>>42422217
take your HRT, retards

>>42422217
I never supported any of them financially, and I stopped really engaging with them in general when I acknowledged to myself what repping really meant and that it made me deeply miserable. I still have a lot of right-wing opinions, but it always hurt to hear them go on their little hate-rants against trannies and wish death on them, and I don't really tolerate it anymore after I accepted that yes, repressing my desire to be a woman and hating my body for being male meant that I'm a repressing TRANNY. Even by basic principles of social conservative in-group/out-group thinking, trannies are my in-group/cohort and it doesn't make any moral sense under that framework to prioritize (unrelated) cis people over other trannies, which supporting anti-trans people would do.

>>42422217
>QOTT: Who is your favorite right wing personality?
Kaczynski.
>QOTT2: Which right wing media figures do you financially support?
None.
>>42422236
HRT won't make me a little girl getting dicked down hung MILFs.

>>42422236
most of this thread is taking hrt
it doesn't change shit

>>42422536
skill issue

love to spend most of the day teetering on the edge of a panic attack
>>42422217
look disagree with most of the man's thing but you've gotta admit trump had some tweets
the us gov't
>>42422236
no <3
>>42422536
i am curious because of how frequently it gets brought up - https://strawpoll.com/XOgOVLG1Qn3

realistically, if hrt could do anything to help you would already take it. No passers struggles with repression, they understand dysphoria and that you can transition then immediately do so and live happily
if you're repressing on hrt then there's truly nothing left for you

>>42422217
Probably Sam Hyde even though im having less of an easy time putting up with him lately. Nick is easily the better of the two

it's been a couple months and i really want to start cutting again which is weird
>>42422574
so far only one wet repper. is big hrt astroturfing this thread?

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>>42422217
>political questions
Nothing ever happens. Nothing will ever happen again. Not my problem. The great century of coasting and slow decline.

>>42422217
>QOTT
Does the Aryan of Gender count?
>QOTT2
I can't say because I'd dox myself. An hrt repper in my country.

watching the fishtank auditions and all the guys are like 25 and under, fully bald and with beards. it never even began

>>42423166
I feel like my fellow zoomers are aging really poorly. Or maybe its just that we were only exposed to people with good genes on TV before

detransing and god these cone tits make me feel like a fucking tard i probably need to get gyno surgery or something...

people who wanna transition do so because they are traumatised by their own gender. like half of all women seem to be traumatised women who want to masculinise to escape how they are treated by men or to escape the female hierarchy. and moids do the same because we just hate and have no interest in performing as a male but we are still held and judged to that standard and it just makes you want to check out of all of it. if it was possible for me to just be a feminine male and be treated like a human being i would

>>42423971
I'm not going to sat this isn't totally true but it seems a little reductive? Can't it also just be because you feel comfortable looking a certain way? Like couldn't it also just be that women are beautiful and I'd like to look in the mirror and actually be happy with what I see, and date my high-school buddy and get married and have lots of babies and cook him dinner and give him kisses when he comes home from work without it being faggoty?

I want to make out with a repping girl and make her feel loveable and sexy and feminine

>>42424257
nta, but minus the babies part, I hope to do all of that.

>>42424316
you wouldn't do this if 'she' looked and sounded like alex jones

>>42424257
of course it can take what im saying with a pinch of salt, but i would push back and see its never "just" because of something. people transition for many reasons and two things can be true at once. i just think in general if we're gonna be real about root causes. a very very big one is feeling like your gender is a humiliation ritual.

like regular men think women are beautiful, so do i. but the difference between me and them is they are normal and successful in their own gender, i am a weird failure who could never get a gf, hence my only "out" is to become a woman. the other outs are celibacy, drug addiction, being a workaholic... those ones dont appeal to me. so i choose tranny degeneracy. its all very clear to me this is a big part of it. im not saying its wrong, it just is what it is.

Every time I see something a little troonish in Instagram comments I open their profile and think "let's take a look at you". Usually im right "She/Her" specifically listed with a story saying "Me ", but then sometimes they look good and I feel bad

>>42424447
Getting a girlfriend was only a temporary solution for me

>>42424447
>the other outs are celibacy, drug addiction, being a workaholic... those ones dont appeal to me. so i choose tranny degeneracy
nta
Good luck! No, seriously!
I wish that former incel nona was still posting. She had amazing tips on how to do all of it by choice. Trannies trashed her for not being 'trutrans' or w/e but I'm like... giwt can be me.

Holding reppers by their hips and pulling them against my body. Telling them that nobody will ever hurt them while I am here.

I cant imagine myself going back. even though i think i want to be a woman, the whole trans experience is too uncomfortable and cringe

>>42424985
But on the short skirt and thigh highs, slut.

>>42424992
imagining an estrogenized man wearing though clothes fills me with disgust

>>42422536
LieNvke, the manmodergen diaspora is just a vocal minority
we desperately need ICE to send those ladies back where they belong

>>42425009
Imagine the sloppy french kisses with me. You and me.

>>42425019
im straight. part of why i cant transition is being in a lesbian presenting relationship grosses me out

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Forcing reppers to wear my home made dresses.

being a chaser here is hilarious. we're all just hilariously mentally ill adult men go bother the manmoders or something
also fuck off gincel

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>>42423971
This desu.

Model my homemade women's fashion im the next dior but specifically for transwomen.

I'm gonna try to drink an entire big bottle of sake tonight maybe

>>42423285
fuck you bitch
if I grew boobs I would never hurt them

>>42425217
Bad girl. Think of your skin.

>>42425217
glhf anon
would join you but have work tomorrow so i'm just insanely stoned

>>42425227
it's already disgusting oily man skin that's covered in coarse boar-like hair that grows back in 12 hours when shaved, there's nothing worth protecting
>>42425231
I was still fairly drunk when I woke up this morning so I literally just showed up and pretended to be tired and it was way more bearable than usual, gonna do that again tomorrow or just not go lol

>>42425261
fair, usually i'm ready to be done with it whenever i wake up still drunk
just don't start drinking in the morning because that's a portal to hell

>>42425305
eh I like waking up drunk, feels a lot more pleasant than waking up normally does. Waking up sober after getting super drunk the night before is what's truly shitty

>>42425261
I will carefully wax you and then moisturise your skin.

crazy how if you don't luck out with genetics that make trooning a viable option there's literally no escape from this and things will only continually get worse until you die
I guess lots of people get dealt an unfair hand in life but still

>>42425362
you couldn't even approach me without being towered over and intimidated by my hulking masculine aura

>>42425226
fuck YOU bitch they're conetits they look hideous

>>42425544
sadly I'm a man not a bitch

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>>42422217
>>QOTT: Who is your favorite right wing personality?
Hitler obv.
Fuentes also used to be pretty fun to watch. Over the last 4 years or so he's kind of turned himself into an uptight fag to appeal to normies though, it's sad. He used to have life in his eyes when half his friends had anime avatars. I actually used to be mutuals with some of his less famous orbiters back then. The only streamer in that sphere who seemed to have a genuinely good heart literally just randomly died all the sudden.
There were plenty of other high IQ niche internet people who never breached containment.
I can't morally support American rw factions at all anymore though. The overwhelming majority of the alt/dissident right bent the knee on the mainstream ziocon anti-trans positions, even stabbing former friends in the back over it. Forcing innocent dysphoric kids to end up like me instead of getting to really live is one of the most evil things I can think of and I will never be okay with it. At this point I'm pretty much just hoping for a total libtard victory that accelerates the destruction of society.
>>QOTT2: Which right wing media figures do you financially support?
N/A. I don't give money to internet celebrities (except for those that told me to buy xrp, they deserved their fair share)

>>42425114
giwtwm but it's so agp and humiliating you'd never see me admit anything of the sort. i'd even pretend to hate it.

blech

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GIWTWM

>>42423285
yeah...
t.man with b cups a mile apart on my chest

I wish I had breasts

felt 100x more feminine as a twink with a flat chest than as a man with breasts

>>42422805
>Nick is easily the better of the two
Charls*

I would like breasts for breasts sake, I loved my tiny gyno buds during the brief time I had them as a 13yo. I had read on the internet that girls got their breasts to grow by massaging them so I did that basically every night hoping that mine would, but they never did.
Also I never even got to be a twink. If I had I would have taken advantage of the opportunity to troon out and not ended up here. It was already beyond over by the time I even found out what was wrong with my brain.

>>42422805
I stopped following him when he posted his hour long crying session after Charlie Kirk died. Most pathetic shit I've ever seen. A shame since he was one of the few based modern right wing guys when it came to Israel but I just lost all respect for him after that.

>>42426421
so take estrogen

imagine being a bunch of incel faggot chuds practicing sucking dick with dildos while good girl audio affirmations play in the background before your latest right wing podcast about the great white replacement kicks in

Beating chuds until they transition and attend antifa rallies with the other troons

>>42422217
Is it possible to just have ugliness dysphoria? I can't help but feel like whatever I have is just a more inconvenient form of body dysmorphia. The desire to look like a fragile and waifish twink has been everpresent in my life and if I had to choose between being an attractive and universally desired cis woman or a cute twink I'd choose the latter.
I was never at any point cut out to be a twink or femboy so it was just something I intensely desired until now when it's an intense and unrequited yearning. I used to think I was trans, then a repper and now I can't help but feel it's just a hangup over being ugly while also never having been attractive in the way I wish I could have been. Even if I can explain it, it paralyzes me.

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>>42426205
>>42426279
wtf did I somehow miss the release of new gender bender kino?!
title please

>>42426514
you're correct in assuming that if I transitioned I would look like that hideous variety of troon rather than a pretty normalish one that would be worth transitioning into

>>42426497
Unfortunately I can't do that, I'm a repper.

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I know transitioning is pointless because I did it and none of my issues were resolved. My life was arguably worse.

>>42422217
I hate being tall

>>42426623
same

I'M NOT A DROWNING MAN
AND I'M NOT A BURNING BUILDING
I'M A TUMBLER

DROWNING CANNOT HURT A MAN
FIRE CANNOT HURT A MAN

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Reasons why i rep (and why i will kill myself later):
- 0.67 midface ratio
- extremely masculine wide jaw
- extremely masculine wide cheekbones
- long, crooked nose

>>42426908
Six seven doe

>>42422536
got me mighty moobs placed far apart on my moid chest :3

my breasts are unironically 7 inches apart

>>42426523
wow its like looking in a mirror

yeah for me its nothing to do wit hwanting to be a woman, im not female brained, i dont want a female body. i want to be cute and feminine, which is the domain of women primarily, but thats all. this makes being a tranny or being a man both extremely awkward and painful prospects

>>42426908
when i first saw this video i couldnt help but think ill be just like him when i reach his age.

wait nvm he had a career and a gf

I would transition for a transbian gf tbhon but I don't have appeal to groomers

>>42427404
Prove it loser

>>42427485
what have you achieved by repping all this year's?

>>42422560
There is no such thing as skills only luck and genetics

>>42427530
Kek similar situation

>>42422574
>i am curious because of how frequently it gets brought up - https://strawpoll.com/XOgOVLG1Qn3
Just 14 votes. About 50/50 so far.

>>42427530
felt deeply

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On the outside I may be the most disgusting man to ever walk on our earth but on the inside in my heart of hearts I am a mid looking nerdy girl.

>>42427578
I am... It's rough

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My life is way too good and i feel like trooning out wouldn’t make me happy because there’s no way in hell my body can ever come what i’d like it to be, i’d only lose time money and friends

I’ve met a lot of women in my life that have made me feel worthless when i was doing my absolute best, and i’ve seen some of those women make absolutely stupid life choices that completely ruined them, i’ve seen how they hurt people and i’ve seen people defend their horrible actions just because they wanted to date them it just feels so unfair,

Im not comfortable in my body and i still do what i can to stay healthy, i just feel like if i woke up in the most average female body that’d be enough for me to enjoy life to the fullest, i’d be so happy to take good care of my self and i’d aim to be classy and elegant while also being kind to everyone around me, im quite jealous of how good a cute girl can be at making sad people feel better

>>42427578
It's possible

>>42427542
Yeah but the problem that I'd rather look like that "upgraded surgery freak abomination" "not a real woman" and not the shit nobody I'm now

>>42427711
Based

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Why did Toriyama have to put ropefuel material right in the very first chapter of his fist hit manga? :'(

Reppers and trannys hate me for being incel
Incels hate me for being repper
What em I?

>>42428356
An incel who refuses to consider trooning out as a viable option.

>>42428356
I think most reppers are volcel due to dysphoria tbhon

I cant stop fantasising about slow kissing trans guys. With tongue. Sucking his tdick. Why am I an ftm chaser. Im not even a fucking human. Why do I have gender dysphoria on top of all of this. Why did god create me.

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I wish I had big tits

If they find out I start taking hormones somehow. Or just find out Im not straight.
HR just refuse to take me. Or boss just kick me out work. I don't really see the difference here. Being non westerner lgbt is fucking hell.

>>42428430
yea i feel really gross trying to have sex so i've stopped

>>42427530
do any reppers have jobs? is it even possible?

>>42429204
ya i have a wfh tech job that i'm good enough at it doesn't require that much effort from me nowadays
part of why i'm fine repping is that i'm v functional

>>42429242
im jealous anon the shut in schizoid behavior on my part has really worn thin over the last 10 years

>>42429204
I do logistics in a warehouse. Probably the best place to troon out and nobody to notice, lol.

>>42429204
I work terrible warehouse jobs for a month or two before crashing out and getting fired for intoxication hazard risks, then being a bum for half a year, then repeat

>>42429255
it's nice that shut in shizoid isn't uncommon for the line of work so people are willing to put up with it given i'm good at it

>>42427207
The issue is that I don't know how to cope with it at all. I'd ask you how you deal with it or give you some advice myself but given that we're both here I doubt we'd have anything valuable to tell each other.
>i dont want a female body
This is the hardest part because I don't think it's exactly AGP or AGAMP. I never wanted breasts and I like my penis but when I'd try on what I thought were cute clothes I'd always be upset at how there were some men who could look effortlessly cute without them, just by their intrinsic genetic nature. It didn't help to be underweight my whole life while still having a scrawny brickish masculine body and an ugly face. I think it has something to do with unrealized homosexual or bisexual desires but I'm not sure.

I hate being a man but being a tranny is disgusting

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Kissed a boy (adult male) last weekend. He made me melt. Felt pretty and fem for a brief moment before dysphoria sledgehammer and disgust with myself and my body.

Hey y'all

I posted a thread on reppers and how they came to be

See:
>>42430235

Lemme know your thoughts, it is a long read, but I think my research will help you understand the nature of your suffering

>>42430426
Is this you? I'd fuck you like a pretty girl.

>>42430447
Once again this argument is entirely reliant on growing up as a western Zoomer. Someone my age during the formative periods you're discussing was never exposed to tranny ideas, tranny media, or tranny communities. They barely existed and were unavailable to me anyway. And yet I had these thoughts and feelings regardless.

>>42430481
based retard

>>42430426
mogs me so hardddd 30 year old man with no hrt mogs me i took hrt and grew tits for NOTHING

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>>42430481
>Is this you?
yes

>>42430481
how are you going to come into the repper thread and act even stupider than we are

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cant be a man
cant be a woman
life is relentless.

>>42430623
is this u? i can make you feel like a woman

>>42430524
this is some advanced femboy shit

this is the future

billions must get ffs and do makeup and get lip filler and identify as male

>>42430644
is this you? ive got something you can suck on instead

I started consciously repping at 12, as a reward for that I turned into a disgusting 6'2 beast

sourcing diy hrt is equivalent in effort to illegally sourcing a gun to shoot myself

>no dude just go to a therapist and perform a prolonged humiliation ritual so you can get a prescription to enact a further extended humiliation ritual to your family and everyone you meet until you realize the humiliation never stops

i have the right to be put out of my misery. i have the right to be able to walk into a store and buy the pill that kills me instantly whenever i feel like it. why is everything so hard? why does everything good in life depend on you knowing the right person? what if i hate everyone? you can't do drugs cause you dont know the right person for it. you cant take hrt because you dont know the right person for it. you can't feel love because you don't know the right person for it. you cant shoot yourself because you dont know the RIGHT FUCKING PERSON for it. it's not just about hrt. truth is that the world fucking hates you and spits you out if you dont participate in its infernal perpetual humiliation-machine, every single day. it only cares that youre grinding yourself into salami if youre enacting the retarded supplication rituals it has in store for 'people who grind themselves into salami'. if you don't perform you don't exist. here's to that: eat my ass. i don't exist. i'm a parasite. i'm a vermin. i'll do everything in my power to drain happiness and spill misanthropic nihilism around me like radioactive waste. i will not participate. i will go into a blind rage, beating every prancing clown around me to a pulp until i'm restrained and put in a cage. i hate everything you stand for, but i hate having been born on the outside the most. i will not enter. i'll take my life with my own hands, because this is the truest form of self-actualization, independent of anyone's perception of you and your own perception of yourself. in the absence of both the only desire is the desire to disappear.

>>42430808
I was DIYing and went though psych evaluations for official approval years later and it was even worse like really, you're persisting with this knowing it didn't do anything for you? I withdrew my application after a few sessions. It was terrible

>>42429204
Neet

i love you all and i would love to hang out with any of you dont give up nonas

i wonder if they're developing an ai to play blokus with the captchas
>>42431693
i'm just a bad hang desu

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i'm so sad bros

>>42431970
it will be okay, we all dream

I'm convinced that the sunk cost fallacy doesn't apply to repping. I've had these feelings for six years on and off with a constant dissatisfaction with my body and I don't feel like I ever had a good window to satisfactorily troon out or permaboy/manmode but of course I could just be sheltering myself from an uncomfortable truth. Even if I did, it wouldn't matter at this point with me being as masculinized as I am, but that could also just be cope.

am I even trans?

>>42432571
the longer you rep the more sensible repping becomes. start trooning after 30 and you have no hope. troon after 50 and you're a walking joke. early 20's is ok for some but you still need to be lucky with bone structure

>>42431970
Is this you? You wouldn't cry if you were my gf. You're so beautiful kitten.

>>42429266
Why's that? Never worked at a warehouse before, is it having to wear protective clothing?

>>42428524
Where are you? I'm in a similar situation.

>>42427890
This t.bh

>>42430862
Fuck, I have almost the exact same situation. I knew I was a troon at 18, went to the clinic (there's only one in my country), but withdrew my app after a few sessions.

Now I've repped 8 years and am 26 and unsalvageable.

Tbh even if I did it at 18 I think I'd have never passed. But I can't stop myself from imagining what could have been, maybe I would've gotten lucky.

Part of what stopped me is being hated by women all my life, though. I was hated by men too but at least I had male friends. I was terrified about transitioning socially (and still am). It's over for me

Repping was the stupidest decision of my life.

>>42433009
I constantly feel like this but I also constantly feel that if I transitioned I'd be in the exact same place (no friends, depressed) and posting "trooning out was the stupidest decision of my life".

But I'll never know now.

>>42432599
I'm 21 and I've been agonizing over bone structure for years like a looksmaxxer trying to figure out what ratios make a male look feminine and honestly I've figured almost nothing out and I hardly feel I can be a rational judge of my own appearance anymore. Something tells me that if I had acceptance from the opposite sex and hit all the milestones normally and simply was not an incel this wouldn't have even been a problem.

>>42433058

>Something tells me that if I had acceptance from the opposite sex and hit all the milestones normally and simply was not an incel this wouldn't have even been a problem.
I dont think this is how it works

>>42433084
Why not? We acknowledge that men can become prison gay after being isolated from women for enough time, surely there's a fucked up mechanism of psychology allowing for a similar thing to happen with gender variance. You can already tell I cope a lot though so maybe this is just another one to add to my pile.

>>42433033
I have friends, they're all just annoying anti-trans types. So like this I get to hear how horrible I am for something innate to myself I can't help, be depressed, AND hate my body.

>>42433084
>>42433134
From personal experience as someone who always got along great with women and had several female friends and even a few girlfriends, having 'acceptance from the opposite sex' does not make your trans thoughts go away or lessen them at all. If anything being so closely associated with women gives you more opportunities to be jealous over things you can't do or be.

>>42433225
I've never had friends and I've never gotten along with women (Tbh men as well, but at least in school I had male acquaintances), I said this in a separate post but the thought of socially transitioning is probably why I decided to rep 8 years ago. And now it's too late for me to fix anything.

Fucking terrifying that I'm one of the oldest people in this thread.

>another friday evening laying in bed staring at the ceiling in the dark
I’m bored. None of my games seem fun. I don’t want to read. I don’t have any friends or anything to do.
What should I do?

>>42426523
Are you me? I feel the exact same way. I’m thinking about hrt again but maybe not. I don’t know.

In a just world everyone would be given one free do-over at the end of their lives to show the lessons they've learned.

>>42433134
I lost my virginity at 21 and got into a great relationship 2 perfect years thinking i was cured. I wasnt

>>42422217
>QOTT: Who is your favorite right wing personality?
Probably donnie. He's going to destroy america after all.
>QOTT2: Which right wing media figures do you financially support?
Lol. lmao even. Imagine giving your hard earned money to politicians. Roflmao.

>>42433424
take your pills, Alice.

the west has fallen
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xhNvinY8Sc8

How are my burger repbros surviving the storm?

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>>42426541
Title is Me ga Sametara Onnanoko ni Natteita Yamai (Woke-Up-as-a-Girl Syndrome). Its only a 18 min episode part of the Tatsuki Fujimoto 17-26 animated anthology thing. It's pretty good.

cant believe they forgot to make a version of life where you get to be happy

I feel like I don't want to be a man because I am one, and that I can't want to be woman because I am not one.
I just want to want to be woman, so I don't have to be a man, to be myself anymore

>>42434452
I'm in the same situation but with conetits and an atrophied penis
big difference

>>42433009
Nah, I trooned and I can guarantee you wouldn't have been one of the lucky ones. You wouldn't have had support and success because really that's the only reason you didn't. Coming to terms with the fact that you couldn't pass even if you started at 10 years old is a hard pill to swallow but you have to take it

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>hrt gave me ED

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>when are you going to have some kids, anon?
>make sure your girlfriend is pretty so your kids are too!
>i can't wait to meet my grandkids!
fuck my meta-attracted life. i'm 80% sure my mom thinks i'm a closeted faggot but she asks this stuff anyways

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I have 0 interest in men normally but when I roleplay as a woman getting fucked by a man it makes me incredibly horny. Can i really call myself straight when I feel this? Wtf is wrong with me

>>42435573
Spent hours prepping yesterday and now my truck is having issues
>>42437601
I consider myself double straight as in i would never top a man as a man

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Finally came back drawing, planning to make a self-insert female MC comic one shot about a runaway biker princess in a post-apocalypse fantasy world influenced by Kino No Tabi

>>42425972
>>42425114
i'll do anything to wear it in front of accepting people i'll do a gangbang for a killer pair of shoes

>>42437601
I think that's just regular meta attraction. I used to do nsfw rp and went from MxF, to FxF, to FxM pretty quickly. However, playing as a female is malebrained because it appeals to the kinks and sensibilities of straight male dynamics. Lots of cis foids prefer to play MxM.

i hate being 6'1"

why do reppers cry
don't respond if it's just some dumb min maxxing crap about passing

>>42440041
I'm just a sensitive guy. I still cried when being yelled at until I was like 15.

>>42440095
why
did you feel like you were let down just like you're let down by your psyche

>>42432931
where are you from nona

>>42440041
idk i just feel like crying most of the time

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>>42422217
>q1
steven crowder
hes one of us after all
>q2
im too poorfag to support any of them sadly
>>42425638
if fuentes would have just embraced his catboy bf he would be so much happier its depressing how he twice sold himself out - once in the name of being a str8 tradcath, and now hes begun a heel turn in favor of trump talking about child rape is just fine
next he'll probably start dialing down the anti-israel talking points

>>42440041
i can't help it :( i feel the need to constantly

>>42436996
I could have. I was short until I was 17, small, and didn't grow tons of body hair until I was into my 20's. I've always had a cute, youthful face, to the point that even in my mid 30's people tell me it's 'boyish.' If I hadn't been a coward at 16 or even 18 I had a real chance.

>>42440041
I'm a natural crybaby that can't help but cry at emotional content. Back when I was young I would sometimes just burst into tears for no reason and couldn't stop myself.

>>42422217
multiple of my gay friends have been directly pointing out to my face that i am clearly a repper (in more nice, vague words) lately. how do i rep harder

>>42440233
I'm not really sure. I still cry when I get into heated arguments even if they are largely impersonal. I am just a bitch I guess.

>>42440555
grow a beard
shave your head
hit the gym
better yet, ghost them yes it will be painful but theyre going to pinkpill you eventually if you dont cut them out

>>42440694
i think i would kms if i did these things :( maybe im just a really bad repper

>>42433438
Me neither. I have decision paralysis and I'm confident that I'll end up aging like a normal man. At least I was never cute to begin with so there's nothing to regret.

>>42439183
Nice style. Do you take any drawing suggestions?

>>42438175
Pray you can fix your truck nona.

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>choose your character

>>42428508
malebrained

>>42442508
round bone always

>>42443573
Women say that all the time

Well, that went well. Too well, in fact.
Told my wife last week I want to get more feminine clothes and that I want to alter my hormones.
Today we spent the whole day shopping for nice clothes. JFC if this works out I'm never coming back here.

what's the difference between this and gaygen?

>>42442508
flat back except more youthful, i will look exactly like that in 20 years though.
also based and loomispilled

>>42443772
gl nona! that's so cool your wife is supportive
>if this works out I'm never coming back here.
better not unless you want to come babysit like the one girl over the holidays

>>42425114
It would split apart being forced onto my ogreish m*id frame

>>42443893
>like the one girl over the holidays
You mean the wifemoder? Her food posts were amazing, lol. But I don't remember whether it was here or on the general Christmas/NYE threads.
>your wife is supportive
She's certainly supportive with me experimenting with clothing. IDK how supportive she'll be once I actually start taking the pills. In principle she didn't object, though.
I'm low expectation though. I'll treat this as a body modification process.

>>42443772
Giwtwm
And it could be if I had the balls
Been working towards it for the last 6 months. My frontal lobe is almost done cooking, this shit is not going away

>>42444115
>You mean the wifemoder?
hmmm maybe? i think she had a trip but i forget, i don't really remember her posting food as much as just being nice and pinkpilling people
>I'm low expectation though.
probably the best way to approach it, nice she's willing to go along in principle at least though

>>42444187
I have a feeling that as long as my dick continues to work, she'll be fine, haha.
Trouble is that there's no way around the initial nuking of libido of hrt. Errr... we'll see what happens, lol.

>>42443699
only those with flat chests

it's as the joke goes:
>women with small tits want to be big
>women with big tits want to be small
>men with small dicks want to be big
>men with big dicks want to be even bigger

im not trans because im fine with being a man so long as i have no facial or body hair, no brow bone, a small nose with no ridge, thin eyebrows, full lips, a round chin, no adams apple and small hands and feet.

>>42444450
yeah, i'd be fine being a man tok if i looked exactly like a woman

>>42444508
And was treated like one too

>>42444590
yep, better yet having the physiology of a woman too, then i'd be ok with being a man. of course, i'd still prefer just being a woman, but i'd be more ok with being a man i guess

>>42444450
>no facial or body hair,
Laser.
>no brow bone, a small nose with no ridge,
Ffs can solve some of those.
> thin eyebrows, full lips,
Easy to solve if you really want to.
>a round chin,
A lot harder, but sometimes doable.
>no adams apple
Trach shave exists.
>and small hands and feet.
Unsolvable.

So... it seems you could get most of what you want. So why settle for 0% instead of non-zero%?

>>42444508
So, like Taf?

>t. unironically has Taf-style transition goals

>>42444450
This but unironically. Also I'd prefer to be short.

>>42437526
I explained to my mom what the blackpill is and why i dont want to talk to women and she deaf telephoned it to my dad so he now thinks i'm a cuck/fag and almost had me shipped of for conversion therapy. I'm a grown man but i dont work and just leech off bc i'm all sorts of fucked up

>>42424644
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MzE2w7w7HEs

>>42445971
Are ya fagging son

>>42445971
Being a known tranny is better than this shit son

>>42436965
IN THE GRIMDARK FUTURE OF 2100, THERE ARE ONLY MANMODERS...

took hrt and got reverse dysphoria, but now that i have boobs im unfuckable as a man so i think i may as well keep going anyway since being an ok tranny is better than masculinising and having boobs

>binged and purged again
this sucks I hate being fat

>>42436234
I really liked the final episode. The one about the nude modeling. It made me really fucking depressed though. It must be nice to have a body that's desirable, rather than a body that's seen as a threat.

>>42446970
Nude modeling feels exploitative to me.

Who else /wholecocktailofmenatalillnesses/

>>42444314
reppers, known for their above average sized breasts that invalidate a desire for larger ones

>>42432874
>Where are you? I'm in a similar situation.

Ukraine

>>42447774
nta but being a repper in Ukraine is clearly a lot worse than most of the people posting on this board.

>t. repper in the poor parts of Romania

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>tfw every transition timeline has short hair and they magically become girls the second they grow out their hair meanwhile you’ve had long hair for years and still look like gigachad

why did i waste my 20s isolating myself and doing nothing instead of learning valuable skills and getting a job FUCK

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>>42447803
Yes. I don't know how to escape this country, and I feel like it will become my grave. I'm trying to convince myself that I deserve what's happening. Otherwise, I wouldn't be here. Something like that.

I HATE MYSELF I HATE MYSELF I HATE MYSELF I HATE MYSELF

i just want it to end i cant face myself

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snowed in today; haven't seen my bf in a week. i miss him

I WASTED MY LIFE

>Hello, I'm calling because you applied for the position that had you working in isolation unseen by others but we have a vacancy in customer facing sales I think you'll be great for!
I'm just going to kill myself. This is unbearable. I'm never working a front facing job again

why did i have to be born poor with body dysmorphia/dysphoria. its literlaly impossible to live, you're spinning in space unable to do anything because you cant be yourself your dont even know who you are you are just this thing you hate and the world is just this massive thing towering above you and you're supposed to climb it somehow and i cant even begin

>>42447774
>>42448237
were you unable to leave back in 2022 because you were supposed to get drafted or something?
shit sucks, i'm sorry this is how things are for you
>t. russian tranny who left the country once the war started

repper is just a fitting term i am repressive of myself in every possible way i have not even begun to try and become a person that i can be tolerating of,i failed at step 1, and my punishment is seeing people express themselves in more elaborate ways wether it be creatively or just in the way they talk, i get to see people have souls while i dont, fuck my retarded repper life

>>42447926
you know why

>>42449388
I feel the exact same way

>>42449303
>were you unable to leave back in 2022 because you were supposed to get drafted or something?

I just was too retarded and stupid. I stay because my family don't want to leave. I cant do shit+ Extremely poor
All who escaped was kind of rich, not my league.

Drafting might actually happening soon but I'm not sure.

Well It's good that you pointed that shit sucks for me. It's not actually helping.
Sounds like some mockery.

I'm still alive and that's the sign that I might doing things right.

>>42447900
I look like the witchers little brother. I saw a guy at the bar that passed with a fucking mustache

>>42449470
not leaving because your family doesn't want to leave is indeed peak retardation. I wasn't facing high probabilities of being killed in russia and i still left because the writing was on the wall when it came to how long the war would last and how it would impact life in russia
>Well It's good that you pointed that shit sucks for me
isn't it good you haven't been drafted yet and you're alive? I'm hearing about bombings almost every day
>I'm still alive and that's the sign that I might doing things right.
exactly!
>Sounds like some mockery
it's not

>>42448237
You dont deserve it. Shit just happens. Its probably not going to be ok, but I hope somehow it gets better

finger on the eject button

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with my current regression trajectory i can't troon sooner than john50 if ever

>>42449890
keep in mind that total repression is what usually leads to breakdowns that cause Johns to Fifty.
If you "let it out" a little bit and don't go into hyper-masc territory - repping can be prolonged

>>42449923
Its not a great alternative either. Repping lowk ruined my sexuality to the point i get mad/ashamed/disgusted anytime i even get hard which naturally happens a lot bc i'm a testosterone addled MAN

>>42449923
why do you want to prolong beyond 50 anyway

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Should this woman continue repping?

>>42450242
>Loves high-waisted jeans and sweaters

This woman should reWoke her fashion style

>>42422236
the universe hates me enough that if i took hrt it would somehow make me more masculine

>>42450242
stupid reddit imitation kys

Thanks
>>42449557

>>42449556
>isn't it good you haven't been drafted yet and you're alive?

Yeah you right my lovely russian friend.

I'm going to watch
mushikago no kagaster
Before they turn off lights
Good night everyone~

>>42449414
not an excuse i have so many friends that trooned early 20s and are passoids now and successful

crying again

>>42450520
that's quite the precedent
i don't have that but still can only think of being a girl subconciously the way i browse these forums and shopping lists etc since a decade +

>>42450242
I was this [redacted]man at 19, I'm 31 now. I've mentally considered every possible solution and explanation for my condition. Nothing treated it, not religioncoping, nor writing journals, nor an experimental run of HRT. I just exist, and this thing is just part of who I am. It's my metaphorical bum knee, a limitation of the self with no permanent treatment.

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>>42447900
just get bangs bro you'll totally pass with bangs obscuring your brow ridge

>>42451019
Why did you stop HRT?

i can't live like this anymore

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I just need to disconnect from the material reality and live in the immaterial and then I wont care about being a man or woman.

my chest is tight. i feel like i'm dying

>>42453218
it's a journey of a thousand miles

I keep bouncing between wanting to tron out and wanting to keep repping i fucking hate this. im in late 20s but i think i can pass but who the fuck knows and trooning out will kill my social and family life

fuck why couldnt i just be a crackhead or something

>>42453550
>i think i can pass but who the fuck knows and trooning out will kill my social and family life
I just started shooting the juice. Whatever happens, happens. I just won't tell anyone until it becomes impossible to deny. Who knows? Maybe I'll be surprised.
If all goes wrong, I take a trip to the psych ward, blame it on temporary insanity and... that's it. But at least I'll know I tried. Better to regret trying.

>>42453653
>Better to regret trying.
Thank you nona I just wrote it down, you are 100% right

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>repper
>experience ego death when you're ngmi
>forced to acknowledge the cruel intransient nature of existence
>forced to dismantle ego, already entering the noble eightfold path

repping is the path to enlightenment.

If it wasn't for being raised by militant atheist parents I would be religious. I do really envy people who get deep fulfillment out of religion.

idk man think im over wanting to be a woman and i just want to put my pp in coochie and be a hot guy thats athletic

>>42422217
He transition to become more red.

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>>42451140
I had discussed it with my therapist but as soon as I walked into planned parenthood I knew it was a bad idea, it just felt like the wrong thing to do. Somehow I managed a few weeks of hormones but I never got the eureka moment of clarity I wanted. At some point I started getting sensitive nipples and freaked out, quit, and went cold turkey on all trans topics or therapists for a few years. It was then I knew that, even if I had *something* fucked in my head, an actual transition would never be in the cards. Maybe it's just OCD or autism that has run amok, I'll probably never know.
'Tis my sorry fate.

if I lived alone and could drive I probably would have transitioned by now fuck my awful neet failure life

>>42454175
nvm i just jerked off to agp again

>>42456283
i live alone but i cant afford a car. fuck my stupid wagierepper life

>>42456283
>>42456602
I have a car but live with siblings.
Fuck my mobile-yet-familial life.

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I am a soldier, I am a Roman, and one day, I will rule the entire world and disenfranchise you all, and force you to worship the Sun... yet, a nagging feeling deep within my mind attacks me like a swarm of ravens. This 'dysphoria' I try to treat with prayers to Apollo and Zeus every day I AM A FUCKING SOLDIER!! And I drink two gallons of beer a day, to try to quell this gender dysphoria.
And yet the thoughts get worse and worse, the Gods have abandoned me, I want to die whenever I look in the mirror. How am I going to achieve my goal of being dictator of the entire planet and all oceans lands and atmospheres? I need to keep my mind fucking clear so that I can think deep upon politics. But how can I do that when I feel like a woman?

It is just me or Sicily bizarrely might have the highest amount of nerdy transbian/bi MtFs outside of Emilia-Romagna? HSTS are still the majority all over Italy but this is kinda surprising speaking from personal experience

>>42454175
>intransient nature of existence
wat
you do know they don't experience ego death right

>>42456133
oof if something like ended in my medical record

>>42457031
Italians have no joke 50% fetal alcohol syndrome rates kek.

>>42456133
Or maybe you're non-binary or a feminine man.

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>>42456994
Yeah well when I'M emperor I will make sure you are properly franchised!

>>42456994
Reminder Sulla didn't have kids because he loved a troon and was probably a repper himself

>>42422426
>right wing
>Kaczynski
??? Nigga doesn't fit the traditional left or right wing dichotomy. Did you even read his manifesto?

>>42458342
No idea about the repper bit but damn you're right about his lover, stuck with him even after he got old.

>>42457629
Being NB wouldn't change much in practice. I am already an effeminate nerd dude with solo hobbies who doesn't get along well with either men or women.

i just want to be able to get a job, i want to be able to learn things, i want a plan and hope for the future, i want to go out and do things like any other person, but every day all i can think about is my appearance and how everyone will think im a disgusting monster.

>page 10
The thread is totally dead. Reppers have been hunted to extinction.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ecti0WKoJB0

I need one of those Korean jaw surgeries where they pretty much remove most of her jaw outright. I'd be perfectly happy to lose sensation as long as I could still talk and eat.

anarepping again you get no respect as a man this way but more respect than the ugly troon I would be if I stopped repping

>>42457031
does this mean I can blame my Sicilian heritage for my AGP

>>42464685
eh probably just that being away from the thread is helpful, i've only been stopping here once or twice a day recently
>>42466032
i need to get better about that, been eating way too much and have at least 20lbs to lose

>>42466200
its good inspo to keep repping once you get to see your unquestionably male bone structure

What if I miss my old self

Where is the repper hentai

>>42467314
is repper4repper yaoi or yuri

>>42467350
Yaoi deffo yaoi

>>42467314
Nobody wants to see two people fail at performing both male and female roles in bed then end up crying together for an hour instead.

reppers frotting reppers frotting

>>42468283
it would have to be through clothes because I really dislike even touching or seeing my own penis

>come to repgen for repping advice
>half of them are on hrt

if i'm not a girl by the end of the year i'm going to kill myself

>>42468352
Please don't nonny.

>>42468357
why not

>>42468345
>>42425032

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>>42467668
I do. Especially if theyre so touchstarved theyll brave dysphoria for it

>>42468807
i can't brave anything

I had another ingrown hair in my face from plucking that I had to dig out with tweezers
weird feeling, it didn't really hurt that much even though I was basically ripping through flesh to get it

everything feels so fake

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>>42422236
it didnt do anything

im almost 30 and im still a man and im a loser

yep

I'm not a repper or a troon I am simply a temporarily embarrassed girl, any day now I'll wake up as one.

>>42422217
I know this is probably an mtf repper thread but there's no femrepper thread up and I'm technically neither since I made an attempt, so w/e I'm gonna whine here.
T solved literally none of my problems. At best, it made me hate my genitals less. It did give me mental relief. I stopped overthinking and I felt more natural in my body. But it didn't solve my problem: I am not male.
Top surgery made me less suicidal but at the same time caused insecurities because it's objectively unattractive.
When you take the choices you are given, you feel worse in one way, but indescribably better in another. I gambled and paused it, just to see what would happen. I didn't expect myself to start reflecting on if this were the right decision or not.
What would any of you do? I am trying so hard to not blame myself for doing what seemed best at the time. But I am stuck in some gross in-between state, and I don't know how to cope. I don't have the genes to look like a man. And I'm not any closer to being a man than I was before this. If there's anything positive to be gained, maybe I feel a bit more physically comfortable, but I feel less safe in the world as a result. T hit my vocal chords like a truck, I didn't have a feminine speech-pattern pre-T so I just pass a trans woman and it gets me harrassed. I can't tell if it hurts less or hurts worse than being perceived as a cis woman. It certainly feels scarier. Idk how to cope bwaha. I'm starting therapy soon =").
(Sry 4 weird wording im drunkdrunk...someone please pickup on what im putting down and talk to me because im struggling and I just wanna cry grhrgh. I w ish I could be aboy. I wish i were born right. I wish my attempts weren't for fucking nothing. Literally the most brutal fucking path one could ever take I swear ))

>>42469432
Sorry to hear that femanon. But it does sound you got ?% progress instead of 0% progress. And, quite frankly, that's the best we can hope for as reppers (amab or afab).
I'm heading your way from the opposite direction. I accepted I'll never be a girl fully. I accepted that I'll probably never pass. But goddamn it I want to look more feminine. And I want to be able to express more in a more feminine manner.
I coped with having beautiful long hair but it's no longer enough. So I started voice training, laser and slowly changing my outfits. I bit the bullet and start taking the pills this month too.
Even if I end up where you are it would still be an improvement. Some progress is, in my view, better than 0% progress.

>I just pass a trans woman and it gets me harrassed. I can't tell if it hurts less or hurts worse than being perceived as a cis woman. It certainly feels scarier
Welcome to the life of an amab gender nonconforming haha. Except we had a lifetime to learn how to cope with it.

>I wish my attempts weren't for fucking nothing
Your own description shows it wasn't for absolutely nothing. You got some progress out of it. You're not happy with the amount of progress, but it objectively wasn't nothing.
Really, what you need is time and willingness to accept yourself like that.
Sure, maybe I'm biased, but being a feminine enby on hrt is still some progress than larping as cis agab.

>>42469432
i felt this way about estrogen, the first thing that starts is you start growing boobs, but you still look exactly as you always did, so now you've gone from dysphoric man to a dysphoric man with boobs that you have to hide. and the awareness that you are now in some uncanny zone where you arent really attractive to anyone. i think this is what caused my "reverse dysphoria". i want to look feminine, but the path to getting there is to warp and deform the body im stuck with, and that is very imperfect and could lead to serious rejection that im very afraid of.

i ended up quitting hrt for a few years then restarted on a lower dose, i take anti androgens mostly. i may get my boobs removed one day im not sure. i just live as a man.

if i was an ftm id probably do something similar, id keep living as a woman but id tomboymax, id get on some milder androgenic thing instead of pure T, like anavar or nandrolone and start working out. because i think if you're anything like me, you kinda already know you cant really be what you want. i know theres no future for me where everyone treats me like a girl and i feel totally like a girl, but i can be a very feminine man i think, in a way in which im treated well and not as some uncanny freak. hoping for the best.

>>42469485
>>42469536
nta but I want what this guy has
>>42454996
>>42455155
>>42455386

Idk if it's possible, but I will try.

>>42469485
I did get some progress and I won't lie, sometimes having a confusing gender DOES make me happy. I WANT people to question my sex more than anything. I am 5'1", being clocked as anything other than assigned-fucked-at-birth RARELY happens. Being looked at and immediately clocked as "vagina" makes me want to light myself in flames. It hurts so bad.
At the same time I also I feel bad when I'm happy to be clocked as amab. My dysphoria is primarily around my sex, but then it hits me that I'm still clocked as a woman regardless. It's awful. I don't want to be a woman even if I'm doomed to look like one. Not to mention how so many mtfs find it abhorrent a freak-at-birth is glad to be viewed as amab. I hate my chromosomes I wish I could fucking shred them. Transphobic society views me as a man, and treats me accordingly, and even though it can be horrifying, that still makes me happy. But it shouldn't, because it's coming from a place of transphobia, and I suppose I'm benefiting from it. I should just feel bad when I pass, shouldn't I? I can't bring myself to feel proud of that.

I stopped T and it only took a few months for my hips to start deforming themselves. I find my attempt at transition being guided by what my body is capable of. If I had known that a feminine nb theyfabby transition was the best I could've done, that's the route I would've gone. But I took HRT until I hit a wall and it no longer did anything more for me. And the best it could do, was not very good.... I tried they/them-coping at an urgent care and I don't think I'll ever try that again. All I got was "she...they...it...th...y...the...he...she...y....You!". Lot of sorries too. Stupid fucking humiliation ritual of a life.

I'm sorry I really hope this doesn't offend anyone. I just don't know what to do with my feelings. I don't wnat to feel proud of the shitty things that feel like "wins", everything else just feels like sludge. Sludge-fueled sludgy existence.

>>42469536
Haaaa yeah I just feel like I look almost the same. Just now I'm a chick with a 5'o clock shadow, an absurdly manly chin, an unrealistically deep voice, and no tits. Everyone swears that I pass as male, but nobody is telling me I pass as a man. I ask and they're like "well...you pass as trans!". I DON'T FUCKING LIKE THAT!!!!

>if i was an ftm id probably do something similar, id keep living as a woman but id tomboymax, id get on some milder androgenic thing instead of pure T, like anavar or nandrolone and start working out. because i think if you're anything like me, you kinda already know you cant really be what you want.
Touches the other side of the glass..Yeah i think i understand you. I wanna tomboymax but I think ive gone a bit too far for that I stopped T, was considering topical DHT + a DHT blocker but I realised it's prob best just let my hormones settle & wait til I feel more stable in life b4 I start fucking with them again. I'm prone to PMDD so I don't want to trigger my suicide earlier than intended. It's my aim to find something that makes me feel normal (male) but doesn't touch my body features (irreparably cucked).
I basically guineapigged myself for my whole transition and tried to keep myself in some inbetween state as long as I possibly could. I kept myself on a regimen of 1-3 pumps of gel, dosed whenever I feel like it. I started just a FEW years before WPATH was updated and before NB was even an accepted thing, so my whole access to HRT and the doses I received were based entirely on lies. And no top surgeon would take me unless I got a gigamoid shaped chest. Just ends up just looking wrong on my neverpasser ass. Fmstl.

I actually fucking hate being this way, I wish I could just be a man, trans or cis, but if it isn't perfect then I don't fucking want it. And it'll never be perfect. I want NOTHING. I wish I could jsut be fucking nothing. I wish I could throw myself into an incinerator and watch myself burn from the third person FUCK.

>>42469581
perfection is the enemy of the good

i get it though, many times i looked at myself and just see a dude with boobs and im like, wtf am i doing, what the actual fuck am i doing to myself. but then i think of what it was like before i tried to make it better. its honestly just a lose/lose situation. but the best outcome is to just accept what has happened and try to make the best of it. to me at least the most important thing is to look like a normal/appealing person. so i will bind my chest and i refuse to take high estrogen doses because i dont want them getting any bigger. id rather be an androgynous theymab i dont care how cringe it is honestly.

>>42469579
>I should just feel bad when I pass, shouldn't I? I can't bring myself to feel proud of that.
How about neither? How about laugh?
I'm very serious. Not taking everything so seriously was such a relief for me.
We only get one shot at life and taking everything so bloody seriously doesn't quite seem like an optimal path.

>Being looked at and immediately clocked as "vagina" makes me want to light myself in flames. It hurts so bad.
I hear you. It used to annoy me to be clocked as amab. But no longer taking things too seriously helped a lot. Yeah, I'm a girly dude, so?

>I stopped T and it only took a few months for my hips to start deforming themselves. I find my attempt at transition being guided by what my body is capable of. If I had known that a feminine nb theyfabby transition was the best I could've done, that's the route I would've gone
I don't think you understood my point.
My point is that one can be theyfab/transmasc while on hrt.
I mean, that's basically what I'm doing now. Except for the pronouns thing. I'm glad when I "malefail" but I'm no longer bothered by being called "sir". I live in a country with a gendered language so "theymab" is quite literally impossible anyway. And that's good 'cause the last thing I need is that humiliation ritual. Call me whatever you want /shrug

>I'm sorry I really hope this doesn't offend anyone
Certainly doesn't offend me. It's a story I needed to hear to learn about the limits.
I think accepting the limits and grounding oneself in reality makes things easier. Yes, it hurts (you don't want to know how much I cried), but in the end clears the mind.

>>42469596
>Yeah, I'm a girly dude, so?
Please please PLEASE, I desperately want to know, what thought process ultimately brought you to no longer caring? I understand I pass as a boyish girl, and I can think "so what" in the mirror, but once I experience being treated that way it fucking shatters me. It ruins my day. I will spend 1-2 hours THAT night uncontrollably crying about being alive. I went to the beach the other day in womens shorts and a womens rashguard, and I was HOWLING that night. I've cried so much that I'm constnatly amazed I have anymore tears left to spare.

I say all of this while I have a partner who accepts me as my gender despite how I look. I am ridiculous and I know it. I WANT be happy with the shit I achieve, even if it's not exactly what I want. I DESPERATELY want to learn how to not care when I ultimately have to hear "she" ;(. Esp being off T, it's so fucking hard to regulate my emotional outbursts over it, holy fuck I COMPLETELY LOSE IT.

>>42469596
yeah i agree, things get easier when you stop caring about the pronoun thing, most languages are built around masculine/feminine distinctions anyway its inescapable and kind of ridiculous to expect people to "they" you all the time. are you really gonna ride all your happiness on passing perfectly as your total opposite? its just dumb. a lot of accepting yourself and a lot of doing what you can to be the person you want to be is the best way to go.

>>42469592
>but then i think of what it was like before i tried to make it better. its honestly just a lose/lose situation
No you're right. I need to remember this. Hell just the other day I imagined this and it brought back these feelings I haven't felt in years, they hurt so much it felt like it knocked my breath away. I'm happier to lose this way than lose the other way, I know this for a fact, as sad and pathetic as that is I guess.

>>42469644
>what thought process ultimately brought you to no longer caring?
Living IRL rather than in my head or online.
There is no silver bullet, I'm afraid. It's just that with the passage of time and living IRL one eventually realizes that a lot of these things simply don't matter. And from there on it's just making the choice of taking the path of least resistance.
In my case the path of least resistance was/is to be an estrogenized girly dude. I suddenly found that I need not wait for anyone's permission to just be me. I'm now browsing feminine clothing and this week-end I'm hitting the mall with a cisf friend. Fuck it, Imma look good. I have no idea if it's the pills or not, but I'm simply done trying to "be careful" or let everyone else's considerations limit me.

>but once I experience being treated that way it fucking shatters me. It ruins my day. I will spend 1-2 hours THAT night uncontrollably crying about being alive
I hear you. Been there, done that.
I suppose I did that so much that I eventually literally ran out of tears.
Idk if it's a physical limit or my brain revolted. I wish I had a clear(er) map for you. But at some point in the summer of 2025 I just hit an upper threshold. Idk how to explain it.
Paraphrasing Nietzsche, what didn't kill me made me stronger.
I coped with this without any drug (except coffee, but I doubt that counts).

>I went to the beach the other day in womens shorts and a womens rashguard, and I was HOWLING that night. I've cried so much that I'm constnatly amazed I have anymore tears left to spare
I hear you. Hugs. I really do.
Ironically, once I was done with caring, it has also become easier to "boymode". Because "who the hell cares?" works either way. I want what I want and that's it. I know who I am and I don't need anyone's approval for it.

>I say all of this while I have a partner who accepts me as my gender despite how I look. I am ridiculous and I know it
We have a lot more in common than you think.

>>42469644
>I say all of this while I have a partner who accepts me as my gender despite how I look
You won at life more than you realize, anon.

I'm >>42443772
It took forever to work through the courage of telling my partner. Endless nights of crying and worrying. "What if she dumps me?"
Turns out she is excited to help me. Now I'm upset I didn't open my stupid mouth earlier, lol.
There will always be regrets, anon. But for God's sake take the wins too.

Why do you guys rep, I remember my dysphoria was so strong I started DIY as a teenager as soon as i learned it was a thing i could do like I see so many of you are adults so that should be in your reach to me at least it seems like you all are your own worst enemies.

>>42469876
>you all are your own worst enemies
We know, nona. We know.

>so many of you are adults so that should be in your reach
It's precisely because we are adults.
So many feel that it's too late. I felt that way for years. I envied your kind who got to start in teenage years.

>>42469876
sunk cost fallacy, like i already made it 10 years as an adult living as a "man". its cringe to just try and change it now.

>>42469719
im going to tr yto sleep but , thank you, and everyone else. I feel better, just with yous listning and talking tbank you so much. Feeling understood, that is the best feeling :( I apreciate all of you truly

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>>42469876
Ok one last post for the night but, im the failed transition femrepper (>>42469432)
abd I started T at 16. Picrel is a recent trace of my body. This is why i rep. Because life is unfair and some of us just straight up dont deserve real authentic happiness. Ppl like me just have to accept their position in life. I dont want to rep, but you realistically cannot look the way I do and expect to be treated and respected like a man. You just fucking cant.

>>42470073
I am 24 by the way, this is almost a decade straight of T. I haven't been off long enough for my body to get any worse. This was more or less my shape before starting, but hips recently got worse and my post-op chest has had steady regrowth since 2023. I was still on T in 2023....It took 3 years before it started growing again. Its genuine body horror

>>42469910
If you know even if you're an adult you should try to make an effort like repression won't alleviate the dysphoria
>>42469920
And i lived 15 years as a boy it was cringe for me too just accept the cringe and try to be happy
>>42470090
I mean you say all that but surely there's a way you can dress or maybe some guy weight gain that can help, and is there not some e suppressant you guys take the breasts regrowing sounds awful.

>>42470073
you just gotta work with what you got, what is it that is appealing about being a man to you? or its opposite, what is it you dislike about being a woman?

>>42470183
>If you know even if you're an adult you should try to make an effort like repression won't alleviate the dysphoria
I know that now, nona. But it's a journey for everyone. Some of us were born too early. When I was 15 I didn't even know the word transgender. Or that any of this is possible.
You don't understand the challenges that come with adult life as amab. And be happy about it! I hope you never have to endure it.

t. >>42443772

>>42469876
because being a tranny is embarrassing. but i ended up secretly taking hrt, but since detransitioned because its not for me

>>42470183
>and is there not some e suppressant you guys take the breasts regrowing sounds awful.
Ftm transition is decades behind mtf. E blockers are practically unheard of among ftms, despite growing evidence that we'd seriously benefit from it. I learned TODAY that gel doesn't surpress E in some doods, for whatever unknown fucking reason. And that reason will never be understood, bc nobody cares. We are decades behind and will remain that way.
>>42470184
>what is it that is appealing about being a man to you? or its opposite, what is it you dislike about being a woman?
Let me put it for you like this: I don't want to be a MAN that looks like a WOMAN and only ever can pass as a WOMAN and be treated as a WOMAN.
I don't know what I like about being a man because I've barely gotten to be one. I've been humored as a trans masculine neverpasser, but I will NEVER experience being treated like a man. Not as long as I live. The closest I get is when I am anonymous online. I want to be treated however a cis woman DOESN'T get treated. Because I have had enough of that shit since the age of 10. I had massive tits at that age btw so...I wasnt treated normally whatsoever. I never have been. I grew up with my mom telling me she's sorry I was born female. It's rough as fuck. If I can't be male then what's the point. I'm female until I die.

>>42470333
so it sounds like you were traumatised from an early age by your body and from your mom. for me it was all the typical boy things, hit puberty and suddenly you have to start competing against the other boys while my body is aggressively growing hair and i collapsed inward. there was this sense of being forced to change into something i want nothing to do with, and its expected of me, and im not even good at faking it.

i only ask because i think its good to understand where all of this comes from. for me, i dont see myself as a woman or a man, im primarily what traumatised me, my life is just going to be an exercise in accepting and being kind to myself, while trying to mitigate the damage that has been done to me by my own body and by society. i wish you luck as well.

>>42470333
>. E blockers are practically unheard of among ftms,
I just assumed my ftm friend in hs had those that seems retarded it's not standard
>>42470271
It is a journey but keep working at it im sure you can make if out of your dark place
>>42470305
I find that hard to believe if you're someone here and dysphoria is bothering you it seems like it'd be something for you and I'm sure you can improve things for yourself

>>42470458
>It is a journey but keep working at it im sure you can make if out of your dark place
Oh I am going to make it out. Not sure I'm going to make it to where I want, though.
But please, keep 1mg of empathy around. Repper hell is a very big place. Making out of it is really hard.