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oh god
I fucked up again.
I miss the lab I miss the lab. I'm not cut out for this. I was told I'd grow, but I didn't I can'ttalk to people. I'm the fool that I once thought I was better than. I was made of steel and everyone was proud of me. i'm nothing now, fucking nothing. I hope that one day I can kill myself to forget who I am, but until then I'm stuck like this. i do the whole song and dance like i was taught, but everyone still laughs at me. i'm just that weirdo.
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>>34748464
I meant to post this somewhere else probably and this post will most likely be removed by jannies soon for off topic. You saw this, little else will. I ramble for old times when I yearned for new times. i was not born in a lab, but the lab made me who i am. just a funny luck of the draw that made me end up where i am now. i miss my walks.
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>>34748503
I used to walk when I attended university. I would walk to the lab to research, I would walk to the classes to learn. I only go outside for my job now. I am an NPC, I am in a relationship and a job that forces me into a role rather than letting me be the person that I last remember myself as. I used to walk a lot. vefore I moved to learn, I would walk out in the middle of nowhere int the most unique places. I even traveled as a poor man, I got a little money and just rode in the mountains and wal;ked. I am so fucked now. i'm like a puppet that i have to command while everyone normal laughs at me. i'm rfucked.
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>>34748523
Walking is a choice. Why not walk after work? Get your partner to go with you. Living in society requires us to adapt to the roles expected of us. You can hold on to some sliver of your ideal self, practice it in private and protect it. The wants of others only need to be fulfilled to a point and you can choose where that point is.
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>>34748544
I'm too weak for all of that. I know, I know, it all seems pretty cut and dry. good solutions can be made pretty silly if the components are subpar, and I am a subpar component. I have no place in this world and I will only keep slipping. I am so goddamned tired of playing an actor. I have not seen myself in years, in years. a lifetime has past since I have known myself. I am caught. I wish for death, so quickly.
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>>34748572
all they do is pity me and worry about me. I often think that they aren't very smart, because I keep tricking them into thinking I'm okay. they care about me, but i am just a selfish narcissistic fool. there is nothing i can do for them. i wish that they would leave me so that i could die without anyone greatly affected besides my family.