Thread #34437414
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I'm posting this here as I just need to say it.
I feel like a failure.
I can't clean the house, make my bedroom, I can barely even take of my appareance properly. I never feel motivated to do any college work and I'm feeling that I'm just not fit for what I'm studying despite being what I want to do. Despite being midly good by something, I never feel my work is even seen or relevant to anybody. All my friends have extremely close people with whom they express whatever problem they have, meanwhile, I barely even show any emotion that could be "vulnerable" or contain myself because I feel I would be so annoying. I cry so easily that makes me want to bash my head against the wall.
The worst is that I don't know if it is my fault or not. It's a complete loser move to say this thing on some random post, yet I feel that if I don't say it I'll explote.
I don't know if this is I am asking for advice or this is a call for help. I barely know myself at all.
(Rando image of an hospital because I find some confort on them)
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>>34437414
It's okay to feel like a failure. It doesn't make you one. If you can understand that you cannot be a cat even if you "feel" like a cat then it follows you cannot be a failure even if you feel like one.
>I barely even show any emotion that could be "vulnerable" or contain myself because I feel I would be so annoying. I cry so easily that makes me want to bash my head against the wall.
It's tondo with self anger/self hatred. You fear that others will see the ugliness or brokenness that you are convinced is inside you. You fear being 'found out' or 'exposed'. For fear of what they would think of you, extreme fear they may even agree with your own inner negativity. Right?
Listen, brother, you have to know: You are not a failure. You are someone who is struggling, someone who yes, may have made failures here and there. But a failure you are not. I fully expect these words will not change how you feel. They're not supposed to, in fact it would be better you remain feeling negative as you read this. Because it is proof that you are allowed to feel shit, but it doesn't have to mean you are shit. Let yourself feel bad, allow it. But draw the line at calling yourself a failure.
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>>34437414
You're stuck in a cycle of (1) feeling bad -> (2) neglecting your responsibilities -> (3) feeling bad for neglecting your responsibilities -> (4) ruminating on things you don't have -> (1). The thing is, you CAN clean your house, make your bedroom, and take care of yourself. You aren't physically disabled. I've been in your headspace before - you need to snap yourself out of it with action and small changes to your daily routine. Cleaning your living area won't fix all your problems, but I guarantee that you'll feel a helluva lot better than if you let it remain dirty and disheveled. You need to show yourself compassion, too. Talk to your friends - they ought to be glad to help you during difficult times. You're not a loser, you're a human being made in God's image. There was a time in my life where I planned to buy a revolver and take my life at a state park. I felt incredibly alienated. I prayed for help for months. A week or two before the semester ended (I had planned to end my life when school was out), I met my best friend. Point is, things may seem utterly hopeless and yet they can change at any moment for the better. I hope you heed my words, Anon. God bless you.