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>*epic string overture starts*
>ONCE EVERY GENERATION, A FANTASY SAGA IS RELEASED THAT DEFINES AN ERA
>THIS...
>IS NOT THAT SAGA
>*String music cuts out as fart sound effect plays*
>WHO LET THE DOGS OUT
>*Jack Black spawns at a bonfire*
>"BONFIRE LIT BABYYY"
>*Starts air guitaring*
>GET READY TO SUMMON YOUR CLOSEST FRIENDS FOR THE MOVIE EVENT OF THE SUMMER
>*shot of JB fighting a horde is skeletons*
>WHO LET THE DOGS OUT
>Godfrey: "Bring me the Elden Ring!"
>WHO WHO WHO WHO WHO
>Timothy Chalamet: "They call him the Tarnished One..."
>*Shot of Jack Black fumbling down some stairs*
>"...emphasis on Tarnished"
>With Tilda Swinton as Malenia
>The Rock as Godfrey the Grafted
>And Chris Pratt as the voice of the Elden Beast
>WHO LET THE DOGS OUT
>*rapid sequence of Jack Black fat rolling around frustrated bosses*
>*final cut shows him puffing and wheezing as Godrick lifts his staff to smack*
>JB: “WAIT WAIT WAIT WAIT”
>Confused Godrick: "wait for what?"
>*JB points up to his stamina bar replenished back to full*
>"For that ya jabroni"
>*Starts successfully dodge rolling Godrick again*
>WHO WHO WHO WHO WHO
>JACK BLACK IS...
>*music suddenly cuts out as a boss hits JB in the testicles*
>*cut to closeup of his co-op summons wincing*
>Dave Bautista: "oof, right in the soapstones!"
>music starts again
>WHO LET THE DOGS OUT
>...THE TARNISHED ONE. GET GUD, JULY 17
>*final shot is Jack Black respawning at a bonfire, with a serious look on his face*
>"let's try that again”