvious reasons, and also just constant sensory overload and seizures. After years of it, i think my brain was just too fried to go on. I barely slept, i didn't eat, because i just didn't feel hungry, or i forgot. It was just kinda me as a whole giving up and just waiting to waste away. And then it finally stopped. Right now i still have a bit of an issue with it, i sometimes forget to eat, and also my meds can mess with my apetite. But i'm above 40kg now, my doctor last time i was there told my Dad to tell me that he is happy with the progress he is seeing, but that i should still try to eat more, even if it feels like i'm forcing down food. I started snacking on stuff lately, which helps because it doesn't really feel like eating.
>doll up
I know there is tutorials for it, but as i said, i don't want to do it, i don't want to make a move on my Dad, i don't want to be creepy and weird. I'm already a lot to handle, i want him to think that at least in this area i'm normal like everyone else.
>how old?
21
>why hygiene?
Same reason as everything. Defect brain, lethargic lifestyle, brainfog from meds, trouble to commit to stuff. I just either forget or i have times where i just can't find the strength to care. And then it's not having a bath. Our old house had a bathtub, i used to take like hour long baths almost daily, because they calmed me down. I hate showers, showering is a chore and it feels very rough, like the water is attacking you. If we had a bathtub, i would have no problem washing myself daily. But only having a shower makes it difficult for me.
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>>84360357
>improvment
Here is the thing, all of these conditions have different strengths. Most people with SPD aren't on disability, same for BPD demons. Only the really severe ones. I just "lucked" out, and got an extremely severe case of neurotic oversensitivity. Like my psychiatrist even told me she personally never had anyone with it as strong as mine on her diagnosis before. And i mean, overall conditioning, that was tried. First of all, Mom, who kept being around and trying to establish some relationship with me for 10 years. No ball. Second of all, i went to regular elementary and high school before being taken out. That's years of almost constant sensory torment. No ball. I will keep taking my meds absolutely, because they do help to be baselined a lot more, and when i go grocery shopping sometimes, they make it a bit easier. Touch is still a big no go. Had an episode a couple weeks ago at a Billa, not fun, and also because my Dad says he is proud of me for taking them, because he was given a big lecture about how people like me usually don't want to or try to not take their meds.
>does this apply to animals?
I was thinking about it actually in the last half a year or so. Until then i was still riding the high of just being able to exist without exposure on a daily basis. But yeah, my Mom and my Dad are a bit of a funny duo. He is alergic to dogs, and she was alergic to cats, so any talk about pets was off. I think i would want white mice, i love mice, but i will have to look into it first, and see if my trouble with commiting to stuff won't affect this, because i wouldn't want to neglect an animal.
>voices
No, i can watch youtube videos or listen to music. It's not the sound itself, it's the people around making it. At least that's what it feels like. You know i don't really know exactly to a T how my defect brain works. It's not like my brain is an open book i can just check for answers.
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>>84352336
I'm pretty sure it because of a fucked up wording of the law.
Some thing that is super specific and allows for loopholes. for instance
>A man can not have sex with his mother, sister, or daughter
>A woman can not have sex with their father, brother, or son
instead of
>A person can not have sex with a family member
I think that's the reason. Not because of any real logistical reason.
When those laws were written homosexuality was probably seen as an abnormality of the mind and not a normal thing. And thus they didn't even consider homosex. resulting in these weird rules.
Heteronormality strikes again.
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>>84359188
shit. i don't know what to say really i supposed that im kinda glad that im not on way too far end of the spectrum. it sound like hell what you are experiencing really. but yea i think public school is really not a place for people like you and i didnt went to college and i supposed in a way i dont miss it really also your mom sound like a bitch i would shoot her on the spot if i was you. let me tell you what i got a mom like that once long ago she and my dad was very absence type of people and get abusive at times too most of the thing i learned was from the internet and i supposed thx god for that cause i dont know what i do without it. anyway i want to say you deserve better and i think i could use a bit of that too myself so hang in there really it will get better for you eventually
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>>84362318
>school
I mean i don't know exactly, but definitely not regular school. Maybe some special school or homeschooling, but again, for that you need to go to a psychiatrist and get diagnosed, which should have happened. I don't know why if your child is this problematic, you would just say "nah, just being a brat" and leave it be, but i guess my Mom just didn't want to admit that something could be wrong with me, all the way until she no longer cared.
>i would shoot mom on the spot
Well that's the thing, i don't have any feelings towards a Mom. As i said, she is the same as a stranger to me, except i know her name. I can't build those emotional connections either. That is textbook schizoism. I mean i'm angry at her for being the cause of me not getting diagnosed or the medical help i needed, and i'm very angry at her for Dad's sake for breaking his heart and making him depressed. But as of myself, her leaving means nothing to me. Not having her around is nice, she was just another bad pressence to my condition.
>it will get better eventually
Well... that's the thing, i find it hard to find optimism for this. Because right now, i think right now things are as good as they will ever be. My future prospects are basically, Dad dies, i go homeless and die, disability not enough to live on my own. Or i get depressed from lonely, also likely ends up dying. Or i reveal my feelings to my Dad, fuck up whatever is left of us as a family, likely result in dying or ruining his life even more. The prospects are just not looking good.
But thank you for the nice words, i will try to hang in there and i hope you do too.
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>>84351698
I'm pretty sure the SPD stands for sensory processing disorder no?
Schizoid typically has zero desire for interpersonal relationships.
>>84351718
Next on the list of questions:
When you say 'human touch', is it specifically skin, or is it the sensation of being touched by a human mentally? E.g. someone touches you while wearing gloves. It's not the person touching you, it's leather or whatever.
The next test if gloves seemed included, would be a blind touch test by dad with one of his friends or something, where you didn't know who was doing it (looking away, blindfolded, etc.)
Alternatively, if gloves don't trigger it, would simply long sleeves be an acceptable pseudo compromise for having to go outside? They wouldn't be touching you, your clothes would.
Also on the pet rat thing, the 'nice' thing about rodents are their short life spans. If you decide you can't do it, it's not a long time and/or you could release them into the wild if mice or rat. May have an slight difficulty releasing hamsters though...
Lastly for the voice thing, if YouTube videos are okay, does that also mean telephone calls and discord voice messages are okay?
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>>84350611
You fags are just losers without siblings that fetishize this incest shit because you want an in ideal girlfriend literally dropped into your house and already familiar with you because you're a lazy do nothing faggot. In real life this shit is fucking disgusting which you would instinctively know if you had sisters but you don't because you're entire frame of reference is anime porn and fantasy. Also you end up with retarded children like Pakistanis do. Siblings find each other gross for a reason nature's design isn't an accident.
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>>84362859
>SPD
Could stand for multiple things. First of all english is not my native language, but even when i google "SPD schizoism" it shows me a good result, so i don't know. But yes i have problems with those relationships in theory too. It's not a "zero desire" thing, it's more like that i just can't form them, like not just because i can't talk to people or touch them, i tried online friendships through discord, and just after a while i still wasn't commiting or feeling anything. It's a strange feeling, because in my head, in theory, i do want relationships. I want friends with whom i can be close, i want a boyfriend who will love me and hug me and cuddle me and have sex with me and all that intimacy. But it's like the plugin to form those emotions is missing from my brain, while others have it pre-installed. My Dad is the only one to whom i feel all these things, and it's likely directly linked to the fixation and latching onto him through my condition.
By all means, i understand that i'm very much not fully sane.
>human touch
It's both. Being touched on raw skin is the worst, everytime i go out, i wear long sleeves and gloves. But even being touched on the sleeves sends it, just a little bit lees full force.
>Test
That is a very interesting thing you just suggested actually. I have never done a test where i had my Dad and someone else touch me while i was blindfolded or something, obviously. But i do wonder what would happen. I have never actually met one of his friends, maybe when i was a kid but obvious me problems made it so they never come here. Dad always meets them.
>voice thing
I know what you are hinting at. Someone told me before that "you were made to be an e-girlfriend / made for e-dating". That's where the schizoism part comes in, as i said, i tried discord and stuff, couldn't build any connections. Doesn't trigger condition, but still defect brain emotionally.
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>>84363010
>first paragraph
Most people don't feel comfortable with online relationships actually; there's a vital part of interaction missing. It's why the most important part of long distance dating is making a plan to eventually be together physically.
As to the voice thing, it wasn't actually hinting at that. The logic is "if it's not the voice itself that does it, as music and youtube is safe, then perhaps it's some level of psychological threat model". IRL interactions have a lot of various underlying presumptions that people usually remain blind to; how are they positioned, are they actually a threat to me, are they checking me out, etc. It can get exhausting for certain brains.
But if discord itself doesn't lend itself as a trigger, then rather than "human voices" being a trigger, it would be basically "interactions with IRL people".
What would then follow would be the idea that it's not the voice itself, or touch itself (depending on how the blind touch experiment goes), but you hyperreacting to the mental model of "other people".
Which, in theory, would allow the possibility of someone gradually easing themselves into a mental category of "acceptable" in the same vein that your father seems to be. There's a little more to it than that but I hope you at least understand the gist.
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>>84362988
We get enough of your bullshit on /a/.
>you fags who fetishize mothers don't actually have a mom!
Retard.
The biggest reason people enjoy incest (as a fictional narrative device) is the taboo it creates and the working of the story around that. It's the same reason Romeo and Juliet had so much success as a story (but hopefully without the tragic ending).
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>>84363589
As a follow up to this, since online (voice) interactions don't really trigger the reaction, it's likely that part of the brain doesn't really register it as "real", which is the reason that the brain seems fit to disregard it, as well as the reason you tend to drop it after such a short time. No one really wants to spend a long time chatting with a chatbot right?
As pseudo "proof", in as much as I can make such a claim, I would bet money that in the hypothetical situation where you did find someone who was able to check all the safe boxes and was otherwise an acceptable bf, and you and he moved in together and you left your dad's house, if the only way you could keep in touch was online you for sure wouldn't neglect it.
As to the lack of optimism thing, that's something one generally has to figure out themselves. But there are many careers out there where you don't need to leave the house per se. Artist, musician, game developer, author, etc. But the main thing I wanted to get across, for now at least, is that since you weren't even able to come up with the touch experiment*, it should be now apparent that resignation is premature.
* = I'm not trying to make you feel bad there, if anything it's an indictment on your psychiatrist / therapist for not suggesting it.
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>>84350622
Gays adopting isn't inherently bad, Italians fucking lightskins barely counts as racemixing and overall none of these things lead to the genetic defects that inbreeding causes. Ironically the top left image is the actual equivalent to incest
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>>84362784
as for school all i can say is u don't really need school. look it not as important as society make it out to be perhaps u would succeed at special school or home schooling but even then society is so fucked right now even if u have a good degree in something and besides many people don't have a degree and they live just fine i think the most important thing is live your life so it make you happy whatever make u happy and the one u loved happy u just do it. as for mom i supposed i too don't have much to say it really as same as you really her leaving mean nothing sure we were stretched out on money for that but can u blame them for that? i mean sure u can blame ur mom for being shitty and not giving u the help that u need and neglect you but
if both aren't happy with their relationship forcing them to stay is just hmm idk unethical? but as i said they breaking up and leaving mean nothing to me. and to be honest with you i think im too lying to myself thing will eventually get better really i probably gonna kill myself before 30 but u have to know that suicide is the last option your dad still have a long way to go before he die and u have to at some point take care of him. i don't know how disability work in first world but if it not enough can u just work a job to supple your disability check? and beside thing changes perhaps they will bump disability check at some point? what i want to say u just have to willing to make a gamble that thing will eventually change for the better and as for depression there isnt really much i can say about it u will eventually find a way to live with it for me i draw when im not doing anything else and u might benefit from it too. as for your dad i think it is for the best that u don't reveal your feelings but i sincerely doubt i was making the right decision here since another half of me really want you to do it also
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>>84364758
>school
When i talk about school, i'm not really talking about education, because i really learned almost nothing in school, and my grades were constantly terrible. It's just that over here, it barely matters. Elementary school they basically just want you to pass.
The thing about school was, as you can imagine, i was constantly talked to. By teachers, who hated me because obviously them interacting with me made me act up or have a tantrum or worse, and classmates who bullied me to fuck, because somehow it's funny that when you touch a girl she sinks to the ground, starts screaming and having a seizure, so they touch you some more or constantly talk to you and laugh when the response is holding your ears shut and yelling at them to go away while in great deal of pain internally. Basically every day of school was several hours of constant sensory torture, for years. It's kinda hard to learn anything in that enviroment. When i say that i would have wanted to be homeschooled or something, i just mean that i wanted to be free from the daily torture sessions. Like i can tell you, the first year or so of my life after i was taken out of highschool and was put on disability, and my life became just being isolated in my room... it felt like heaven. I mean there was still a lot of things i had to worry about and stuff, but just being able to go a week, or a whole month without a sensory overload except the doctor visits... heaven.
>if both aren't happy with their relationship
That is kinda the thing, it was only Mom. Like i'm sure Dad didn't like his life of having to take care of me, but he still loved Mom so much, and when she left, he was devastated for years, he kept randomly breaking down and crying, he kept calling her late at night begging her to come back and try again. It genuinely took years for him to get to a baseline where i couldn't instantly see in his face that he is fighting gigantic depression.
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>>84364758
>Dad
I know he isn't dying from old age anytime soon or anything, that wasn't my point. My point is that eventually, something might happen. Basically what i mean is, i'm dependant on someone else to give me a roof over my head, and food to eat. Alone i can't sustain that. But also i just feel shit about Dad providing all of this for me. As i said, when Mom left, he was a wreck for years. But even now, he has no one other than me, his family is extinct, that's how they had a full house so early when my Mom and Dad got married. His Mom died from lung complications when he was 19, and she left him her house. After Mom decided to leave, they sold the house, and my Mom argued herself 40% of the money from selling it in court.
Anyway my point is, sometimes i wish i didn't exist, so that my Dad could be free. Unlike me, he has the options to go out and be social, meet someone, start dating, fall in love. Except he doesn't, and the reason is me. I hate myself for that. I wouldn't be surprised if he secretly hated me for making him so alone. But he still takes care of me and wants to spend time with me, and i love him for that. I just wish he wasn't tied down by this burden that is me.
>Draw
I do, i started drawing some time ago, i'm hoping to get better, and then maybe get some money from like commisions, if Ai doesn't make those obsolete in the future. Still got a long way to go, my commitment issues don't help much too.
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>>84364275
Uhhh thanks i guess? I don't really see how i'm a mystery tho. I think i'm the exact opposite. You ask any girl about her life, and she can vomit out an album of cool memories, stuff she did with her friends, places she went to with her friends, cool stories with boyfriends, vacations, whatever.
Meanwhile i'm just locked in my room day and night, watching movies or shows, drawing, gooning, wasting time, laying in bed fried out on meds and life starring into the ceiling, or just whatever else. I don't think this is exactly "cool mysterious girl" energy.
>I would like to know more about you
I mean there isn't much interesting to say, but ask whatever i guess.
>>84363724
>psychiatrist not suggesting experiments
I don't think they care all that much. I go there to get re-diagnosed as disabled on a regular basis. It's basically me coming there, them checking if i'm still insane, giving me some paperwork and sending me home.
>moving in with a bf
Well moving in with a bf whom i can't touch, can't stand being around, can't talk to or stand his voice... i don't know why anyone would want a girlfriend like that. It's basically e-dating, except now you are giving me free housing on top of that. But again, another problem is just forming those relationships. I tried being friends with people who genuinely seemed to care on discord, and i still couldn't establish the emotional connections. That's the schizo defect brain at work. The want for it is there, but the emotional connection pluggin is missing.
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>school
mhm i see
>like im sure dad didn't like his life taking care of me
this isn't true you see the thing with living a bunch of absence people that doesn't truly care for you is u can easily see who does and does not care about you and by the look of what you said he genuinely care and love you and when this is true then that man does not hate his life as much as you think. actually u might be the last thing that hold him back from going insane really. the way i see it is he already make amends that your mom will never come back and you are the only thing he have left he hold you very dearly but idk somehow you just dont see this for some reason.
>My point is that eventually, something might happen.
yes what i was trying to tell you is when something happen u must be ready like at least trying to get a job or have some sort of providence in place altho with your condition u need to actually ask your doctor if this option is even possible at all really. also again he don't hate you and thus do not see you are a burden.
>I do, i started drawing some time ago
oh nice it is really alot of fun when u get the hang of it and yea sometimes it get really hard to keep doing it but u need to power it through in short just spend 2 hrs a day minimum doing it even if u feel like u dont want to do it today. also ai is not going to make it obsolete after all the invention of camera didnt make it obsolete even tho artist during those time think it will and beside ai art is so bad and shitty i don't really think it is gonna improve anymore than that
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>>84365490
>>84365490
Okay maybe mystery wasn't the best word for it. But I like when people have a complicated side to them. It like a little mystery and you have to read To discover how and why.
I was a bit abandoned too by my mother made me feel like I was a burden to her life and happiness. affection from her was given like breadcrumbs cold and dry.
But a little like you I was lucky to have a good dad that the never gave up on me and is probably the only reason I made it this far in life.
I grew up very sensitive and anxious due to her sometimes intense mood swings.
I never truly felt connected to people or seem to could understand why they would lie and deceive. But as much as I hate other people im also fascinated by them. And have made it a side hobby of mine to charm read and understand people. Im a bit of a social chameleon in that aspect.
It sounds like you have a great dad. And like you admire him alot.
Stupid question. Have you ever tolled this?
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>>84366853
>somehow you just dont see this for some reason
I do see it. He constantly shows me that he loves me, and i appreciate it a lot, and i love him back for it, more than i should, as we already discussed. I do see it. I'm just saying, he would be so much better off without me, constantly costing him energy, constantly being a burden. His life is the way it is because of me. No me, he could still be married, he could have a kid with a future, he could have someone that makes him proud for achieving something. Instead he tells me he is proud of me for leaving my room and going hiking with him. He is the best Dad ever, and he deserved better than having me hanging on his neck.
I hate it because i know he is happy that i'm around, but without me he could have normal functioning people around. Like a couple weeks ago, i was popping some pimples on his back. I love doing it because it's satisfying, and he likes when i do it too. And he said he remembers how my Mom used to do this for him, and that he is glad that i'm around. I know what that meant. Clearly he still thinks about her, and wishes it was her doing it, that she was back, but she won't be back, because of me. Because i drove her away, i made his marriage collapse. Even if he doesn't blame me for it, i hate that i did it.
>>84367098
>why they lie and deceive
I know exactly how you feel. This is the same for me, and i suppose it's very common schizoism effect. Lots of things people do is very alien to me. Like when i was still in school, the things that were important to the others, and they things they liked, i couldn't understand it. Same things with some of the sex aspects. I only had sex once, and it was when i was raped, and even then i can't possibly understand why the guy did it, or how it could be enjoyable in any way.
>Great Dad
i do, i really do. I admire him a lot for everything he is, and i feel sorry for causing him a lot of pain.
But i'm not sure what you are asking me here, tolled this?
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>>84367723
Have you ever told him. Sorry for my bad English.
But said it to him. How much you appreciate him and much he matters to you. How much you admire him. How much of a difference all his sacrifices makes to you?
I once heard a guy define what love is. I don't remember it line for line but It went a little something like this.
> Love is boring. Love is hard. Love is changing the diaper. Love is sacrifice with only the hope of ever having it returned.
You have to trust me on this.
>Most men live a life of silent desperation.
You can probably see a little of this when you heard your dad beg you mom to come back over the phone. But he had to be strong and suck it up. Take care of you. the job. The bills. Even though he was in pain inside.
There is a lot of men who go through life without ever hearing the those words. I don't you well enough to know how much of what you saying about you being a burden is true or if it's self blame or projection. But..
As a man I can you tell this. Knowing that we matter to someone. Knowing that someone sees our sacrifices. And appreciate us for it will make that burden easier to carry.
Have you ever told him something like that?
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>>84368127
I do. I tell him that because i appreciate it so much. Mostly when he cooks me something and calls me out to sit at the table and eat instead of taking the food into my room because he wants to eat with me, or when we cuddle on the couch while watching a movie or a show, that's when the want or need to tell him how much i love him and appreciate him usually kicks in the most. Or sometimes when i have a nightmare that he dies while he is gone or that he never comes back, when he then comes back from work i usually hug him and thank him for coming back, but that's just a nightmare induced thing, it's not the same.
But yes, i tell him. I tell him that i love him and that i'm so grateful that he is here and didn't abandon me, and that he is the best Dad ever and stuff like that. To be fair sometimes when i'm a little brainfogged from meds and i can't even really focus on what we are watching or what i'm saying, i sometimes just keep talking without fully knowing what i'm saying and ramble on and on, and then i fear that i said too much, that it sounded more like a love confession than just telling him i'm grateful for his good parenting, but it's mostly just in my head because i never said anything "too far" or specific, otherwise he would have just called me out on it. But yes i tell my Dad i appreciate him and love him, because he is the only interaction i get in life, so i want him to know that i'm grateful and that it's not like i take what he does for me for granted.
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>>84370265
>I do. I tell him that because i appreciate it so much.
Good. There's a lot of women who don't say that. Because it's the bare minimum or expected of him. It doesn't need to be every time he does something. But definitely tell him regularly. Small and big things he puts effort into for you. And always with genuine feeling behind it.
A part of me is definitely rooting for you.
Dad or not. But I get why it's hard. If you confess and get rejected you might lose the only human touch and connection you have and that's something you can't easily replace. But I don't think he will be hurt or worried. (I can't remember what word you used earlier to describe your fears about it.) Probably more confused because he would have mixed feelings about it. but also a little bit flattered by It i could imagine.
You said earlier that if he wanted to have sex with you would let him. But he has to be the one initiating it. Because you don't want to make him feel forced apon.
If he was one of those handful of dads that did that, he probably would have a long time ago. So you're probably out of luck there lady.
You can put yourself in his shoes and imagine it from his point of view. Even if a part of him wanted to. He faces the same fears and maybe even more.
He can't read your thoughts and you are overly thoughtfully aware about how you come across as not to reveal your secret feelings. This doesn't make it any easier for him. And if he was good at picking up those signals he probably would have gotten another woman a long time ago. But most men are dense in this area. 90% of men can't tell the difference when a girl is just being nice and flirting.
So i guess you can relax a bit about not sounding like you're in love with him.
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>>84370265
But he also has a lot to lose. Imagine if you didn't want to. And he did and was wrong. He would hurt you and you wouldn't have anywhere to turn to or anyone else to help you. Imagine the comments section in the news. "Dad takes sexual advantage of mentale ill daughter" he would have to live the forest for the rest of his life. Your dad is the center of your life and he can't give himself permission to violate that trust.
So I know it's not how you ladies like it. But the ball is in your court and you have to start the game.
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>>84367723
>he would be so much better off without me
well you might as well ask him if he have a choice to do it again would he i think i rather dispel all the doubt that living in a constant doubt will get u kill at some point for me i cant for good reason but for you u could and should just do it and beside if he didn't want you he or your mom would cancel your ass before u were even born
>Because i drove her away, i made his marriage collapse
no you didn't your mom is just shitty actually your sound just like mine really took me alot of time to think if it was my fault or her
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>>84370265
>i fear it sounded more like a love confession
Look i dont want to give you false hope but there is a good chance you already told him a lot more than you remember. There is a good chance he already knows you are attracted to him or in love with him.
I know because i know exactly what you describe here with "brain fog" as you say.
I used to be on heavy antidepresant medicine when i was younger and i had these exact episodes from the medicine where i couldnt tell if i was talking out loud or inside my head and i basically ended telling my cousin i wanted to fuck her and date her.
I didnt even remember it i just remembered something that felt like a dream of me telling her but then she talked to me later about how i said all that, and i wanted to die from shame. I told her i was just tripping on medicine and she took it and we are fine now, but back then it was the truth, i wanted to tell her i have hots for her and want her but obviously i decided to not tell her. Well the "brain fog" made me tell her anyway.
So there is good chance you already told your father more than you know and he is just being understanding about it.
As other guy say ball is in your court. Your dad sounds very lonely and you say he always wants to do things with you so that means you are probably also his only real connection other than drinking friends.
You need to tell dad you love him and if he say no you can maybe say its your mental ill making you crazy, but imagine if he say yes, you have your love and he have new wife who will never cheat or leave.
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Damn this thread is still up 4 days later? The level of community unity here on this topic is impressive.
>>84370265
You said earlier that you think the power dynamic makes it so you can't say anything, but isn't it actually the other way? You're not the one in charge of the household, are you (unless you're fully carrying via disability money)? I think the one that's being truly restrained by not wanting to create a power imbalance issue is actually him and only him. I think that of the two it would have to be the one is less power that proposes it in order for it to avoid that issue, he could very well be thinking the exact same line of thought as you.
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>>84371398
That and the whole sneaking into his bed thing in my opinion. I mean dont get me wrong, being close with family is okay and all, but a 21 years old adult daughter constantly sneaking into bed with her dad who is like 40 or 50 and sleeping with him, that paints a much diffirent picture. Especially because she is small spoon. There is no way a man sleeping with a woman doesnt randomly grab something intimate. And what about morning erections. Waking up with your boner pressing into your daughter who is your small spoon is not just family being close
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>>84371089
>>84371432
I understand where you guys are coming from. My logic about why the power imbalance was tilted towards me is like this. Let's say i just say fuck it, and do it. We are sitting on the couch, watching something, i climb on top of him, and i tell him that i love him and maybe try to kiss him or something, i don't know, i would probably try to replicate something out of a romance movie since i'm socially retarded. So here is how his thoughts go in my head:
"Jesus my own daughter just told me she loves me, she is even crazier than i thought"
"Oh god what do i do now, if i tell her i don't want to have sex and a secret relationship with my daughter, she might become depressed or kill herself."
That is kinda my logic as to why the power imbalance is on my side. Because i know he cares, he cares so much, and i feel like because i'm what i'm, aka mentally ill, he would feel pressured to accept, not because he wants to, but out of fear that i might do something stupid if he says no and breaks my heart.
>>84371959
I understand what you mean but i have done that ever since i was little. My Dad used to sleep in my room often because it would calm me down, and then when i was a bit older, like 6 or so, Mom started to sometimes sleep at her parents place, and whenever that happened i would go and climb into his bed with him. About the morning erections, yes i woke up a couple times and felt it poking against me. I just enjoyed it until it went away or pretended i didn't notice if he woke up too.
>>84371398
Well this was terrifying to read, and i hope that you are wrong and that i never actually said more than what i wanted while braindead rambling to him while i was hazed up from my meds. But i feel like if i did, he would talk to me about it later. If i actually just fully told him my real feelings, he would definitely talk to me about what i said when i get back to baseline. So i don't think this is my case, but now i'm very scared about this.
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>>84372542
>If i actually just fully told him my real feelings, he would definitely talk to me
oooooooor hear me out, oooooooor he is confused and scared and unsure what to do next.
Imagine being him.
You are a lonely man in his midlife years. Your wife left you and you cannot date. You have no family only some drinking buddies.
But, to save you from all this loneliness, you have your cute daughter who is always home so she is always there to hug or hangout with and she loves you and is your only companion, single handedly stopping you from drowning in lonelyness.
And now that daughter who frequently sneaks into your bed and rubs herself against your morning wood tells you while high from her schizomeds that she loves you like a woman and wants you to fuck her, and then she doesnt even remember she told you about it, probably multiple times.
You are basically his whole world, if he knows you want to be lovers its super hard on his brain. And if he doesnt know then having you constantly sneak into his bed and grind on his morning wood probably confuses him to shit about how to feel. You say you enjoy it until it goes away or pretend you didnt notice if he wakes up.
What if he wakes up too and notices that you enjoy it instead of pull away, but also pretends that he didnt see it because he doesnt know what to do or say to that.
Either way very hard position for him. You 2 should definitely talk about this