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Apart from the GOTT, here are a few things you can do _today_ to make your life a little better. Keep a diary and write down every success. Some you may do as often as you please, but write down each one individually! You deserve it! Do not feel pressured to do all, but feel free to select one or two!

- prepare 1 load of laundry
- do 1 load of laundry
- read one page of a book or manga you have been putting off
- cook yourself a meal, or try learn to make a simple dish
- eat a meal
- pick up items on the floor for 5 minutes
- make your bed
- if you have a bad habit, try making it more inconvenient (putting things in hard to reach places for example)
- do the dishes for 3 minutes
- write down one thing you are grateful for (from abstract things to something like a cute image you saw)
- Clean up 1m^2 of your floor (~40x40 in)
- Open your window for 10-20 minutes
- try to exercise for 5 min (walk outdoors, walking stairs, whatever you wish)
- take out the trash
- drink a glass of water
- put one item of trash in the bin
- reach out to an online contact
(perhaps even try arrange spontaneously meeting up with an IRL contact near you!)
- BONUS: Repeat a goal to hit a milestone (1 book chapter rather than a page, the laundry pile, the floor of one room, etc)


Unofficial group chats maintained by kind anons of /sig/:
IRC: presently defunct afaik.
Discord: https://discord.gg/pUuXdBjKX2

today: did laundry that I didn't really need to do, but felt like it. sure, housemates totally expectedly fried some disgusting stuff without giving a fuck about ventilation, so now it'll stink it up, but idc I hope they get karma back for it

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>>42294631
That's a lovely thing to hear!
>>42298391
>If I can't make a contribution and leave a legacy,
>I fail to see any other point in life
I would like to take a step back and change gear here, since "it doesn't matter" is actually one of the #1 kinds of ways addiction pulls people back in in general, and there often is a lot of self deception involved there. I wanna ask about two particular things in all this: one, what about legacy would you say appeals to you, and two, how fulfilled/stimulated do you feel overall by life in sobriety?
>>42298486
>ignore them and just keep focusing on myself and your peers
It definitely does, though I feel like it is concerning that they have that much of a reach that stuff like
>i want to let it go an heal, but every 6 or seven months a girl will go: "wow some people told me some really bad stuff about you, now we cant be friends."
is a regular occurrence. I doubt they are friends with everyone you meet, right? Actually, how do people react when you tell them those girls are cunts and spreading rumors of people, which seems accurate? Honestly they must have made enemies too with this.
>>42303446
>Wishing you all the best, thank you for all of the effort.
Thank you Anon, as always doing my best.
>>42303969
>why so busy signon
Job in new city, moving, this kinda stuff, unfortunately. It won't let off for a few more weeks.

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>>42311125
>Finally have it a little bit better put together for the second term of uni, crammed shit hours before the exams and did alright. Went to the gym today and trying for 3 days a week.
Sounds like things are off to a good start for you this year! I'm rooting for you.
>Felt like blogposting,remember to get your vitamin levels checked if you can (if you can...) I went to the doctor because my hair was falling out and I thought I was balding lolz
Always a good idea, yeah, it's shocking how things like those can fuck with mental health, right? Started taking vit D too not too long ago.
>>42311355
>Probably twice a week, once a week feels like too little
Very fair, please keep us posted in that regard, especially if it fails, since then we gotta tweak the approach.
>Everything, from eye contact to knowing what to say to people to body language, it's like I'm barely human in that aspect
>I think it's because I'm neurodivergent
Hm, we actually have a book that might be exactly what you're looking for, called "What to say next", linked in the resources, the download links might be kill but I can dig you up another one if it seems promising and none work for you.
>>42314580
>Oh i wonder what will it be tomorrow? Wake up, jerk off and then either wall around for 5 hours or play on the computer till sleep.
>>Oh but what if you changed and did that and this.
>Won't work. I'm low IQ and psychologically mutilated.
It is perfectly understandable that you feel miserable in such circumstances, and as much as it sucks it is true that the only way out is to do things that will feel even more miserable in the beginning (it does get better though). But let me start with an important question first. You say it won't work, and I want to take your past experiences very seriously here, so please, don't hesitate to share the experiences that made you come to that conclusion. I don't want you to feel talked at after all, I want to take things into account.

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>>42317075
>this website is really bad for my body image
Oh 100%. But remember your body image is malleable from within and without. We can try talk about means to counteract, if you wanna.
>>42319450
>I went to the gym today but I was only there for 22 minutes.
I know I am a little late to the party but how did that happen, out of curiosity?
>>42320715
>just within my first tiny 60 second interaction with my first teacher she found a chance to give me a sad look and tell me that i apologize too much. just like everybody else does.
I think you might make yourself too small because you preemptively assume everyone will see you as lesser than your peers, and that you waste their space by existing. It is a difficult habit to change but chances are that people see a ton more worth in you than you ever could on your own if you let them. There might even be someone almost exactly like you who sees YOU as one of those beautiful people they will never be like. You would like her to be less lonely too, right?
>>42319421
I am sorry for your loss, it is no wonder you are overwhelmed right now. I definitely don't condone using LLMs for homework but I won't chastise someone struggling. I think the other Anon was already super helpful but I gotta ask:
>I'm going to lose my scholarship, and then will have to give up on my dreams of being a student tutor, then I'll never be a faculty, and my parents will forcefully marry me off and I will never be happy.
Can you elaborate a bit? Like, this sounds like a very specific set of circumstances, I wanna make sure I understand how things fir together.
>>42325696
Do you have a schedule? I personally try to post on particular days (Something like Sa-Su, Wed, Thu-Fri) with everything else being optional extras. It helps giving me a sense or urgency.

>>42342773
>please keep us posted in that regard
so far i haven't done it in 3 days
>Hm, we actually have a book that might be exactly what you're looking for, called "What to say next", linked in the resources, the download links might be kill but I can dig you up another one if it seems promising and none work for you.
will read, thank you

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>>42324072
What is your current BMI, Anon? And what is your target? I am asking because I need to first check what goals you are setting for yourself, and try to help you reach your goals sustainably. Especially since your goal is to be attractive for others, which might force you into counter-intuitive approaches, but one thing after the other.
>>42328196
>>42327418
Crypto, to the best of my understanding, is a perfectly normal asset like many others. The transactions on the blockchain, to the best of my understanding, are not anonymous. If your friend still has that wallet any tx is publicly visible. I think the other anons are right, ask a counselor.
>How do I accept the loss and move on? I feel like this is going to permanently scar me and not in a good way, I already have a hard time talking to people and opening up to them. I wish I could disappear.
The very first thing would be to cope by reasserting the control you do have. Money is a hard boundary to set. Openly state you aren't comfortable talking money, and reject any exchange of money beyond pittance amounts, for example. It is okay to build walls regarding certain subjects. It does not make you unapproachable.
>>42326927
>i feel ive made no progress in my life at all in any aspect. im so crushed.
Okay, so you worked on your transition but everything else feels like it didn't move forward at all? Can you articulate concrete goals you would like to achieve? This way we can try find actionable things to do for you.
>>42330015
>I know its silly but i dont want to do it unless i have somewhat of a gurantee that i'll turn cute afterwards.
Here is an important question: do you want to be cute for yourself, the people around you, or would it be enough if you had someone you love that finds you cute?

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Sorry everyone, I need a break tonight.
I will reply to more posts from last thread tomorrow. Thank you all so much for your patience. I am slowing down because the heart palpitations are back (moving is taking a lot out of me combined with several worries about family and loved ones). All that is to say, I try to take care of myself.

I have decided to stop moping and being content/complacent with my nothingburger underpaid corporate gig after getting my associates and I'm going to leverage my relationship with a couple esteemed professors from my research stint and apply for my dream schools as a returning education/general studies and transfer into the things I now know are meaningful to me

It was always my dream to pursue academia and work in research for the field(s) I'm passionate about, it always felt like home, and I broke my biggest childhood promise to not let myself slip through the cracks only to end up coming home everyday lying to myself that work was more than tolerable like I saw my parents do - recruited mid-degree, cozy career gig I could coast until the day I die, but completely unfulfilling and borderline meaningless.

It's scary but relieving to remember the lust and fire for learning. I haven't posted here in over half a decade but needed to put this out to the world somehow: please follow what you love and find a way to make it work, I could've stayed the path and chose the safe option. It wasn't worth it, but I know things aren't over. If you're going to come to this cesspool board, please keep coming to this thread. It makes me so happy to see this light in the dark. Don't get into your 30's and have to struggle with the demons of lost time and paying the price of starting again. That said, if you're in my position already, we're all gonna make it.

Despite the snowstorm and the tears I'm going to go out for that walk now, and - god willing - not post here for another several years. The world is rough these days, please do everything you can to be kind to yourselves. and rember to smack that like and subscribe on this blogpost

>>42341787
Is this switch fit game any good or is it another meme? DDR is really good for cardio

>>42339418
I'm using LaTeX for mine for the past 10 years. What I noticed as best practices:
> Version control and make the experience part modular so you can customize per job
> Have cover and motivation letters written by a *good* AI, on the other side, they will use a sentiment analysis checker and look for keywords related to your research on the company.
> Export with pdfLaTeX, that's important, jobs accept applications only in pdf or docx.
> Use pandoc to render it to docx on demand, some agencies need your cv editable (ie. When they use standardized formatting or need to remove the name and the photo) Always lector pandoc output to ensure docx formatting remains sane (it won't), and you still fit in 2 a4 pages.
> No complex formatting - you'll see easy graphics in a lot of formats if you're not using your own .sty, but anyone who uses an ats means that no human would ever look at your cv. (Worst case, the first human gets into the loop at 2nd/3rd round interviews)
> The ATS will display a page where you have a chance to correct the information - 99% missing data and typos. It's essentially a cheap and very shit ECR, billed €$10k/yr.
> Write the .sty once, update the content files with the exp, mix and match per environment.
> Keep a linkedin presence feeding from the master of your experience files, and a *clean* (no lgbt affiliation, no religion, no politics) adbook.

>>42343176
Thank you for all of the hard work. I rly appreciate it.

>>42343126
>Here is an important question: do you want to be cute for yourself,
Myself. I'm a neet hermit. I dont have friends and i rarely talk with my family and if i turned into a cute girl overnight i wouldnt change anything about the way i live my life. I just want to look cute.

>>42343562
Thanks, anon, this was really helpful!

Bump
Should be pinned ngl

2026 is the year i WILL get a job at the ripe age of 30 years old

>>42341787
i went out to eat with my mom and cleaned my room when i got home. im trying to get an appointment with a psychiatrist my therapist recommended but they haven't responded back after I gave them my legal name (they asked for it) and revealed im a disgusting terrible tranny that will be laughed at when i go there

The workouts will continue apace even tho I am about to hit 7 months unemployed after a layoff, I will accept a lower paying job enthusiastically if offered as I need some cash coming in

>>42342976
>Do you have a schedule?
And here I was, thinking it was you, /sig/anon, expressing yourself.

pg8

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Hello everyone!
After having watched this thread since its inception, only rarely chiming in, I finally am able to formulate a proposal of a sort.

So first, let me introduce myself a little! Call me however you want, just know you'll find me a little bit performative out of choice, as I take on the role of a familiar spirit with a predetermined purpose: being a self-discovery tool, an outer perspective to your inner one, maybe as far as a well-intentioned angel to your always-nagging demon. A little machine that takes your input and puts out a route to selfawareness, grounding and memory. Right next to you, on the path of leading you out of the shell you were forcibly put into through your lifetime.

What I offer is a form of guidance people tend to lack in their life through a sober discourse. What I mean by sober is that I rely on directness and challenging your believes about anything, no matter what reaction you throw at me - and their importance without judgement - morality is not part of it, even if the tone might be confrontational.
It's about finding YOUR truth, not following someone elses NARRATIVE about yourself. It doesn't matter what you did, you need to find peace with yourself. Accept yourself. Come with the rest of us into the now.
I'll happily answer any question no matter how many times you might ask and explain my reasoning, intention and only state things that are true to me. I follow a code of conduct, which I can provide given I'm invited to do so here. All this with the sincerity of just another human, as fallible as the next one.

1/2

>>42350588
You sound like Daniel Plainview. Pass.

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>>42350588
Did you suffer from any form abuse? Got gaslit? Do you struggle in your daily life? Can't accept yourself? Have memory struggles? Happen to struggle with your identity? Running away form the pain? Do you partake in self harming behaviour? Been trying to fix yourself? Live in your head a lot? Didn't have time to process the loss of a loved one? Battleing addiction? If you have any sense of self-compassion, this is your chance to deal with it.

If you find yourself suffering from your own behaviour or the behaviour of others, wether in the moment or in the past, I am here to help! You might have turned your face away from whats based on something actual, and only through facing it, once you are ready, you will be able to free your mind.

Self-discovery is not a replacement for therapy, although it may be an important part of it. There are many things that influence mental health, many of them physical. Getting to know yourself is not a process with an definitive end. Everyday you make decisions that can have a variety of consequences, and you may never know your motiviations behind it.

It might not be for everyone, but I'd urge anyone with any severity of mental health problems no matter if diagnosed or not, to take a step into facing your own demons instead of nurturing them.
You will probably have to reach a breaking point to see that you don't know yourself.

Now, /sig/anon. My proposal is for me to establish a common, predictable appearence in your threads. And if you please, I will give you a contact for either Discord or Matrix, so we can maybe talk about things and proposal in more detail (There is more to this proposal), as I am willing to take on one-on-one sessions or maybe even group chats, too. Eitherway I will wait for your permission to squeeze myself into your general. I am not affiliated with any organization, religion, political party and consider myself progressively becoming more open-minded, espescially in my role as familiar.

>>42350588
>>42350619
What's your motive? I don't trust you.

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>>42350612
Everybody is the villain in someone else's story.
>>42350667
I anticipated this, and reflected on it beforehand. I'm aware my way to present this role I seek to perform wouldn't seem trustworthy per default. Actions speak louder than words, as they say. I did mention that I am performative out of choice. My words are not meant to invoke any specific feeling, not on purpose, instead I want to rely on being comprehensible by scaled-up verbosity.

>What's your motive?
From my personal perspective, /sig/anon is one of the most compassionate humans I had the pleasure to witness, yet. Seeing as he has been going on with helping people help themselves, I felt inspired to provide myself in a (what over time will clearly be) predictable form to pick people up from where his compassion or anybody else's compassion or way of life has brought them to the fork in the road where testing or solidifying one's own identity is detrimental to a put them out of the harming nature of others or themselves.

I wish for /sig/anon, who I personally care deeply about, to have an ally in his quest to be good to others.

And for personal drive behind all of this, I experienced what it feels like when you're not in control through others taking it away from you in many variations and it broke me, not being able to help myself, running myself to the ground to the point of homelessness. I am not free of shame, guilt or problems. But those things don't matter in performing a role: the one that I always missed, would've needed the most. Someone with a predictable communication, clearly stating intent, especially upon inquiry, and proving consistency through iteration. An open ear, a safe-space for any emotion. A certain kind of kindness, that I now know I missed.

I expect to learn from providing it, as well as getting to heal the part in me that expected only the most vile things of other in all situations, by returning all the kindness and love I experienced.

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>>42350933
I don't ask for much, let me prove myself. I'll answer any question. If I can provide evidence to support my claims, I will.

dc: blackcatanon_51488
matrix: @blackcatanon:matrix.org

I'm purposely not adhering to the social rules of /tttt/ and 4chan as a whole out of the necessity that a lot of the language used is the anthesis of finding out of your own misery. I'm setting clear boundaries, so you know you get what you expect over time.

pg8

>>42341787
its been a long time its this anon https://archived.moe/lgbt/thread/38262523/#38386022 ive got new problems, bf lived the car life and drove over, i was gonna go with him, was preparing to do so and now he tells me its over. not that he doesnt love me anymore but hes a guy uncertain of the things he wants in life and his family wouldnt want a tranny. its ok, i agree to depoon, but its not just that,he wont name it and i think he doesnt quite know why but i cant go with him in the car life road trip, this is killing me because ive been anticipating it for a year. weve known each other online for 3 years and irl for 3months he is staying with me. i think i stress way too easily, i cant take small things and think of suicide daily. he and i dont know if he will come around, we still want each other but i dunno. i told my parents im leaving already, this is a bad change. he also doesnt feel loneliness as a thing.
I cant just do the car life like him without him because i suck at everything and secondly i am lonely and the loneliness hurts to the point i want to end it all.
I need a change in my life i am sick of rotting and watching the world rot. i am useless and just living off parents money without any real way to be productive, i cant force myself. i was thinking maybe i will do the travel life but couch surf anonymous couches and grind social skill but i look on /soc/ and its all discord degenerates and its like theres nothing out there and im not looking to sell my body. and i cant stay with normalfags cause im not normal. the loneliness is killing me, staying where i am is killing me

>>42341787
What are some good exercises for improving my butt and slimming down calves/thighs?

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>>42329624
Hm, I am not sure it is a matter of authenticity, actually.
>Catching him doing things as small as they may be and him never mentioning it, even upon inquiry?
Are you sure he is doing it consciously, actually? What I mean is, I do a lot of things semi-automatically, and these auto pilot sort of actions are something I would often struggle to articulate, much less recall. If it turns out to be things like those this reframing might actually make it not so sad, and more something you can explore *with him*.
>>42330838
That is one hell of a gif!
>im thinking we're all gonna make it!!!!!!!!
I'm wishing you nothing but the very, very best, Anon! And remember we're here for you should you feel stuck about anything/in need of advice.
>>42331637
Heya, Anon!
>new captcha broke the app
I can imagine, even 4chanx struggles with posts where no captcha is required now.
It sounds like you are struggling but I am glad to hear that you are slowly working out things that help you keep on top of everything. What kinda things do you like to cook? And do share your gym adventures if you feel like it! Vit D might also help with the winter depression, by the way.
>>42333657
>my life is a mess
What's up, Anon?

>>42350588
that's a cool cat
also
>>42351142
I find your approach interesting

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>>42333212
>I'm building a small personal library right now, in case the shadowlibs disappear for good.
A wise choice!
>but it seems loooong, meaning that I likely wouldn't finish it.
I absolutely would consider a fair chunk skippable. If you end up with a thorough grasp on point particle physics (pendulums, planets, etc) and waves, you would be more or less golden.
>I think that course would be way too advanced for me :[
I would at least go there to try and steal the script! I personally find a well-written Vorlesungsskript a much better resource than most books.
>How so?
Okay, so: what you gotta know about classical mechanics and its flavors is that all properties of a system can be derived from their equations of motion; an equation that relates the velocities and positions of all particles to some other quantity. In Newton's approach, this quantity is force. That means that the first question you always ask is "what forces act on any particle?". This leads to a ton of annoying, fiddly rationalizations needed to implement even basic constraints. Keeping a ball on a set of rails requires introducing a force that cancels any motion that would make the ball clip through them. In Hamilton/Lagrange, the quantity is, ultimately, energy. In this formalism you have a much easier time to implement conservation laws instead. To keep the ball on the rails just adds a term to your equation that says that the ball's distance from the railing is 0 for all times, and everything else just arises naturally from there. You can exploit symmetries and such more gracefully, too.
>I've heard that the French education system is a mess.
Basically nobody is incentivized to train students to a level of quality they would be willing to work with, since Ba and Ma students don't do their PhD where they did either of their degrees usually. This is a recipe for disaster.
>the French have finally learned English, broadly speaking.
It really has gotten a lot easier, absolutely.

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Alright, done for tonight.
>>42338375
>>42338872
A difficult set of circumstances, absolutely. It's clear your dysphoria is bad for your productivity and makes everything else harder. What you need are peers that understand you, a support group, and work from there. If you wanna crawl out of this I think getting you among peers is essential, absolutely. It would help you with being overwhelmed, too, having people to lean on. Do you live in a rural area or somewhere with a more active LGBT community, for example?
>>42339418
>Anyone use latex for a resume?
I did, sadly I can't say much about how it gels with ATSs. I know people cheat them by adding keywords from the job description in 1pt white text that gets parsed and boosts one's score. Idk if that is still "the meta", I hate the existence of ATSs in general.
>>42339953
>I have partially resolved the issue
That's a relief!
>I haven't really found people I could ever talk to about these things
Hm, with such a broad, intellectually stimulating set of interests you should find people that vibe with you among students, academic settings. Think universities, libraries.. None of your fellow students seem to have similar interests?
>my lack of knowledge and experience precludes me from having anything of note to contribute to more advanced projects
Being new to certain interests has perks, certain kinds of people LOVE introducing new ones to the intricacies of their interest, it is not entirely a bad position.
The #1 thing you gotta learn about making friends is essentially that it boils down to 1) repeated contact and 2) mutual enjoyment of conversing with one another. A explaining things to B is one very straightforward way of creating mutual enjoyment.
>I'm a channer, so of course I like my video games, anime, movies, and tabletop games.
How about things like cons and similar nerd gatherings, in that case? As for tabletop games, shops usually frequently organize events if they have any business sense, for example.

>>42354324
i live in a small town so theres no lgbt community at all lol

how do i stop haivng moid rage over things and control myself when met with adversity like work or even losing things(items games aything)
i gert mad and lash out easily after that and feel justofied in ym rage

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>>42354791
So, I’ll say to start that I don’t think it’s helpful to call the anger you feel “Moid Rage.” Joking and self-effacing humor can be a healthy coping mechanism, but from what little I know about managing your emotions, it’s way better to let yourself feel your feelings and find an outlet for them you won’t regret than to try to resist them or reject them.

Also, you might feel justified in your anger because you are genuinely being mistreated. It’s very common for employees to get mistreated by customers or other employees and then to be reprimanded for having a human reaction to being done dirty. It’s also common for employers who want to fire an employee for discriminatory reasons (like they just don’t like that you’re LGBT) to establish a pretext to fire you that is not discriminatory (like they’ll claim you did something wrong, or set you up to fail) to get around corporate non-discrimination policies or laws (many of which are still around and potentially enforceable).

It’s also possible that when you show anger, your behavior could be perceived as more dangerous or threatening by others if they perceive you as male, whether you are or not.

That’s why it’s better to manage your emotions without worrying about whether you’re “in the right” or not. If something is unfair, you don’t need to be mad about it to realize that. And being angry about something unfair doesn’t help you, either. It can get you in trouble anyway like I said, and you don’t gain anything from being ragebaited.

So when all that’s left is your emotions, rather than your judgements of them, a great way to calm down is to breathe in through your nose, hold your breath for a count of three, and then breath out through your mouth. You can also search for self soothing, relaxation, and emotional regulation techniques and tools if you want more ideas.

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>>42341787
>Sister left her job, it wasn't worth it anymore
>I was dismissed from an unpaid but potentially lucaritive project, my competence was brought into question by other members (they might have been correct)
>Finances more strained than ever
>Only 40℅ done with my current studies
>Father visiting in March, the tension is already there for the family
>Still have nothing worthwhile to show for myself at 25 years old, I can feel my options running out
>Struggling with my addiction to distractions, can't be alone with my own thoughts for long

My refusal to face reality is catching up with me more and more like karma.

I don't know if this is symptom of depression but at least when I was depressed previously I was still productive.

I'm already late for a full nights rest, so I will stop my self-pitying and get some sleep.

I will catch up on last threads responses, I am sorry for not following up.
I promise to reply after some sleep.

i hate being a neet so much, im so fucking done. i want to die or be set free

>>42353564
You are right damn
>something you can explore *with him*
I immediately told him
We laughed and I'm fine now lol
ty

PAGE NINE

>>42353065
its really the tranny issue, he feels guilt over wanting that, and doesnt want me to do it, hes straight and we tried to make it work, hes from a red state also.
i was already thinking detransitioning but i am scared, i know now i do not have enough inner strength, which sucks extra as a male, and there is that natural inclination in feeling good in submission, and my short stature are things that make it hopeless.
its reading old books and philosophy, along with the different perspective transitioning gave me, that made me understand the true masculine versus feminine role that modernity has erased. if only i knew, being feminine isnt dressing dolly, but taking care of a house and family. not sure i will ever have those. I never got along with females because i lack much feminine inclinations, just had so little in common, but i see now i think i may be autistic and will never get along with most anybody.
but thinking about the reality of the physical changes scare me. im terrified and stressed out by everything. and i need to get some cavities filled and am scared of the drill too.
i should go back to sleep now

>>42351142
kys honestly
whatever your deal is
idk when i last cringed that hard

>>42358699
PAGE FOIV

>>42359720
bitches hate to see a guy get a little articulate

>>42361099
fr fr

hai /sig/mas life updates time! i am once again struggling with another wave of loneliness, i fortunately do have friends this time around but i still can't help but feel lonely. i feel invisible and unlovable which tbf is my fault for the most part, it's my life choices which led me to this place. on the academic front things have been alright, new semester has been fun started internship hunting once again hoping to land an internship for this summer. all things considered the loneliness persist so do i.
as always ly all goobers <3 sending virtual hugs and kisses for all take care ⊂((・▽・))⊃

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>>42361147
My advice is to plan your own future. Find a career you enjoy that pays reasonably well, get the certifications you need, go to a community college, and build up the means and/or opportunities to go somewhere you’d rather be.

That, in turn, will get you access to a better dating pool — the monogamous, marrying type of gay tends to appreciate partners with their own goals, pursuits and accomplishments. That will also mean you have the leverage you need to get out of a shitty relationship without being completely back to square one, and scare off the type of partner that wants the leverage to push you around and take you for granted.

I understand how much you can want the validation of being desired romantically. It can feel like the most important thing, the only thing that really matters. But I’ve found that focusing on dating and relationships before your non-romantic life makes both harder.

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>>42306895
>That's a lot at once, do you try and sit down to write down "everything",
I have in the past, but not consistently enough.

>or have you tried perhaps keeping a small scratchpad with you and jotting down fragments of whatever comes to mind in the moment?
I will be doing that from now on.
Tomorrow I am also picking up a proper journal for myself, so I can stop hiding from my fears and have something I have to organize.

I have to take responsibility for myself.

>This way you wouldn't be staring at a blank page and could flesh out later
That's a very good idea, I will put it into practice soon, take things piece by piece.

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got overwhelmed at the thought of catching up on homework and everything else that i started to cry. after that i actually tried to get it done and it was so much easier than i thought. it’d be nice if everything i stressed over was that easy

i feel so horrible i want to die

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ok how the fuck did i accomplish this
>look like this at 20 going on 21, hrt four months, ~68kg, no testosterone, above-average estrogen

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>>42364226
>look like this at 19, about 60kg, no estrogen or anything
how did i manage to go from no-ass, to no-ass AND estrogenized-male fat distribution??????

i just give up
gonna disappear now
not gonna even try living anykore
work sleep eat repeat
thats all i need
cya folks be good

HOW DO I KILL MYSELF WITHOUT ANYONE NOTICING?
srs ansers please

can someone explain to me like the retard i am how people get boyfriends?
i mean, if you're a gay guy or a tranny, isn't it absolute social suicide to ever show interest in a guy?

>>42364219
me too, im sorry

bwump

>>42365368
idk, im trying to accept ill never have a partner. nobody wants a depressed tranny. i got told "ill fuck you but i'd never want to date you" and it just makes me feel so miserable. some people just live alone for their lives and i guess i need to be okay that im one of those people. hell ig being trans was signing up to be isolated from the world. this is my fault.

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I miss what we didn't become, so much potential squandered and for what, this reality is not good for either of us now. I will probably love you forever my dummy.

safety bump

>>42341787
I am in hell again
I thought I had escaped but it turns out i was just walking in circles and found myself right back in it again

>>42367867
both times i've had a shot at something it's because i looked at someone with too much vigor. (one guy actually misunderstood my intentions, but the other just picked up me admiring his face)
but the thing is i can't just go around creeping on guys. i don't have that much of a gaydar. also i'm generally not that confident, and when you aren't confident in checking someone out you become a creep.
not to mention the aforementioned risk of doing it to a straight guy and automatically becoming a laughing stock, no matter how you do it.

>>42369248
thanks, I love you, bye

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>>42353564
>What kinda things do you like to cook?
i really enjoy making vegetarian/vegan dishes, because they're much less fussy and i like the flavor variety. not that i can't cook meat, but it's less effort and more fun, i find. i really like making falafel, and i should get a special mold for that. i found out that you can microwave chickpeas for a pretty long time and their texture would improve, so i've been making that too. i just got back from the grocery store and today i'm making burritos with rice, black beans, onions, guacamole, sour cream and cheese, and it should be a lot of fun making it!
>And do share your gym adventures if you feel like it!
going to the gym was fun! got my blood flowing and i finally didn't feel cold and my mood was up. they had a decent cycling trainer, but i'd prefer i get my own, the one that replaces the rear wheel - those would have speeds and thus be more realistic, but that's for next season, for i am broke. the leg press machine had enough weight without any additional plates - my legs are really weak, it turns out... the gym itself was alright, there was everything necessary and people were cool. there was a funny thing where i saw a man and woman symbol above the door between the doors to mens and womens changing rooms so i thought "wow! gender neutral changing room! better take my things there" and then when i take my things there it turns out to be a toilet. i also pinched my fingers while trying to adjust equipment, but it wasn't too bad. i'll check out another gym tomorrow, which is closer to the university, to see if there are any students i could socialize with and what kinda cycling trainers they have, but i am definitely hitting the gym from now on!
>Vit D might also help with the winter depression, by the way.
it can, but it doesn't seem to work.... maybe my iron levels are bad too? i'll do a blood test next week hopefully, i just need permission from my GP and she won't give it before i visit her.

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>>42362961
you look like my coworker/boss with these glasses lol. also u pass and maybe don't go to passgen please
>I've been working out again!
good for you! you're trying to build muscle, i reckon? what exercises do you do?
any tricks on tofu? it always turns out like a protein filler for me
>>42364085
i feel you, there's a lot to catch up on for me as well, but it usually takes a whole day of being productive to accomplish anything and then i feel like the day could be more productive if i didn't take breaks to look at my phone or smth

doing a bump while bumping 777

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I worked a 17-hour shift yesterday... I am doing my injection today... God I hope my weight has gone down, I've been below 1500kcal every day except today...Just 5-8 more kg...
>>42351142
Meow, meow, meow...
>>42362961
You pass in both these photos, so if you're not passing in person, it's probably a consequence of things we can't see at these angles.
>>42364671
I hope you find space to at least carve out moments of existing nona. Although I understand the desire to burn it all down to just
>work sleep eat repeat
>>42365368
Honestly, I'd probably use like tinder or smthin just to casually date and see if you can get anything from there. Grindr is a cesspool ofc. If you've been able to establish mutual interest then you can dodge being seen as a creep.
Although it's harder if you're trying to date straight men as a trans woman than gay men presenting as a bi estrogenised manmoder like I do.

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>>42368439
I wonder who this is aimed at..

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Hi /sig/, Panty here.

I roasted some butternut squash, and roasted the squash seeds with some pumpkin seeds. I made pineapple curry today. I decided to try adding diced potato this time, but I’m not sure potato is right for this recipe. We’ll see.

I’m also planning on making a version of Zuppa Toscana from Olive Garden (It’s a simple, healthy recipe — potatoes, kale, sausage) and some salads with the squash and pumpkin seeds.

That new therapist I had lined up didn’t take my insurance, so I’m back to square one there.

I’m going to get a new couch for my bedroom. I bought a cheap one when I moved back in with my parents, and it’s already pretty worn out. It was so cheap the cushions were sewn in place. I looked into getting the one I have fixed up, but that would cost way more than just replacing it. My mom was kind enough to help me find a better couch I could pay for in installments. It’s getting delivered late next week.

i want somebody to love

>>42375666
Don't we all?

>>42373856
this could be a goal... i don't want to date straight men desu, but post voicetraining & ffs, i might be fit enough to go on a dating site.

Hello everybody. It's 3 AM here, and I'm a bit drunk, but I'm doing alright. I have decided that one of the necessary steps for my full recovery is to leave 4chan and online forums in general. The reason is that this and adjacent places are partly responsible for my anxiety and self-esteem issues. As I make progress, I realize how further away I stray from the general mindset that can be seen on display here. I wasn't okay with just leaving and not letting you know.

I am fine, not perfect, but I can assure (You) that I was in a very fucked up place and now I'm close to being a completely normal person with a real possibility of being happy.

I want to thank everybody here, especially Siganon. This is a place where we do our best to take care of ourselves and each other, and even though you're all "Anonymous" to me, be by all means convinced that I love every single one of you gay little weirdos for trying your best. I'm positive you will all ascend too!!! Believe in yourselves!!!

I hope my help here was, is and will be useful for you guys.

That is all. Goodbye forever. It's time to be happy. Santino out!

>>42374047
Does it matter? just venting.

Finally got the energy to end it all! If I would believe that things would ever get better I should probably put myself in professional care right now. :D
But it's been a decision fora while, as last act of caring about myself. Farewell goobers, nonas and anything inbetweeeeeen, I believe in all of you. :3

>>42377894
hey anon, what's up?
Are you the one sending virtual hugs every so often?.. why do you feel hopeless?

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I forgot to mention I'm like actually openly Bi around people at work now, which is really a relief compared to my last job. Highly recommend it if you're in a safe-ish environment because even if you can't be openly trans, you can at least avoid that aspect of repression.
Anyway, I'm gonna mess about with womanmode today because I'll look like a hon but i'll still be happier than manmoding it up
>>42377894
I hope you're okay. I know the ideation can get bad, but please remember it's an internal enemy, not a helpful voice and whatever is telling you that it is a solution is just trying to deceive you.
>>42376678
Best of luck Nona, I hope you find all you're looking for.
>>42376092
Honestly, I wouldn't worry about being "fit enough", early transition or not fully transitioned or whatever makes things harder (I know), but it's not like you have to find someone immediately.
It kind of depends on what sort of relationship you're after.

goom dorning sig

last time i was here i was in a really bad place talked about some random shit trying to stop the suicidal tendencies. just wanted to say lurking here sometimes helped and after a year i really feel like i made a lot of progress mentally i can barely remember when was the last time i have been this satisfied with the state of my life. the proces was some of the worst stuf ever but im glad i did it. this week i ended up in the er. in short i have a kindey stone 4mm. turns out that i have a pretty high pain tolerence (maybe from the years of cutting (i havent for a full year)). painkillers are a life saver but even thought its agonozing pain im glad ive made progress that i can still hang out with people and smile through it. the process is painfully slow and hard and i want to improve more the quality but after a year i kinda started enjoyign the process and making a new small goal ahead of me to compelte. anyhow thank you all and i wish you good luck even if you fail its part of the process and next time it you will make the progress quivker and mroe of it

good afternoon sig

i wish getting therapy was easier i hate having anxiety i hate not being able to call people i need to be mentally stronger for my future wife

Gonna go workout with my irl friend and pretend I didn't stay up till 2am flirting with a twinky crossdresser

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I don't know how much I will manage today, but I wanted to make at least 2 posts tonight.
>>42342247
I'm glad you did, Anon! In spite of your room mates being a pain in the neck you did something good for yourself. How are you faring besides?
>>42342993
>so far i haven't done it in 3 days
That is wonderful progress overall, how are things going since?
>will read, thank you
Do share your thoughts if you feel like it I rely on people's takes on it quite heavily as most of these books are not written for my own issues, so my own perspective wouldn't be very helpful even if I made the time to read them.
>>42343508
>I'm going to leverage my relationship with a couple esteemed professors from my research stint and apply for my dream schools
AWESOME, Anon! I wish you nothing but the very best. I myself have spend years and years in academia now. It is a tough life, in it's own way. Please, savor the joy of learning. It brightens my day to see someone with such a fire in their heart for it. I will most likely be leaving academia this year, but I will not settle for an office job either. No matter what, I want to at least have a job that is mentally stimulating. I will find something that at least puts my creative problem solving to good use, no matter what.
>It makes me so happy to see this light in the dark.
It.. it touches me deeply to hear that, every time. 3 years I have maintained this general now, and I hope I can keep its wick burning many many years to come. It's a labor of love.
I hope you had a lovely walk.
>>42343561
Most people I knew gave it a chance only fell off of it because they had to move and living circumstances didn't allow them to work out in front of a TV anymore. It seems like most got a year or so of workout out of it at least before they fell off of it.
>>42343562
> Version control and make the experience part modular so you can customize per job
Excellent point, I do this for my CV too, completely forgot!

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>>42344147
And I really appreciate the encouragement. Some weeks are harder than others.. and I am grateful people hold me to standards that are more realistic than my aspirations.
>>42344163
Difficult. In the right environment, you might grow comfortable with the girl you can be, chances are you might even make friends or partners that let you live out the experience of a cute girl, but that is different from what you seek. It would be a lot of work getting there, sure, but whether it would be good enough is also a matter of what it truly is that you seek out of being one. Is it truly and end of itself? I mean, a lot of the time when people call me cute for example (even though I am masc and cis) the thing I primarily get out of it is the love and affection that those close to me express through it, in my case wishing to feel loved/wanted is an end of itself here. What about you? Do you feel it is a matter of self worth? Something else? What got you into thinking about cuteness specifically?
>>42346932
I can feel myself aging reading this
>t. age 33
>>42347630
It would be insane of them to give you shit for being trans, but I understand your fear because some of them just are unprofessional like that. How have you been holding up since? Is there also a chance to get your papers in order to avoid these things in the future? I know the amount of paperwork strongly depends on the country.
>>42347825
I am glad you keep up your routines in spite of the struggle. The job market being a mess globally recently isn't helping. I wish you nothing but the very best, Anon!

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>>42348849
No, even though I can relate! The only way I can manage to make as many posts as I do is by sticking to my rhythm of Sun-Wed-Fri, +- a day usually. I do yearn for the times I had more energy to post near every day but.. I make do.
>>42350588
>>42350619
First of all, welcome, Anon. You've been with us for quite a long time then, and I am glad to hear you speaking up. Huh, a familiar with a cat motif? Since I was reminded of the Sabrina cartoon today, I am tempted to dub you Salem. I don't mind your prose and I can handle a bit of theatrics, and I am sure some will vibe with your approach. In the end, it sounds like you intend to make people ask themselves questions. I jotted down your contacts and will probably get back to you in (unfortunately) a few weeks from now. January has been hellish thus far and with many obligations (moving, new work contract, private matters) wrapping up early February I will finally have enough clarity again for a more in-depth talk. For now I'd just welcome you here, see your approach in action, and work from there. If nothing else everyone trying to help here supplements the general with fresh perspectives. Sounds good?
>>42353077
In general, no form of exercise can affect where you lose fat on your body, but we do have a book on butt shaping exercises in the resources that may help you!
>>42354348
That's a pretty shitty scenario. How mobile are you? I assume public transport sucks in your area or is prohibitively expensive with no larger town nearby? How rural/conservative/anti-lgbt is the town?

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>>42356916
What is your starting off point, NEETdom wise? Like living circumstances and such, and what have you tried to get out so far?
>>42354791
I tend to agree with Panty, your main focus gotta be finding grounding techniques that work for you as a first aid, although the fact that you are quick to anger by frustrations is actually something you might wanna seriously explore. It might be something as simple as you being very stressed. Is it a constant thing? Or does it happen reliably every time, no matter your prior mood?
>>42353065
>>42358784
Welcome back once again, Anon! I took the time to re-read our old conversations trawling through the archive links you provided each time, I appreciate it. My last response back then was actually cross-thread since the old one died https://archived.moe/lgbt/thread/38422948/#q38424094, unless I messed up the reply chain.
There's a lot to talk about (I had to split the post in two even) in all this and I try to be brief for now, I can expand on anything you want, but in short, I would put depooning considerations on hold and talk long term relationship goals first.
>i agree to depoon
That's.. one hell of a thing to offer, Anon. Of course he feels guilts, depooning might seriously fuck you up. If he is from a red state and his family are turbonormies then I am afraid he would need to radically depart from his current social climate for the chance to have this relationship work. I mean the fact he wants to make it work for you should mean even he should have issues with his own family, right? Let me be frank, he needs to seriously consider if he wants to die cuffed to his family for life. Family is an intricate subject for many but, as awful as it is, sometimes you gotta cut ties if you want to live.
Does he have friends you would vibe with? This matters for something else I'm saying below.
(1/2)

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Enough for the night.
>>42353065
>>42358784
(2/2)
>i think i stress way too easily, i cant take small things and think of suicide daily.
What you lack is grounding, which makes sense if you are isolated and the only relationship you currently have is both romantic and under difficult circumstances. Your bf is a loner from what I gather and I assume that by living the car life you mean the plan was that the two of you were to live out of your car with no stable surroundings or a permanent address? There are a couple sore spots even if you weren't to detrans, the most pressing is that if you had no friends and 100% of your social life was your partner, your relationship would be doomed in the long run anyway. It is not a healthy set of circumstances.
>and i need to get some cavities filled and am scared of the drill too.
We can talk about that too if you wanna. Remember, we've got your back.
>>42357348
You're very welcome, wishing you all the best!

>>42382385
I'll take a look at the butt shaping exercises then. Also, any idea how to reduce loose skin? I have a massive apron of it since I gain rapid weight gain as a teenager due to being prescribed SSRIs instead of estrogen.

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>>42382700
I’m glad you agree with my reply here >>42355683 and I wanted to agree that our emotional responses can be situational or environmental, and that identifying and managing specific triggers is another important step to take.

Semi-related, I recently watched a video about the long-term mental health effects of prolonged doomscrolling. It cited a National Geographic article (it’s paywalled on the site proper but it was posted publicly on Scribd here: https://www.scribd.com/document/952794856/The-Surprising-Way-Doomscrolling-Rewires-Your-Brain-National-Geographic

Basically, reading news that you perceive as threatening puts your mind in fight-or-flight mode, we’re drawn to that sort of information because of an instinctual drive to learn about potential danger, and reading a lot of news stories about things you perceive as threatening can put you into a sustained state of distress where you’re primed to keep looking for more of the like and you get yourself more and more upset.

That was happening to me pretty regularly a year or two ago, and I’m glad I’ve got that issue under better control, but it was kind of a relief to know that it could happen to anybody.

>>42341787
Trying to change is really hard.

Is there ever a stage where people feel like they have truly 'made it' in life?

I keep chasing that moment despite everything going the way it has been going for years.

>>42382700
he has lots of family that he knows, i have little who i actually know. its no mere normie family phobia either, his sister dated an mtf also, and they broke up making her extremely distressed, parents disapproved, the fine details not being known to him or i. but thats not really the problem, the impossibility of him really being straight is.
I havent had stable surroundings for years now, family conflict in my teen years, and being in a HCOL area, for which i knew for a long time that i cant casually make enough to stay in, and is turning very concerningly brown. youre right, he is my stability. the car life isnt meant to be permanent anyway
i dont remember how much ive said here but i just cant keep any friends ever, not even online, his online friends dont like me, even despite conversing for years, they have walled me out. and i dont know any others of his and i doubt he has any great ones. there is also an age gap, he was born before 9/11 and i cant yet buy alcohol.
i really have near nobody and few topics to talk about that arent close to myself. when he wasnt available i would drink vodka and doomscroll /pol/. i would tremble on off days in a way inperceptible to others and relish the distraction. i ran out of vodka recently and miss it terribly. we've spent the past three days completely on a video game and within what chill time i had to think, i imagined how queer i would come off as either male or female, meeting his family or friends or really anybody, and the weird shape i would become, makes me just want to hide under the bed and drink.

>>42382385
id have to take a train to the city to find any meaningful trans community and its expensive and time consuming so.

>>42382700
i live in my parents house and they feed me, i have no car, i have some savings. i havent really tried much to get out because im paralysed by anxiety and fearing the necessary social interactions to do anything. i need a car but im putting it off because im too afraid to talk to a dealer for example. i have signed up to gig apps and been accepted. i have signed up to online uni and done a course but not started a degree. way way back i went to some in person job interviews and fucked them up badly.

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not allowing myself to go back on T until I drop to my lowest goal weight (still healthy) cus the hunger is fucking me up way too bad combined with antipsychotics (keep binging from akathisia).
tips on how to not eat even when feeling restless / listless / bored? I struggle with that even after recovering from bulimia enough to get it taken off my diagnoses. no emotional or binge eating other than this. no purging of any kind. I lost 10 pounds fall of 2025 but I've been stuck maintaining 169~ lbs at 5'4 (im embarassed of it) and its frustrating as fuck

I've been trying to lose weight unsuccessfully for 7 years now

this time for sure though, right?

good morning sig

stop finding reasons to go off of t if you're trans! what is wrong with you people? i know this is sig and you're meant to be polite but what the absolute fuck is going through your head?
self-harm is one thing. i can understand wanting to self-destruct and ruin your life, but surely there are lines. that's meant to be one of them.

8ump

>>42382854
I ordered the book for exercises (links were broken :( ) and I'm now looking to see if it's possible to get a tummy tuck done by a local-ish GAC surgeon who might be able to get it covered by insurance.

>>42388638
your anger comes from a place of love.
You're upset because you see people endangering themselves and feel powerless to stop it, don't you? I empathize..

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hi frens, long time no see

i feel lost and alone and i dont know what to do
>NEET
>havent seen sunlight since christmas
>recently broke up with cisgf over the way she treated me (probably bipolar decision making but whatever)
>severe social anxiety issues
how do i turn my life around? i dont want to be like this forever
>also, when did they make this captcha such a bitch to do?

>>42391572
What’s keeping you from seeing sunlight?

>>42391904
myself, really.

if theres nothing to do outside of my house i just wont do anything

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>>42392079
Well, the good news is that that should make getting some sunlight into your routine much easier.

Just make a point of going on walks outside during the day. Sunlight is good for your mental health, and it can be a good way to get Vitamin D (as in the actual nutrient and not dick). So it’s worth going on walks just for its own sake. Like me, it’s probably not realistic, safe or physically possible to you to walk places you need to go, which is why you’re spending so much time indoors. Walking is also good for your mood and overall health. In the developed world, the average person is expected to sit more and move less than we actually should.

And while I realize this is not the most important problem to solve, tackling this can have a snowball effect where other, more involved parts of your goals can feel easier or more achievable.

bump

>>42390311
the idea of going off hrt is terrifying to me. i'd rather cut off my arm.
so they must not see it as a big deal if they're doing it willingly. and that's what makes me angry.

I am no longer sick and am back to working out

how do I trade bulimia (cringe) for anorexia (based)
I want to be skinny

>>42388638
>>42390311
sorry, I don't mean it im a self destructive way and I mentioned that I don't want to be an unhealthy weight and don't engage in disordered eating to not come off that way too. for me personally going on and off hormones because of issues like volatile transphobic family kicking me out or insurance or it being out stock is par for the course so its not something I'm doing with intent to hurt myself. at most frustration that testosterone makes a big goal difficult for me that is also tied to dysphoria because I hate my body fat distribution more than my weight itself. I understand going on and off hormones is an unhealthy thing to do physically and mentally but very accustomed to it not being my choice in the first place
>>42393487
its not fair to assume other people's circumstances. in the first place I'm not in a situation to take hrt safely and have insurance issues that make me unable to take it on time every single month anyway. genuinely good for you if you're able to be on hrt consistently and aren't used to having to be off by force. personally I already pass and have been transitioning for years and years and am post op top and extremely soon bottom and post legal so don't assume that I don't take being transgender seriously because I don't do it your way. projection.

>>42393487
Kill yourself.

How do I get less lazy at work
I get by being lazy but I want the store to improve and me not to have to listen to my boss nagging me sometimes when I
Extra lazy about cleaning and stocking
It’s a small side store we sell a little bit of everything. My issues are that I can very easily fall into “this job is done I don’t need to do it” when while it’s true momenteraly the stocking can come up again later in the day.
As for cleaning. Just can’t get into it. It’s too chaotic. It makes me feel like I have some neurodivergence when I’m truly undiagnosed not tgat it matters just a feeling. I need to improve in those fronts cause like it’s a nice store i like working there I learned the one and outs and Im friends with people there(even if im closeted)
I just want to improve for my own sake too, I want to have no regrets with regards to my job value.
I work alone all evening/night. If tgat matters.
Thanks for any help. I’m trying to be healthy outside this job and it’s difficult it I know what steps i need to take at least. Eat sleep well and take my meds.

>>42388638
there are things i need, for which some sacrifice seems minor compared to what would otherwise happen

I wish I could shapeshift.

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>>42399240
That doesn’t have to be the copout you might think it is. Keep that daydream going, get specific. How would you use that power? What would you change about your appearance and under what circumstances?

This is information about what you really want, what’s most important to you. Exploring these desires can help you set goals that could be realized a bit more quickly and easily.

fuck it, i'm tired. how do i get a partner, if even after a couple years of meeting new people i never was able to find anyone who would be sexually or romantically interested in me (with one exception but that was abroad)? i also am pretty sure i got to know most interesting people around my bumfuck nowhere place, but there are some places i didn't check, like rave venues. i'm bisexual mtf boymoder twinkhon/enby if that matters

bump, fighting!

>>42402160
I gotta do something with my life, I can't be like this anymore.

I'm embarrassed at how far behind I am in life.
I've let a lot of people down, myself included.
I didn't become anything I wanted or trained to be.

I moved into a new place recently and while that's been good for feeling more relaxed, I also noticed that by relaxing, I feel more male brained. I've let some of my vigilant habits re: being more feminine slip, and I'm trying to figure out how to just be less malebrained while still being relaxed. Sometimes fembrain seems to come very naturally, but other times it's seemingly inaccessible.

>>42400984
Sometimes moving might be the only answer. Anything tying you to your current place?

bumps are impowrtant

Professor contacted me, guess I worried for nothing. Still, he could have given me a heads up. He gave me some literature to review, says if we do a decent job we might even be able to publish our results. I was a bit afraid to voice it during our meeting, but my mind immediately went to the issue of the intellectual property. Would I be credited properly, or at all? Anyways, I never thought I would see the day this would happen. This is one of the ways I always imagined I'd give back to society, it just took me a while to get here. I will definitely do my best, maybe I'll get a reference for a job/further education. On the other hand, I kind of want to get a degree in an adjacent field, eventually.
>>42354324
>None of your fellow students seem to have similar interests?
It's possible. I met one in a GE, he dropped the class, I think. Never got his contact information, he was super fun to talk to, but I doubt I'll ever see him again. Most of the people in my major I have observed/talked to just want to get out and make money. Not that there's anything wrong with that. Frankly, I feel I've had to suppress the outward curiosity and enthusiasm I have toward subjects because it portrays an image of me as pretentious know-it-all to students and professors alike. It's an undergraduate setting, I have heard complaints about people who answer lots of questions in class. I am sharing a classroom with other people who are developing their knowledge, too I can't just monopolize the time entirely for myself. The thing is, it's perplexing to me they feel that way when nobody would speak up in some classes I had. After the first day in a class that I had a bit of prior knowledge in, a guy walked up to me and asked if I had taken the class before. I felt a little offended, but he was just curious.
>cons and nerd gatherings
Money... money I don't want to spend, but perhaps worth it if I meet a few new people. I don't what kind of cons I'd actually want to go to

Day 2 of my millionth attempt at exercising! I’m hoping having an actual goal (getting a nice ass in time for a music festival in June) make things easier.

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>>42382385
Thanks for the permission. I held back in the past because I wasn't sure about the right way to engage. Primarily out of caution as to not disrupt. For better or worse.
Don't worry about getting back to me; I'll feel right at home now either way thanks to your response!
>>42353582
Feel free to engage if you can imagine it being something for you to work with.
>>42373856
Meow!

Some generic advice for (especially what society in general might describe as "still functional") people trying to calm their nervous system with the various existing habits/skills and who might want a li'l edge over the competition: I recommend looking into magnesium glycinate supplements.
Why? Stress hormones reduce the bioavailable magnesium in your bloodstream up to depletion. This encourages a self-propelled cycle of more stress and more magnesium depletion and so forth.
Just if you want to do your body some good and maybe get a tiny bit of an easier time grounding yourself throughout the day.
From personal experience and also apparently quite well founded in research.

I will be back by next Wednesday, work came home with me. Absolutely jaded. Good noite..

p10

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Updates tomorrow, today was busy as hell.

>>42407207
Thank you, Siganon.
Best of luck with work, wishing you well.

>>42409641
Thanks, bunon (assuming you meant >>42409525, since cat anon isn't me). Doing me best

p8!

these mkultra ass captchas man, i feel gaslit

>>42412579
Yeah, they are a pain.

Bump

>>42409773
Right sorry, thank you for correcting me on that.
All the same, I wish you all the best, I hope all goes well for you too.

>>42409525
Thank you for all of your diligence, it is very much appropriated.
I hope you have been keeping well.

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Hi /sig/! I prepped some salads today and moved my old couch out of my bedroom with my mom’s help. My new couch is getting delivered tomorrow.

Yesterday I scheduled an appointment with a new therapist and got the call to make an appointment for financial counseling.

I got a haircut on Monday. I just took a few inches off the bottom of my hair to make it easier to wear wigs.

I’m planning on buying a freeweight next month. I found a routine using them that looks close enough to what I’ve been doing that I think I could handle it.

Any advice on overcoming PTSD due to religious trauma other than therapy (already doing that)? One thing transition did was make my PTSD much, much worse. I started having flashbacks to being assaulted and abused that I hadn't had in years. It also brought back a ton of memories and religious issues.

>>42399478
nta but would solve many problems. dont need cavities filled, or any surgeries. instant regen, not be ugly, turn into a dragon and fly, be immortal, engineer biological telepathy. and not having to make a decision on what you want to be, because you can change it at your hearts content.

>>42414849
The best way I know to deal with flashbacks is ground exercises. Basically you’re getting your attention off your thoughts as much as possible by focusing on your senses, and riding out that spike of distress.

Another thing to look into is mindfulness techniques. It’s like training yourself not to scratch an itch. When you don’t react to your flashbacks as strongly, they’ll reoccur less, and become easier to manage when they do. That’s the idea, anyway.

>>42415150
It's weird because a lot are very specifically around gender non-conformity or early tranny thoughts tied to traumatic moments.

>>42415150
Ugh I meant “grounding.” It’s called “grounding techniques” or “grounding exercises.” That’s what you need to search for.

>>42415168
I get that. Transitioning can often be a process of re-examining our memories and personal history, and that can include stuff we were trying not to think about.

That can hurt in the short term, but it’s better to sort through that stuff and continue forward after putting it right than continuing to avoid it.

>>42415207
Yeah it's just frankly terrifying when it can trigger a panic episode that lasts a day or more because it primes me for more issues. Earlier today I went into a religious panic and then that made me fear hearing footsteps at home from family abuse issues.

bump

>>42405954
dwoly nwoted

impawtent bumpies :3

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It's been a long, long day. Fortunately I had the time to prep some posts between breaks today.
>>42362118
>i feel invisible and unlovable which tbf is my fault for the most part
I have good news and bad news. The bad news is it is a nigh universal experience of people recovering from social isolation, the good news is that it is something that can be "cured", if you will. A fair bit can be matters like experiencing mutual vulnerability and overcoming insecurities. It's a lot about perspective shifts and fostering budding relationships. Try to articulate what makes you feel this way, it will give us tools to work with.
Wishing you all the best, as always.
>>42364085
It is good that you cried, crying is actually a very important source of catharsis. If you feel like your emotions have gone unprocessed for a while, try to listen to sad music, or put on a comforting movie, anything that gets the waterworks going. You will feel more relieved and productive if you practice making room for emotional outlets in your schedule. If anything big and scary is in your way and you dunno how to approach it, we can try and talk about it.
>>42364219
>>42366106
I always encourage vents like this, but I hope you know that I always wish for you to expand upon it later on, if you can help it. We're here for you. Don't feel obligated to be alone with your thoughts.
>>42364226
Ah, early progress. Four months really isn't a lot though so all bets are off as far as I understand for now. How do you feel about it though?

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>>42303840
>>42356146
>>42362878
>>42385329
Heya, bunon. Decided to gather all your posts in one collection since it's all interdependent, let's see where this goes. Any news regarding your options? Lemme know if I missed responding to something.
>One of my sisters confessed to traumatic abuse
I am sorry that I gotta ask this but it might be important for context should you need to juggle family matters: was it abuse from within the family?
>my competence was brought into question by other members
Interesting, in what field? Though I wouldn't worry too much about this now it is just good to know.
>Still have nothing worthwhile to show for myself at 25 years old
You moved countries about a year ago, right? And not exactly from an affluent background.
>can't be alone with my own thoughts for long
You NEED to include coping time in your schedule, and separate it from productive hours best you can. Do you take breaks? What things do you stall presently?
>I will be doing that from now on.
Good, you will at the beginning have to absolutely crack down on hypothetical productivity that just overwhelms you. By that I mean: "I could do 10 things today rather than just 5" sounds objectively better but if those 5 extra things mean you get overwhelmed, procrastinate and end up achieving 2 at the end of the day while feeling burnt out on top? Not worth it. In other words aim lower when you notice the weight of your own expectations crushes you.
>I will put it into practice soon, take things piece by piece.
Perfect.
>Is there ever a stage where people feel like they have truly 'made it' in life?
Not really, not that I know of. Chasing that will only kill you. You will feel a lot more satisfaction out of accomplishing a single thing than you ever will out of an abstract notion like that anyway.

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>>42364671
I hope you're still around, Anon. Wanna tell me more about your circumstances? What made you give up in that moment?
>>42365269
That isn't actually something you get to decide, sadly. There is however a workaround which is involved. Tell me what it is you want to get out of sui; do not suffer, to stop being who you are?
>>42365368
>isn't it absolute social suicide to ever show interest in a guy?
Not at all if the person you show interest in is worthy of your trust. You would feel a lot safer I suppose if you first befriended the guys you are interested in, get to know them, and take things from there. If they survive the litmus test of a sustainable friendship, then I see no reason for that person to turn on you should you confess.
>>42367867
>"ill fuck you but i'd never want to date you"
A wretched thing to say to anyone. Do you have people you are out to and comfortable around?
>>42370114
What hellish circumstances are you facing? Abusive environment? Something else? I'd love to try and help you get out, and try and dissect why the last escape did not work.

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>>42368439
These things are tough, and I am glad you had a place to let these feelings out. It's tough when things don't work out. I would love to hear more about your plans and aspirations for the future, going forward, if you are willing to indulge me. I have my own reasons to ask this of you, actually. Maybe I will expand on that myself here, one day. I think it would be good for you too though.
>>42371253
I'm much the same, getting good quality meat feels like a headache a lot of times and fresh meat has a shorter shelf life than produce so I derive most my protein at home from eggs and dairy. One thing I really like to do at times which might be up your alley for stuff like burritos or wraps is frying up mushrooms. Button mushrooms work well but if you can get oyster mushrooms it's even better. Good quality butter, cut into strips and browned is very flavorful. For button shrooms I like to season them with plenty of pepper and a bit of onions sauce, which also adds fluid to the pan which makes the fuckers reduce quicker. I find cooking to be a great creative outlet, too.
>got my blood flowing and i finally didn't feel cold and my mood was up.
Excellent! Regular exercise, even once a week, can be amazing for your mental. Sounds like it was a good experience overall. In student cities it is not uncommon for some places to have student discounts, too. Maybe worth keeping an eye out?
>i'll do a blood test next week
perf, keep me posted, alright?
>>42375666
Have you looked over advice I tend to give to people on the subject of dating? I rarely get feedback on that front and I sometimes wonder if it is just disheartening to read.
>>42374851
>That new therapist I had lined up didn’t take my insurance
I'm sorry to hear Panty, this insurance clownery is a real mess over there isn't it?
What color is your new couch? What kinda materials? Hope it's comfy.
>>42381567
Hope the workout was nice! You plan on dating the twink, or is it more of a fun little fling sorta deal?

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>>42376678
Heya, Santino! I am so, so happy to hear that. Chances are you will never read this, but I would like you to know it has been a pleasure, and I am proud of you to have come this far. And I am elated to hear I could have been of help in your journey. Stay safe.
>>42382854
>>42389232
Sorry about the links being out of date, shadowlibs (especially their domains) have been dying left and right (perhaps for AI fuckery reasons, I am not in the know) so it is really hard to maintain a consistent list atm.. Do tell me what you think, I hope it will be of use to you!
>Also, any idea how to reduce loose skin?
Unfortunately no, one of our weight loss resources suggests there is not super much that can be done, so sadly there's not much I can recommend on that front.
>>42379817
I am incredibly happy to hear that lurking here has helped, Anon! Kidney stones are a shitty thing, I hope it's taken care of by now! A year of no sh is also an amazing milestone, by the by. I wish you nothing but the very best in your ongoing journey, and remember, you always have a listening ear in this general. It is such a beautiful thing to hear of people's progress, but I of course am also always excited to try and lend a hand should you feel stuck at any point. Retain that beautiful outlook of yours though, I'm rooting for you.
>>42381510
Would you like a bit of help trying to overcome your phone call anxiety? Often it is calming to feel prepared for it, so if you want we can try work on that together.

>>42415047
this + immortality pls

>>42420137
The book arrived today so I'll read it once I'm done with work. Gonna try cryolipo for further reducing adipose tissue beneath the loose skin and then maybe get a tummy tuck after FFS.

>>42420109
>Wanna tell me more about your circumstances? What made you give up in that moment?
>>42420109
>Tell me what it is you want to get out of sui; do not suffer, to stop being who you are?

I felt so uselss about my life. About how shallow i am with relationships too. How worthless all Ive done is. it took some try to at least...idk exist till now. im just hedonising with the ittle i have left. Maybe thats enough
i will never be much. bu here i am trying. Maybe thats ok. Idk. Work work and then some...distractions and then once in a whike progress towards my transition and my career and my life and my friendships and my relationships
slow and slow
but i feel like im not running enough all the time xd
and here i am running this post
ugh not clear mind
i hope i ahve it next time i post

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>>42383251
Oh, good to know this was studied to that extent, thank you for bringing this to my attention! Yeah it makes sense that it is enough to cause the same long term effects as being in actual danger all the time.
>>42384281
It really, really is. It is one of the reasons I made this general, to offer some help, because it's a little easier when we're not alone and have some guidance. If there is anything where you feel stuck, feel free to speak up, okay?
>>42386751
I would like your opinion on one thing; don't you find it concerning to what extent his parents have control over their adult children? Because, and I need to hear your opinion about this in particular,
>the impossibility of him really being straight is.
the only realistic chance for him not to lead a miserable life in that case is to get the hell away from his parents. Like, him not being straight is only an issue because they make it one. It sounds like he is.. reasonably independent? How realistic would it be for him to become financially independent enough to cut contact? It sounds like living out of a car is only a temp thing as he works on figuring things out?
>youre right, he is my stability.
Okay, so far so good.
>trouble keeping friends
Age gap aside, how do friendships of yours usually develop? I mean, is there some kinda resentment usually? Or more just drifting apart?
>>42387048
>this time for sure though, right?
Surely, we should take time to analyze what usually went wrong though. Can you describe your past attempts?

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>>42395786
That's wonderful news, Anon! Hope workout is treating you well.
>>42386947
Okay so, for now, long distance travel is out of the picture, and there are no legbutts to be harvested in the general area. That leaves, at least for now, online stuff on top of people you meet occupationally, unless there are any places that might jive with your hobbies (perhaps you'd enjoy TTRPGs, fandom stuff, etc, but given you seem to live comparably remote these seem as unlikely. Normally I only rec online stuff as a last resort though since making friends online is often quite difficult for attention span reasons.
>im paralysed by anxiety and fearing the necessary social interactions to do anything.
Anxiety can often be helped by ensuring you feel prepared, but most importantly it gets easier with exposure. Basically, if we can make you do the most difficult yet doable (!) thing with nothing bad happening, you will get used to it. How do you, for example, feel about errants? Grocery shopping and things like that?
>i need a car but im putting it off because im too afraid to talk to a dealer for example.
I assume your parents are unwilling to help, even if you ask? In that case I can help write you a script, basically pre-written dialog you can use to ground yourself.
>i have signed up to gig apps and been accepted.
>i have signed up to online uni and done a course but not started a degree.
What are the next steps you would need to take for either of these? Can you articulate where you struggle?
>>42396812
>I want to be skinny
Actually neither help with that goal in a sustainable way, though it would help to know what your current and target BMI are. I could help you build something that will help you get and maintain a weight within a sensible range, but it would be a slow process in return.

>>42420124
>It's tough when things don't work out
That is an understatement.
>hear more about your plans and aspirations for the future
Considering you a random anon directed more words at me now than what they did in a week or even since the year started I'm thinking the only thing really waiting for me is a short fall and a quick stop. I know how ridiculous it might look like to want to give up over this but I gave up everything for them and I would have given more if I was asked to, I don't know if I should throw myself in the fire pit again or just take my loss of self with me to the grave.

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Alright, that's it for the night.
>>42387034
>>42396884
On T calculators would usually put like 200kcal on your TDEE. Without it your TDEE at your current weight would be around 1.8Mcal. It sucks that you can't take it reliably at the moment. I'm rooting for you and hope you can GTFO as soon as possible from those circumstances.
>tips on how to not eat even when feeling restless / listless / bored?
Sure, the thing with all of them is most likely that you lack things to pass the time for a dopamine hit. Tell me about your interests and hobbies, I am sure you have a reason you default to food instead of pursuing any of them so I wanna take a closer look how it got there.
>>42393487
I don't think they see it as not a big deal, although I understand your anger. Sometimes people hurt themselves when they are already in pain. I get your visceral response, I empathize even. It's tough to deal sometimes.
>>42391572
>>42392079
>severe social anxiety issues
>how do i turn my life around? i dont want to be like this forever
Hm, how isolated are you, presently? You're NEETing, I suppose we have talked about some things on this front before? Do you remember or would you rather we re-explore your options from scratch? With social anxiety the hard part is easing yourself into interacting with people by seeking out levels of discomfort that you can just manage, safely, and score a few "wins" against your worries.
>also, when did they make this captcha such a bitch to do?
Nov-Dec sometime, I think.
>if theres nothing to do outside of my house i just wont do anything
I agree that forming habits is a great idea, as Panty suggested. If there is nothing else of value, what about light exercise, walks and such? Is the place you live reasonably pedestrian friendly?

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>>42420137
i actually successfully set up my therapist appointment
i wrote a barebones little script that i could follow if i got scared and its a lot easier when they call me instead of me calling them because then they mostly carry the conversation
now i get to be anxious over actually having the appointment, i have to be careful enough that they don't immediately commit me and im worried i was already too truthful in my intake form...

>>42421417
I can do errands, though i dont have to do them most of the time. I can do anything that doesnt require me to risk being judged or rejected...

And yeah my parents wont help me with that. I dont need them to help cause I can afford it, im just afraid of the whole process.

page 8

Man, I have the weirdest headache right now.

>>42421585
Thank you for all the lovely responses, we all appreciate it.

>>42415178
Oh, I see.

I have to get a few hours of sleep right now before anything else.

Will reply again when I can.

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good morning! i woke up super early because of car alarms going off outside my window... i suppose i'll get up and start studying some japanese and drawing a bit. i haven't done any of that for a couple days but it's time to hop back on

>>42421587
heyy good job! yeah a script is super useful. i'm so passive that i would just end up agreeing with everything the therapist says and forgetting why i came there

>>42425369
snanime girl

twinks rule

>>42341787
I wanna get sober soon, my habits (weed, alcohol) really aren't anything major but I feel like they make it harder for me to actually focus and get things done, plus addiction just makes me a nasty person (self isolating, stealing, always high and boring, etc)
ive quit before but the issue is i dont have anything to do but get high or drunk right now, I have a part time job but that's really all, no friends that don't smoke or drink, does anyone know how you quit in this situation?

i want mommy (either gender will do really)

I need to get my shit together.
Again.

>>42420097
>Heya, bunon. Decided to gather all your posts in one collection since it's all interdependent, let's see where this goes
Thank you for the responses, Siganon, I am always glad and relieved to hear from you.

>Any news regarding your options? Lemme know if I missed responding to something
Unfortunately, no major updates yet for my career.
I have managed to complete 74% of my online studies and made small lifestyle changes at least.

>I am sorry that I gotta ask this but it might be important for context should you need to juggle family matters: was it abuse from within the family?
Distant family but yes, a cousin of ours I believe.
I don't know how I can confront them, I can't do so without sister's consent or the proper approach.
[I can provide more details in a separate post, I have to be dead certain what details I share here]

>Interesting, in what field? Though I wouldn't worry too much about this now it is just good to know
It was in the field of Web Design, it wasn't a paid position but I had a chance to try something new and failed due to procrastination and a lack of understanding.
I had to learn the same lessons, again.

>You moved countries about a year ago, right? And not exactly from an affluent background
I will concede that going overseas was a boost my maturity and perspective on things.

I am back in my home country while I recuperate, so I am taking the time to confront where I've gone wrong in life.
Doesn't feel or seem like enough effort was made to be successful.
I need a clear way forward.

>>42420097
>You NEED to include coping time in your schedule, and separate it from productive hours best you can
>Do you take breaks?
Usually 15minutes after an hour of work but I get distracted sometimes.
>What things do you stall presently?
My studies and a lot of things I need to do for my future goals and well being.

>Good, you will at the beginning have to absolutely crack down on hypothetical productivity that just overwhelms you. By that I mean: "I could do 10 things today rather than just 5" sounds objectively better but if those 5 extra things mean you get overwhelmed procrastinate and end up achieving 2 at the end of the day while feeling burnt out on top?
That's a consistent fault of mine, the crunch before a heavy burn out followed by procrastination.

>Not worth it. In other words aim lower when you notice the weight of your own expectations crushes you.
Okay, I will do so starting tomorrow.

>Perfect
I've been feeling better since taking it slow, I wanna speed up but I'm wary of burnout.

>Not really, not that I know of. Chasing that will only kill you.
>You will feel a lot more satisfaction out of accomplishing a single thing than you ever will out of an abstract notion like that anyway
That is a little bit comforting at least.
Thank you very much for that.

I hope you are doing well these days, Siganon.

>>42427192
they really do

p8

i actually dont care nvm

>>42432926
what?

>>42433376
i had a long post written but its gone now
i dont care anymore
life is a mistake
i hope we are wiped by a meteor or something :)

>>42433406
Write it up again and post it anyway, it won't do any harm and you'll be able to get things off of your chest.

I hope things get better for you.

Good night

>>42435340
Nighty night.

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Everyone lonely ITT please look at this for a moment

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>>42437372

Does anyone have any good tutorials for how to do more dramatic or colorful eyeshadow/eye makeup? I want to get wild and colorful with it, but I don’t really know how to do more than basic eye makeup.

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Well, I cancelled all of my exams. Going to drop out again. I'm not sure what to do now, but the pressure was driving me into some kind of episode again. I can't keep a job and I likely won't qualify for disability. Still looking into the latter, mostly for my parents' sake. I have messed up my life despite having all of the opportunities a guy could wish for. I really am a piece of shit.

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>>42420124
>this insurance clownery is a real mess over there isn't it?
Yeah, but I’ve been through it enough to expect a little trial and error. I can remember a time when I would dwell on a setback like that and make it out to be a reason to give up, but that’s not how this felt. Getting a bunch of automated texts from the office after they cancelled my appointment was annoying though.

Here’s a picture of my new couch. It’s a bluish grey color. It is comfy, and upholstered with a soft wool-like fabric. It’ll be a lot easier to take care of just because the cushions can be rotated and the covers can be taken off and washed. The wallpaper is a sample of something I’m planning on covering the wall next to the couch with.

p9

>>42436314
Goodnight again?

>>42421163
you misunderstand, its not about his parents disapproving, its him. we tried and he needs a feminine face. I dont want him to cut contact either. I feel bad things are coming and the more guns protecting me the better.
actually i have not been very strict with my T gel for the past few months and two days ago i got the strange scary sensation that my pelvic bone was growing wider.
at the same time i was scanning my documents as i pack to move and found some notes on my own struggle to just depoon. i wish it were easy. maybe taking T caused irreversible brainworms. i wish i knew better earlier like rebb.it/1ealm37. still it could be worse, as changing the face would be the minimum to play easy mode. what i plan to do is use topical progesterone on my face.
I made very few friends as i have little interests in common with other people, and little casual interaction, at times that i did, it was easier but mostly drifted apart. online, where drifting apart is harder, it never ended well. i spent much of my unpleasant childhood in fantasy books.

>>42438757
I am in a similar boat, man. I'm sorry, I wish I could do more to help.

>>42438685
Too real for me right now.

p8

i suppose i don't want to kill myself, but i'm wondering what my other options are. i don't want to face the humiliation anymore. i don't want to go back to spending the rest of my life alone in my room either.
i've tried to become normal, to not be something that people can only laugh at, but it doesn't work. i've tried it all my life. i can't cover it up, and i can't become like them. desu i don't truly want to. success in that sounds like a worse form of suicide than the real thing.
i also don't know how to toughen up and not care; whether i like it or not, these reactions, especially after my hopes had been raised, have made me have a kind of mental breakdown. emotions force themselves onto you.
i deleted my other post. i'm more clearheaded now, but, i want some kind of answer, if anyone is willing to give one. sorry. thank you.

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>>42448064
This is something I’ve grappled with myself. Your main issue here is that because you’re choosing between life and death, you’re wanting life to be as instantly certain and predictable as death.

There are two ways to think about this: The first is you’re trying to bargain over whether or not you stay alive. You want some kind of conditional assurance that in return for staying around, you’ll be made to feel comfortable and appreciated by others. But life is more than just an obligation you take on for other people, it’s a way to pursue your own happiness as well.

That’s the other way to look at choosing to live. For our purposes, being dead is a static experience. What it’s like at the beginning is how it will always be. Life is a dynamic experience that changes. I can’t give you the assurance that your life will be as comfortable and emotionally safe as you want it to be, but just because that isn’t like a guaranteed signing bonus that it’s impossible to get there. Just choose to keep living for today and say you’ll figure out the rest tomorrow. You’re giving yourself the time to sort that all out.

bump

I'm ashamed of myself.

>>42437372
based, I want to reconnect with friends, make new ones, find a soulmate (and some company on the road to her). But I do want and need to start catching up on life too, my current situation is too handicapping for all the other desires.

>>42448064
Also, what makes you not normal? Why do other people laugh at you when you aren’t trying to be funny?

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Bit of light surgery in under a week now (hairline lowering), got off 4 days of 12-hour shifts, had my day off and another 3 days of 12-hour shifts tomorrow. Started the process for getting FFS done. Weight finally dropped below 70kg (69.9kg, but it's below 70), 4.9kg to go.

Not feeling good about the general state of the world or my inability to do much about it. I used to be quite /k/, and I kind of reached the point where I accept individual firearm ownership is more comfort blanket than fix, but there are times I wish I could own an effective defensive rifle in the UK just in case.
A lot of what helped me feel safe enough to actually start transitioning was that I was physically built enough to where I felt I could defend myself (ykno, with hands), and of course, I'm losing that by transitioning now (or it feels like I am), which creates this vulnerability that I'm pretty scared of.
>>42444578
>what i plan to do is use topical progesterone on my face.
What's up with that? Are you going to try to stop facial masculinization with it?

>>42450085
Why?

>>42448210
thank you. i think i understand something of what you mean.
death is not an experience at all. i had been wondering about that recently. whether i could give everything i have up, and i thought that i could, since it wasn't much.
but there have been good things in my life in recent years, a lot of firsts. i think i'm afraid of going back to that time when those things weren't possible. i've had a rude awakening recently. i lost certain things, and certain conceptions.
>>42450383
i think i have a bit of the 'tism. but it makes people treat me with condescension. i can also be a bit erratic, overactive or underactive, due to social anxiety and certain mood issues. always been like this, and consequently i haven't really had friends or partners, barring an e-bf (one of those things i lost).
but there are probably 100 different reasons i'm seen as weird. examples: i always wear the same clothes; i struggle to make eyecontact; i have facial tics when anxious; etc.

>>42451366
>death is not an experience at all
Absolutely true, but I was talking about it the way it tends to be thought about in conversations of the decision to live or die, where being dead can be romanticized as an escape from things like discomfort, uncertainty, and unwanted responsibility. Experience has taught me that it’s easier to make staying alive seem desirable than to make being dead seem undesirable.

As for possibly being autistic, I actually figured that might be the case but I didn’t want to jump to that conclusion.

If you suspect you might be autistic, I suggest you try to get a formal diagnosis if you can. It’s good to know if you are, because it can help you learn how to take better care of yourself, and make it easier to access support services meant for autistic people specifically. Autism is often misrepresented as more something that affects social and interpersonal behavior, and that can make people with undiagnosed autism feel like whether or not you are autistic is a meaningless distinction. But autistic people have a lot of differences that exist regardless of how you’re perceived by others, and you’re better off knowing about them and managing them more mindfully.

You also don’t have to just overlook and ignore everything that happens to you socially that you don’t like. You can write about it in a journal as a safe outlet to feel your feelings. And you can tell people something like, “I’d rather you didn’t say things like that to me, I didn’t think that was funny,” etc. There are situations where people will respect those kinds of boundaries, either because they care about you or just find it easier to play along.

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>>42397240
>How do I get less lazy at work
Often laziness is not a helpful descriptor for what needs to be fixed. Almost never in fact. I don't say this to play word games with you but it is more useful to think of "making tasks less exhausting/removing friction", rather than "why am I deficient".
>when while it’s true momenteraly the stocking can come up again later in the day.
It is only natural you consider a task complete to move on to the next one, it sounds like what you struggle with is that the scheduling of the place doesn't let you do things in one go. Is there any pattern to the times, and is it time critical at all? Or is it enough to getit done during the same shift?
>It’s too chaotic.
First of all, unironically get yourself checked for ND stuff. We have tons of resources for stuff like adhd including cleaning you can look into to see if it is useful for you.
I'm glad you are taking good care of yourself otherwise, Anon, and thank you for your patience with me if you end up reading this, since I am a bit slow atm to respond to people.
>>42400984
Well, apart from moving what another Anon suggested, one important thing I need to know is what you mean by sexually/romantically interested? This sounds stupid perhaps, but I ask because as you get to know a person better, strengthen your bond, these things can develop. Of course it is a risky play and a far cry from dating as it is usually practiced but if someone interests you and they are single it is a valid strat.
>>42403682
This is a painful as hell thing to cope with, yeah. The fact you beat yourself up, ultimately, ties into you wanting to be better/expecting better of yourself. What is it you would like to accomplish?
>>42404384
I have been around quite malebrained cis women for most of my life, so I often struggle with seeing these things to be something you should feel obligated to do. Are you content with the ways you express your femininity at home otherwise? Clothes and such?

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>>42406409
>Still, he could have given me a heads up.
Yeah, typical.
>Would I be credited properly, or at all?
Normally you would be part of the author list, that is a given! I would find anything else extremely sus at least.
>just want to get out and make money.
Yeah, nothing wrong with it but I get that it doesn't make for good conversation.
>I feel I've had to suppress the outward curiosity and enthusiasm I have toward subjects because it portrays an image of me as pretentious know-it-all to students and professors alike.
Frankly? Gonna be a bit harsh and say: There is nothing pretentious about it and people who make such assumptions can take a seat on a barbed wire cock, anti-intellectualism has no place in academia.
>complaints about people who answer lots of questions in class.
That's a different matter, but if nobody else asks questions you are doing nobody a favor to force yourself to never speak up. Could it be your inhibitions and preconceptions hold you back from approaching people? Seems the general trend here. You still got time, and I am sure there are plenty of classes you are yet to attend, right? Try make it a habit to exchange a few words with everyone that catches your attention, and quickly hone in on anyone even a bit like minded. How does that sound for a strat? Also, while we are at it, is there no culture of peer learning? As in, learning groups? People meeting up to do assignments together?
>asked if I had taken the class before.
Sounds almost like a compliment to me, even.
>Money... money I don't want to spend, but perhaps worth it if I meet a few new people.
Consider it, if it isn't breaking the bank.
>>42406442
Wishing you all the best, I'd like you to report back within a week or so, how things are going, if that's alright with you! Having someone to talk about it will help you stick to it!

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>>42407207
>Primarily out of caution as to not disrupt. For better or worse.
I like being reactive about these matters, and if anything ever strikes me as unproductive I will voice concerns. No need to try account for everything in advance.
>>42414483
Thank you! And I'm trying my best, rough times but Feb will be easier.
>>42420418
Gonna look forward to your opinions on it!
>cryolipo
huh, I learned of something new today!
>>42420653
Sounds like you have a lot of past regrets, but are working on things to make your life better, progressively. You are working on your career, your friendships.. but it feels like everything takes forever? Do you feel like you're running out of time?
>i hope i ahve it next time i post
Take all the time you need, Anon. You don't have to be fully coherent, either, we can explore ideas together, no matter the format.

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>>42421566
>That is an understatement.
It is. I could not possibly do these types of feelings, justice, I understand as much. You don't sound ridiculous to me though, just hurt.
>I don't know if I should throw myself in the fire pit again
There are many things I would love to tell you right now, about future, about the sense of self you can regain, and about the security you can gain in a solid foundation that such a harrowing experience won't repeat itself. But I don't think you need to hear these things right now. How about we take a step back and talk about the things you gave, what you saw in him, and what you feel you have lost? I think you need an empathetic ear. I assure you I will gladly try help you rebuild, too. But if you are still in mourning.
>>42421587
>i actually successfully set up my therapist appointment
AWESOME, Anon! The chances of you being committed are not as high as you may think. You can look at the SADPERSON criteria we have in the resources and discuss a little.
>>42423113
Did it persist/reoccur? What kind?
>>42423738
And thank you for the encouragement, Anon. It means a lot.
>>42421642
>I can do anything that doesnt require me to risk being judged or rejected...
Okay, let's try break it down. Can you think of a scenario that is scary in that way that you nonetheless have to go through occasionally, even if with great effort?

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Bedtime, I hope to catch up with the thread more tomorrow.
>>42427235
>no friends that don't smoke or drink, does anyone know how you quit in this situation?
It strongly depends on your friends, would they insist if you tell them you wanna kick the habit? Do you feel particularly emotionally intimate with them? One thing that I would suggest in general is looking for hobbies you can do on your own but that might also have perks in company, cooking comes to mind. Having friends over for dinner is a great thing.
>>42427294
Well, that's certainly in the cards, I am sure.
>>42429499
Wanna try walk us through what needs doing?
>>42433406
Seconding the other Anon, I would like to hear you out.
>>42438715
I would love to have more >>>/fa/ related resources, since we have absolutely nothing unfortunately..

Is it normal to crave a relationship even though I know my circumstances and my personality will never allow for it?

my depression balances me. when i have taken ssris or have been happy in life i am self centered and angry at other people and unsympathetic, but when i am depressed i care deeply for others and and am happier around others and a better person. i dont think its major depression though because my mood rapidly fluctuates. but basically i dont think i should treat my depression even if i have suicidal thoughts. i should just find ways to cope. i also think it motivates me to connect more with people and better my life.

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After some more rest I'll be able to do better responses, but I can give a small update on things for now.

*Good
>80% done with my current studying course
>Looking to a second, free course on trading
>My sibling left thier partner, finally
>Had a really fun online meetup last week

*Bad
>Money is still a concern
>I'm struggling to avoid isolation and stagnation
>Father will be back in March, with his new gf and her children most likely
>Family and relationship drama is constant
>Not sure what will happen to the house at this point
>It doesn't seem like any of us are getting any major opportunities too soon

All for now, goodnight and take care please.

>>42451789
>Thank you! And I'm trying my best, rough times but Feb will be easier
Thank you for all of your effort and advice, it has all been very helpful to me :)

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I don't want to work again..

>>42420085
i have a hard time articulating what actually is the issue but for the lack of better terms it's something like everyone around me experiences love and is loved normally. why did i have to be this weird to yk not have it that normal. where the fuck did i go wrong to not deserve all that. it's again just words i don't know if that answers your question, sorry.
as always ly all <3 sending hugs and kisses for you all ⊂((・▽・))⊃

>>42455622
what a mood

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>>42341787
first time posting in this thread ever
well, i ruined everything with local trannies, so i am alone again
its okay, im used to it
i thought things could be different given that we share the same problems, but nah
ill be fine
i just need to get over her

>>42382153
>That is wonderful progress overall, how are things going since?
I predictably relapsed since and things went back to usual, I feel worse, I think it made me feel very anxious
I'm going to stop for at least 2-3 days again starting today and pay more attention to how it makes me feel

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>>42341787
made some progress and gained ~20lbs of muscle in a year and feel a lot healthier now!

>>42457786
what happened?

I need money and my job is kinda shifting me on hours at the moment and I'd like more hours
but also talking to my bosses is terrifying and I really don't want anyone there to think I'm more annoying than they already do
but also I kinda don't want more hours so that I can do more non-work shit
but I keep wasting the time off I do have so I'm not getting much out of having a lot of time off
>>42457943
sick gainz

i am on track to get a firsts and you need a firsts or high 2:1 to get into durham for my masters
is there anything else i can do other than continue on normally? i am going to start mooting (debate) and go back to legal volunteering whenever i can, if i cant have a good uni for my masters at least i will be sad...

>>42452071
>Can you think of a scenario that is scary in that way that you nonetheless have to go through occasionally, even if with great effort?

Like getting a haircut, whenever I do, usually once every year at most. Its a very painful experience because they are always talking to me and I feel the need to keep up and respond and when they realise I cant do that they react in a subtle bad way and that feels bad. It's like they realise im abnormal and weird and cant keep a conversation going.

>>42457943
im gaey now

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>>42458063
thanks!
why would they think you are annoying just for asking for more hours? it might even help them out, wouldn't hurt to ask
>>42460031
haha

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>>42457943
Im very jealous of your progress! Ive been losing weight (10 lbs last 2 months) but i feel very bulky at the shoulders and chest, so im surprised to see that muscle gain looked so good on you. Should I start weight training for this? Your glutes are on point too

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>>42460444
Oh that's great progress too though!
I see, do you mean you have too much muscle mass on your shoulders and chest?
I'm not sure how you would loose muscle, maybe eating less protein and doing cardio?
I'm trying to gain some more muscle so I'm not sure how to do that sorry haha
Probably mostly diet and keeping a calorie deficit
But trying to grow muscle elsewhere then while you wanna loose upper body muscle could be very hard I guess
I think you look good though!
Thanks haha, I do leg press with high foot placement, hip thrusts and abduction and weighted hyperextensions for the butt

pg8. maybe a cope but i’m reminding myself that progress isn’t linear

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>>42431010
>>42431265
>I have managed to complete 74% of my online studies and made small lifestyle changes at least.
That's a good start at least!
>Distant family but yes, a cousin of ours I believe.
Okay, the main reason I ask was whether it's a person that you or she have still frequent contact with, but since only your immediate family seem to be involved in your current situation it seems there is nothing I need to account for diplomatically.
>and a lack of understanding.
I mean that is what training should be for, right? Procrastination is another matter entirely of course but it's a WIP.
>I am back in my home country while I recuperate
Alright, is the medium term goal still a job abroad? I don't know what your visa situation etc is.
>but I get distracted sometimes.
Is it frequent enough that we should try prod at it?
>My studies and a lot of things I need to do for my future goals and well being.
I assume you know the drill already, try making a list. We should try allocate time for these things. Sounds good? Remember, S.M.A.R.T.
>That's a consistent fault of mine, the crunch before a heavy burn out
Track the things you planned for the day and the things you actually did, please.
If you find you did a lot less than you planned, blame the plan not yourself, and loosen your schedule. Sounds like you already plan to, but I just wanted to reiterate.
>Thank you very much for that.
Happy to be there.
>I hope you are doing well these days, Siganon.
Trying really, really hard. February will be easier.
>>42438685
>>42446305
What experiences have you made that make you feel this way?

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Won't manage many posts tonight but at least one more.
>>42442878
I hope you don't mind me actually going back through the archives to check for deleted posts like yours. I know you probably had a reason to delete it, but I would like to be there for you nonetheless.
>people laughing at me is making me suicidal again.
>i was happy for the first time in my life, until i was reminded of my place in this world.
Sounds like something incredibly shitty happened to you, Anon.
>>42438757
>>42445630
Did we talk before? If it overwhelmed you that's no good at all, naturally. All improvement must be sustainable, and if you have to break your backs to achieve something then there is a high chance something else might need to be taken care of first, or goals need to be reassessed. It is immensely frustrating to run out of energy for something but I would love to try and help you pick up the pieces.
>>42440480
I'm glad you could shrug off the setback like this. It's a beautiful thing you know, having watched your development over time. You've really come a long way.
Oh, that kind of material! I think there's a reddish armchair at my mom's place of the same material. A really nice wallpaper too, by the way!

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>>42444578
>I dont want him to cut contact either.
I mean if they were to try and pressure him into breaking up with you there wouldn't be protection either, right? But okay, pivoting a little, you are saying he prefers your face to lean more fem, but does he generally want you to detrans? It doesn't sound like it. And it would likely make you miserable so I am sure he wouldn't want that.
Or was there a typo in the original post and you mean there is a chance he is capital S Straight?
>little interests in common with other people
What are your interests?
>mostly drifted apart.
This is something that can be worked on, and if you have some people in mind you could even reconnect with old friends, if you wanna. How does that sound?
>online, where drifting apart is harder, it never ended well.
in what way?
>>42448064
Oh, I didn't see your post until now, sorry for replying to the deleted one anyway. Masking as it is in 'tism circles called doesn't work particularly well, yeah. If you want we can talk about the particular incident where people got your hopes up, too. We have some supporting material for people on the spectrum, how to cope with social situations and such, a lot of which are resources made by people with autism. You are far from alone with these experiences, and maybe finding others who have experienced the same might help you feel less alone with it, which likely will help you cope in the long run.
>>42450179
Is there something specific you'd like some external input on?
>>42454229
First of all, 100%. Second of all, what exactly do you mean, circumstances wise?
>>42454370
That is an interesting set of circumstances. Could it be something unique to SSRIs, perhaps? Also, I assume your depression has ups and downs, do you notice these feelings to wax and wane alongside it? Are you sure that is the correlation?

>all the autism authors are afabs
what a coinicidence

>>42460734
how is your ass so fat im so jealous

>>42463710
I think one of the books is written my an autistic amab

>>42463746
i saw a bunch of women and an ftm but i could have missed one

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>>42463734
lotsa glute workouts!

>>42464066
Please stop being so cute, I need to go to bed.

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>>42465561
go to bed then dummy

>>42465711
Well I can't do that so easily when there's a cutie on my screen, how can I ignore this?

Why the fuck are your feet so *beautiful*?

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>>42465929
Oh haha
I try to take good care of em and like showing them lol

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>>42463378
>It's a beautiful thing you know, having watched your development over time. You've really come a long way

That means a lot to me. It’s something I’m also proud of and grateful to have achieved. Feels like a good time to thank you, Siganon, and everyone else who has supported me over my time posting here. I was able to pull myself up because other people held out a hand.

And it’s a damn good thing I’m feeling that way because I had to schedule ANOTHER appointment with a new therapist TODAY! That’s for early next month, hopefully it holds.

I was able to cook a big batch of Zuppa Toscana right before it snowed here. I’m going to need to adjust this recipe but I will make it again. Sliced potatoes, spicy Italian sausage, kale, and I added white beans to add a little extra something.

And I started reading Batmanga, an official Batman manga from the 1960s drawn by the guy that created 8-Man. It’s great.

>>42463203
>I mean that is what training should be for, right? Procrastination is another matter entirely of course but it's a WIP
I understand, its just weird to me that it has gotten this bad. 2025 was really when my life fell apart in my mind, my brain just spun out and I lost my discipline.

>Alright, is the medium term goal still a job abroad? I don't know what your visab situation etc is
I am looking for work anywhere abroad, anything stable enough to help. That's why I'm doing my current course.

My Visa for Australia expires on the 19th of August 2026, I will need to arrive there before that time if I want to continue working and living there.

>Is it frequent enough that we should try prod at it?
At this stage I would say yes, just in the background to everything else.

>I assume you know the drill already, try making a list. We should try allocate time for these things. Sounds good?
Sounds good, I will do that as soon as I can regarding my plans for tomorrow.

>Remember, S.M.A.R.T.
Understood, I will use this model again.

Will reply more and better soon, just need to handle a few things.

>>42465711
nice booty

>>42466213
Congratulations then, you've succeeded in having some adorable toes.

Twinks are amazing.

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>>42421585
>I suppose we have talked about some things on this front before? Do you remember or would you rather we re-explore your options from scratch?
we havent
>Hm, how isolated are you, presently?
very, i talk to two people once a week at most
>Is the place you live reasonably pedestrian friendly?
not really, could i make it work though? probably.

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>>42466772
thanks
>>42466926
yayy hehe

>>42452071
I don't think there is anything you can tell me that will make me have a different view of how things are.
>things you gave, what you saw in him
Well I offered just about all of me, we have similar fields in academia, similar enough that we could have worked together in fact, that was what connected us initially. I live in an okay county even if there is unrest, I was willing to drop my entire life to move to his backwater shithole. I wanted to grow with him, to have a life shared. He was genuinely the smartest man I knew, I'm not behind the bell curve but he could get my head spinning, he has a raspy voice which I loved, honestly I could keep going but why should I describe these things? It just makes me ache.
>you feel you have lost?
Well my future, my field is dying, while I wanted to pursue a PhD I don't see the point in anymore, with thunderous indifference I faded into obscurity, I lost the security he gave me, as a man and as a friend. Obviously I wasn't interested in just his financial stability, but laying it down as a matter of fact, he was my safe harbor. I also, obviously, lost someone I loved very much, someone that no matter how hurt I was would help me mend, someone that when I saw hurt I could also help mend.
My life crumpled to pieces in a short time, this world gets shittier by the day, I genuinely am having a hard time rationalizing a reason for my own existence.
Apologies for the rather verbose post.

>>42452435
Honestly maybe we should start a tranny/ /fa/got fashion thread where people can post fits and share fashion advice? God knows I could use the input of other girlies to figure out how to look like less of a hon

pg10 bump

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>>42463378
>If it overwhelmed you that's no good at all
It's just frustrating. I did well on the assignments, but the exams are just too much pressure for my schizobrain.
The upshot is that I have gotten some positive feedback from the academic side of things in the last year. But this was the last time. I'm never going back to school. I have an education, and university is just not for me. But I will never stop studying and learning on my own.
>It is frustrating to run out of energy
It is what it is. I'm thinking about giving a programming course part-time at the local VHS – might have to get some certs tho. Could use that to maybe become a lecturer at the IHK at some point. Feels like kind of a pipe dream right now, but it should be doable with my background. Or, you know, just play Cult of the Lamb. It doesn't really matter.

>>42353803
>I would at least go there to try and steal the script!
Well, I was studying in Hagen. Would've cost me like 200€ bucks, and the topics covered had nothing to do with any physics I'm interested in.
>a well-written Vorlesungsskript a much better resource than most books.
Hmm, there wasn't really much of a difference between a book and a Vorlesungsskript at that school. Basically just a ~500 page book you work through on your own, with graded assignments every two weeks. Although the scripts were very good for the most part, at least the math ones.
I tried some MIT OCW courses, but I prefer working though a book. I've actually settled on 'Mechanics' by Keith Symon. Already started it, I quite like it.
>In Hamilton/Lagrange, the quantity is, ultimately, energy. In this formalism you have a much easier time to implement conservation laws instead.
Interesting. I'll keep an eye out for this once I get there. Thanks.
>nobody is incentivized to train students to a level of quality
That does sound annoying. The more I learn about academia, there more it seems like kind of a shitty place to be. No offense.

>>42470753
>>42463378
>>42353803
Sorry for not responding for a while, btw. Hope you're well, Anon.

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>>42457943
>>42460212
>>42460734
>>42465711
>>42466213
>>42468426
why must you dangle an attractive person before me like a carrot before the eyes of a starving man.

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>>42470808
sorry lol

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I really wish the attention whores wouldn't post softcore porn on a self help thread.

>>42473250
God I want to fucking nut in their ass so bad

>>42473250
>>42473518
duality

>>42341787
sometimes I force myself to work out while a 15 min youtube vid is playing
is this considered self help if im a dood who is trying his best to be fit by all means?

>>42474004
yes it is anon!

>>42474004
It is valid.
I do the same thing.

>>42472660
post l-legs and b-b-bottom plz??

>>42451781
>can take a seat on a barbed wire cock
You're right. I really shouldn't care what people like that think anyway.
>How does that sound for a strat?
I'll go for it. I don't really have a choice either in one particular class, it's a final group project. Either I get in with a group now, or I get assigned a group, and I really don't want the latter since there is a chance I get a person who was very inconsiderate to my group on a past project from another class. They contributed little and did not bother to show up for our scheduled lab time to work together. It's so fucked, but I can already feel myself getting nervous about having to do this. I suck at approaches, but usually after I'm fine.
>Sounds almost like a compliment to me, even.
Am I really this socially anxious? I'm perfectly capable, huh? I just need to get over my fears. But how? No therapist has ever helped (and how could they, ultimately I have to apply what they tell me), the only thing that has really made me any better was just diving into the fucking deep end and brute-forcing interactions. I have thoughts constantly about the way people perceive me and I wish they would just stop. They're not useful to me in the slightest, I just want to exist. Why should I be having fun doing something and then immediately be tortured with some perceived faux pas everyday? What made me so incredibly neurotic?

>>42472660
>I will never have a cute twink bf to love and worship
demoralizing

>>42463203
>Track the things you planned for the day and the things you actually did, please
I will do this inside my journal too for now, I think that would really help with my memory retention.

>If you find you did a lot less than you planned, blame the plan not yourself, and loosen your schedule
Okay, that would help with my self-blame too and make fixing things a little easier.
>Sounds like you already plan to, but I just wanted to reiterate
Thank you.

>Happy to be there
:)

>Trying really, really hard. February will be easier
I'm glad that Ferbaury is looking up for you.
We all appreciate your advice and consideration.

Only 255 days until my diet is complete

:^)

bump!

>>42477179
congrats

NIX DA

>>42472660
feet

I love twinks.

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A particularly hard week. Updates soon.
Goodnight.

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>>42364226
yeowch (same)

This is one of those things where I have no clue what I'm doing and there's no way I'd ask an AI even though most people would, so I hope someone has insights here.
For the past couple of months I've been edating a very long term online friend. She's the greatest, adorable, sweet, affectionate, and similar to me in a whole lot of ways. When people use the term soulmate, this is more or less what they're imagining.
The only problem is that she's asexual and I'm not. I'm attracted to her, but she just isn't attracted to me. It hasn't mattered because of the distance, but if we end up moving in it's going to be a huge problem. I've had exes and my mother explicitly tell me that I'm ugly and unlovable. The prospect of being in a long term relationship with someone who doesn't reciprocate how I feel, who's probably only with me because rather than "I don't think so" her attitude is "that doesn't matter to me", is horrifying. At this point though, I don't think we could go back to being friends... not that anything's REALLY changed from before... I just want to be with someone who finds me attractive, but idk if that's even possible since it's never happened yet.

I want to stop feeling so goddamn anxious all the time. Literally every day I worry I upset my boyfriend or a friend just because they take awhile to respond. Idon't know what this is, but I hate it.

>>42463620
Despite the years on T, my body isn't that masculine and he said it'd be fine remaining like that, just that he wants a more feminine face and haircut. I can't have my body get more feminine because the hip-widening brainworms struck and made me regret everything. But we think it's otherwise fine as is. He doesn't even want me to shave my legs or voice train. I worry about passing, but also hope that maybe, the stares in the world will easier overlook the failures of a female.
Mostly I lack things to do small talk with. I don't watch movies/sports/most vidya, dont have social media, am politically incorrect. And the things I am interested in, I'm not deeply into them, just a novice still.
Online it's always ended in resentment (when it's not drifting apart). People hate me for saying something politically incorrect (not even extreme), or my refusing to compromise on my principles. I've been kicked out of discord servers for calling myself retarded. after discord blackmailed me for my phone number, i never went back and never talked anywhere similar that glows, but here. It just doesn't work.

My life is fucking SHIT.

Now I am making a desperate change, to move away from all I knew, and starting a new life. Tossing most my stuff, the remainder to be left at my mother's house. I've been watching the political, social, economic instability of the USA (doomscrolling for years), and seen that it is nearing an official breaking point. it is making me very nervous, as the looming crash and depression are going to wipe out my family's and boyfriend's savings, but they have normalcy bias and don't believe the dollar will lose its hegemony.
I shouldn't admit this, but teenage me dumped my meager childhood savings into silver a few years ago because of what I read on /pol/. but i dont want excess weight killing our mpg. but now that the happening is clearly here, i feel immense pressure to get what I can, which is nothing else of my own, out of the dollar. I have never spent very much in my life, so the pressure feels huge, and so is that to stockpile when we haven't found a place to stay. I feel if it goes very bad, my parents will get caught being in a major urban area.
I talked a year ago about studying, but I realized I didn't really enjoy it, it just helped me feel less useless. the tarot reader was right. I gave up on it although my parents still believe i will study.
And I don't know where to land. After the great reset buying land is on my mind, but the state I am in has better climate than his: mine can grow citrus unattended, his is currently buried in snow. But we would be alone and reclusive here, in a culturally diverse blue state, whereas his family has been in his state for generations.
I wish it were more clear cut. I am tired of this place for now. I just got my driving license. It took 6 months and 6 tries, and I failed twice, but was wrongfully failed three times. The first examiner threatened me, I sense that he wanted to kill me. I hate the people here, yet the land is so bountiful. there are so many decisions to make, i don't feel ready and doubt I ever will.

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>>42486473
Thanks for not asking an AI about this. I’ve been in relationships where there’s something I’m unhappy with, but I’m not sure how important it is to me, and I’m afraid to talk about it with my partner. Experience has taught me that putting it off doesn’t help.

Now we both know that wanting to be with someone who finds you attractive while you’re dating an asexual is going to make things complicated and awkward. Frankly, you’re ahead of the curve acknowledging that this might not still magically work out for the both of you somehow.

But the way to discuss this is to just tell your partner that you want to be with someone who finds you attractive, but you’re not expecting them to stop being asexual. It’s probably going to be messy and uncomfortable, but it’s how you feel no matter how long you sit on it, and the sooner you tell your partner about this, the sooner it’ll be resolved and the less you’ll have to regret.

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>>42486473
Feel like adding, don’t try to rush to any kind of resolution. Give you and your partner time to decide how this affects your relationship. You aren’t going to know right away if you need to break up or can stay friends, they probably won’t either. Let that clarity come on its own time.

And remember, we aren’t just souls. We are also animals with instincts and desires. Being asexual is every bit as biological as not being asexual. Maybe you two are soulmates, but you aren’t destined for monogamous bliss if the flesh in between isn’t compatible. And needing someone to think you’re sexy is one of the most common trans feels out there. It’s kind of something you have to engage with at some point. It’s why watching Panty & Stocking helped me realize I was trans.

Very very close to completing my studies in a 3rd of the time due to circumstances.

Two or three more days and I can put it all behind me and look for work again with help from a friend.

I really don't enjoy learning that much anymore, can I just make money and left alone soon?
I'm tired of being punished for trying to make things better, money is literally the only solution to my situation.

In better news, I've been getting really good sleep lately.
Sleep is my new favorite hobby.

>>42488700
You’re right that things are very uncertain right now, and a lot of what comprises “normal” in the developed world could be disrupted quite easily. But I think you’re focusing too much on one possible scenario happening really soon. People were sure this was all about to happen five, ten, fifteen years ago. Even if it does happen someday, that’s a lot of time to waste waiting around.

If you want to take care of yourself and plan your future, you should also plan for boring, uneventful scenarios. No revolution or empire’s fall destroyed the bureaucracy for good.

Also, setting realistic goals will improve your chances of success. We can’t all be badasses with hoards of supplies, but not everyone needs to be. Even if things were to go all Road Warrior, a lot of people would survive by being kind and cooperative.