File: A Visit From Logan Grimnar.png (110.8 KB)

110.8 KB PNG

Ho ho ho!

'Tis the season. The season for writing, that is. Post your Christmas-themed stuff, or just whatever you happen to be working on.

>>97092070
>>97103745
>>97124704
I haven't forgotten about these, I just literally have not had a spare moment this weekend. I'll try to get to them in the next day or two.

>>97124689
Thanks, anon, that's really helpful.

>>97122678
>>97123924
>>97123932
Bumpin my query from the end of last thread, hoping to discuss some more ideas and thoughts if anyone's got any.

File: Fronterizes.png (655.9 KB)

655.9 KB PNG

Not Christmas themed at all, some aura farming for a Martian colonisation themed setting:

The fronterize corporative (frontier worker) has a home, a fixed contract, disciplined habits, respect for authority, on whose side xhe will always be, even against xer better feelings.

But the caseríe net (out-and-out frontier folk) is the typical wandering lowland miner, here today, there tomorrow; gambler, quarreller, enemy of discipline; who flees civil service or employment and takes refuge among the Nomads if xhe knifes someone. Xhe never conceives of any attachment either to the soil or to a master: however well they may pay, and however kindly they may treat xer, xhe leaves them at any moment when xhe takes it into xer head, most frequently without even bidding them adieu, or at most saying, "I am going, because I have been with you long enough".

The first has the instincts of civilisation; xhe imitates the Uplanders in xer dress, and customs. The second loves tradition; xhe hates foreigners; xer luxury is xer rover, xer patched-up surface suit, xer canvas sash and xer fación. The first takes off xer surface-suits to go into a colony’s habs, the second goes there flaunting xer frontier trappings. The first is a strip mine employee, a dump-truck driver, a licensed shop-keep, a steelworker, a peon. The second hires xerself out for seasonal mining. The first has been a soldier several times, first for the people’s government, then for the free state. The second was once part of a reconnaissance squadron and deserted as soon as xhe saw xer chance.

1/2

File: Lowland-law-assizes(1).png (1.2 MB)

1.2 MB PNG

>>97134859
The first is always autonomiste, the second is no longer anything. The first still believes in something; the second believes in nothing. The caseríe has suffered more than any hab-dweller, and so has been disillusioned quicker. The corporative votes, because the company tells xer to, and with that, universal suffrage is achieved. In a word, the first is a useful colonist for industry and work — the second is a dangerous inhabitant anywhere. The former makes up the ever-increasing Lowland social mass; the second is all but marked for extinction.

>Dr. Dyah "Supraman" Londojo, Report on an Excursion into the North (2249)

File: J7FUTK6DHJDIPPSWTQK2S4SHQE.jpg (318.6 KB)

318.6 KB JPG

>The gang comes across a white man essentially doing native-face (pic semi related)
>This is a fantasy setting so nobody has any idea he's being offensive, they just think he's an eccentric tribesman
How do I make it clear that this is a white man badly disguised as a native american and not just me being very fucking terrible at writing a native american character?

What do you use to write stuff when you're not home and have access to a computer?
Any useful tool I may get as a xmas gift?

>>97134859
>>97134896
Idk what aura farming is and after I looked it up, I don't think this is the place for it. This is a place to post, read, and critique the work of others.

That's a lot of description, but it doesn't really show anything if you catch my drift. It appears one group is a bunch of toadies and the other is a bunch of assholes.

Each sentence runs on quite a bit. It took a couple readings to actually separate that you were talking about two groups. Advice an anon gave in that last thread holds true: If a sentence can end, you should end it.

There are some evocative bits in there, though. Basic components of a scene. So good job on that.

I have to ask, with the fear of derailment: What's with the pronouns? Transhumanism? It really throws off the flow of the sentences.
Are you trolling?

>>97133821
>>97092070
>https://pastebin.com/FZCB5Aj9
This is definitely a significant improvement on what you started off with. The style is better, you've fleshed out the protagonist as a person more and sprinkled in just the right amount of backstory, and while there isn't much dialogue in the section you've provided what you do have does feel a little more natural. The errors I'm seeing now are just minor things that would be ironed out in editing rather than systemic flaws that make it unreadable.

The only real note I have is that I liked your original opening line more. That punchy, staccato style was hell to read for paragraph after paragraph, but an opening line should stand out.
>The lands below are broken. Karsts jut from the ashen ground. Only the black smoke of battle shrouds the pitted expanse.

>>97133912
Just now found the thread again as I'm heading to bed. I'll get back to you tomorrow.
>>97136174
Has the gang encountered Natives before?

>>97140245
Thanks man! Does is pass the 'picked up from library and read first pages' test?

Slight correction on your assumptions as well. It's less about finding individuality and more about the idea that morality cannot exist without identity, it becomes clearer later. When they get to the city. One can do the right thing by following orders, but you can't do so of your own volition without a sense of self and belonging.

I also have a poem meant to start off the next campaign for my group:

Upon a little king was a little crown
On his face a vicious frown

His lands are all drained away
His people aren't on this final day

Past and present warped by this lord
But he would not turn the sword

Despite what the maw would insist
The king alone would persist

He throws the blade into the sea
If nothing else, he would be

But no force could ever cease
His will alone he can bequeath

And begin his reign anew
From his palm, he also flew

A final act as lights go out
In the steel a last redoubt

The sins of one brought to another
Inflicted on a distant brother


For each brings with him he takes
From the flight, the world now shakes

The final king will have his power
What he brings with him will devour

A simple snack and tiny bite
And thus descends the endless night

Do not fear and do not tremble
Ring the bells and do assemble

The one you love and your good friend
Walk with us into the end

>>97141301
>>97133912
Are you opposed to protag changing X to good instead? Or M using an underhanded option like bluffing as the bigger threat forcing protag to pull away from X? Hard to know what to do really without knowing history as well.

>>97143659
>Are you opposed to protag changing X to good instead?
X and M are both part of a group of primordial demons from the birth of creation. X's physical vessel was created at the dawn of life itself and has endured ever since, while M's has changed over time. (When a vessel dies, the Primordial Demon still remains and returns in time. M has "died" several times but X hasn't)
The core of the book is actually about the two of them and the fundamental conflict they bring. Because M's latest "incarnation" as it were, is very much not a villainous person. She considers life to be sacred above all else, and that directly goes against X because she's basically all about the cycle of rebirth and decay and considers death itself to be sacred. This goes into the broader state of the world mentioned where nothing can die. So its the question that the protag has to struggle with "Does she join the 'good guy' that wants the world to be stuck in an endless limbo of undeath, or does she join the 'bad guy' that wants people to die naturally again?"

Which with that context, is a roundabout way of saying X turning "good" isnt really an option. Her motivations are technically "aligned" with what the Protagonist is already trying to achieve. And even if she wasnt aligned, and could be persuaded, she is fundamentally an evil being.

>Or M using an underhanded option like bluffing as the bigger threat forcing protag to pull away from X?
X already sees M as the bigger threat, but because they're part of the same "group" they cant directly oppose each other. Hence both trying to get the protag to join them as the third party.

cont

>>97143659
Ultimately, the story that I've planned and I feel is most interesting and that I want to write goes like this:
>M meets with Protag and convinces them that she is the better option, despite their motivations being morally opposed.
>Protag agrees and decides to make [[some sort of insurance plan]] with M
>Protag then goes to X and alongside all the plots, she joins X and becomes a psychopomp.
>This is done through some sort of contract, a pact, something that cant simply be walked away from, on top of the physical/mental/ability-related modifications.
>The idea is for this change to be permanent for a good chunk of the story, until, that [[insurance plan]] mentioned comes into effect.

Whatever that [[plan]] is, it needs to break something in that contract, some sort of breach or clause that allows the Protag to be saved. To give a stupid example, the contract has the clause "I wont eat gluten" and X accidentally serves her pasta, you get what Im saying? That's my main issue right now, coming up with a satisfying solution to this situation I've created.

>>97144482
>>97144494
Sounds like M could throw in a "untill death" clause, and Deadman trigger a resurrection if protag uses their power on themselves. Or am I misremembering something?

>>97145082
If the protagonist kills themselves though, how would they get ressurected? Sure, M is a necromancer but I dont believe the protagonist wishes to live the rest of her life as a zombie technically.

And also, I dont see a way where that works. X wouldn't allow the protagonist to commit suicide once they're under their control. Wait but maybe someone else could kill them instead?
This might have potential actually.

>>97145082
>>97145336
Okay here's some additional context cause you just sparked a cool idea, and I wanna hear what you think.

Remember I mentioned in last thread's context that Protagonist went through a horrible tragedy that left them traumatized and slowly descending into a bad place mentally? Well that tragedy was that the love of their life died at the hands of two other of those "primordial demons" like X and M.

Now its been 7 years since, and unbeknownst to the Protagonist, their lover has "technically" returned recently. Its a bit complicated exactly how and why (They stole one of those demon's eyes, their soul was corrupted before death, M helped, etc) but their lover is alive and working with M from the shadows.
I think it'd work really well if the "clause" that X gives as part of their pact is that her servitude will only be released by "Death only by true love" sort of like a play on true love's kiss. X would think "well since her true love is dead, no worries" and it wouldnt be a foolish assumption on their part (dont want to make them seem stupid)
I think it'd be really cool if this was all part of M's plan, having the foresight and planning that the protagonist would join X eventually, and bringing their lover back to life to eventually save them.
whatdya think?

>>97145465
You could hit a few birds with one stone here actually if it's a route you want to go.
Make the Deadman trigger "a sacrifice to save their one true love." X and protag both know their one true love is dead so protag gets to legitimately join bad side. Then later find out their love is "technically" alive, and through mumbo jumbo whatever the protag can perform the sacrifice to turn them actually alive and break contract at same time. The sacrifice can then be whatever makes sense plot wise from losing the newly conquered kingdom to kicking a puppy. Or hell, go ham with a love triangle and they have to kill a new lover they'd taken after true loves death.

>>97147360
Nah, I dont want the protagonist to be the one doing the sacrificing because Ive done that plenty already, it will get repetitive at some point (and the act of her joining X is in itself a sacrifice already). I think its more thematically impactful for this character that decided to take the painful solitary path to be saved by someone else for a change.

Also there's already a love triangle going on, its a whole thing.

>>97147546
Already have a love triangle, go SUPER ham. Keep the trigger "a sacrifice to save their one true love" but have that 3rd person have the protag as their one-sided one true love. So when that character sacrifices themself to save protag it breaks the contract.

>>97147749
The love triangle unfortunately is over the person who died.
>Protag loves Guy
>Evil other character loves/wants to kill Guy
>Protag and Other Villain hate each other

Like I said, its complicated. But the reality is I cant use it in this scenario, especially because that other villain isnt involved in this plotline.

I've only done once a Christmas story in my campaigns.
One was set in WWI in a trench of Weird War, the night of christmas one day in the german trenches, the PCs prussian soldiers, while patroling the trench they find a ghostly spirit that seems to hunt down and brutalize other soldiers and officers, it seems like Krampus.
So yeah that's the plot IG, Krampus comes to punish the PCs and had to survive all my "points" like
>Point 1 if the PCs discover the first body it trigger point 3
>Point 3 the office in the mess will die for boiling water poured on him. Go to point 4
>Point 4 the PCs discover the body if they're scared Krampus will try to attack but at any action he will run away
Something like that, in the end my friends didn't do anything stupid and survived the christmas night and Krampus is no more.
anyway I was thinking for this year to make a Cyberpunk2020 Xmas Campaing, I had in mind
>PCs get together to party for xmas at the local pub/bar
>Plot point NPC appear and ask the PCs(They look like street samurai) to start a legit bodyguard contract with duration of 24 hours immediatly from signing and no take back.
>The contract say to stay near the guy for 24 hours straigh and i'll give back 20000€$ to divide between the guys but he doesn't give an explaination why he need to sign now (the NPC can be convinced to put 20000 more in case asked)
>The NPC is called "The crazy gambler" like the name imply he won big at the last mob Game (100000€$) he cashed out all the gangsters. Now he need protection just 24 hours so he can settle all his stuff
>The game will be oneshot or bishot and the PCs need to protect the gambler from other Street samurais, thugs, booster gangs and many more
>The game I have in mind he have to run between his wife to give money back he stole. Then go to his daughter who works as a waige and give her a lot of money.
So this is what I had in mind.

Sorry if is the wrong place. I've been trying to find a greentext for the longest time so I've given up and stopped lurking to ask directly.

It was about a group in a world with no paladins, or at least nothing named paladins. Every other class existed fine. The only guys called paladins were implied to be christans crusaders either from another world or newly formed. There were some passages about them that they worshipped only one God and were interested in destrying all other religions, that they had swords of fire and when people tried to use Speak With The Dead to talk to those they killed the only thing they heard was screaming of a person being burned alive (hell, obviously).
The main reason they went around hunting other gods is because the paladins stole power from them and the main campaign was trying to stop them from doing that.

To be clear, the paladins were the enemies, and the PCs were trying to stop them. The main focus of the campaign (from what I remember) was stopping them from destroying the idol of an old and forgotten god to steal it's power.

File: RavenSelectiveBreeding.png (3 MB)

3 MB PNG

>>97133821
>>97124704
I really like this story. It manages to be quite moving in a fairly short amount of space.

Also, I too have wondered what it would be like to selectively breed animals for super-intelligence.

>>97103745
Sorry, anon, the link expired before I could look at it.

>>97154820
>Thanks man! Does is pass the 'picked up from library and read first pages' test?
Yes it does. I won't say that it's at the level of 'too engrossed to put down' yet, but I would definitely keep reading.

And the premise you've outlined sounds interesting.

>Upon a little king was a little crown
The poem isn't terrible but - unless this is some kind of stylistic choice I'm missing - I think you've made the key mistake a lot of would-be poets make, and focused on the rhymes over the rhythm. A poem can survive a weak rhyme but unless you're deliberately doing some kind of freestyle, abstract thing (and if you were doing that you wouldn't have such a regular rhyme scheme) if you want a poem to sound good you've got to get the meter right.

Poems are meant to be read aloud. Or at least they were originally. Homer didn't go around passing out scrolls with the Iliad and the Odyssey written on them for people to take home and read on their own, he was (probably, allowing for the fact we don't have many concrete details about his life) hired to attend rich people's parties and sit there with a lyre reciting them. Even down to the 19th century, into the early 20th, poets would write in the expectation that even with modern methods of mass media they would still at some point be standing in front of a room full of fans reading them out.

It's not even enough to focus on making sure you have the same number of syllables in each line (another rookie mistake I myself have been guilty of), you have to make sure the stress lands in the right place too. It's got to be

>Ba-dum, ba-dum, ba-dum
>Ba-dum, ba-dum, ba-dum
not
>Ba-dum, ba-dum-dum-dum
>Dum ba-dum dum ba-dum

tl:dr meter > rhyme

>>97154820
>the link expired before I could look at it.
Here you go. Set it to 2 weeks. paragraph 53 is the new stuff now, though i think its just cause how the formatting swapped over.
https://pastebin.com/VECwXg1u

>>97154820
>>97154880
Righteous. Gonna keep plugging away at that book then. Glad you liked the little raven story! Same world as the book, actually.

>>97154880
And thanks again for sacrificing the time to read a stranger's work. You're very appreciated

>>97155224
My thoughts are more or less the same as they were last time: a few bits of awkward phrasing, some points where you get the tense wrong, but other than that it's okay. You're fairly good at creating a distinctive voice for your characters and writing natural-sounding dialogue.

The thing that concerns me at this point is that I'm not getting much sense of the actual plot. Digressing into old war stories would be fine for a later chapter, but right now I have absolutely no idea where any of this is going; you really need to set up what's actually happening before you give any more background information about characters.

>>97154880
oops, that was obviously a response to >>97141920

>>97161796
>tense
Yeah, as I mentioned previously, my by far biggest weakness.

I may need to sign post it a bit more then, but the whole plot IS the stories. Like, 90% of the book will be him talking to the captive audience. He's there to ostensibly to break up the day for the wounded soldiers and give them something to take their minds off of the pain and such. He's a good man that takes the little bit he has left to give to help the only people left who matter to him.
First story is about hate and rage and combat. Second story is about how bad winter down time was next to the silk road and watching his unit descend into drugs, gambling, etc. Third is about his childhood, local villagers and what happened to each of them as he grew, the local mayor and the scandals he fomented amongst the populace, and how he met his wife who he didn't know was pregnant when he killed the mayor which leads into story 1. And the final story of how he lost his leg, the broken supply lines, the hopelessness of being cutoff behind enemy lines and desperately hoping to make it home to his wife and then 3 kids.

All ending in Nurgle offering him a way out. He would make sure he survived and would live out a long healthy life with his wife and kids, but when she died he would become his plaguebearer and spend the rest of his usefulness converting more willing cultists, which he does to the 3 soldiers. It's why he's supernaturally durable.

Turns out the 4 gods had been trying to convert him his whole life. Khorne in story 1, Slaanesh, and Tzeentch in the other two. It's hard to keep the surprise though if you go in knowing it's a Warhammer Fantasy book.

File: oc-blabla.jpg (69.2 KB)

69.2 KB JPG

I wrote kind of an essay on my user page in the 1d6chan wiki. It tries to establish a critical perspective on the current state of pen&paper rpgs. It's not fictional writing, rather an attempt at writing in the style of ethnographies or similar treatise on cultural matters. Anyone care to read it?

>>97162556
I'd like to.

>>97162628
>>97162556

Though I'll only tall style and concise news rather than the points brought up so there's no derailment.

>>97162628
>>97162635
https://1d6chan.miraheze.org/wiki/User:Tanon

>>97162725
I actually think the two rant sections could be combined into a cohesive whole. The point about ritualization is a bit arcane considering the more 'mundane' pieces you bring in later on. Basically, starting from an 'occult' style of description and moving into a more piece by piece analysis is a bit off putting.

You're going hard against the nu rpg crowd (which I do agree with) but don't spend any time explaining why it's bad or listing the many examples that could back up your thesis.

Speaking of which, I'd really appreciate a thesis statement of some kind to lay out the texture of what you're going for. More concise points to drive home the idea would also really buoy the writing. All you'd need to do is back up those points.

It doesn't feel that structured if I had to sum it up.

Also, I'm not a weeb of any kind but the other stuff you listed tells me you have good taste.

>>97162725
You have a couple points I would directly counter against that have a lot to do with semantics, population expectations, arbitration, etc. But critiqued from a reading perspective it comes off both too clinical and too emotional. If you're going to screed, screed. Don't stop halfway to start lecturing. Either is perfectly good on its own, it's the dichotomy that wrecks it.
I'll also agree with the poster above me saying a thesis would be nice.

File: Dolce&Gabana.png (116.5 KB)

116.5 KB PNG

>>97163056
>>97163467
thanks for reading and for your constructive feedback! I copied your replies to the discussion section, so I can use them as a guideline when I write on. I really appreciate the effort you put into your analyses and I'll try to put them to good use.

Just to give some context:
I'm not a learned writer by any means. I dropped out of university many years ago and never really wrote a proper paper. I'm just imitating the style of the kind of books I like to read (besides rpg stuff) and try to examine topics from the hobby in that fashion. I wrote the text because these things are going trough my mind and it's fun to write them down, further developing my thoughts in doing so. There's no clear aim or perspective behind the writing. I could just have hacked it into my plaintext editor, stored the file somewhere on my harddrive and forget about it, but I like the idea that it can be found in a remote corner of our sweet old wiki.

>>97164841
You bet! Glad it's useful, man.

I'm the first anon and would suggest you take a look at persuasive writing if you want to hone the idea a bit more. Keeping it opinion based rather than having to 'prove' your viewpoint can also make it a lot more fun.

Having to organize thoughts on paper is pretty tough sometimes.

What's the secret sauce to writing a humorous campaign and scenarios for me and the lads?
I'm genuinely perplexed on how to be funny and to do it without being snobbish to the players.

>>97170448
If there was a secret to writing humour, whoever knew it would be a millionaire. It's why comedy movies are basically a dead artform at this point: most of the time you don't know in advance if they're going to be massive successes or huge bombs. A joke that's funny on paper can sound completely cringe if delivered wrong, and what one person finds funny might sound totally stupid to someone else.

My advise is to simply write whatever you like then run it past someone else first to see if the humour lands.

>>97170448
My only advice would be an anecdote: the best humor campaign I ever ran was designed to be funny in hindsight. Humor is tough on tt because it flows more naturally from the group than from you.

In the campaign, aspects of the old gods would infect certain regions. Warping them to be like itself in different ways.

The campaign was played straight. The players couldnt quite guess what the old god was. Enemies were often giant apes, inhabitants became radioactive under a partial moon, the bad guys used swords and scimitars. There was a ton of other stuff. The people were crazy, there was a yellow malaise, the party was working for a trade guild that wanted the resources of the island, giant spiders hid among the populace, etc.

I like to think it was kinda spooky.

I played it perfectly straight. The only real clues that would actually give it away plainly was the music, but my choices were always a bit weird and only popped up every so often in the list so it wasn't really acknowledged.

It was the god of bananas. No one really noticed that the shop songs were things like "I like bananas because they have no bones" and "yes, we have no bananas" and a bunch of less recognized DK music to fit the island jungle theme.

File: layne-johnson-omegacity-alt-01-wide.jpg (1.2 MB)

1.2 MB JPG

>>97133758

I know I'm a bit too old to be writing letters to Santa, but I figured I'd let my inner child have his moment. Things have been a bit rough up here in the Arcadia Block. the Central Street bombing didn't do anyone any favors and it affected a nearby hospital causing a few casualties after damaging the hospital generators. I wish I could say that the son of a bitch who did it was caught but they decided to become part of the fireworks they started.

Anyways, that was a few months ago. The Central Street buildings have been rebuilt or are partway towards being finished but it's essentially pulling your sleeve down to cover the bruises on your arm. The political drama that lead up to this hasn't died down and the political commentators are tickling the algorithims just right to pump up their engagement and view counts.

So what am I asking for in all this? I know the Earth is a big place and not exactly a hop, skip, and a jump away but if Rudolph can guide you across 300,000 miles in the void give Mars a fly by will ya?

>>97133758
But out the snowman.

File: MagicalSnowman-Part1.png (1.9 MB)

1.9 MB PNG

>>97178411
I'm going to assume you meant 'put out the snowman'.

I don't even know any snowmen who're in the closet.

File: MagicalSnowman-Part2.png (587.9 KB)

587.9 KB PNG

>>97180972
Unfortunately, posting the other instalments is going to be a serious problem now that 4chan doesn't support PDFs

>>97136244
>What's with the pronouns? Transhumanism? It really throws off the flow of the sentences.
In the 2230s and 40s, Mars was shaken by a brutal civil war between autonomist communists and unionist fascists. The fascist side won with UN Earther support, led by its brutal military junta, resting on the support of the 3 most powerful groups on the planet, male feminists, martian-indonesians and veteran child soldiers. The regime would eventually fall, victim of its own incompetence, replaced by a UN transitional authority. One of few the lasting changes left behind by the regime was the replacement of default pronouns in Martian English with xhe/xers. A bleak future indeed.

File: 1434895298983.gif (499.3 KB)

499.3 KB GIF

>crossed the 130,000 words threshold
Three chapters to go, maybe four. Give me strength and excuse the blogposting.

>>97193080
Are you going to publish?

>>97195269
I self-published a bunch of books, but this one, I want to submit it directly to some literary agency.
If this doesn't work, then I don't know. Probably don't self-publish it and keep trying.

>>97196261
How does one even selfpublish while actually making money?

>>97133758
I am working on a ttrpg setting that is very inspired by Greek mythology and I am looking for a good name for a dragon humanoid race. I've been using "Ophoio" as their term for now, but I want to change it to something else. I'm thinking of something to do with the legend of Cadmus and sowing the dragon's teeth, like calling them Kadameans or Draksperi. Do either of those two sound good, or do any of you have better ideas? I'm totally open to sharing more info about the race to help.

>>97199588
Still trying to figure it out.
Your share per sale is higher compared to having a publisher publish it for you, but you have additional expenses (cover, editing (if you aren't doing it yourself), marketing). Apparently, it's possible, some people make money from it. Some people aren't really doing novels, but just flood the market with self-help books, cooking and fitness books and in general garbage. But even "real" authors can make it with a big enough following. Although, that following takes years to build and they often had a regular publisher before. For others, it's just a nice extra money.

>>97201087
>Kadameans or Draksperi
Both don't sound that good, but at least the latter conveys that they are dragons of sorts. At least to me, it's important that you can infer in some way from the name alone that they are not a regular human race. "Kadameans" doesn't really convey that to anyone that doesn't have a degree in ancient greek.

>>97201560
Alright. Thanks anon. I'll keep that in mind. I'll need to brainstorm a bit more. Maybe I'll save the more esoteric name for something else like what they call themselves or something.

File: 1627650021392.jpg (1 MB)

1 MB JPG

>>97178411
>>97133758
>>97180972
*Bust out

>>97180974
You put all of that into a zip file and I don't know, use meganz, or maybe something else.?

>>97133758
Happy Holidays, anons!

File: snowman.jpg (154.8 KB)

154.8 KB JPG

>>97234049
Happy Holidays to you too, anon!

>>97229017
Snowman 2
https://mega.nz/file/64ZgXRzK#HRWHh9O667mGUFV1h379_QfGmYZ7ZtoEAPrwWYsiWa4

Snowman 3
https://mega.nz/file/i9Iz3YLB#BeCKpnCPvCnHmAoMZ1Vnj70MEKkV_Wu1Z4r0W5n713c

A few more Christmas stories:
https://mega.nz/file/bgYzHRqZ#XQBty7WxnsiMExpzBMwwvJSMgli8VfzHPPJFc83eGuw
https://mega.nz/file/Cs5VGZrS#8VzOyQ7FR-P1M_ji4Qxrc3nM3D5mkNJhy2PlPXKVgMU
https://mega.nz/file/u843URQS#OfJbUlBxHGZuGzoXu-NxTXFnDV3WwOwThh8T77AWcEU

>>97237143
nice

File: 1451089130007.jpg (83.7 KB)

83.7 KB JPG

Merry Christmas, anons!

Hope you all had a good one.

File: GXM395854.jpg (342.6 KB)

342.6 KB JPG

>>97133758
What resources, random generators, etc. do you use when writing supers settings?

>>97251132
i like this pic

trying to come up with a title with the acronym "wtf". all I know is that the F is for setting name, which is an urban fantasy setting

>>97257571
"Welcome to F___" seems to be the most obvious one.

File: GIev7rpWYAAi9YU.png (1.6 MB)

1.6 MB PNG

Ok Born Under a Bl^ck Sun author, you asked for my opinions and I'm willing to give, but not on your page. Overall, it was very Avatar the last air bender as told by a mid level Pathfinder campaign run by munchkins.

Observation 1, the audience best-served by this work is probably 14 year old boys. I 'm not gonna tell you how to live your life.

Let's talk about the poo poo pee pee. It grows increasingly exhausting each time you try to shock me with it. When he 'whips it out' I want to strangle you. Farstride isn't a posh master, but she should have higher standards in how she guy talks w/ da boyz. MC gets covered in his own shit. I was not shocked, I was not surprised, just ready to die before I would have to read about any other poop 'splosion.

Next, please develop the voices of your characters, just a little bit more. It gets better halfway in when you have regional accents at play, you did a good job not going off the wall with it which I appreciate, but master and apprentice sound nigh exactly the same beginning to end with the only distinctiveness occurring in Chapter 13.

For awareness. I felt like I was reading an outline for a better book. The names are made up, points don't matter, with characters engaged in a regional political vigilance that is unified farther than it should be, and magic conventions that sound like conceptual placeholders. You lost my investment in the world giving the characters a unified and far more clear idea of the global intertrade and political landscape than I think they would have, specifically the apprentices. Give the senior homie more of a role and show he's ready to be a Life dude frfr by making him the voice of carefully researched reason. Someone ought to be loudly wrong a bit more, so that the worldly ones stand out. Speaking of naming conventions, MC's title follows none of your established logic. why does MC appreciate it?

...(cont)

>>97257571

Literally go for What the Fantasy

File: GV2Zx0EWUAApFNq.jpg (118.9 KB)

118.9 KB JPG

>>97259855
About Chapter 13, I have a lot I want to say. The reason your book is still on my mind is because of it, because it broke my faith in your story having anything meaningful worth continuing to read it for. I was somewhat invested in it until then, but after that you got weaker as a storyteller and it marked where you started lacking gravity and planning, you dropped the ball. This chapter is a power fantasy apathetic towards it's own existence, Slouches around to say 'there are no heros here' and 'girlz get equal lefts' with an aw shucks voice where a lack of closure is the entire point of it's existence. clap. Good job, you did the thing.

I as a reader get that nothing matters to the MC, you don't need to beat me over the head with it. MC is a sociopath, it drips off every page like angst does as sighs in the Twilight novels. But it ought to matter a lot more to his Master, having lived a fuller life than he. This was a moment where you reveal that actually, your entire world is poison. As a bystander to psychosis, anything happens, and nothing mattress. You as a writer are willing to lie back and think of England, it's 'fun' this way. You tell me this though, and now no one's culture really matters, I become very aware of how much of my time you waste talking about 'common crowns' and world event politics like any of it matters, it doesn't. Clearly, the only answer is that no one survives past the age of 30 unless they have special elder powers like hawksight and a penchant for smiling so that when the retard hides behind your skirts and ruins your door you can maybe survive because he chose to throw the door and not You at the beast instead.

>>97260427
1 . It would have been a stronger choice if the secluded mountain people ran counter to expectation, and were not barbaric, unlike the city types. If you don't like that trope, consider how they would actually realistically live. They wouldn't need Paladin lawful ways of handling beefing, when they have a convenient temple of muscle bound JoJos literally up the hill. It would be very much within bounds and further plot for outcome of duels to be decided by the Monks instead of fought next to granny's hovel, send the knight up the road and killed off screen by the thing Rotwood fights with ease type of deal- arrange the result of an uneven match without having to waste time showing it. To make my beef clearer, dropping bodies next to folks that can't keep wildlife off their backdoor would create tangible problems for the community, and they would either find a method to mitigate it or else they die drawing man eaters wantonly. Wild hunt thing unremarked upon, because it's more interesting to think of that enclave as cannibalistic.

2. Maybe the lemminglike petal knights could buck programing and not go off the cliff one after another. It would be interesting if she did convince them she is there just to study ecology like the villagers said, and does it. Either given clemency and act up at a bad time where as a minor threat she has impact, or as an innocent she makes a final boss fight minor thing appear much larger with her death showing how fatal this non-threat is, like the nightmare shadows you choose not to do anything satisfying with. Have Rotwood appear to be paranoid for no reason, then justify him. Is he going senile with delusions of self importance, is it a fable, no he's really a bbeg of someone else's story, now he gets to throw his weight around without holding back- great. Tangible impact. A punishment for leniency, paranoia becomes justified- literally anything. As is, we only know that thought crimes are real, the ghost said so.

File: GTZi0dibEAAdaZ3.jpg (664.7 KB)

664.7 KB JPG

>>97260600
>oops, dropped pic. guess I'll yell at you more so I finish with one

3. It took a long time for him to do his little stunt. If it wasn't important nor interesting enough to let the sacrifice speak before you killed her, then don't pomp on the encounter at all. You hang on this moment like it has future impact, it's a non sequitur. I waited for when it would come up again, didn't. A free idea; make the immoral group of munchkins work together exactly once, for how to kill her in the quickest way to go on with their romp in the trees. Maybe show how Farstride doesn't 'play well with others' by her handling this without Rotwood's blessing. Have her do something heinous breaking our idea of what a lifegiver is supposed to be, show don't tell us that she's capable of it, as a clue of what's to come with her turning traitor so we care about that more when it happens. A concrete example, lifer rewires petal knight's eyes so she can't see Rotwood. Fantastical, horrific, the reader becomes aware of the threat lifers possess. Say something with the death or don't, but don't undercut your own characters and what you build them up to be for shock factor alone, it's cheap. You show what you're capable of doing to tell a story and undercut the story.

Overall, there are no stakes, no reasons for anything. Reveal of ascension doesn't matter. You had an interesting thing you wanted to do with the moon which was cute, cool when I squint and don't overthink it's fever-dream execution.

The book is dipped over in marvel quality 'witty' banter and cynicism of itself. Like, you started teasing out plot for the next book by loudly exposition dumping into the face of a homeless dude then killed him. I wanted to strangle you again because I know you did it to be tasteless, after a hit of the funny. It aint. There are some things you don't see often because it's a novel idea, other times it's this. On the plus side God got to see his favorite animal, whoopie.

File: BestChristmasPresentEver-Part1.png (726 KB)

726 KB PNG

A little later than I intended, but it's not New Year yet so it still counts as the holiday season. Here's my Christmas story for this year.

File: BestChristmasPresentEver-Part2.png (648.9 KB)

648.9 KB PNG

>>97260971

>>97260971
>>97260984
Because I'm a complete idiot, I forgot to say that the inspiration was this pic >>97219356

Also, I deliberately wrote it to be more child-friendly than my usual fare. I wouldn't say it's a children's story per se, but I definitely wanted to try writing a Christmas story that suitable for all ages, so I'd be interested to see if it's still interesting to adults.

File: ca147c7cb16b53de791d7854d434f6a7.jpg (483.4 KB)

483.4 KB JPG

Apparently, I can only write two types of female characters:
>pure, goodhearted maiden of virginal goodness and peace-loving nature
>aggressive, rude tomboy, will punch your teeth in as a form of mating ritual
Next year, I shall be a better author.

>>97263928
Learn2write sluts next.

>>97257571
Wyrd Town F____

>>97263928
>Inserts clip from As Good As It Gets

>>97263928
Could be worse. I can only write
>Trash goblin
>Monster in human skin who delights in the suffering of others (thanks mom for the endless inspiration)

File: Kobayashi Kiyochika - Fireworks at Ike-no-Hata Meiji era1881.png (5.8 MB)

5.8 MB PNG

Happy New Year, anons!

May 2026 be the year we all finally get published! Or, you know, for some of us at least be the year we actually finish our novel.

File: c5c5aade2bd37f9de9dfcea3a404b6808e0ba8bf129596f288bba358046a0e1a.gif (1.6 MB)

1.6 MB GIF

>>97273744
>May 2026 be the year we all finally get published!
I've been writing this into my to-do list for half a year.
Good luck anons. We all gonna make it.

MINDLESS WRITING EXERCISE
The Walls Are Hungry edition

"Rescue Mission"

...

"Yeah, we're almost there- I'll call you before we turn in tonight. Love you mom, tell dad I love him."

Beep.

A boy with blonde peach fuzz let out a sigh as he stared at his phone. He hated lying to his parents about anything, but the alternative was so much worse.

The van drove at exactly the speed limit as its occupants prepared for their self-imposed mission- some readied weapons in case there were hostiles. Others made sure medkits were stocked. Some prayed or were lost in thought.

With very few exceptions, going into an unreality was always risky. Even the 'safe' ones like the Forever Mall were deadly if you didn't know where to go, how to get out, and what to avoid. With the Forever Mall, there was always a chance one of the inhabitants would take pity on some poor lost soul and direct them to an exit that would get them back to reality, at least.

The rest were nowhere near as kind.

Reports of new unrealities kept coming in, most of which had yet to be verified. Tales of endless factories or playgrounds haunted by impossible horrors. Picturesque suburban environs in which the houses slowly became more and more bizarrely structured the further you went in, populated by vicious things that looked human only at a distance and hungered for flesh. A library with books on every topic, mundane to arcane, patrolled by ghoulish librarians who punished sounds above whispers with lethal force- and an environment that inflamed obsessions in all who entered, causing the unprepared to study to the point of death from starvation or dehydration. A casino with chips that exacerbated gambling addiction.

Or, far more often, just simple mundane environments turned into bizarre, nonsensical mazes with no apparent exit- devoid of any hostiles or deadly environments, but fatal all the same to someone who didn't know exactly what to look for.

>>97275738
Jeffery Clefton, now sixteen, was considered a veteran and expert by virtue of having survived two encounters with the Backrooms and having found a means to locate ways into and out of unrealities. Having knowledge of sorcery helped a lot.

"So what's the report on this case?" he asked the man beside him, a heavily build man with scarred chocolate skin, fresh off a honorable discharge from the Marines.

"Kid went missing in a waterpark." answered Trevor, checking an ar-15. "Went into one of the tunnels on the lazy river, never came back out. Security cameras were posted at both ends, and they already checked to see if he was taken out of the park."

"And they don't think it's just a kidnapping... why?" Jeffery asked.

"Older guy went missing a few months back. They didn't panic too much because initially they thought he just left of his own free will. Then his family started looking for him- last place he was seen was going into the same tunnel."

Jeffery frowned. It could be a coincidence, a false alarm. But rarely did the Backroom Survivors Group organize something like this unless there was a major consensus on an unreality being involved.

"There's been an uptick in unexplained disappearances lately." noted Samantha, a former Navy sailor in the front passenger seat. "Those parents and the abusive teacher, multiple kids... this feels less like your usual accidental entry."

Trevor and Jeffery shared a look. Samantha was as good an ally as they could get- marksmanship, loyal, knew how to keep her mouth shut, uncanny knack for sensing danger... but something had happened to her to leave her paranoid, sometimes seeing connections where there were none.

But then again, just because she was paranoid didn't mean she was automatically incorrect...

>>97175289
Lold reading this

>>97275922
They arrived at the waterpark around midnight, yellow tape and wire gates impeding their progress. "Wild Waves" had been shut down while an investigation proceeded, the owners unwilling to risk further lawsuits until things were resolved.

Kyle, a former felon who's first encounter with unrealities had happened while breaking into a mall at night, handily dealt with the chains and padlocks barring their way. Breaking and entering was a necessity for what they did, but it still made Jeffery uneasy every time they had to resort to such measures.

As he wove sorcery to deceive the security cameras, Jeffery couldn't help but look around nervously for any witnesses. Being caught with heavy weaponry in a place you weren't supposed to be wasn't something he wanted to explain to a judge... or his parents, who thought he was on a trip with friends. But it hadn't been long ago that he had been a victim, scared and desperate, managing to escape only by sheer virtue of luck.

Brightly colored inner tubes and closed concession stands greeted them as they made their way through the entrance, closing the gate behind them so it didn't immediately look like there had been an intrusion. Waterways and pools normally churned by turbines and an endless parade of customers now were starkly still, reflecting the scant moonlight coming through the clouds.

Eventually they reached where the lazy river entered the tunnel. He brought up his phone, the faithful discontinued map application that had proven to be an effective navigation tool.

Not fifty feet in was a glitchy distortion on the map- there was an entrance, but what it would look like or how it would behave, he couldn't be sure.

(Continuing later.)

>>97276102
The rest can be found here at

pastebin(dot)c0m/ ajv9ZmF8

If captcha is going to make me jump through more hoops, I'll do it this way now.

Happy New Year, anons.

Origins of the Order of the White Lily-Penned by Mother Superior Amelia of Loshire
It was not how an angel was meant to die. Not in some back alley of Loshire.
Everett wheezed, blood flecking his parched lips. The radiance that had surrounded him for so long dimmed.
Genevieve could do nothing but stroke his hair, rocking back and forth and whispering it would be fine. As she did so many years ago when he came to her crying over some small injury or some social slight, the worst thing he had experienced thus far. That it wasn’t the end.
As if she could force reality to conform to her desperation if she continued to repeat, “It’s okay, it’s okay.”
With a shaking hand, she held the pressed white lily he had given her all those years ago in his eyeline. It was now dessicated and dry. Her tears and her son’s blood were the first moisture it had felt in decades.
He was strong. Stronger than his father, even. His mouth opened and she expected some words of defiance or even comfort.
The hurt he felt was nothing compared to the pain he was causing her. He apologized so many times before his lungs could bear no more words. She expected something. Maybe if the two believed hard enough, he would just hold on.
He wheezed, then he breathed no more.
Even as the light finally faded from his eyes, she continued the mantra. Her son was gone, but his body was the closest she could now be to him.
The others of his cell finally turned the corner. They insisted she had to go. To leave her poor, sweet son.
She fought with all the strength of a farm wife to stay with her son. It took four of them to drag her away before the guards arrived.

>>97284799
Genevieve sat solemnly as the others of the cell argued. Her Everett was not the first singled out and killed by the Daughters. Seductresses, assassins, those who killed through poison blades, food, and tongues.
She told the men all they needed to know and left. She did not say how she had tracked him down. Did not mention the perils of the war around them. That was hers. This war would take no more.
She kept to the roads. Feigning an old refugee when needed. Until she reached friendly lands. She would take no questions from guards and her insistence that she had information no one else knew was believed.
It was only in the presence of the sage that she made her demand, “Where pain shows its thorns, I will be the gardener. Give me the women who have lost or those that are not yet threatened by heartbreak. They will be moulded. They will grow. Teach me and I will teach them.”
The sage smiled and could not refuse her.
Loshire was reclaimed. The poisons and plagues concocted by the Midwife of Serpents and her Daughters beaten back by the tireless toil of those who sought out Genevieve. Though their white smocks were often soaked in scarlet and their hands shook from exhaustion, they fought their own war. One no less deadly than the flashing steel of the battlefield. A silent conflict. Against the rot.
The others, less hardened by anguish, were immune to the feline charm of the Daughters. Bright, unsullied eyes hid vigilance. Well trained to counter their tricks.

>>97284807
As the final bastion of Loshire fell, she returned to the city. There were always more patients. More despair to keep at bay. She felt older than her years as trembling legs carried her through pitted streets and past burning buildings.
It was not her city. Not yet.
She walked the roads as if she knew them well. Heart pounding. Longing and dread collided in her chest and separated again in a dance of anticipation. She knew she would not see him again. But this was close.
She turned the corner she recognized from a night she tried to forget.
It was dark. Kept from the sun and rain by the brothel and tavern that flanked her son’s final resting place.
Between the moss-stained cobblestones, white lilies grew.

File: 1575681693020.jpg (226.4 KB)

226.4 KB JPG

It's funny, now that New Year is over, I can't help but think about how 2026 was supposed to be The Future

I don't know what I was expecting, but it wasn't, you know, kind of a crappier version of what we had twenty or thirty years ago but with faster internet.

>>97287228

Cyberpunk as a genre kinda is about that, tough

>>97287228
It'll get better someday. The world is just in a very weird place right now. Lots of growing pains.

>>97287800
Cyberpunk is (generally), dystopian, but it still predicts significant social and technological changes. Maybe flying cars were always a pipe dream, but direct brain interfaces and major cybernetic body modification seemed a plausible level to reach by the mid 2020s.

Technological and social progress over the last twenty years just feels very incremental compared to what came before. In fact socially we've regressed in many ways.

I know the future is never as interesting as science-fiction thinks it'll be, but honestly, I feel kind of short-changed by how things have turned out.

>>97289904
Be honest, did you post that before seeing the news of the US invasion of Venezuela?

>>97287228
Yeah, things are not going the way I would like them to go...

Speaking of cyberpunk, I have a couple concerns with my own cyberpunk writing project. There are a few big plot ideas I had involving robbing the basement research lab of a corporation and another getting into a massive shootout with the swat team, and at least in the latter case how do you avoid being labeled a terrorist or getting on the most-wanted list? And a similar thing with heists, if you rob the cyber-bank or some corporation, is there any reason to stay a professional criminal on the street? Or how can I have all the characters remain criminals but not terrorists after doing these things?

>>97298036
Standard cyberpunk/shadowrun ways honestly; filed off barcodes essentially. All voices are generic synths, all identifying visual elements are common off the shelf skins, ghost guns, paying hackers to scrub evidence, and buy/sell crypto to scrub the money. Of course they're terrorists and most wanted. But they don't exist.

>>97298036
What >>97298685 said; anonymity is generally a big part of being a criminal. If they don't get caught, why would the cops know who they are?

But also, generally in Cyberpunk settings crime is so rampant that the cops can't afford to treat armed gangs with the same seriousness that irl cops do. Your gang could just be one amongst hundreds operating in just that city. A shootout that tears up half a city block might be a global news event today, but in a Cyberpunk setting it's just another Tuesday. Much as the cops might like to mobilise the whole department to hunt them down, there are a dozen other calls that are as serious or even moreso that they have to respond to.

>>97275738
>>97284799
I fully intend to read these I have just been very busy.

File: 1390156801354.jpg (21.2 KB)

21.2 KB JPG

Hi guys, I'm working on a new adventure I'm about to kick off and I'm thinking of giving the party rogue a chance to get mixed up with some fellow criminals and maybe join in on a heist plot, but I'm struggling a bit to come up with ideas of how to do that organically in a new area with no pre-existing contacts, thieves generally being rather notorious for keeping their business to themselves.
The area is a mining town and I'm thinking of potentially having a ring of thieves there plotting to rob eg the mining company payroll or the local merchant bank, but the challenge is figuring out an "in" for my player.
I'm thinking they might notice someone suspicious casing the target or something? Or maybe lifting a key off a guard?
Another idea I had was that a miner or other local could mention that an out-of-towner they didn't know had paid or offered to pay unexpectedly well for some information to do with the target, person being asked not sure why but seemed a bit fishy.
Still a bit unclear on how they could actually integrate themselves with the gang after a "tip-off" like this though
Any other suggestions for hooks I could use or how I might further develop this idea? I'm pretty new to all this.

>>97309375
Two ideas without making it too complicated
>the criminals recognize the rogue character since they simply know how to spot each other
>the criminals fail in their endeavor, or they succeed with some crime nearby, and the rogue notices it, and then decided to investigate
There is a chance that the rogue player doesn't bite, regardless of what you plan to do. Don't railroad him, but maybe you'll can let him know that he's missing out.

File: hmm.jpg (7.4 KB)

7.4 KB JPG

>>97309416
Yeah nah, if it doesn't happen then it doesn't happen but I'm thinking I'll drop a hint or two that I can develop if the player goes for it. If they don't pursue the lead I might have the robbery go off as an event at some point regardless, to whatever result.
>the criminals fail in their endeavor, or they succeed with some crime nearby, and the rogue notices it, and then decided to investigate
Good ideas, but I figure generally a string of thieves working a big score wouldn't want to draw too much attention to themselves by doing other jobs on the side, that's why I was thinking of lifting an office or key or something that'd actually be working towards the main robbery. Having them try the job and botch it feels a bit dicey because how would that not result in the kind of heat that'd make them hesitate over going ahead with the job?
>the criminals recognize the rogue character since they simply know how to spot each other
I dunno if most groups would just suddenly bring in a new member on a job who they've never met before and have no references for, but I've kinda been thinking maybe the angle could be like they know they've been made so they offer to cut the new guy in to guarantee they don't rat.
I guess it could also just be that they're having trouble working out all the details and think they need one more guy to pull it off, but it's a little less compelling maybe?

Has anyone used AI as an editor?
Already use it for research and spellchecking. But I wonder if I could let it run over the chapters for editing purposes, recognizing wrong spellings and faulty language.
But I also don't know how I should feel about using a centralized AI, and what the company behind it might do with all the data. Meaning, I probably need a private, local AI.

>>97133758

This might be a more philosopical question than most, but.

I could be in the position of GMastering some proper Sword and Sorcery game (Conan 2d20 and On Mighty Thews) and a DND-adjacent game.

That would mean that I should not do (much) stories that could overlap thematically. What plots, especially, would you say that work in DND but not in SS?

>>97312192
>What plots, especially, would you say that work in DND but not in SS?
Interplanar stuff, anything involving fantastic races etc.

>>97311755
My guess is private, local AI aren't strong yet, last time I saw my RL buddy trying to use local Deepseek with his ultra-powerful gaming computer the thing took like 5 minutes to answer a single thing.

My other guess is some online LLMs are powerful enough right now to be a so-so editor, I mean, not genius level, but good enough, but maybe you need to pay for premium.
I see people using the arcprize.org/leaderboard to get an idea nowadays about what's topping what.

>>97312192
Obviously, DnD grew out of traditional Sword and Sorcery, so I think there's a significant degree of overlap. I think maybe the way to approach it is that Sword and Sorcery is DnD stripped down to its roots.

As >>97316751 says, you can't have interplanar travel, and your races have to be either just human or human plus the most basic kind of goblin- or demon-adjacent beings.

In terms of plots, I think some of the more roleplay-focused DnD campaigns might feel a little out of place in S&S; you don't really get the Game of Thrones-style court intrigue in the old Conan stories, at least not anywhere near that level of complexity. Not that Conan - either the character or the stories - is completely lacking complexity, but I think the traditional 'rescue a princess, fight an evil wizard, get some loot' is the type of campaign S&S lends itself well to.

>>97311755
It can be helpful for pointing out things you've missed, but the trouble with AI is that you can't trust it. It will overlook glaring errors and find fault with completely okay sentences. It also isn't going to pick up on 'kind of okay, but could be better'. There's no downside to using it so long as you don't trust it blindly, but you're still going to have to read through and edit it the old fashioned way afterwards.

>>97287228
Thinks are not changing the way I want them to change, universe is lame and gay. I hate the demiurge.

File: xxqt6cjqbmb11.jpg (80.6 KB)

80.6 KB JPG

Just because it's been on my mind recently, for obvious reasons.

What are some creative ways to make the reader think "yup this guy is definitely the killer" in a closed circle mystery? The gag is every suspect is as suspicious as possible but after 9 unbelievably suspicious little Indians I find my creative juices running dry for number 10.

>>97331023
Have you done an "If I did it..." character yet? Someone who seems to know way too much about the crime and posits ways it could've been done more cleanly.

File: snow sparkle.png (623.2 KB)

623.2 KB PNG

So much snow these days...

>>97311755
The main thing it is good for is finding repetition and sentence structure issues. I wouldn't trust it on much else.

>>97275738
Well-written story, as always. Although I always thought that the Backrooms are most effective as horror when there's no controlling them; they're not magic in the traditional sense, something that can be affected by rituals or channelling some ethereal force. They're just unknowable, a break in reality. Maybe you can learn enough to map them, but how or why they come to be are beyond human understanding.

>>97284799
>>97284807
>>97284820
This is actually a really interesting concept. Assassins' Guilds are very common tropes in fantasy but they're rarely female, and I don't think I've ever heard of an organisation of anti-assassins.

Also, 'Midwife of Serpents' is an extremely cool name for the head of an all-female assassins' guild.

You guys ever just rip off a video game, or a TV show in its entirety because your players are to normie to know the material?

>>97354883
I ran a dark fantasy D&D group using mostly dark souls bosses and dungeons for that reason. Through my own spin on things of course, but the general premise of them stayed intact.

>>97354883
>to normie
Honestly you could lift plots wholesale from older media since the current generation is too young to know what it is. You could crib Columbo for murder mysteries, X-Files for weird one-off encounters of the week, Seinfeld or Frasier or a billion other sitcoms for background characters at a bar or restaurant.

>>97357619
>Telling the bard the woman giggles as she leaves room
>He was in the pool

>>97346284
Thanks man, it's also a bit of a nudge. Lilies are toxic to cats and the daughters are implied to be honey traps.

Pussy, catting around, etc.

The idea is they follow armies and find marriage prospects while also being on guard against more feminine seduction. It's kind of a running joke that they're the opposite of a femme fatale. The first one players meet is named Betty and the first from the other side is named Veronica, who is trying to seduce field marshal Archibald.

Courtesy bump

>>97360860
>The idea is they follow armies and find marriage prospects while also being on guard against more feminine seduction. It's kind of a running joke that they're the opposite of a femme fatale.
Honestly, fantasy tends to be well-worn tropes recycled in slightly different ways, but this is actually really original.

>>97260971
>>97260984
I'm curious: I know Christmas is long over now, but did anyone actually read this?

File: 7 - final keyart.png (2.1 MB)

2.1 MB PNG

Hello, gamers. This is a plot structure question, I've got the storyfagging down pretty well but I do need some help from more experienced DMs how to pace this. Descriptions of "real history" are nothing more than me giving the immediate analogue for quick and easy digestion.

Custom setting based on the immediate aftermath of a vast magical conflict between the Byzantine Empire and Sassanids, the collapse of the Roman Empire was due to the arrival of magic into the world which triggered a Witcher-style "convergence of the spheres" event. Very bad time. The PCs are in Antioch where the final stages of the war were fought. They are here to collect family members or artifact items lost during the war.

The PCs will be assaulted at the warehouse where these grave goods are kept by an agent of what is known as the "Tyrantine Cabal," a secret organization that believes the arrival of magic into the world is Bad, Actually and they need to destroy it. The means of doing this is simple; magic is based on mental and emotional value transmuted into magical/spiritual energy, classic Chaos stuff. Therefore, the way to destroy magic is to produce such a monstrous emotional feedback to the Source that it dies from the shock. This is planned to be done through killing a son of God with a shard of God's own body.

Anyway, the agent and his cronies are at the Warehouse to steal the PCs goods, because they are infused with a strong source of "Nostalgia," which is a new form of magical resonance made by the hunger for something that is lost. All of the PCs were asked to write stories about loss and yearning for a past that can never be remade.

[Continued below]

File: unnamed.jpg (170.5 KB)

170.5 KB JPG

>>97394536
This is where I'm puttering, because I need to figure out some way for the PCs to get "hooked" into the greater metaplot and find some reason to stick together, while also being obviously "special" by outside observers which puts them into the interests of power blocs within the city. The thought I had is that the Agent used powdered honey from a "Mellified Man" (basically, a honey mummy thought to contain vast magical and restorative powers) who was made during the chaotic early years of magic coming into the world, and they breath in that powder which gets them "noticed" by the Mellified Man - this has humorous connotations for players because they could say their characters now have diabetes (or the popsicle man, you know how players love to find a good way to meme about story), but I can also see it as a sort of... The Mellified Man wants them to "get over" their loss, because while the Tyrantine Cabal has savage means, they believe the ends justify them - and, more importantly, the Mellified Man was made to help people, and -

- I don't know, I'm not able to put it into concise words without rambling which is why I know it's something I need to "settle into," lock in as the kids say. The goal is to ultimately instill within them some secret knowledge or connection to the Tyrantine Cabal and the head honcho involved (who, himself, suffers from serious yearnings to a less tumultuous past.) Maybe this is just DM anxieties and I should stick with the honey powder which gives them funky visions of their lost loved ones (alongside the Jesus Figure that's trying to help them through it) but it feels like, "you sniff a strange sweet powder and now you're locked in" feels very railroady. Which isn't *bad,* mind you, because the early sessions need to be where you get players settled into their place within the world, but I'm still fighting through what could've actually happened.

File: 1397507311836.jpg (69.5 KB)

69.5 KB JPG

>>97394536
>>97394585
Heh, heh! What a fool I am! An utter fool! They came to steal the ledger. THE LEDGER! Without the ledger, how is anyone supposed to know which bones go to which homes? It's a PR disaster! A horrible tragedy! And more importantly, how are the PCs supposed to find their own closure without the book? Heh! I'm a genius!

>>97390482
Dude, I'm so sorry. I got so busy with Christmas that I forgot to comment. Ironic, considering the message of the story. I read everything in these threads and rarely say anything. Lurking is my vice.

I just reread it.

It legitimately made me choke up a little and stuck with me. Reading it again only drove it back home, I actually remember the climax really well. Messages and stories about gratitude and the soppy stuff really stick with me. This was a particularly well-done version.

A belated merry Christmas. May we all keep the season with us throughout the year.

If you're looking for any issues, I don't know if I can dredge anything up really. The long beginning really just drove the ending home even harder.

File: 1619148922050.png (50.4 KB)

50.4 KB PNG

Lads, I hate the editing phase.

File: 1549210865466.jpg (980.9 KB)

980.9 KB JPG

Hello, I have a question (or two) that I hope you will answer.
I want you to imagine you're in a library in a strange town. You're currently stuck here because your car is being worked on. The repairs are indefinite; you could be here for hours. So you take a book from a shelf and sit down to read:

crownwhill.substack.com/p/pilot

My question is this: at what point did you decide to stop reading and reach for a different book? More importantly, what about that point convinced you that you didn't want to read anymore?
That's it. No need to wrack your brain for any complex reasoning. No need to comb through the text with an editor's eye. Just read it for pleasure, and when you find you don't want to read anymore, a simple 'I stopped at X because of Y' will do.
Thank you very much in advance, and don't let the picture color your expectations of the story. It's just an eye-catcher.

I want to start some sort of writing project, I think about it all day but I can't get myself to sit down and do it. As a result, the details are nebulous and I can't make up my mind about anything. I think it's because of unmedicated ADHD, do you guys have any suggestions aside from getting medicated (not an option)?

>>97401363
Decide that there will be a specific time on a specific day when you will do writing stuff.
Develop some kind of ritual and habit, and do it every time before writing.
Decide on what you will be writing today BEFORE the session starts. Write this down. It can be notes, a small list, or just some random ideas. You shouldn't have to think what you want to write before writing.
Get rid of as many distractions as possible.
Even if you manage to focus only for a couple of minutes, it's important to keep doing this. Ideally every day.

File: thelovecraftsextet_album-miserere.jpg (264.2 KB)

264.2 KB JPG

>>97401202
>At what point do you stop reading
When I learn what it wants to say to me, and if that thing it wants to say is not what I want to listen to.

I'm probably a monster but when I have a finite amount of time to kill and books to fill it, I'll start with a book on a page several chapters in and see what it does to grab my attention, if it doesn't I move on and the book I put down itself isn't spoiled for me in the least.

Well before a midpoint a book should have something it's working towards, so this is why I start some chapters in, that momentum should have picked up already. If the direction is there and language keeps me in, I restart the book from page 1. Next I critique the hook. I hate a cheap hook. Sometimes I stop reading after I get to the hook, lamenting the value I saw, but at least I tried a little harder with it, or so I tell myself. If it's good, I'll attempt to get to the spot where I first started. If I 'make it' back to where I started I will typically keep reading until either I run out of time or the book ends. I ended up finishing books I did this with, largely because there was a premise I liked, but others really bait me hard like "I who have never known men" A crunchy premise is worth it's weight in gold even if your characters end up doing nothing with it. I can forgive a frustrating book like that when it's both intriguing to think about and slim enough to finish within a few hours.

If you're talking about YOUR book.. give me a while to open your link, I have DND tonight but I'll give it a gander later. I'm fucking ruthless and full of weird advice so ymmv.

Question for the thread.. What music do you listen to and how does it impact your writing?

>>97405175
Man, I can't listen to music at all when I'm writing.

I'd be interested in your harsh critique of my white lily story and chronicler's stuff just to see what your critiques are like and I'd like to read something of yours if you're interested in posting.

>>97401031
True...

>>97398236
Thanks, dude. Given that it was kind of an experiment for me, it really helps to have some feedback. Don't worry about the wait, it's not like it was urgent - there's still plenty of time until next Christmas for me to start planning another story.

File: 1759460609367037.jpg (58.9 KB)

58.9 KB JPG

>>97405712
Sure thing boss, I'll give it a gander. As for a story, you cool with a first draft short based on a dream I had last night? Hope so cause that's what I got for you folks today. fyi I will run out of pictures.

All of the children in this story have gone to sleep. The butterflies have finished their transformations and emerged. To flutter and beat their wings, for storms on the other side of the world.

+ +
There was a garden gate in my backyard my mother said to never touch. In a summer, she turned steel by hand into hundreds of feet of barbed wire and flensed the fence with it herself. Our garden was a jungle, and I would run a course through it to please her, but I never touched the garden gate, and I never dropped important things. It made her very happy, I was happy. I was wild then and climbed many things, I could run between the forgotten places between houses like a ghost and get into nearly anywhere like a mouse. I had a job to do this all for, that I was pleased to have. I was good at it.

The other children I knew then were from families with houses. Big ones, bright ones, a few they built themselves like mine. We were all friends. They weren't all as good at the things I was, but I did my best to teach them. In my backyard a new one was running the course my mother made. Mud gummed shoes slipped on the last incline, they were almost to the finish. The muck stuck to them fast, they fell, and their most precious possession fell in the dark somewhere out of sight, and their hands bracing against the garden wall came away bright red. I saw the slice over one eye, and I knew they would not crawl to the finish line, I told my mother. The toy was buried when the adults came, finally, to unglued him from the barbwire. I had been right but the adults didn't believe me again. He was very cold when they collected him. I didn't suppose he would last very long, but I pinky promised myself I would try to help. He cried a lot. In the end I was right.

File: 22861474_1563460047033852_1214545371613456325_o.jpg (154.6 KB)

154.6 KB JPG

>>97411918
It was winter, and all the houses were full of people warm in their beds. I was running across a fence like a squirrel delivering nuts. Specific nuts, in a specific order, I was a dutiful squirrel. I would drop one there and another here. They were letters. Important things. Things for important people to get at the right time, they would understand when they got the letter. I took the letters I was told to take, and gathered them up on strings to hang around my neck. A hundred business man ties, I was very professional.

When I got home, the sun peeked over the valley bowl and revealed to me my secret. I saw my single business tie, and realized how I hadn't dropped it. There was one off, maybe all of them, no no, most I think were in the right places. Somewhere one was missed, and the count for the rest was wrong by one. It must have been over halfway, I thought. I didn't know how many letters were dropped to wrong places. I never found out. But I do remember where I left the secret one.

That evening was full of tears and promises. The adults always knew when something was wrong no matter how secret it was supposed to be. There was a man on the television and he had my business tie. He was being taken somewhere. The adults hushed when they saw the man, they recognized him, or the tie. The man with the business tie was getting 'excluded'. I didn't recognize the word. It was his fault he found it, he should have never looked for it, I said. The adults wondered if everything would unravel overnight. I wondered aloud who would be knitting at night, they didn't think I was very funny. I went to bed hungry, and very tired.

File: 27024192_10213679515935973_5101269541023449777_o.jpg (275 KB)

275 KB JPG

>>97411940
In the morning my mother was quiet like the devil. She was with someone new, someone she called my dad but I didn't know him. I knew what dads were supposed to be from the adults, some of the kids had them. After my incident with the ties, all the other kids played elsewhere. They weren't allowed to play with me, she said.

My entire life up until then had been endless games of tag, playing skip the river rocks, and jobs the adults gave us. I gave the other kids the easy things when there were too many secrets. I never wanted them to find out how scary they could be. I was really good at hiding when things went badly, I didn't know if the others could do that as well as me. I tried to teach them but we had too much fun. I never considered it was possible to take away the biggest part of all my favorite things, and that the biggest part would be the other kids. I never thought of it. I wondered who would do the big secrets and if they would be alright.

It was time for me to go, she said, but I didn't understand her. Go where? She didn't say. The dad took me to the city, he didn't have to say anything.

I had a lot of friends in the city. The secrets we shared grew, but anything one of us could do was what all the rest could too. We raised a lot of hell that first year, and the year after. At the age of Six I was the Lord of the Flies, but at 8 I was Piggy. I got the hardest things because I was the smallest, they said. I couldn't push the other kids off the fence so it was me that did the 'being pushed'. I ran from dogs a lot that first summer, and from adults the second.

File: 14859896_1141547422588370_6776255296967214971_o.jpg (307.1 KB)

307.1 KB JPG

>>97411962
By the end of my 10th year, the city had changed a lot and I with it. The dad was still around, he didn't talk much and when he did it was for work. He reminded me of the man who stole my business tie, the one on the TV. He would take me to places with perfect mirrors and gilded edges, and adults would laugh and he would laugh with them. I didn't think any of them were really having a good time.

It was after one meeting with the gilded adults, when dad returned us to the flat we rented on the south side, that he showed me what being human was really like. I didn't enjoy it. I understood then why none of the adults seemed to be having a good time, it was because they were only human. Every time we went to the gilded ones, I sang like a chickadee and learned more about being human. I hated them all for it.

When I was with friends we were animals, and that was a lot of fun. We didn't always have secrets to keep, but there was always work to be done. I was a squirrel and a mole, a rat, and a guard dog. I towed lots of piles of bricks to a lot of different places in my wagon like a horse. I purchased marbles and gum at the corner store like a human. I knew a lot of words like sedition, anarchy, rebellion, but I didn't know what they meant. All around the city was a lot of mumbling. All the words I was trained to hear were everywhere, on everyone's lips. I was really scary. I went back to my pack to tell them about it, but the building they lived in was on fire.

File: FBqqGR3UYAMBunt.jpg (245.3 KB)

245.3 KB JPG

>>97411991
It was the city that embraced me when I had nothing left. I realized how many other friends I had only after I lost the ones I started with, again. The dad was gone, like he never existed. The people I spent all that time long, running with, were gone too. Somehow, in a lot of talking and a lot of hiding, I learned why.

In the Spring of my 12th year, I was sentenced to execution by firing squad. I made one wrong friend. I told them a secret and it all came tumbling down. I understood I mistook the word 'Excluded' all those years ago, but sitting in a dark room alone with my thoughts, excluded worked just fine. Excluded from life, excluded from being human, it sounded like not such a bad thing after all.

In the dark, I remembered the tie. I remembered where the toy fell, and I knew where I could dig it up. I talked about it to myself. I was talking a lot to the empty room. I soothed myself to hear human words, I turned them over on their belly to see what crawled underneath them. I dug my finger nails in under the fleshing things, I pried them lose. I said everything there was to say about them until my voice was horse. At some point, a man was sitting across from me and hearing the words too. I told him about the tie. Before I knew what was happening, I was returned to the world. I was an animal in the forest of grey city skyline, unleashed. The air was clean and the sky was beautiful and cold. I was a mewling baby cat, and went to the only place I knew one could live; in the den with the other baby animals.

File: 2c06d37960e3be150ce1f62e5b4e1179.jpg (119.2 KB)

119.2 KB JPG

>>97412011
There was a new pack there. I met them all and played tag until the shop-keeps complained. The fire was scrubbed off the walls, new mortars and bricks like the ones I wagoned thither. I was glad to learn no one had dads. Only kids without anywhere else to go lived here, with the kindly woman that fed them. I mewled for her long enough and she let me stay too. I enjoyed the pampering, the fussing of the other children that cut my hair and pinched my cheeks. I could be this kind of house pet a while.

Some of the other pets had secrets in their eyes. They saw mine, but didn't ask about them. I really liked the pets, a lot. We cheerfully talked about things that didn't matter. The social ladder of who had spent the longest time on what fences, which fences, no longer loomed over our circle. We didn't push each other off of new ones, and that's what really mattered to me. I loved them.

The lady died. Sometime in the night. The children were gone and I was alone again. There was only one place I knew left. I knew it better than anywhere. Even though I didn't want to go, there was a part of me that still remembered it well, and knew exactly where the toy was buried. So I went back.

File: IMG_20210602_223907.jpg (368.6 KB)

368.6 KB JPG

>>97412032
My mother's home was full of butterflies. In her senile years, one of the gilded adults that called on her had spared no expense, and turned the woman's home and the jungle beyond it into a proper garden. My mother was not the woman she used to be. She sang in the parlor, she knitted well into the night and fell asleep under stars and the doom of glass that was now her house, and home to a thousand powdery wings.

There were bubbling stones and pathways brightly lit, small sweeping brambles grown delicately into pleasing shapes. Roses bloomed thickly on the garden gate. I could see the outline of dozens, hundreds, of imperfect places. I could tell where the inclines were ground down, and where trophies piled to be forgotten nestled in the earth untouched. I saw all the uninteresting things those humans, that plodded around the garden full of secrets, would never see. I found the tie.

File: IMG_20210618_183944.jpg (226 KB)

226 KB JPG

>>97412041
In the evening before my mother's last day on earth, I dug out the beautiful garden and flung it all over with mud. I pulled my prizes from their plots. A robot. A precious thing too big for the child that loved it. A steel train whistle. I thought of the boy who owned it. He sniffled and cried a lot, too much. For weeks he cried, but I forgave him. A teddy bear, eaten down until only the plastic eyes remained. I kept my pinky promise to her and didn't let her fall off the fence once. A tiny pickle ornament. I didn't abandon him when the lights went off and he was scared of the dark. The red wooden block. The walk was long, but we stayed together the whole time.

But I couldn't find the last one. I could remember the cut above his eye, how it still looked like an angry bug bite when the adults, satisfied with all the work he didn't do himself, sent him off on his first errand alone. I tore down the roses, exposing the barbed wire on the garden gate. It hung where it had always, garden or nothing. I traced again and again the line he made while trailing blood. Straight from the back door down to where the pit used to be. I couldn't find his tin soldiers. I couldn't locate their little cookie box. I cried. He didn't come back and I hadn't cried then. I thought for a long time that it would have been better if he had fallen after all, but I didn't cry. I was sadder then ever because I couldn't find his damn cookie tin. I thought it was very human of me.

File: IMG_20210131_234403.jpg (784.5 KB)

784.5 KB JPG

>>97412053
When they came for her, she did not fight them. None of the gilded adults helped, nor the dull ones either. She was a ghost of a bygone past and none of them needed her anymore. I was a ghost in their windows, I peeked in at their lips and heard their every fearful sound. I alone knew the shapes they huddled around, traced the outlines of their worries. In the passage of time, knew them all very very well. I was the one that heard the timber of words they spoke to themselves in the dark, when they believed they were alone. When a phone rang in a place it shouldn't, I was there to intercept and listened to the tones of numbers and knew which ones they pressed. If adults didn't know everything was unravelling around them, they were full of smiles. I let them be. Those with smiles and children, after all, let those children sleep in their beds without secrets to fear. They didn't need to fear the animal howling outside. I did not howl for them.

When they came for me, I did not fight them. I smiled at them warmly over tea, and I passed into their hands a tie- a letter. Crumpled and aged. There was a folder full of all the secrets I knew, and that was finally gone. I breathed a sigh of relief and didn't fear if I would finally be excluded, I was an animal after all, a dog with a wagging tail.

File: IMG_20210131_234358.jpg (481.9 KB)

481.9 KB JPG

>>97412073
That winter, when the towers of Babel fell I pulled down the barbed wire from the garden gate. I finally found out what was on the other side and laughed. When I strung across it all the crochet my mother made over those many years she grew old, It looked like barbed wire. They were such terribly made flowers.

Any thoughts on the story structure where it's events, and then those same events from the opposite perspective? I watched 86 recently and it does this and I've got to thinking of a story where somebody meets an infamously lucky person and has dealings with them, and then the latter half is from the lucky person as they set everything up to swindle, outwit, or just get one over on the former.
And I guess a secondary question is how do you write somebody with incredible luck?

>>97412263
I love that shit. Seems like it's a bit hard to pull off but yeah I love it.

>>97412263
That actually does sound like a good idea. Although maybe it would work better if instead of incredible luck, the other person is supposedly very skilled, or smart, or brave, or something like that. I mean, when someone gets lucky a lot people are going to start suspecting they're a con artist.

Ciaphas Cain's perspective of himself versus everyone else's, except backwards: rather than the genuine hero who thinks of himself as a fraud, it's a genuine fraudster who everyone thinks is a god amongst men.

>>97426504
HYPERBOREA

>>97412088
Thanks for posting.

I think there's some good here and I don't have any real issues with most of the structure aside from an overuse of simile.

My real problem on first read is that it's so detached and abstract I have a lot of issues grounding myself in the story or getting invested in the plot. It has an intersting internal but no anchor. Honestly, I found myself sort of drifting away because it was so out there.

It may just be the format, but I didn't really understand what the character even was or what was being referenced.

That being said, there were definitely evocative pieces. The 'dad', the descriptions of his meetings, sold the pov well and gave a slight image. I do think it needs work. Retooling and grounding especially, but that shouldn't be taken as discouraging

>>97448929
Like I said, it's not meant to be discouraging, actually the opposite.

>>97411918
>>97412088
I've been waiting a while to do this one because this is the kind of story you need to be somewhat and awake and alert to read. There's a level of complexity in this that most stories we get here don't have.

Well, I have read it, I have considered it, and I have come to a conclusion:

I don't get it.

I actually quite enjoyed the prose, but I didn't get it. And that might well just be because I'm not in the right frame of mind to parse the underlying meaning, but I just did not understand what was going on at all. So I await your explanation of what it's really all about, or whether it's just as nonsensical as it seems on the surface.

>>97453882
>>97449137
Really, the images didn't help, first of all.
What this is, is a dream, like from the perspective of a child generalizing because it can't understand the connections of things, why she's listening for certain words or what those words mean, she does it while pretending she's scenery or an urban woodland creature. I start off with a reference to chaos theory to let you know anything could happen here.

I can't go into it more, it's 2am. I haven't dreamed that once since, it's your problem now.

>>97456532
The story is just not a coherent whole.

>>97462409
Last part of the post got cut off by overzealous clicking:

It's not coherent because it gives no real indication of what it's supposed to be. I think the purpose of these threads is to identify issues. The author knows and can see what they're trying to do. The reader might not. People can have incredible stories in mind but be terrible writers.

You're not a terrible writer; the story just doesn't make sense. That's your problem. No one else's.

Here's my issue with a villain I have and I really like

He's a force of nature made flesh, basically indestructible
genuinely short of sealing him into a pocket dimension or throwing him into the sun he's not gonna die
The futility is the point, they don't beat him in fights they escape and hope the things they treasure are still in tact at the end

He enjoys getting his hands dirty directly and psychologically tormenting the heroes as much as physically
The weak should fear the strong, and the strong should do whatever they want
He doesn't kill them, he wants them broken and alive so they can build themselves back up and he can break them again

As a foil to the characters he represents the idea of what if you had power and didn't temper it
How could a man ever stand against the God
And are there some ceilings that just simply can't be broken


Here's the problem, how do I stop him from just being based? Because not only is he a driving force for the characters on development
But for all intents and purposes his philosophy is correct
He says might makes right and he's mighty enough to enforce that ideal on everyone

>>97462653
So he's a Mary Sue author's pet?

>>97464839
No he really isn't, hes only a pet insofar as hes a total inversion of the PCs
He's steady where they struggle, He's cruel where they're kind, he's limitless and they have ceilings
he does need to be defeated in the end, in whatever way they can determine it

He's not some deeply flawed cuck villain that can be easily tricked or exploited
He's fully actualized, he's everything he believes himself to be
He has no grand Master plan or ambitions, it's just in his nature to do the things he does and there's no need to justify it to anyone

That's the dilemma, there's no easy answer here

>>97462653
The way you write your plot, the villain comes out on top. So your characters, the heroes, aren't the actual heroes of your writing. You like your villain more. There is nothing wrong with that and I think it's a really interesting premise.

If you write from the characters POV, normal stories have an arc. Here, you'd have an aborted arc in which they realise the futility.
If you write from the villain, you'll also have to deal with what ultimately is stagnation.

I don't think your issue is him being based, as much as that with such a powerful force, your story also has an ending that is a foregone conclusion. Making that land is not impossible, but you're veering into bad endings and existential despair.

>>97465109
It sounds like you wrote him without any weaknesses.

>>97465127
Hmm, what you're describing is like how I felt when in the walking dead they said everyone is already infected and will eventually turn
Right there I instantly lost any interest going forward knowing there's no way out of this

In this case there is an opportunity where they could beat him if they become more like him. I'm toying with this idea that he can put his black mark on them which acts as a way to get a bonus forward on rolls every time they do something in alignment with his beliefs and not theirs
Additionally though in this setting there's high tech, so the possibility of them trying to drop a pocket black hole on top of him is genuinely on the table
As is the possibility that on a bad roll he'll thug it out and crawl back from the brink of the event horizon (I'd probably narratively make him severely weakened temporarily following a retarded feat like that)

>>97465386
Is being alone a weakness? It depends how the players leverage that I guess
Dom toretto would say so

>>97465456
It's not a weakness if it doesn't make him weak. Seems like you overpowered thr bad guy and made him the object of author fiat to me.

File: hunter ranger.png (1.3 MB)

1.3 MB PNG

Need help coming up with a terrible act demanded by an evil god
I have a chaotic-neutral ranger who is really into hunting animals Predator style and who commits terrible blood rituals with said animals to receive power from Malar
Need Malar demanding something so terrible that the ranger will have to decide between turning evil or giving up his powers
Apparently killing off endagered species and corrupting a sacred groove with the blood of it's unicorn guardian is considered "cool"
I need something evil but hard so it's not just "go kill a babby" chore but an entire feat of both malice and daring
pic completely unrelated

>>97466939
Hunting his own son?

>>97418057
Jacos, the greatest warrior of his tribe and taker of a hundred heads, feared no man. He had feared no man since becoming chief of his tribe after defeating the previous chief at the young age of fifteen. Jacos, not yet a man himself, had ruled and his elders had followed. This was unusual, even amongst his tribe who prized strength above all else, but Jacos was unusual. He was bigger than anyone he'd ever met and swifter than most. He'd lost duels before, but not past the age of fifteen, and never twice to the same man. Everyone knew his name and those who didn't had heard of his deeds. He'd fought in many battles against his fellow tribesman and then he'd fought alongside them when the metal-garbed invaders had come. They were tougher, harder, and wielded their sharp blades like they'd been born holding them, but Jacos had killed his share of them all the same. He'd won enough honour for ten lifetimes, found a beautiful wife, and had a strong son, who he could see becoming an even greater warrior than himself one day.
Yes, Jacos feared no man, and with the strength of the tribes united, knew he stood only below the Gods. Fitting, he thought, since he would visit a God's vengeance upon the evil the invaders had unleashed upon his homeland. He pulled his glaive out of one of their throats and turned to face the next. He was small, slim, with a pinched face, his eyes too close together. Shock was etched in his expression but that wasn't unusual for any man who faced Jacos. The invader leveled his sword, moving faster and with more precision than most of his fellow men in metal. It didn't matter. Jacos swept aside the man's thrust, and in the next motion separated his head from his shoulders. The same stupid look of shock was still on his face as it spun through the air. Fool.

>>97468568
Another little metal man screamed in his direction and when he looked over and matched eyes, he could feel the palpable hate in them. Jacos allowed himself a moment of reprieve to hold the look and return a smile. Jacos feared no man and if this one chose to be another fool he would let him. What a pity that in those few seconds the battle line had already pushed past him and now there stood many good warriors he recognised between them. The fool would never be able to cross the distance between them without getting speared a dozen times over. Besides, Jacos had done his duty. His line of men had begun the clash, taken what blood they could, and now it was their job to retreat and recover while the next fresh line of men took over and held.
In that briefest of moments while Jacos was in thought, the fool now stood one man closer, a good tribesman dead at his feet. He still didn't look away from Jacos. Jacos didn't look away either, though he knew he should be retreating. His mind was made when the fool cut one more man down and roared what could only be a challenge. Jacos chuckled. He would stay to watch how he died first.
The fool threaded his way through several more spear thrusts and slew three warriors as quick as Jacos could count them. He blinked and a fourth hit the ground. There was something happening here and Jacos, experiencing the first stirrings of an unfamiliar emotion, didn't know what to think. There were still too many tribesmen between them to hope to grace the fool with a glorious death by his own hand, but Jacos was fascinated. He watched as Carro, one of his own tribe's greatest warriors, stepped in the way of the fool's path of destruction, backed by two more warriors surrounding the fool who had come deep into their lines alone.

>>97468571
Without warning Carro lashed out at the exact moment the fool looked away to one of the other men. Somehow he saw it coming and swayed to the side, blade flashing as it cut through the haft of the spear aimed at his chest and Carro jerked back. In the same movement he caught the second tribesman's arm overextending and took it. Then he carelessly turned his back to Carro and finished the third tribesman with a series of undefended slashes. Jacos couldn't understand what Carro was waiting for. The fool had his back to him. He was defenceless.
Then Carro collapsed to his knees, and Jacos realised he hadn't even seen the blow that had taken his life. The fool looked around, finding Jacos again in the crush of bodies, and broke into a run. A young spearman, but not so young he shouldn't have known better, leaped at the fool who cut him down without changing the pace of his stride. He was still shouting. The string of words unintelligible, their meaning unmistakeable--a challenge to fight, to settle their blood-feud. The fool was close enough now that Jacos could see his eyes, see the demon in them. He could feel the rush of adrenaline pumping through him, making his heart pound in his ears and the pain of his cuts and scrapes fade, and Jacos, who feared no man, turned and ran. He heard the shouts behind him colour with frustration and thought he might have stopped chasing, but he didn't stop to check. He was safe. He was running.
Jacos feared no man, and that was the truth of it, for he knew that thing was no man.

For writing for things like dark eldar (could also apply to drow and many other sadistic peoples) I have a ton of trouble getting into their mindframe and that naming stuff is also difficult when I don't really have a good feel for how their speech works. Like you could go for them trying to collect slaves or such but that makes them very one note. How do I get my reader to relate or understand what drives these characters, I feel like the most straightforward method is to have them as an antagonist (like dracula). Sorry just kinda in a spiral where I write something read it and just think it's retarded. I probably just need to think on it a lot longer.

>>97470410
From the outside their culture doesn't make sense but from the inside it does. Our own culture is similarly dumb, like expecting a constant expansion of capital when we are based on a world with finite resources.
Try to get into their POV in any case. For Drukhari one of the main things is that only Eldar have personhood, and only they are the real inheritors of the ones. Everything else is instrumentalised. The universe is there for them to plunder. They are trained out of empathy as children and if they can't adapt to that, they'll be weeded out. Betrayal and plotting for the top job are seen as virtues since this culls the weak, ensuring that only the best and most cunning stay at the top.
They will not act or do something if it isn't in their own self-interest, because their culture is the pinnacle and they deserve everything.

>>97470462
Thanks I will try that. I will also have to think a lot as trying to write someone who is much smarter than you is difficult without making them feel like wizards.

>>97470462
(Cont) by nature this makes them antagonists of nearly everyone in the setting, but again, they are self-serving, not dumb. If they have a good enough reason (a piece of technology, the enemy of my enemy, pretending to be eatablishing trade before the inevitable betrayal)
Imperial characters will not relate willingly to these creatures but the Drukhari's themselves will be able to point out that the destruction of a planet's habitat to transform it into a hive city, or that the use of servitors isn't actually that far from slavery - except they remove the capacity for suffering which is a waste etc. Look at how humans raise their children then shrug and say the attrition numbers aren't that dissimilar to Commoragh but that humans are hypocrites about it etc etc

>>97470481
Writing smarter people is hard. As a rule, leave it blank or vague a lot if you can't find a reason for it.
>of course you wouldn't know where I get that information, mon-keigh
Puts the character as: smart, and an ass about it

>>97470503
thanks kind anon I will get back to my story crafting.

>>97470462
That's good. I'd add a bit of personalization in there as well if you want to add a corruption element or at least something approaching understanding.

Think of all those times you've gotten back at someone. Even in an underhanded way and transpose that sense of justice or righteousness to the act itself. Kind of a reverse Christianity

>>97468575
I thought that was a well paced and choreographed fight scene.

My quibbles are with framing, the no man line is repeated a lot.

>>97468191
He doesn't have a son and even if he did, there is no challenge in hunting someone weaker than you

>>97479139
We'd need to know more about the character

>>97479139
Maybe your concept kinda sucks a little. Like you might have made him too powerful.

How could you reign in a shapeshifter? Writing what is effectively a fantasy Penal legion, with people's sentences and debts being owned by the legion, wizards having anti magic shackles. But how could you make sure an ambitious, arrogant shapeshifter who can among other things turn into mist is kept in line?

>>97488835
Generally, a shape-shifter would have either a "tell" or be caught transforming. If you wanted to go the perfect shape-shifter route it'd either be incidentally caught by action while impersonating someone unrelated or someone noticing people going missing and their other acquaintances acting strangely before a body jump.

>>97488835
What kind of conflict are they facing? Shapeshifter vs himself, nature, society, technology, religion, etc? Perhaps they have been promised a reward (amnesty for past crimes?) for completing their sentence. Perhaps they have a piece of their essence caged so they can be tracked wherever they go.

>>97480727
It's as I told you, he's a chaotic neutral hunting enthusiast who's philosophy can be described such quotes as: "Sure, I'm glad to help if it wont bother me too much", "Cheating is unsporting-like", "If there are a few civilian casualities well them's the breaks, but we will try to avoid them" and "If that deer didn't want to be cruelly slaughtered it would have ran faster". His reasoning for following an evil god is being rewarded for what he will do anyway is nice.

>>97486131
I mean, It makes sense that talented and experienced ranger is higher on a powerscale than a younger ranger. Deeds needs to be very morally wrong to do, but cool.

>>97488835
Huge magic branding that stays on him no matter his shape and that his handlers can easily remove once he "worked out his debt to society"

>>97401202
>>97405175
Any feedback? Does the link work? The story's analytics are looking pretty grim.

>>97493089
You described a bit about the person but nothing about the relations he has. Nothing that would indicate a weakness or anything of note besides him being a loner. Maybe that's your problem in finding a weakness. He exists in a void.

>>97497941
I'm sorry anon, I've been distracted. I'll take a look in the next few days.

>>97488835
>How could you reign in a shapeshifter?
Lock them in a containment suit.

>>97466939
Have a 'The Most Dangerous Game' situation. Have it play out, maybe even make the human target an unsympathetic archetype if it makes the story swallow better. But when it comes time to do the blood magics, have the god drop the bomb: this particular ritual will involve gratuitous cannibalism. Is your hero willing to take that plunge?

File: G_s3RbAXkAADDWR.jpg (479.8 KB)

479.8 KB JPG

me and a friend made an effort to write something everyday
was good practice in forcing myself to hammer out words even when I didn't want to.

https://rentry.org/TextureDailyWritingChallenge