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Apart from the GOTT, here are a few things you can do _today_ to make your life a little better. Keep a diary and write down every success. Some you may do as often as you please, but write down each one individually! You deserve it! Do not feel pressured to do all, but feel free to select one or two!

- prepare 1 load of laundry
- do 1 load of laundry
- read one page of a book or manga you have been putting off
- cook yourself a meal, or try learn to make a simple dish
- eat a meal
- pick up items on the floor for 5 minutes
- make your bed
- if you have a bad habit, try making it more inconvenient (putting things in hard to reach places for example)
- do the dishes for 3 minutes
- write down one thing you are grateful for (from abstract things to something like a cute image you saw)
- Clean up 1m^2 of your floor (~40x40 in)
- Open your window for 10-20 minutes
- try to exercise for 5 min (walk outdoors, walking stairs, whatever you wish)
- take out the trash
- drink a glass of water
- put one item of trash in the bin
- reach out to an online contact
(perhaps even try arrange spontaneously meeting up with an IRL contact near you!)
- BONUS: Repeat a goal to hit a milestone (1 book chapter rather than a page, the laundry pile, the floor of one room, etc)


Unofficial group chats maintained by kind anons of /sig/:
IRC: presently defunct afaik.
Discord: https://discord.gg/pUuXdBjKX2

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For anyone who missed last thread and didn't get any replies the thread before: You can find the old thread archived here: https://archived.moe/lgbt/thread/43093245
I am slow to respond recently but I do make an effort to respond to as many people as I can, even cross thread.

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>>43049096
>Maybe they do, they want the "nice kind of friends" but not the colorful ones
They do, taken to its most extreme it would be cult behavior, even at the best of times it is overbearing.
>(the few last therapist was so understanding)
That is good, on its own. It can be a great supplement on top of other things you clearly need.
>cannot fix what's generally known as "shit life syndrome"
I see, you need more than what a therapist can offer: you need to gtfo. That is a social worker sort of deal, although it strongly depends on the country and I have seen a lot of very useless social workers from several first world countries by now. Still, it sounds like what you describe is a dire need of someone to essentially help bust you out and cut ties with your family.
>"What will you do if you see a boymoder who just generally speaks in /tttt/ lingo?"
Hm, that is very specific, but if you want we could try talk through some things to perhaps
>https://twitter.com/halimedemf
Oh shit, I completely forgot about her! I only heard of her through the /tttt/ grape vine.
>no, I mean psychologist administered therapy like DBT, CBT.
Ahh, thanks for the clarification!
>Sorry, I don't check replies often. I honestly should use a thread watcher
A good idea, yes. The last thread reached bump limit and the new thread fell of the catalog so right now it is tough to keep up with replies either way, I hope you find this.
>>43049852
>i cna talk lime a machine that says just all the right thigns to onvince you that yeah that checks out
Hm, do you still feel this way, Anon?
>>43051700
>I need to see a psychiatrist.
Do you need help planning, on that front?
>>43052532
>can i know if i cant go to a doctor
Important: why can't you go to a doc? Is someone keeping you from it?
>>43054315
>will speedrunning sonic and learning makeup make me happier
Perhaps, what are the things that make you unhappy?

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>>43058984
>Psychiatrist is once again pushing for me to be on a lower dose of medication.
Hm, is a second opinion in the cards for you? Because if the psych keeps suggesting it for no good reason it's concerning, in particular the fact they don't listen to your concerns it seems?
>but it's also nice because people don't do that unless they're sure.
It must be such a confusion place to be in life, but I am happy your efforts are bearing fruit.
>Life fucks you hard and then you get up. Let's all make sure we're standing or trying our best to get up tomorrow!
A beautiful outlook, by the way.
>>43062743
>all i wanted was to make money
>is that too fucking much?
It's 100% not too much to ask, I assume it's about the mess of a job market we're dealing with at the moment?
>>43063590
Hi, Dutchess.
>Rediscovered a thrift shop near my house and found a cute kitty <3.
Awh, that's great news! I'm glad you made a nice discovery on your stroll.
>I plan to gain weight and fix my sleep schedule. The first of which is hard atm because I'm going through dysphoria hell
I can only imagine how though that must be, one thing that may help you is to consider drinking some of your calories, or eating high calorie snacks you can partake in on the side? Of course there's a risk of that becoming a habit but it would help.
>Haven't had a friend since 2023.
Are there old contacts you wish to reconnect with or would you like to start from scratch? Do you have places in mind to look for people? Perhaps hobbies you wanna share with others?
>My anxiety and perfectionism means it took me a long time to actually write this post
Perfectionism is an absolute bitch to deal with, to some extent one thing that helps me stay on track is to set myself time limits for how long I wish a task to take (think a S.M.A.R.T. type approach). I also encourage people to make posts that are stream of consciousness, and let me mop up the things I don't get by asking questions.

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>>43093248
>im gunna try to tell myself to stop killing myself
In which ways do you kill yourself? I assume you mean some self destructive habits?
>>43093510
> Gonna try a few more weeks with these and see how it goes.
Very fair, but def worth keeping an eye on!
>Started yoga in the meantime tho!
I did see your yoga updates and very much appreciated you keeping us posted! Sorry it got downed with the thread yesterday, I have a bit of a dip in activity recently.
>>43095195
>i dont know i ahve lost track of myself over time.
>i need a break
Would you like us to take a step back and talk about your past a bit, the things you used to enjoy, the things you liked about the person you were?
>>43076894
Hi Shinji! It's been a while, I'm glad to see you.
>Many things have happened to me. The hospital and doctors messed up here and there, le
>The work out group has fully adopted me.
Sounds like you gained a circle of friends to support you, that is wonderful news! Sorry to hear about the financial perils though..
>Currently I am in my first real relationship.
>Soft intimacy and stereotypical couple things, like using pet names or saying ‘I love you’, doesn’t come naturally to me.
I am glad you get to experience these things. I get that it is scary, I am glad you push through. I hope you'll come to find it a bit.. liberating, I suppose, as time passes.
>I am “rougher” than my partner, and that scares me. Their wants lean towards the opposite.
If you need some advice from someone with experience being the "soft one", I got you covered. You've gotta trust that you are already enough to begin with, and work from there. You are already doing great trying out tender things. That is perfect for now.
I wish things wouldn't have to be a struggle for so many of us. Thank you for the update, Shinji!
>>43094992
What makes you say that?

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>>43080163
>I need to get back on the wagon with using Right Speech
Hmm, you captialized Right Speech, is it a particular technique?
>>43083853
>Made edamame with some tajin seasoning.
Sounds nice, I had to look up tajin seasoning!
>>43084174
>Sorry garbage posting
No need to be sorry, Anon. You vent your feelings, and it gives me something to pick your brains over.
>Meeting other trans people makes me feel sick too. I’d never be them.
You're closeted, right? Do you feel unsafe to be out where you live, or do you think you'd pass worse than the tranners you met?
>>43095221
>Reminds me of a distant home..
That's an adorable way of putting it, wanna try and expand on that?
>I wish i could figure things out with the people i kinda abandoned.
do you have any means to contact them again?
>Im so self critical and tend to isolate to boot.
It sounds like you might be prone to mind reading, where your head decides what other people think about you without any external validation or feedback. Could that be it? In that case, it might be a good idea to try and seek some degree of reassurance. Not constant, but.. reaching out to people and speaking up about things. And then critically dissecting your internal response, with a bit of help if you wanna.
>no time
hm.. work consuming too much of your schedule sorta deal?
>>43095249
Sounds like a mixture of overworked, dysphoria, and difficulties connecting with people.
>i push people away and i want to be treatted a certain way
>so i force that on people and then i hate myself for others reasons
Can you explain those two bits a little? What kinda way do you wish to be treated, in what ways do you "force it on people"?

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>>43096388
>>I absolutely have to lose weight and fix my diet, it's hard.
What's your current diet like?
>>43097844
Sorry to heat about the breakup but it sounds coming out went well? I don't have super much on the skincare front but it sounds like you are already doing a fair amount, is there something concrete you are unhappy about? On the topic of waxing, I heard people recommend laser.
>>43098306
>about to sit down for yet another evening of writing in my diary! that makes one full week yay
Awesome, Anon!
>>43106111
>>I'm going to be 25. I'm already old and decrepit. I don't have much time left.
Anon, you likely have twice that ahead of you. It is likely a good idea to make sure your weight loss is steady and most importantly lasting. Given your high weight your initial weight loss will likely be rapid even with a moderate deficit.
>>43106212
>Problem being is that I'm a retarded repper.
>I've been starting to cry again now that it's moving closer, but I can't feel anything when I do it unlike back when I was on e.
In general repping makes you numb to your emotions, as far as I know. I have no good solution for this but would like to know why you we

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>>43107583
Looking for apartments sucks, Navy, I know your pain.
The hair transplant part is really upsetting though.
>my brain's in a really bad place, but I can't see a psych because if I actually get diagnosed with anything, it messes with the rest of my life.
This is such a deeply upsetting thing to think about, really. People simply should not have access to one's records of that nature, not by default. I think your best options really are in that case to cling to other people for dear life, but you need emotional outlets.. I wish I had anything more concrete.
>>43056555
>I had a virtual appointment with my financial advisor today, and that went well.
Oh, that is great news, panty!
>I’m actually beginning to plan the rest of my life.
Slowly but surely getting there too, a few more months of bs left..
>>43104443
I'm glad you survived, Anon. It sounds like you are doing your best in the face of your struggles, and I hope you know you have people rooting for you here!
>>43108770
>I wanna be more
>i wanna learn something knew
>a creative talent to develop
A lot of it will be trial and error, but if you remember things you enjoyed in the past, that is a good initial indicator. Also, remember that even things you enjoy can lose their luster if you feel like you have nobody to share them with. Seeking out people with similar interests can be a major boon there.
>>43112192
>yeah, they dragged me even when I used to life far away because of i became unemployed.
I assume in your current situation you feel very alone with this, because THAT borders on illegal. Besides considering restraining orders (which I have no idea whether they would help), I suppose the most important step would then be to secure any kind of support to keep the assholes as bay. Depending on the country there are places dedicated to this kinda stuff, centers you can contact regarding not just physical violence but also abuse like this.

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>>43112339
Oh I see, it really sucks when things depend on funds, like laser. As for the skinny, if you want we could try work on that, but maybe it's besides the bigger point you are making.
>Not really. Everything is through school and I don't have my own place.
A good start would be to establish some contact outside of school, a chat or anything. A cafe or anything of that sort can work if you wouldn't have privacy inviting people home, since moving is probs a future concern atm.
>People are usually pretty interesting.
A good outlook, I think in that case it is more a matter of when/where to have people open up, then.
>You sound incredibly caring and kind.
Sweet of you to say, I think it is a matter of what people find exhausting/energizing, so in a way it helps that it comes comparably easy to me.
>I just feel I'm not the best at transferring this enthusiasm to the other person without it becoming me blabbering on about nonsense. Maybe I'm just not around the right people?
It can be a mix of both, absolutely! Some people aren't particularly receptive on that front, that's when the skill issue is on their end, so to say. It can help to try and probe them for what excites them about their things and try approaching them from that side, but it does take some flexibility on their end no matter what.
>"So what? You're annoying. Nobody wants to be around that."
I think the important thing to remember is: how often do you REALLY think about someone else this way, and spend ANY time at all with them, willingly? It would be kind of mean to think of someone else this way and string them along, so you could retort to yourself "isn't it mean to think someone else quietly thinks so poorly of me?"
(1/2)

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>>43112339
(2/2)
>You get it. Thank god somebody gets it!
>everyone else is just a fucking charisma magnet compared to me, anon.
I'm glad I make you feel understood, Anon. I do know that feeling to a reasonable extent, myself. Perhaps you too get overwhelmed when having to address a lot of people at once? I have no stage frights and can speak in front of crowds no problem, I do very well with people one on one, but 5-6 people in an active conversation fries me. You have your own set of things that overwhelm you easily I am sure. I need you to know you aren't broken for those, and you can make friends and form meaningful relationships within those limitations. You are not at all alone in your struggle, and as you learn to set your stage you will make the difficult things easier, with time.
>I played with my dog today, went for a walk in the woods, and I went to a bookstore. Not bad.
Sounds like a lovely time, all around!
>>43075115
>>43098836
>>43108335
Heya, bunon. I'm catching up with the thread right now as you can tell, so let's get crackin'.
>I couldn't work at the gas station, supermarket, the coffee shop or the sandwich place.
I wish these kinds of things weren't so terribly opaque to me. You could really use intel from employed Aussies, in particular from within the region you looked for jobs in.
>I can explain more later but he's been all over the place at times, which makes it hard for me to tell whether I can truly trust him or not.
Given your circumstances that is normal, take your time.
>That's nice to hear, we appreciate it all the same.
Thank you..
>>43112362
>i have lost 17 lbs
Excellent progress, Anon!

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>>43113227
>I should have gotten a femboy when I was still attractive myself. There's no point now
There is, Anon. Neither you nor the femboys your age that feel the same deserve to die alone, don't you think?
>>43113292
>>43113311
>ok so my main goal right now might sound silly, its to be a better friend,
not silly at all in my book!
>trip planned for next year and im going to spend as much time as i can improving our relationship in between now and then
That sounds absolutely lovely, Anon.
>so i want to keep it simple this spring with attainable goals and hopefully go from there. one day at a time
A good call by the way, do tell me if you need any input!
>>43113581
>im going to be a 25 year old khhv this year
Tell me about your surroundings, are you very isolated from people?
>>43114825
>I've been a smoker since I was 18 and now I'm 28
>I genuinely don't know what else to do keep myself chill
There's a lot of common things people get out of smoking, it sounds like the thing you need is grounding. First of all, cigs are a breathing exercise, that part (getting up, going out, breathing consciously) is easily emulated. It won't make nic withdrawal suck less though, so the initial hump is there.

>>43137481
>>43127261
yoga has been great! i think the biggest thing helping recovery is stretching pre and post run. ankle is feeling better every day after the run rather than worse, so i must be doing something right! today is a rest day, but i did yoga this morning and it's pretty good. a few days ago was core day and im still feelin' it but in a good way. avoiding the gym because im not trying to overload myself, but once i finish this c25k thing i think im gonna start going back alongside the running. big goal is maybe a half marathon by end of the year, realistic goal being at least a 10k? we'll see!

also sig anon you're a legend for actually engaging with people and helping them out, appreciate you and what you're trying to do for people

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>>43117497
>I'm finding it hard to do "wants" even when I have downtime
Hm, what kind of wants do you think of, what usually gets in the way, internally?
>>43113585
>I still look uncanny. Why didn't HRT do for me what it did for others?
It doesn't help that we tend to overlook changes that happen gradually, so since you see yourself every day it can be super hard to gauge even without dysphoria hell.
>I've endured a lot over the past few years, but I'm not sure if I can pull myself through that.
I am glad you seem to have friends around so that you don't have to endure it all alone at least, but perhaps you could use more support, too?
>>43120320
>I'm just not good enough.
Given everything I said, don't you think there is a different conclusion you could draw?
>I am being more open with some of my family and close friends.
>I am trying to be stronger while trying to get support at times.
So, so important. I am glad you're doing it!
>>43120362
>I just run away and I hate myself for it. Excuses. Fuck my retard life and voice.
You are scared of pushback, I assume? Do you feel unsafe to stand up for yourself?
>>43120803
>I’ve never heard of a quiche without cheese in it
Oh, I just forgot to mention the cheese!
>German equivalent of mac and cheese uses a mustard-based sauce.
Huh.. really gotta ponder this, sounds like a kind of "Nudelauflauf", but I can't put my finger on it.
>And I did read 2 graphic novels this month, although I wish I had read a couple more. The challenge is in building that habit of reading regularly. Any advice about that is welcome.
Oh! Lemme think, where do you usually read, at what time of day? What do you do instead that you'd like to do less often?

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>>43124575
>my left arm is just fucked and i was even clean for so long
I am so, so sorry to hear, Anon. But I need you to understand that, even if you got hurt, the fact that you stayed clean for so long is not undone right now. You will manage to again, even longer. You must be scared and distraught. I would urge you to have your arm checked by a doc if you can help it.
>i really hate those places and i wish i could cry for help but no one will come
What kind of place are you in that caused this? We're here to listen, and perhaps help.
>>43137538
>ankle is feeling better every day after the run rather than worse, so i must be doing something right!
Absolutely, that's wonderful news! I am glad you are keeping a sustainable pace, too. You're doing wonderfully.
>>43137586
Thank you so much for your kind words, Anon.. It's a labor of love but I do admit it's a bit rough sometimes, spent like 3-4hours knocking out replies today. Of course I know my limits, I will take a break for today and I have 3-4 posts to go to catch up with last thread so it will be fine, but you people make me feel appreciated for it all. I just am so tardy with responses recently, it's a shame.
>>43125577
>i imagine it's hard enough to find someone decent when you have A problem you can zero in on and not some gordian knot of bullshit.
Hm, I mean, if people could cleanly articulate all their issues then they would have a much easier time solving them. I do think that that is just part of the job to deal with.
>>43127307
>i could but i feel weird bringing it up.
I know those inhibitions but people will probably cheer you on in person too! Just consider it. Glad to hear journaling is going well for you to boot, and of course all the best on the career front!

pg7

RIP Caine Digital Circus

Let's see how long it takes to clean and dust my room

started tracking calories again after falling off the wagon around christmas time, also started going to the gym again

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>>43139748
RIP indeed.

I'm gonna miss that poor, twisted soul.

>>43139899
Done
Also dinner is started

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>>43137625
That’s on me for assuming you couldn’t have just forgotten to mention the cheese in your quiche.

I was thinking of mushroom spätzle/spaetzle. There’s a cartoon on YouTube called “Literally Hitler,” about a regular family inviting over a new neighbor who somehow turns out to be Hitler. He brings over mushroom spätzle, and says that “some people call it German mac and cheese.” The way it’s described is meant to make it seem weird and gross, so I guess they played up the fact that it can be made with a mustard sauce, and not the fact that such a sauce would also contain cream and butter. Apparently pasta in a mustard based sauce is most commonly served with bratwurst.

>Where do you usually read, at what time of day? What do you do instead that you'd like to do less often?

I read on the loveseat in my bedroom. Best place to do it since I mounted a little reading light on the wall over my shoulder. Usually I read in the evenings. I’m going to try making a goal of reading for like 30 minutes every evening. Even that would put a dent in my reading list, and it’ll probably make reading more than that easier.

>>43139748
>>43140186
At least we got that GOAT song, and his voice actor seemed to be hinting he might show up in flashbacks in the final episode. And I felt like this was a good point for Caine to leave the story. It seemed pretty clear that even if Caine could tell the players anything they wanted to know, he wasn’t going to, so he needed to be taken off the board for a proper resolution to be possible.

I was thinking it would have been nice if TADC had a bunch of filler episodes, like if it had been made for a cable network. But I respect the intent of every episode advancing the plot, and 9 episodes is a realistic workload for (what at least started as) a small indie production.

>>43137467
>They do, taken to its most extreme it would be cult behavior, even at the best of times it is overbearing.
If I were to make friends, I will only be allowed to make friends in social settings that's allowed (Religious institutions, or work)
>It can be a great supplement on top of other things you clearly need.
They will freak out if they know I am seeking psychiatrist
>Still, it sounds like what you describe is a dire need of someone to essentially help bust you out and cut ties with your family.
I am tired of trying. I almost whored myself out of some chasers, and trannies that take compassion to me generally cannot help as well.
>Ahh, thanks for the clarification!
Yeah I am afraid that those kinda thing cannot be administered remotely.
>Hm, that is very specific, but if you want we could try talk through some things to perhaps
Are you willing?
>I assume in your current situation you feel very alone with this, because THAT borders on illegal. Besides considering restraining orders (which I have no idea whether they would help), I suppose the most important step would then be to secure any kind of support to keep the assholes as bay. Depending on the country there are places dedicated to this kinda stuff, centers you can contact regarding not just physical violence but also abuse like this.
I don't know where to seek respite, I am not rich enough to seek help or to defeat them. DV courts are annoying because in the end it becomes "I said" and "They said" without much recourse nor progress.

I am kept being amazed at hoe you kept talking to us nobodies for free. I am echoing this person's sentiment. >>43137586

I shouldn't have taken Ritalin yesterday afternoon. I pulled an accidental all-nighter. Welp, almost time to take some more Ritalin

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I haven't earnestly posted here since I dropped out of uni yet again. I've made progress on the mental health front. My bajillion psychiatric diagnoses got undone, and I got diagnosed with ADHD instead. This is the first diagnosis that feels correct, apart from depression. I'm still coming to terms with the fact that I probably got wrongfully involuntarily committed and (mis)treated for schizophrenia. Feels kinda unreal.

Reminds me, I recently stumbled across Dr. Gabor Matè. He's a physician and writer with some really interesting ideas regarding mental health and society in general. I thought I'd share two of his videos with y'all that were pretty eye-opening for me:

https://youtu.be/DvUoBswzsTo
https://youtu.be/krZmYALUqhM

>>43137537
>There is, Anon. Neither you nor the femboys your age that feel the same deserve to die alone, don't you think?
I guess my age is just a dumb excuse that I use. One part of me really wants a boyfriend, but I'm genuinely so insecure about my body... and also I'm scared of messing it up again. I keep hurting people by breaking up for no reason, thus leading them on...

>>43137586
He really is a sweetheart...

>>43137625
>Hm, what kind of wants do you think of, what usually gets in the way, internally?
Various artistic things
I have to make a whole thing out of getting conditions right so it takes at least a day to prepare and then hope nothing by chance gets in the way to make me feel like not doing anything
And more complicated skilled stuff like drawing and music production feels like a total pipe dream at this point

>>43143153
Have you heard the good news of our Lord and Savior "Atomic Habits" by James Clear

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>page 8
Travel day today, don't think there will be much from me today.

>>43054315
>will speedrunning sonic and learning makeup make me happier

Yes!

Bigen is dead on the catalog and I'm tired from work daily, long work days remind me that I haven't been in a relationship since 2013 and a majority of people on there have had something.
I wish I was less jealous of people. Does anyone have a good way to avoid those thoughts?

I need more water.

>>43143164
no

>>43137538
ran today, and did yoga. ive been feeling so good since starting my cardio bunny arc. gonna start rationing out my zyns. im only allowed to buy zyns on Fridays after a run. I wanna start cutting back as best i can. 4 zyns a day with 2 days of 5 a day (or one 6 day!) and ill have enuf for the week if i only buy 2 packs at a time. switched to zyns to quit vaping and ive been really happy with my lungs being better but id like to quit nic altogether eventually.

>>43145716
ye

no fucking way it happened again. it's 3 for 3 now. OVER A SPAN OF 4 FUCKING MONTHS WHAT THE FUCK?
>be me
>meet a cute girl. we get along really well.
>she's trying to get over someone and i am the only one actually looking for something
>cycle repeats
it's joever i'm done with trying to date, i'm adopting a cat and treat it like my child. fuck this. cat dad life it is i guess. in other news cigs taste so good! i need to cut down on smoking for my baby cat.

*paws at you* stop dying
*paws at you* stop dying
*paws at you* stop dying
*paws at you* stop dying

>>43147958
>she's trying to get over someone and i am the only one actually looking for something
jesus

>>43149690
istg i've been a loser all my life!? i don't know why or how i'm getting some attention from women now. idk how to navigate through stuff like this.

>>43149681
this

I am going to take a better look at my life this weekend.

I've been considering my circumstances, my 'career' and my past a lot.
In order to move forward, I need to take ownership of my own mistakes and failures too.

I need to stop dreading this kind of thinking, it's healthy and normal but it's not always pleasant.

I should change, it is part of life.
I can change and I want to.

Happy Easter, everyone!

>>43143164
I need to read that some day.

i will read more
i will get a girlfriend
i will lose weight
i will journal more
i love you all

Good night

>>43137467
Doing my occasional passby to say that you're the GOAT nonny

>>43154264
Julie is the perfect cross between a blow up sex doll and a scare crow

>>43154264
nice hair

>>43152643
'tanks and good on you :3

>>43154264
its really hard but its kind of a mindset shift you have to have. i struggle still but its been helpful for my mental to do this. basically: you have to start accepting that what people say is what they mean. it can have the unintended consequence of you won't not meeting the needs/wants of people who aren't straightforward with what they want ("no that's fine im okay if with go with option y" when they would highly prefer option x and hate option y for example) but it makes life so much simpler. if you stop looking for snakey people then they stop appearing.

when people are shitty behind your back or two-faced, the nice thing is that they have then shown you who they are and you don't have to deal with them because you are accepting them for what they are and changing how you interact with them accordingly.

best of luck

>>43146311
nother day nother yoga hype

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Spending Easter with family, I hope you all know how much I appreciate your patience.

>>43158258
It's all good, take care and have a good time.

Depression is setting in again despite my best efforts. I see my new psychiatrist on Monday so it will be a good time to reassess my meds. I like what I'm on but clearly something needs to change. I'm tired, friends.

That said, the grind continues. Here are my goals for the week:

- Do enough chores on Sunday to keep my apartment from turning into a disaster
- Get out of bed on time and go to bed on time to help me fend off the depression
- Work a full 40 hours this week, I can't afford to take time off
- Keep my journal entries up to date each day
- Try to do one nice thing for myself daily

Lighter than my usual week, back to the basics until I feel better.

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>>43137529
>Heya, bunon. I'm catching up with the thread right now as you can tell, so let's get crackin'
Thank you for the effort and dedication.

>I wish these kinds of things weren't so terribly opaque to me
It's okay, it's a pretty specific blindapot to myself I need to address.
>You could really use intel from employed Aussies, in particular from within the region you looked for jobs in
I will be doing that this following week.

I will be doing more online networking, job applications and trying to ask a few favors of people. I'll ask on some forums too.
It's all I can do at this stage but it will help.

>Given your circumstances that is normal, take your time
Thank you.
I am learning to keep my emotional state hinged on my own peace of mind for now until I can divulge more.

>>43159676
that's so me

meow meow meow meow
pls don't die mreaow

>>43161892
Okay

>>43161899
can i have headpats?

>>43161906
bump (*pats your head*)

>>43161892
woof illtrynotto woof

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I'm like an incel except instead of not being able to get laid I can't get a job.

>>43162973
violent excel extremist

I can't just live while watching other people live their lives and me Vicariously living through them, everything feels so unreachable and so far away >>43142176

>>43162973
Me too, Anon.
Me too.

>>43160384
its so me babe

pg8

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If your parents were born before the '80s, they likely don't deserve your love.

>>43166745
Why not?

>>43166745
my dad was born in 68 and he is the best person on the planet.

>>43137625
>So, so important. I am glad you're doing it!
It's difficult but I am trying.

Thank you for helping with making the rights steps possible, so I can do this to begin with.

i love you all silly bloops <3

Good night

>>43164416
We should partner up and be broke as a joint venture.

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Alright, time to post some stuff I have been working on and off throughout the weekend.
>>43125365
>This is the main reason I really, really want to pursue the legal route.
>My gamete donors have irrevocably ruined the life of people that know me
I would seek out legal protection, 100%. Shelters, people specializing in abuse, especially within the family. These systems can be awfully inefficient but since your parents are clearly psychotic.
>"you're making it up".
That sounds like massive gas lighting, who exactly tells you these things, the parents?
>I want to run away again
Very reasonable, this is a very open and shut case which needs intervention.
>evidence to bring it to the court, will I have a satisfying win?
>If I won't get a satisfying win, where should I even redirect all the effort that would have gone there?
The biggest win is to evict them from your life by any means necessary. None of this should even go to court since they should not hold any legal power over you once you are of age.
>>43126195
>I am very sorry to hear that, Siganon.
Sounds like there's a misunderstanding, why sorry? Oh! You meant whether my parental figures were the same way as your family! No, not at all. Her mother was extremely difficult.
Sorry, I meant that I inherited my mindset from my mom because SHE grew up under difficult circumstances.
>I will try to take it to heart.
Please do, bunon.
>>43128137
>I’ve said some really mean things about my friends here
I haven't seen anything vitriolic here recently, but it sounds like you were lashing out at people because you yourself were unwell?
These things happen, even if they aren't pretty. They are raw, human, and they don't define you.
>>43128396
>Am I only 'bi' in a kinda abstract way or am I just picky?
Sounds like you are just picky, really. This kinda stuff is a spectrum, and sometimes it can also be a matter of just common features of people around you not registering as attractive. That can happen to straights too, after all.

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>>43128977
>me being as old as I am, is majorly at fault for the issues our family has to face.
Well, how old are you? 20something?
>I was supposed to be making money and supporting myself, and then my family.
I've stopped counting the times I have heard families pressuring their children to go "GO MAKE MONEY RIGHT NOW" with zero regard for return of investment or long term career perspectives. You know what happens in the cases where they get what they want? The child is forced into low-bar-low-ceiling jobs, often sacrificing any long term goals or qualifications and wasting opportunities for short term, dogshit pay. It is the kind of mindset that makes these people prefer working for 10 bucks an hour from age 16 rather than 30 an hour from age 30. It is insanity.
...I digress.
>That might just be the best way to handle things for now.
Trust.
>I can't give up.
Rooting for you, bun!
>>43130613
>I KEEP GETTING HURT ON THE INTERNET
What's up, Anon?
>>43139899
>>43140301
Awesome, Anon! What did you end up having?
>>43140155
Nice, how do you go about tracking? I liked keeping my own spread sheets but that is something most would find tedious.

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>>43141648
>I was thinking of mushroom spätzle/spaetzle.
Ohh, spätzle is fucking amazing in general, käsespätzle is a very nice way to reheat leftover ones btw because they form a massive, stuck together blob when cold. The cheese settles into the cracks and lets you salvage them.
>There’s a cartoon on YouTube called “Literally Hitler,”
That had me kek audibly
>The way it’s described is meant to make it seem weird and gross
What a wild concept this is to me. Like, I'm not from the south so spätzle is to me is not a regional thing, but I could not imagine a less exotic kinda meal? The idea of someone trying to paint it as outrageous tickles me somehow.
I would really love to make them myself sometime, just can't be bothered while living alone. LDR times will be over come 2027.
>Usually I read in the evenings. I’m going to try making a goal of reading for like 30 minutes every evening.
Yep, ritualize it. Make it part of a routine.
>At least we got that GOAT song
That we have, I really enjoy TADC overall and share the sentiment of yours. It's gonna wrap up a small, tasty morsel in my book.. no matter if it sticks the landing. And by god it was insane to see the comparison shots of pomni looking in the mirror, the production quality wen through the roof.

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>>43142176
>(Religious institutions, or work)
That ... IS cult behavior, textbook even. Picrel. Which ties back into GTFO as soon as humanly possible and cutting all ties, something I have recently recommended an alarming number of times.
>Yeah I am afraid that those kinda thing cannot be administered remotely.
Not easily and not without having a place where you are unbothered at the very least.
>Are you willing?
I wouldn't mention it otherwise right? Treat me like a bio-/tttt/ranslator, it's fine. Sorry if I am slow to respond, however.
>I am tired of trying.
Exhausting you is, unfortunately, in their own selfish interest, I understand.
>trannies that take compassion to me generally cannot help as well.
>I don't know where to seek respite, I am not rich enough to seek help or to defeat them.
>DV courts are annoying because in the end it becomes "I said" and "They said"
Since self defense by surprise arsenic dinner is unfortunately not a good option, what immediately comes to mind are women's shelters, LGBT helplines, things of that sort. They might not feel responsible but can likely be gently pressured into helping you research and get in touch with someone that is. You might even find support groups especially dedicated to busting people out of religious nutcase families, depending on where you live. As what your friends can do to help: does your family hold anything legal over you? If not, then the question is what you mean by they can't help. What you need is, essentially, a couch, a locked door, and time and money for a restraining order. Perhaps I am naive, so it would pay to talk to pros on that front.
>I am kept being amazed at hoe you kept talking to us nobodies for free.
I am happy to do what little I can!
>>43142561
>I pulled an accidental all-nighter. Welp, almost time to take some more Ritalin
Ah goodness, how has it been going since?

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>>43143059
Welcome back, Anon! Happy to hear things are moving forward!
>bajillion psychiatric diagnoses got undone, and I got diagnosed with ADHD instead.
I am so happy for you, and it's no wonder it feels unreal, these things shouldn't have happened to begin with. It's great you finally got a proper diagnosis that actually helps, the way it should be.
Thank you for sharing the videos, by the way, I put them in my queue for things to consider for the resources!
>One part of me really wants a boyfriend, but I'm genuinely so insecure about my body...
One thing that will help you cope is that what you find attractive about yourself is of no concern to a prospective partner. I see this a lot in the romantically inexperienced. Put humorously, the whole point of courtship is not fucking yourself. Less humorously, you don't have to be your own type, and you will learn to appreciate aspects of you through others if you take their perspectives to heart. Some partners will love things about you you never liked.
>I keep hurting people by breaking up for no reason
Well, the best way to strike at the root of this fear is to first of all take a good, hard look at what you mean by "no reason". Because what you try to articulate is not that it is a whim that just fucks people over, or divine intervention, but probably something you feel is about you and you alone, and divorced from any "actual, valid reason" to break up. Let's explore those feelings that make you do it, and from there try to figure out how to prevent it from happening.
>He really is a sweetheart...
Awh, thank you!
>>43143164
I never realized that I mention the author in my resources and link to their web page but never put his book in the resources.. Hm, perhaps I should change that.

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>>43143153
>I have to make a whole thing out of getting conditions right so it takes at least a day to prepare
>and then hope nothing by chance gets in the way to make me feel like not doing anything
The keyword of the most use to you in this case is "friction". In the language of user interface design it is also called "interaction cost", how many clicks/button presses/small actions does it take to accomplish a task? More is worse, usually. Can you tell me more about what conditions need to be right for it? Is it a space issue, that is to say you have no dedicated place to pursue these things so you have to put things away to navigate your home? Is there another reason? The thing we should look into is to streamline this process so that you can hop on/off these things with greater ease.
>>43144963
>I wish I was less jealous of people. Does anyone have a good way to avoid those thoughts?
In your case it sounds like the jealousy is mostly a matter of unmet needs you feel unable to meet. Chances are it would get a lot easier if you didn't feel stuck in your circumstances. I get that dating can suck, but before I give any advice I would like you hear what you did to try and find people, what did and didn't work. Because I am sure you have your reasons, and I don't wanna make suggestions you feel you already exhausted in terms of potential.
>>43147958
>>43150675
This kinda thing fucking sucks. One thing I would suggest is to look for friends first and foremost, hang out with people. The ones that only seek to get their crevices moisturized will check out on their own because they can't handle having to engage with you in a way that isn't instant gratification. Mind you this is not me telling you to keep on dating, more just like, seek out open ended relationships that are diametrically opposed to people like that and are fulfilling on their own.
>>43151792
Happy Easter, bunon!

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Enough for now, happy Easter, everyone!

Anyone really superficial with men? There are men who are nice to me but I don't give a shit about them, but let the masc ones with good dicks who treat me badly and hurt me use my body again and again.

And the ones who treat me well and are my type always just pump and dump.

>>43173518
You sound like the majority of (gay) men. Completely uninterested in an actual relationship, just fucking around forever. That's why I personally steer away from your ilk.
Where do you think this behavior is coming from?

>>43173597
I'm a gay man on estrogen yeah...

I was in a monogamous relationship for years but it didn't work out because we couldn't move together.

I think I'm just empty and shallow. I only fall on love with men who are out of my league. I have no friends.

bump

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I had a really long and depressing vent typed out, but all I'll say, is take the time to care for yourself today, especially if things are rough.

And don't do the easiest thing that comes to mind. If you wanna buy takeout (even if you know you can't afford it) think about what you can do with the food at home. You'd be surprised about how many things you forget are in your fridge or pantry.

We must all love ourselves, even when it is hard.

>>43175358
pg8

What things do you look forward to in life?

For me, having something to look forward to is the only thing that keeps me from killing myself. Most of the time the thing that I look forward to is my next meal. But I'm a fat fuck and I need to lose weight, and constantly thinking about food is really bad for that.

What else can I replace this with?

>>43177412
sucking good dick, getting nutted in, compliments and affection of men, feeling love, drugs, death

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>>43173303
>I am so happy for you, and it's no wonder it feels unreal, these things shouldn't have happened to begin with
Thanks anon.
Yeah, well, worse things have happened to better people. It was a long time ago now. I think I can actually start trusting my psychiatrist now.
>It's great you finally got a proper diagnosis that actually helps, the way it should be.
Yeah. The medication helps a lot already. The impulsivity is gone. No more hyperfocus/being absent-minded all the time. The only issue that a lot of emotions are coming up right now. I feel like my life is now beginning in ernest, but I don't know myself at all. It's like I was in a haze all my life. And I'm already twenty-eight...
>Thank you for sharing the videos, by the way, I put them in my queue for things to consider for the resources!
Sure thing. The second one is probably way too long to be useful for many. I've also ordered Dr. Matè's book, which might be a good resource too. I'll let you know once I've read it.
>One thing that will help you cope is that what you find attractive about yourself is of no concern to a prospective partner. I see this a lot in the romantically inexperienced. Put humorously, the whole point of courtship is not fucking yourself.
Hah! That's a good way to put it. It's probably a good thing to keep in mind. I guess I didn't like the idea of someone touching me when I was younger/skinnier either. IDK. Maybe some people are meant to be alone, and I think that's okay.

1/2

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>>43173303
>>43177735
2/2

>Less humorously, you don't have to be your own type, and you will learn to appreciate aspects of you through others if you take their perspectives to heart. Some partners will love things about you you never liked.
I guess I've never looked at it that way. I think I'm just kinda of a difficult & complicated person in many ways. Relationships seem risky. Maybe someday...
>a good, hard look at what you mean by "no reason"
Much of it comes down to ADHD again. Get fixated on one person -> mingle for a while -> find new fixation quickly -> move on.
>Let's explore those feelings that make you do it, and from there try to figure out how to prevent it from happening.
I think I do it because in my heart of hearts, I don't really know if I even want a relationship. I always felt like I would have to give up some part of myself to accommodate another person. I could realistically only date someone from the internet & outside of Germany at this point, a normalfriend is out of the question. The brainrot must be compatible.
Maybe someday... I have other issues right now.

>>43177510
I don't want to die, drugs haven't been pleasant for me, and I don't have those other things

>>43177890
>I don't want to die
Not that anon, but why? Do you not crave the sleep release of eternal sleep?

>>43173305
>look for friends first and foremost
i'll give this a try ty <3
hopefully things get better because life has been getting bleh and my usual group of friends are all about to move away because life.

back is killing me

abandoning yet an other friend now that they found they friend group and are happier without me
i glad i was tired of carrying every conversation
i know i can never be part of groups no matter what so its best to leave them than invade their space right?
anyway
goodnight

>felt sick earlier, probably from a combination of having a headache, missing some sleep last night, and not having eaten anything
>took a nap and finally felt better
>started making food
>something stressful suddenly pops up and i lose all appetite right before I was about to eat
aaghghghhhhhhuuuuuhhhhhhh

>>43172573
Like Bonny and Cylde?

>>43173286
>Well, how old are you? 20something?
I am 25 years old right now.

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hi anons, so…
I’m smart enough to get a scholarship in a great university, but I can’t bother so I dropped out
I’m attractive enough to even have girls approach me, but I can’t bother getting out of the house, nor setting up an instagram to meet people online, so I’m almost a decade kissless and sexless
I’m connected enough to be offered nice enough jobs and talented enough to keep them, but I can’t bother so I just work on a minimum wage bs job where I can be on my phone/laptop all day
I have enough savings to do almost anything I want, but I can’t bother so I still live with my parents and only ever leave my room for basic necessities
I’ve been a NEET since I dropped out, and pretty much forever really, as my life has always been 98% home>school/uni/work>home, I only got the job because it was that or be kicked out
Eventually I considered using my money to pay for euthanasia, but I concluded if I was going to do that, might as well do something else first, as I wouldn’t have to live with the consequences
Eventually I decided to start fem hrt, idk and desu idc about the identity stuff, but I’m a few months in and I’m doing quite great
I couldn’t bother taking care of myself before, but now I always do, I even enjoy washing my body in the shower, that never happened before, it was always a chore
Now the problem is, since like the first day on hrt, I feel like I won at life, I don’t feel like I need anything anymore, and I really feel like I can die happily now, it’s like I’m self-actualized
So I’m in this limbo where I kinda enjoy life, but more than ever I can’t seem to bother with anything, I want more, but I can’t bother to do anything more, it’s harder than ever
Like, for the most part everything is fun and easy, but anything more seems impossible
It never bothered me so much that I can have pretty much anything I want if I only go there get it, but I don’t
Idk what to do, any help/criticism appreciated

>>43179830
Ate a kiwi whole and that re-activated my appetite and now I'm eating a huge plate of rice and beans

>>43173286
>Trust
I will trust the process for now.
>Rooting for you, bun!
I appreciate that a ton, Siganon.
I believe in you as well.

how to stop being an fatty

I wasted my life, like legitimately.

>>43157209
>>43137735
running yoga anon here, it's been good! Been doing yoga every day and running basically every other day. feels sustainable and doable. today i ran a mile and a half which is more than i've ran continually in many years. c25k going well!

nightmares

Good night

Not a single person in this household has ever uttered the words "I want a pet", and yet there are 3 animals in this house because of other people's lack of responsibility. I don't even like dogs.

>>43183938
guh, canines and felines are the worst, they live quite long lives

>>43184096
And it's always canines and felines. I don't want to wish them dead, but I often catch myself thinking that life is gonna be much easier when they die.

Prob a cope anyways, since one of them is only like 2 or 3 years old, and by the time that one dies I'll prob have to be taking care of my mom or something :/

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>>43137409
we got a very cool gym channel with lots of awesome healthy nice people who'll help you be the best version of yourself!!!!

https://discord.gg/gejUmDBzMG

>>43184563
> discord
really? fuck I hate normies

>>43177412
I guess it depends on what you mean by "look forward". There's things I wanna do in life but idk how realistic they are

I'd like to have a job, and enough money to be self-sufficient, and buy a nice big house where I can bring in all my internet friends...

Less ambitious, I guess Im looking forwards to finishing college and hopefully having at least a job.

>>43180524
Doesn't it feel bad to know that you "can" do something you want to do, but don't? Why do you want to die without doing the things you want to do first?

>>43185244
> Doesn't it feel bad to know that you "can" do something you want to do, but don't?
…yeah? That’s what I was trying to convey, if I failed to do so
> Why do you want to die without doing the things you want to do first?
I don’t want to die, never did. I only considered it because I didn’t have a reason to keep going, so I just saw it as a less inconvenient option. After starting hrt, I see no reason to choose that option no more
I just want to do the things I can and want, but don’t. I bought computer parts to build a new one, but they’re gathering dust for weeks, and I just don’t build it. I have been using my old slow laptop and phone since I sold the desktop, even though it just takes an hour for me to get it up and running
Idk what’s wrong with me. When do the psychological changes from the hormones start? I feel mostly the same, just functioning fairly better, but that’s all
Idk what to do if the hormones don’t help me more, I’m three months in

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>>43185974
>I just want to do the things I can and want, but don’t. I bought computer parts to build a new one, but they’re gathering dust for weeks, and I just don’t build it. I have been using my old slow laptop and phone since I sold the desktop, even though it just takes an hour for me to get it up and running

I am kind of the same, I didn't used to be so bad about it, but the last few years I've stopped doing anything, even the things I can do. Not entirely sure why...

>When do the psychological changes from the hormones start? I feel mostly the same, just functioning fairly better, but that’s all

For me they peaked maybe a year in, then stayed pretty high for a few years, after the pandemic I never recovered.

>>43186213
> For me they peaked maybe a year in, then stayed pretty high for a few years, after the pandemic I never recovered.
Wdym by never recovered? The changes didn’t reverse, right?

>>43186379
They sorta did, but I guess a lot of stuff happened in my life in the meantime so I can't expect HRT to magically cure all ails.

>>43186458
Even though you levels were fine? Never heard of that, anything I can do to not let the same happen? Sorry I guess ydk but maybe someone else does

>>43186600
We're talking about psychological changes only right? Because the physical changes didn't reverse [spoiler]At least until a couple of years ago when I stopped being able to afford HRT and thus stopped taking it[/spoiler]

>>43186629
> We're talking about psychological changes only right?
Yes that’s what I’m most concerned about
> spoiler
I’m so sorry :(
Hope you can if you still want to

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Stuck at 67.5kg ish for a week now, think I need to be stricter with the calories, but 1300kcal a day just isn't manageable for me, and I'm not sure it'll make much difference with my bone structure where it is.
I got stuck looking after all the engineering in the factory by myself for 12 hours on Monday, and was dealing with consecutive machine failures on machines I had little to no familiarity with, didn't take a break and ended up staying 2 hours into the next shift to help the NB coworker (only person I'm out to at work) get one of the machines back to running because they'd also been left by themselves for 12 hours.
Went for a slow walk today, just like 5-6km (I was playing Pokémon desu), and I hate that I find myself envious of other people who just get to live with bodies they're comfortable with and who didn't lose their teenage years to dysphoria, depression, poor self-care, etc. I don't want to have that envy or sadness seeing other people get to live their lives, and I hate feeling so disconnected from everyone else.
>>43137512
>People simply should not have access to one's records of that nature, not by default
I think the problem is in the context of why someone would look at mine; it's totally understandable why they have access to such records. I just wish people could see past the MH issues, or at least identify that I have mine relatively managed at this point.
>Looking for apartments sucks
It's getting to the point where I'm seriously considering renting somewhere on nearly the other side of the UK and just sleeping at work while on shift (it's 4 on 4 off anyway) because the rent is expensive near my work and all the housing is super mediocre. I mostly like my job, but I don't want to spend half my income on a place I hate. It almost feels like the wheels of capitalism are eating my 20s as much as not being transitioned fully is.
>>43177412
I don't really look forward; I just refuse to die.

I want to transition and finally be happy but I can't hurt my family.
I want to be better and stop self pitying but I can't do it and also be safe.

>>43177960
>Do you not crave the sleep release of eternal sleep
Death isn't sleep; it's just nothingness, and just because you stop doesn't mean the pain does. Death would not fix my body; it would not undo the fact that I have, at least for the last decade, pretty much only been seen as a guy; it would instead lock that perception forever into history - I would only be remembered as this thing and nothing else. It would be nice if there were an easy way out, to pass into subconscious oblivion forever and retreat entirely into your own mind, but it's not possible.
>>43181654
calorie counting + exercise (the first is more important than the second). That and patience and time, unless you engage in radical action to burn more calories exercising (like running 10km a day or something).
It's half just putting one foot in front of the other and slogging through, and half intense exertion and a willingness to tolerate that for extended periods.

>>43186812
Remember that your family should not feel hurt over you doing something that's perfectly fine and healthy for you.

And, also, they really don't have to know until you're ready to tell'em.

>>43187442
I'm on hrt already... I saved a bunch for ffs though and I can't go through with it because just imagining my dad's face when he finds out what his only son did.
I know I need to live for myself but putting that into practice when I know I will end up homeless and alone, it's too much for me...

Holy crap it is warm here.

>>43187540
Well, I'm glad you've still taken steps to improve your own life anon!

>I know I need to live for myself but putting that into practice when I know I will end up homeless and alone, it's too much for me...

Iktf. But geez, ffs while still boymodding, that's crazy. I wouldn't advice getting face surgery in secret, I would say that it's something you should first move out to do, or bite the bullet and come out, but I know how hard either of those options are, and how bad the second one especially can go.
Still, a few trannies I know whose parents weren't super accepting still didn't cut them off completely...

>>43187624
That means that you're...Hot!

I wish I was like, 20-30cm shorter...

>>43186700
Well I'm not an expert on the subject, I generally think of the "psychological effects" of HRT being that you feel a lot happier, less depressed. That generally translates into being more motivated to do things, but Idk if it's general.

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>>43173292
>What a wild concept this is to me
>The idea of someone trying to paint it as outrageous tickles me somehow.
People can make a big deal out of all kinds of trivial cultural differences. Pineapple on pizza, poutine, whether a hot dog is a sandwich, etc.

As for the cartoon, the fact that the kids whose mom is hosting Hitler are almost as horrified by the pasta with mustard sauce as their guest explicitly threatening to kill them is arguably a joke in its own right.

I’m on a 2 day streak reading, today will be 3. I bought a small yoga ball to try some new exercises, and stocked up on a bunch of shelf stable staples like peanut butter, canned coconut milk, and toothpaste. I also vacuumed the house over the weekend.

>>43166745
My mom is a Boomer but I believe she deserves my love. Nobody’s been in my corner for as long, nobody’s done as much for me. There are things I wish she had done differently in the past, but she’s doing what she can to make up for that and still showing up for me now. I admire her humility. I believe anything I do for her is effort well spent.

I’m not telling you what to think about the Boomers in your life, just thought I’d offer my two cents.

>>43188315
That’s how it’s going for me, but it seems to have worked mostly for the things I need to do, I still don’t do most of the ones I want, even if I can easily
Idk if I was ever really depressed, but while before I could wonder, since I started the hormones I’m really sure I’m certainly not

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I might be having a bit of an anxiety attack due to being without HRT for so long.

How do I become a multi-billionaire, beautiful, world famous and smart?

>>43166745
kys

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>>43189780
I think a great place to start would be to think about why you want those things, and get specific about what they mean to you.

“Multi-billionaire” is a fairly concrete objective, since anyone who has a net worth of more than $2 billion qualifies. But it might help you to think more specifically on why you want to become a multi-billionaire to make sure getting rich gets you want you want from it.

And “beautiful,” “world famous” and “smart” are all rather subjective. What does beautiful mean to you? Who else do you want to think of you as beautiful?

“World famous,” there are lots of different kinds of fame. Any given musician, athlete or politician can each be known by millions of people and still unknown to others. And plenty of famous people have struggled with what they were famous for. Like how Lil Wayne, who is still regarded as one of the greatest rappers of his era, tried to release a rock album when he could barely play guitar.

“Smart” is another subjective one — many different kinds of intelligence, people to impress, benchmarks of recognition. And still other barriers; being beautiful tends to distract from intelligence. Plenty of film and TV stars have college degrees but what they know is trivia compared to their looks. Figure out for yourself how you want to be seen as smart.

There’s nothing wrong with dreaming big. It’s healthier than ignoring our own desires and assuming they’re so unrealistic that they’re pointless to pursue. We’re far more likely to wind up better off if we believe it’s worth trying to improve our situations.

Giving more thought to why you want something is even more important when you have a big goal. Plenty of people have made historic accomplishments not realizing until after the fact that what they got wasn’t what they really wanted.

So respect your crazy dreams, but be sure you really want what you’re looking for.

>>43137625
>Given everything I said, don't you think there is a different conclusion you could draw?
After some soul searching, I've concluded that I need to change my approach to life, if I want to see results and avoid unneeded baggage weighing me down.

I can't shy away from my mistakes but I can't demoralize myself either.
I need to be more pragmatic and focused on the process of doing things.

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>>43173305
>Happy Easter, bunon!
Happy Easter indeed!

I hope you had a wonderful time :3

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>>43190223
Multi-billionaire means a) money will no longer be an issue for me and b) I will have actual power to change things.

Beautiful means pic related. Literally the picture that made me realize I was trans.

World famous means I won't be invisible and will be relevant in the past, present and future.

Smart means absolute knowledge.

>>43166745
I too right now am tired of dealing with fucking boomers and their inability to understand the concept of consent and the fact they can't be talked about absolutely anything.

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>>43137481
Hello siganon! Hope things have been well on your end while I was gone. Feels like there's an awful lot going on in the world these days.
>Sounds like you gained a circle of friends
Yes! I'm incredibly lucky, finding new friends as an adult. still have my old friends, but having friends who are locals makes it easier to meet up and chill with no prior planning. Being a part of a group that meets up regularly feels great.
>If you need some advice from someone with experience being the "soft one", I got you covered.
Thank you. I appreciate it.
So far I have openly discussed it with my partner on multiple occasions. They are about as vanilla as it comes, which is cute in it's own way. It does scare me though.
I don't want to hurt them, but I fear accidentally changing myself too much in the process of avoiding that.
Being seen as 'cute' by my partner is equally scary. The 'role' of being 'cute' scares me. I'm afraid of the limitations it can bring.
I don't know how I'm going to do with being stuck in one sexual role either. I am ... Not the type of person who sticks to being a top or a bottom. I'd wish I wasn't a hypersexual and hyper experimental cptsd ridden mess but... There's just no denying it.

Tomorrow I will turn my life around, lose weight, get back on hrt, move out, and finally date someone at the young age of 25

Karma/God are so real it's unbelievable. You do something inmoral and you're immediately punished.

Every time I think I've found a good core workout I look into it more later and read that actually every exercise is useless whoops

>>43191857
yes but it works the opposite way
the more evil you are the better things get for you
I love being evil

Next week I'm going in for my first clinic visit. They'll be measuring my hormones, however that's done, and I assume scheduling me for bloodwork and such before I'm prescribed anything? I assume we sit down and talk about all the different types of HRT medication and methods, and all the details about what that entails, risks, etc. I've already come out at work, so thankfully that much works, though family was not at all okay with it; I'm considering renting out a 24 Hour Storage and using it as a walk-in closet so I can go there to change into and out of clothing and makeup, and use my Planet Fitness membership to use their shower as necessary. I still also don't know how to feel about which restroom I should use and whether I should use a wig in the meantime as my hair grows out (because it isn't a quality I'm happy with yet for how I wish to present). I don't really have a support system of friends, so I'll have to stumble through figuring out clothing sizes and makeup better. I also don't know if I should start with my laser hair removal or wait until a time after I've taken the hormones and see how that works out (since I've an abundance). But I'm finally getting a start on my life it feels, thankfully. It feels immensely overwhelming and there's a lot of details I feel like will have to learn. Also things like figuring out where and how I can have my gametes frozen, finding support groups, etc.

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>>43137409
Hey Siganon, I haven't been to this board in like 6 or so months since getting FFS, but I just wanted to give an update. I was a bpd anon from 8 months ago
I just wanted to say thank you for your help and taking time for it. The thing I remember helping most was you telling me that I could take the traits i admire/look up to in others and instill them in myself. I think this really helped me kind of shift gears and learn self love and putting myself first before trying to love anyone else.
I also went back to therapy and started doing sensory deprivation as well, and both have helped me a lot. Sensory deprivation lets me think and reflect on my past when it's normally too hard/too scary for me when I try otherwise. Therapy has also helped a lot with newly built self awareness
Anyways I just wanted to stop by real quick to say thank you and I appreciate it

>>43194168
MTA but based, proud of you.

>>43191835
IKTF anon similar situation
I believe in you though, if you can overcome your fears and challenges then you can certainly find love too.

pg7
i need a gf

>>43191857
fr?

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Maomao poster here.

I tried to sleep but I haven’t been able to. I think I’ve gotten better in some ways, but I’m on antipsychotics for a reason. Some days it feels like there’s no way my life ends except suicide. I had a tough conversation with my psych where we had to address the fact that I still have a plan in place. She said if I want to drive, I need to stop staring at the rear view mirror, which I thought was a funny analogy.

I don’t see a future where I pass. But I have to believe it. I have to believe that eventually all this voice training and makeup and fashion is going to pay off. I’m not gonna make it without FFS, which is such a nothingburger because so many other trans women are in that position too. I know it’s selfish, but I wish I was one of the lucky few who could pass without it.

I’ve gotten good at holding in the stuff that scares people away, but here and there they get a glimpse, and I don’t think anyone has really been prepared for it. I keep thinking to myself, is this the best life gets? Pretending I’m not clinically insane to make friends? Hiding all my worst parts so people don’t talk shit about me? Presenting the most inauthentic, artificially confident version of myself because it’s the only version people are receptive to? I have a good life. I have a home. I get to eat whatever food I want. I can read any book in the world. But, I’m so painfully unsatisfied.

The only reason I haven’t done myself in yet is because Maomao says suicide is stupid. So I keep hoping that one day I pass, and that all this feigned confidence suddenly becomes real. I want someone to see the real me, and instead of acting like I’m a time bomb or someone they have to warn others about, they give me a hug and invite me out to a movie or something to cheer me up.

The same things always come back to make me miserable. I just hope trauma has a fucking expiration date. I think that’s all any of us can hope for.

>>43196377
>>The same things always come back to make me miserable. I just hope trauma has a fucking expiration date. I think that’s all any of us can hope for.
it gets easier.. so, so much easier. It's a struggle but yes it does.

twink feet are based

>>43197780
Good for you dude.

>>43173281
>Sounds like there's a misunderstanding, why sorry?
>Oh! You meant whether my parental figures were the same way as your family! No, not at all. Her mother was extremely difficult
I see. I'm sorry to hear about her mother, it's very tiring to deal with.

>Sorry, I meant that I inherited my mindset from my mom because SHE grew up under difficult circumstances
Okay, I understand better now.
Thank you for valrifying. It sounds like a good mindset to inherit.

>>43181759
yoga and running today, was a chill run and a chill yoga sesh. yoga feels like it's starting to click for me finally in a way it hasnt before.

>>43193389
I would not dare try it.

>>43196306
At least I am idk, maybe it's just cuz I'm the main character

>>43173297
sorry siganon, I don't even know how to answer this, it will take some more days

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Hi /sig/, Panty here. 4th consecutive day of reading my graphic novel hoard. I cooked some pineapple curry today, and got some new fidget toys. These are called Stimmy Sticks, they’re made by a shop called Picky Party. They’re spiky cylinders that you can squeeze in your hand or roll over your skin. It’s supposed to be a safe way of pain-based stimming/ an alternative to picking or scratching at your skin that can’t cause injury. I love them. If what I’m describing sounds good to you, get one.

I started exercising with a yoga ball yesterday. I put the yoga ball on a chair, sit on it with my feet on the floor and move in different ways. One move is literally just bouncing on it (pun intended), that amused me.

im so sorry i deserve it but im so sorry

Too tired to follow up right now.

I will reply to the remaining posts I missed AND I will try to give a short update on things in my life.
I've failed a lot, I am always tired but never get enough sleep.
I'm just fed up with myself really.

It's been a mess but I'll deal with it.

I hope you all are doing okay.

i just wanna say to whoever needs to hear it

its okay to be lonely for long periods of time
its okay to not know what you wanna do
its okay to not have friends or many experiences
its okay to have no money

as long as you can eat and have a place to live you're doing fine, you just have to show up, find one person who wants to hang out and go see them, one step at a time.

so many ppl are just like you you just dont know it

>>43190223
The problem is that beautiful, world famous and smart are not subjective to me. Beautiful is something very particular whether we want to admit it or not. Smart is one thing. World famous is on thing. Those things have very hardset definitions, but we as a species for reasons I will never understand want to make EVERYTHING subjective even when it doesn't serve us.

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>>43202055
Everybody here who dedicates time to read other anons is a treasure. Don't call yourself a failure. You should give yourself room to rest, and get your things together, and talk to others about what's going on if you need to.

Preworkout suddenly started making me tired instead of energized so I guess I'll quit it for a week and see if that resets it

>>43137409
I'm afraid of joining a lot of trans/4chan discords on my main account because I'm worried about it coming back and being bad for me because I eventually want to get bigger on YouTube, so I've always had this anxiety about how I post. I doubt my YouTube would ever get really big though. So what I've done is use an alt account to post in some of those servers, but then I always feel like I'm being a fake me. I know I should probably not give a fuck and just be myself but I can't.

Also I recently had a bad break up with someone that made me realise I hate being dependent on people and I need to become more independent instead and actually do something with my life. So I've been trying to get work harder than before and have been taking steps to move out of where I live.

Thank you for reading my rambling.

I think I'm genuinely doing well enough psychologically at this point that I would like to start dating again. I just don't have the fucking time, lol. Maybe I'll make plans to go to an in-person meetup or two just to get used to it again.

>>43203670
>I'm afraid of joining a lot of trans/4chan discords on my main account because I'm worried about it coming back and being bad for me
I hear that sister.

i hate myself

>>43191835
well yesterday didn't go well and today is already a wash, but tomorrow will be better for sure

>>43173286
>I've stopped counting the times I have heard families pressuring their children to go "GO MAKE MONEY RIGHT NOW" with zero regard for return of investment or long term career perspectives
To be fair, I just didn't apply myself enough for survival in the corporate world or even blue-collar world.
I should've done more with my full-time studies, somehow.
I didn't know how to get an internship or experience so my career has been a series of scrambled attempts to get ahead.

It's not really their fault things are this bad for me, I failed in many ways but at the same time the world is a giant mess now anyway. Also, my country sucks and so on (I won't ramble on about it for everyone's sake).

>You know what happens in the cases where they get what they want? The child is forced into low-bar-low-ceiling jobs, often sacrificing any long term goals or qualifications and wasting opportunities for short term, dogshit pay
That is very true, I am afraid to say it.

>It is the kind of mindset that makes these people prefer working for 10 bucks an hour from age 16 rather than 30 an hour from age 30. It is insanity
I can't deny this either.
It's usually out of desperation but I won't deny it happens out of spite too.

>...I digress
Thank you for laying out this information.

I just want to make enough money to survive for now.
I don't care about my skills or qualifications being validated anymore.

I don't do anything with a sense of pride, it has to be done at the best possible outcome so that I can succeed financially.

>>43203603
>Everybody here who dedicates time to read other anons is a treasure. Don't call yourself a failure
Thank you for that, I'll try.

>You should give yourself room to rest, and get your things together, and talk to others about what's going on if you need to
I will do so, I have to take care of some things today then I'll stop by again for a short update.

pgpgpgpg8

>>43208947
Yeah sorry, I'll be faster.

>>43209799
you are doing great Anon, sometimes I bump at pg10

>>43158546
Checking in, failed at even this. Honestly just trying to hang in there until my new medication (hopefully) starts working.

i have 3 exams due on the 14th and i havent started at all i feel so lost and clueless

Does xanax withdrawals make you angry?

>>43137735
>I know those inhibitions but people will probably cheer you on in person too! Just consider it. Glad to hear journaling is going well for you to boot, and of course all the best on the career front!
ty as always ^-^ i think i'll try bringing it up sometime.
time to lock in and vanish for a bit and hopefully be back with some progress!
as always love you all <3 sending hugs and kisses ⊂((・▽・))⊃

>>43210567
make 3 checklists of all important topics
start with covering a couple topics each and branch off. you still got a couple days, lock in you got this anon <3

I guess I do nothing with my life. Thanks for nothing.

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>>43137521
Bit of a late response here, been busy this week. More headaches at school with the projects I'm doing and even more gross negligence. I'm almost to the finish line though; there is some light at the end of the tunnel. Still I feel like I don't know what to do with my time, ever. I spent spring break outside the house going to places with no particular plans. While I somewhat enjoyed it, I wish I had friends to see. My brain requires so much novelty and I hate it.
>depend on funds, like laser
Lots of little things like that in my life. This week I did send my resume to my friend who forwarded it to his boss. Hopefully something comes of that. Might also be an opportunity to move out as he's pretty far away and remote work is not a possibility with his company.
>and spend ANY time at all with them, willingly?
Never. I just avoid them. So, I guess you're right.
>Perhaps you too get overwhelmed when having to address a lot of people at once?
There are times when that happens. Especially when a conversation just bounces around in directions that are not as fun for me. On the other hand, there have been groups where numbers make a conversation sprightly and it's easy to let loose. I struggle in one on one settings too though, I find myself to be a bit more apologetic and awkward. Honestly, I'm just really gauche. I've always had the reputation of being an eccentric among family.

>>43203649
Yeah okay it didn't happen today and I abstained from taking it so I guess it was that

Update?:
>No job/freelance gig
>No money
>Mom's bf is a tool
>Always fatiqued and tired
>No idea how to move forward, even obsessing over making money doesn't give me a clear path

At least I'm getting better sleep.

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Out and about, more posts to come later! But I will start with 2.
>>43152643
Rooting for you, Anon! All the best.
>>43153873
Thank you Anon, doing my darndest to keep this show running for as long as I can!
Returning from vacation today, feeling refreshed.
>>43154264
>How do you believe someone that they see you as attractive,
>Then, how do you stop hating yourself and pygmalion-effect yourself?
The answer to both of these boil down to a very important insight: We are creatures of habit, you will not drop your feelings from a rational argument, there isn't any one epiphany that can rid you of these feelings or make you accept these feelings. It requires dwelling on, repeated exposure. Ask people what they appreciate about you, and remember you don't have to be your own type (see >>43173303). As for hating yourself, I have recently started writing an introductory writeup on this subject and would love to hear your thoughts: https://rentry.co/8ap5gt4p
>>43157209
Hell yeah, Anon!

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These coulda fit in one character limit wise were it not for the reply limit
>>43158546
>>43210492
>Honestly just trying to hang in there until my new medication (hopefully) starts working.
Heya, lain. Sorry to hear you struggled through this week, but you made it out alive, and I hope the new meds will help you! Wanna tell me what chores in particular need doing?
>>43159676
All ears, Anon(s).
>>43159931
Excellent! I know it is a tough, uncertain spot to be in, especially with the instability of your (former) home country.
>>43162973
The job market is an absolute clown show Anon, I feel you. What are you looking for? I assume anything at all, which makes it even more rough.

i want mommy

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>>43175494
>>43196377
Heya scratch,
>take the time to care for yourself today, especially if things are rough.
Yes, it is important BECAUSE it is difficult, in this case.
>You'd be surprised about how many things you forget are in your fridge or pantry.
It's also good to plan ahead and have meals to make when you are low energy.
You made some beautiful points there. The way I like to put it is that getting out of a pit sometimes requires us to "do things we don't want for reasons we can't believe in".
>I’ve gotten good at holding in the stuff that scares people away
>I want someone to see the real me
If you are okay with other people listening in here, tell me about your sharp bits and scary aspects. Speak your truth, even the ugly kind. Especially the ugly kind. You are scared of people being scared off. I can try help you how to soften blows and look at the things about yourself you deem unsavory with a more detached view.
>I just hope trauma has a fucking expiration date.
It can be made to expire, and you are working towards it, yes. You are making progress, and I believe in you making it.
>>43177412
>What things do you look forward to in life?
>What else can I replace this with?
Several things, one: goals. You wanna lose weight, that means you will soon look forward to progress if we set you up a sustainable meal plan. Next, we should explore interests that you have/had, hobbies, things that you enjoyed in the past, things that mentally stimulate you. Also, tell me a bit about your circumstances. Social environment, living conditions, etc.
>>43178831
>back is killing me
Office work or something of the sort, do you sit a lot and get little exercise?

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>>43177735
>>43177770
I'm always, ALWAYS happy to be there. I love being there for people here.
>I think I can actually start trusting my psychiatrist now.
Wonderful news!
>The only issue that a lot of emotions are coming up right now.
Yes, it can get quite bad sometimes, the effect is well known and documented. If you wanna have a googleable term, it's called backdraft, named so after a phenomenon known from firefighting: when a still smoldering room is opened during a house fire, the massive boost of oxygen can cause flammable gases to all spontaneously ignite. You basically reached a point in life where you are safe enough to process everything.
>I've also ordered Dr. Matè's book, which might be a good resource too. I'll let you know once I've read it.
Thank you so much! And as for video length, I do get it, it was also what prevented me from watching yet. Still, I put it in my queue for "under review", heh..
I will need to work on the markdown files sometime soon, a lot of to do's open..
>I guess I didn't like the idea of someone touching me when I was younger/skinnier either
I mean, boundaries are fine! It's just maybe worth exploring why you are uncomfy with it, and it might be that you can overcome the discomfort.
It is something I have my fair share of experience with myself, I made romantic partners more comfortable with their bodies with careful, considerate salami tactics.
>Relationships seem risky. Maybe someday...
>I have other issues right now.
It is okay that it is not a high priority. But I would really love to talk about what makes you "complicated". Helping people explore their inhibitions and gently nudging them outside of their comfort zone is one of the many hats I wear in this general.
(1/2)

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Time for another break.
>>43177735
>>43177770
(2/2)
>Get fixated on one person -> mingle for a while -> find new fixation quickly -> move on.
That makes sense, but it means that as you overcome the ADHD related struggles maintaining relationships will be a whole lot easier for you, as your core issue is then one of energy. So the weak link is habituation essentially.
>I always felt like I would have to give up some part of myself to accommodate another person.
A common worry, and not unfounded. It strongly depends on the relationship. I could tell you from my own experiences on the subject if you are interested but I wouldn't mind pivoting away from the subject entirely. We can talk about anything else.
>a normalfriend is out of the question. The brainrot must be compatible.
I know that feeling, of course my loved ones know of my project here, for example. I don't think I could explain what I do here to a normalfren.
>Germany
Du wärst überrascht wie viele von uns es da so gibt~
>>43179579
>i glad i was tired of carrying every conversation
>i know i can never be part of groups no matter what so its best to leave them than invade their space right?
You must feel like an alien, an outcast, right now. It's a shame when people sandbag in a conversation.
Are there things you would have wished they engaged with more, specifically, or all around?
>>43179830
>started making food
>something stressful suddenly pops up and i lose all appetite right before I was about to eat
This kind of shit is infuriating, I'm sorry to hear. I can tell you are trying hard, and I wanna praise you for keeping on keeping on in spite of the struggle. Is it okay to ask what kinda stressful thing it was? Roomates, family members?
>>43180257
>I am 25 years old right now.
See, that's damn young. Remember, I am past 30 and still not settled into my first stable job. Of course that's academia for you but still.

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Remember to drink water, everyone. Especially all you anons dieting. I haven't kept my water intake up recently and noticed myself snacking. This is because your brain often misfires and tells you to eat when you are low on fluids. When you feel peckish, and there's a chance you haven't had enough water, DRINK.

Maybe I should give up and become an alcoholic for real.

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One post I forgot to post earlier
>>43163790
What is it you would like to do with your life, Anon?
>>43163018
WHEEZE
>>43173518
>>43173620
>Anyone really superficial with men?
You say that you're shallow, but it might be a good idea to look into that a little more. Instead of focusing too much on the people you currently end up with, maybe we should divorce what you want from what you manage to get from your current approaches. You would like someone
>with a nice cock and masc features
>that treats you well
>assertive, perhaps?
and I assume what you want from that relationship is
>a meaningful connection
>good sex
One thing that will GENERALLY do you well in your partner search is to work on this by the way:
>I have no friends.
Since you wanna get away from fuckheads you will likely do a whole lot better making people work for their gratification. As you make friends you will 1) have people to sanity check your dating choices and 2) have a pool of people whose goal never was to get in your pants to begin with but who you are already emotionally intimate with.
>>43178207
>i'll give this a try ty <3
It's a "long con" sorta deal, if you will. I know legbutt dating sucks but I assure you, these problems are quite universal. It can be very discouraging to know a lot of people that don't struggle with it but think of it this way: most people you know, statistically, will have more friends than you, because those who form a lot of relationships are connected to a lot more people. It's funny like that.
>my usual group of friends are all about to move away because life.
It is rough, I know that feeling. Definitely try to keep in touch through online stuff. It will help, and as you grow older (and ideally have more time and disposable income) you will get to see each other more again.

>>43216610
I think someone is talking about here >>43218420 you siganon, might be someone else in here though if I'm full of shit sorry lol

As soon as I'm a fully functioning person, I'm gonna book a flight and fuck every single attractive hooker in SEA. ETA: two or three months

i dont even wanna be loved anymore

Fucking nothing has gone well for me in the past 2 years.

>>43219981
Me too, babe.

>>43215296
>Heya, lain. Sorry to hear you struggled through this week, but you made it out alive, and I hope the new meds will help you! Wanna tell me what chores in particular need doing?
All of them, honestly. My apartment is turning into a depression nest. I've done the bare minimum for it to not be actually nasty but it's still a mess. I might just have someone come clean it for me. Can't really afford it but I could put it on my credit card.

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>>43137409
have you ever seen someone going through the five stages of grief backwards because of their parents? :)

>>43221178
The five stages of grief are a made up factoid

>>43221178
painfully real

pg7
my body hurts

has anyone here has success using hinge over grindr meeting other trans people? am i better off just wandering around? im in the pnw.

>>43215296
>Excellent! I know it is a tough, uncertain spot to be in,
Thank you.
I will keep on trying.

>especially with the instability of your (former) home country
It's even more paramount at this stage.

She literally described having sex with a man who wasn't me. I honestly hate feeling anything for E (I won't write the creature's full name, out of respect for her). She literally came back after years, talking as if the absence hadn't hurt, and as if she had the right to.

My parents literally think she's a slut, and honestly, she kind of is. She literally came to my house with her boyfriend (now ex). She's just using me as an emotional crutch. She's older, and seems to know how to hurt me. I spent years wanting something real, only for her to deceive me. This hurts like hell. The signs were all there, but I ignored them and continue to ignore them.

It's a cycle: she comes back, I talk, I stop, she stops, she comes back, and we talk. I'm not angry that she's emotionally surpassed me or anything like that, but the cynicism. She only comes back when her life is a mess.

Can I have one fucking day without bullshit happening jesus christ

Good night

>>43215296
Glad to see you around again anon.

>The job market is an absolute clown show Anon,

Yep, but honestly that helps me sleep at night a bit easier, because I've been struggling with this for like 10 years at this point, at least I'm not alone!

>What are you looking for? I assume anything at all, which makes it even more rough.

Pretty much.

Also, I'm stealing that pic to be my desktop backround.

>>43223891
what's up?

i repped my whole life until last year. i started hrt 3 months ago, but i am 24 and i feel old, stupid and im so lonely. idk if ill ever like myself but im really trying.
sorry im a retard.

>>43223417
Sounds like you're a Trusty Old Cumrag™. Tough place to be!

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>>43226350
Sometimes learning and growing as a person means regretting the choices you made in the past. There are plenty of people older than you who are still repping, and I’m glad you aren’t one of them.

Gotta do more job applications this week, like a LOT more.

>>43216448
>See, that's damn young
It don't feel very young.
I feel like I missed the boat and need to play a lot of catch up, considering my limited career and references.

Doesn't neuroplasticity get harder to train at this age? I don't know, maybe I'm just looking for excuses.

>Remember, I am past 30 and still not settled into my first stable job.
>Of course that's academia for you but still
I understand, I hope things look up for you soon.
Academia sucks these days.

>>43226350
I'm glad you're finally going trough with it anon. It's a great first step, you'll have to learn to dress well, and take care of yourself and do makeup and other stuff too, but I'm sure you'll get there.

what good is self improvement when i'll never pass and i'm fundamentally unworthy of love? i'm a disgusting troonsbian and that's all i'll ever be

>>43230606
I bet none of that is true. Nobody is undeserving of love, so I know that's not true.

>>43230824
clearly you've never met me before because it's 200% true

chickpeas really lowered my appetite, but too bad they are bland

>>43230606
I struggled with that question for a time as well — “Is it even worth it to start?”

But the flipside of that question is: Do you think there is honor in neglecting and depriving yourself? If you’re beyond redemption, is there any use in being unkind to yourself? Self-improvement is about making the best of your circumstances, whatever they are. There’s no point at which that effort is wasted.

>>43231233
I think they’re pretty tasty rinsed, tossed in oil, seasoned and oven roasted.

And they’re great in curry too.

>>43231088
Alright, convince me, what would make you undeserving of love?

>>43231906
the sheer fact that i exist as a human being. it is embedded into me and has always been there since my dad nutted in my mom. there's nothing i can do to change it or rid myself of it.

>>43231233
hol up. if i get a chick to pee on me, it'll reduce my appetite?

>>43231962
Sounds like you're just putting yourself down for no reason, and I'm sure you realize this, you couldn't possibly put those words out and not know it.

>>43232205
It's not no reason if it's the truth. nothing wrong with being honest about myself.

>>43232620
There's no such thing as what you're describing nonny...People are deserving of love by default, and you're no different!

>>43232632
citation needed

>>43232807
Well, it's a moral position. But I can see no possible reason for why a person who has done nothing wrong would be inherently unworthy of love.

>>43227692
>>43230517
thank u frens. i do feel hopeful now sometimes, which is new lol, but other times my mood is so low.

at least i have some savings to use for stuff cuz i waited so long to do literally anything in my sorry life.

im going to start getting my facial hair lasered off very soon, i think that will make me feel a lot better about myself.

and ill learn how to do makeup. soon...

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Hi /sig/! I want to declare that I’ve been reading something from my graphic novel hoard every day for 8 days in a row, and finished reading three books in that time.

I realize this is not the most challenging literature I could be reading, I’m just thinking about this as a task I meant to do that was faster and easier to get done when I consistently made time for it.

>>43220527
Managed to do a few chores today. Did a load of laundry and dishes and gathered up the trash to take out in the morning.

I need to be better, please let me get better.

>>43233748
im proud of you

>>43233711
Good job! I should do the same...I've been trying to get through Usagi Yojimbo for years, and one of my friends is really mad at me that it has taken me so long.

Good night

I am >>43200902 going to answer >>43173297
>Which ties back into GTFO as soon as humanly possible and cutting all ties
not easy but apparently they seem to be tired to be "tending to their children" because they're old. maybe if I have enough income I probably be let of the hook.
>not without having a place where you are unbothered at the very least.
I hope so within the current week.
>>Are you willing?
>I wouldn't mention it otherwise right? Treat me like a bio-/tttt/ranslator, it's fine. Sorry if I am slow to respond, however.
Maybe I will gather some time to type shit out.
>Since self defense by surprise arsenic dinner is unfortunately not a good option, what immediately comes to mind are women's shelters, LGBT helplines, things of that sort. They might not feel responsible but can likely be gently pressured into helping you research and get in touch with someone that is. You might even find support groups especially dedicated to busting people out of religious nutcase families, depending on where you live. As what your friends can do to help: does your family hold anything legal over you? If not, then the question is what you mean by they can't help. What you need is, essentially, a couch, a locked door, and time and money for a restraining order. Perhaps I am naive, so it would pay to talk to pros on that front.
Doesn't exist in South East Asia and I don't live in thailand, which means one of the countries with heavy religious influence on daily life
>I am happy to do what little I can!
Thanks even though it took me a lot of time to reply.

Does anybody here know if it's worth taking E if I can't afford blockers? Or if monotherapy with injections really works? I'm coming up on 2 years since the last time I was able to consistently afford HRT and I can't keep going like this.

I'd ask in the HRT thread but nobody ever replies to me there.

>>43235447
yeah, monotherapy is a thing, due to the body's gonad basically stopping to produce if there's enough sex hormones around,and thankfully it doesn't seem to care WHICH sex hormones it is around (HPG axis)
caution if you take testosterone because excess testosterone get converted into estrogen.

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>>43235465
Uuugh, well, that's good to know, tho I don't like injections, and the cheap E injections we can get are veterinary grade E, for cows or horses or whatever, my gf has been doing that for a couple of months, but it's so humiliating (and unsafe feeling) to inject drugs for animals. But otherwise I can only afford maybe 2-4mg a day of E pills

I want to put a bomb in my president's house.

Forgot that I pretty much just hit 12 months consistently on HRT, and I am uh... Still manmoding, I turn 25 in like 3 months and I'm getting a little desperate honestly.
>>43235447
Yes.
Most people I know monotherapy EEn.
>>43230606
Manmoder4manmoder, that's where I'm at, I don't mind when someone doesn't pass because just knowing they're on E is enough. At least outside of bihetshittery. That said, I struggle with the idea of being in a relationship with how I look.
But we improve with the hopes of finding ourselves eventually worthy, it's not like there's a better alternative, perhaps at least earning a belief that we deserve some comfort is still a worthwhile goal

>>43235560
>Forgot that I pretty much just hit 12 months consistently on HRT, and I am uh... Still manmoding, I turn 25 in like 3 months

I started in 2018 (tho as you can see, have had large gaps), I turned 29 last month. Still manmodding. Just how life is for some...

>Most people I know monotherapy EEn.

It seems to be the preferred method for DIY Yank trannies these days, as opposed to the oral blocker + E of back in the day. Not entirely sure when that switch happened...Is it even possible to monotherapy with oral estrogen?

>>43235594
>I started in 2018 (tho as you can see, have had large gaps), I turned 29 last month
Are you me? 2019 and this year less than 3 years until 30.

i want huggies

I think most of my issues will go poof if the people who constantly torments me immediately go poof and I can inherit.

>>43237523
i feel the same way sometimes

>>43218318
i do genuinely believe the current group i have will stick by, we're gonna stay in touch online and plan to meetup. we're all in cs and yk how the industry goes, it's all concentrated in a couple cities across the country. so we do kinda have a decently chance of being around, which i'm happy about ^-^
and as for the other strat i do have a lot of time on hand and ngl it does sound good, worst case i get a friend best case we end up dating sounds good tbhdesu :D

>>43237082
virtual hugs for you (づ｡◕‿‿◕｡)づ

I think we could all use a cupcake.

>>43236714
>Are you me?
Maybe I am...Tho I wouldn't mind being 2 years younger or more.

>>43233711
Day 9 of reading through my graphic novel hoard. Also, I made Zuppa Toscana. Kale, white beans, thin sliced potatoes, spicy Italian sausage. Next time I cook, I’m making breakfast burritos.

>>43235171
>Good job!
Thanks!

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>>43242887
Dropped my pic

>>43226786
I'm a sigma, alpha I swear! Being nice doesn't make you a beta! :(

Making a slight change this week.
It should work out for me positively.

I'm trying to get out of my depressive funk and go to more consults
Do people like Qassemyar is he worth it

>>43239642
Thank you for the huggies >w<

Getting back into mile runs

Good night

>>43229515
tests for neuroplasticity stopped because they kept finding new limits to the "rule", our brains never stop growing. Yes it's way easier for a child to integrate new knowledge, but adults have way higher capacity to contextualize new information despite needing to work harder to hold onto it. the real big thing children do better are long term things like language acquisition, and I'm not totally sure that's because of some essential feature of childhood. They have all damn day nonny, they just have more time to practice than people who need to take care of themself, the comparison doesn't work.

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>missed my shot at being a femboy
How do I cope with this? I see young & attractive guys in the personal ads and they seem to get so much attention. I'm seething with jealousy. I still would have had the looks for it 5 years ago, but I did not have the convenience/was too repressed. I only ever sexted with guys and I'm filled with regret.

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>>43246634
Oh god
I see it all now
I see the life I was supposed to live
"The candle that burns the brightest burns the shortest"
I know exactly what kind of person I would have been if my neurodivergence had been caught earlier
Now it's over
The rest of my life will be a haunted existence ("Geisterexistenz")

>>43246634
>>43246769
Just like for trannies, you can still look femenine at older ages, it's not all about youth. I get calling yourself a fem"boy" at 23 or whatever baby age you are feels bad but when you're 30 you're not gonna feel as embarrassed about it.

>>43246811
That doesn't matter now, Anon. I have failed to realize my fate.

>>43246815
Nothing stopping you from taking back the lost time nonny.

>>43246816
I could try to live a crippled version of my fate. It wouldn't matter. Nothing I have done in the last 7 years, and nothing I will do in the future matters. I might live comfortably, I might live miserably... I have failed to realize my True Will.

>"Do what thou wilt shall be the whole of the Law"

Someday you will understand.

>>43246844
I feel the same, I failed to realized my Raison because of external events, those that of not my own fault. I feel robbed of my own future, and not even courts will settle justice for that.

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>>43246918
Sorry anon...

still having issues quitting porn despite knowing how bad it is for me and for the world
I don't know how to fix it, willpower alone isn't cutting it and having to be careful 24/7 is hell

>>43246092
good day

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Sorry Anon, quick 'n dirty reply only right now.
>>43216439
>it's called backdraft
>You basically reached a point in life where you are safe enough to process everything.
I felt amazing last week, better than I've ever felt in my life. Took the train to the nearby cities by myself, had lunch at restaurants, stuff I've never actually felt like doing before. But yesterday and today, I've really started feeling the "backdraft", as you call it. I'm so horribly lonely and touch-starved. My self-esteem is not strong enough to engage with someone yet, I still have trust issues, but I feel like I'm starving.
I desperately need to get laid and I desperately need friends.
>maybe worth exploring why you are uncomfy with it
I was in way too much pain to let someone close to me. I'm actually really fucking glad I never caved to social pressure when I was younger, even though I'm now a late-twenties male virgin. Getting intimate with someone would have destroyed me. I would have hyper-focused on it and turned it into something terrible, 100%
>considerate salami tactics
SALAMI TACTICS??? (picrel)
>I would really love to talk about what makes you "complicated".
- neurospicy
- inferiority / superiority complex
- emotionally immature for my age
- way too close relationship to my family (they're all I have)
- no real personal space (physically)
- no social life at all
>Helping people explore their inhibitions and gently nudging them outside of their comfort zone is one of the many hats I wear
Man, compared to the last ten years at least I've been crushing my comfort zone lately. It wasn't an issue of comfort zone to begin with. I had to force myself to do EVERYTHING, and I mean everything.
>>43216448
>as you overcome the ADHD related struggles maintaining relationships will be a whole lot easier for you
I hope so. I'm basically at a point where I'm a complete social outcast. Undoing this is going to be tough. I'm not quite ready I think, it's only been ~2 weeks.