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>>3885805
>Khajiit wife
Khajiit cannot be married as marriage is between two people and last I checked Khajiit are not people but rather property.
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>>3886597
Let me give you some friendly advice. OP is crazy. Maybe harmless crazy, maybe not. Don't get involved with him. If he asks you to do anything... strange... you come see me first, got it? Or any of the board's anons. Let us handle it.
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Saw an Imperial in the mead hall today and he asks me "can a Nord borrow a sweetroll?" and my first thought wasn't by the Nine he said the word the N word it was now how is a Nord gonna borrow a Sweetroll? Nord are you gonna give it back?
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>>3889370
>you elves come to our land and refuse to assimilate, retaining your separate identity and supporting your foreign races interests above our own, which is why you refuse to help us in our war
>but we haven’t joined your war because it’s not our fight!
Wow what a fucking rebuttal, bitch. You just quoted their own argument back at them.
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>>3889389
bro the Telvanni went woke 200 years ago when they made that argonian the archmagister, some people say it was the nerevarine but I think that's just people confusing hortator with archmagister
it's not all that surprising honestly after they let that feminazi and imperial simp into the magisters
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>>3885760
>Hark, citizens of the North, people of Skyrim, and every free soul dwelling in the light of the Aedra! Lend me your ears and open your hearts to the solemn decree, the sacred truth, proclaimed by King >Harald, High King of the Nords, true son of the frost and shield of the righteous!"
"By ancient oath and the untarnished dawn of creation, the King declares: The hour of decision is upon us! The creeping shadow of encroaching Darkness—a blight upon the land, a poison in the soul—demands a unified front. We shall no longer stand as isolated sparks of hope, vulnerable and cold. The time for division, for petty squabble, is over!"
>"Look about you! Who conjures the Daedra? Who opens the foul Oblivion Gates that spew forth the fires of damnation upon our fields and our families? It is the perfidious High Elves! >The Altmer cabal, with their silver tongues and black hearts, plot our ruin from their glittering towers!"
>"The holy call rings forth across the Nine Holds: Unite, Bretons of the West, with Nords of the East! Stand as one, Imperials of the South, with the sturdy sons of Skyrim! This alliance is forged in the purifying fire of necessity—a blazing crusade for the Greater Good, a sword of pure light destined to strike down the elven menace that threatens to consume the world entire!"
>"Heed the King's will! Prepare your arms, steel your resolve, and purify your purpose! We march not to conquer mere lands, but to eradicate the source of all evil! Blessings await the loyal; damnation awaits those who dither in the shadow of neutrality. For Light! For Justice! For the Unified Alliance! The darkness must be purged! Ave! Ave Veritas! Ave Skyrim!"
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>>3889402
DO NOT INSULT OUR HERO THE NEREVARINE! He may have been reborn into a farming implement but he was a hero to our people all the same, and he had true Telvanni ethics. If he wasn't the Nerevarine he would have been defeated by our sorcerers. One day Telvanni while rise again, but until then I will shitpost and call you mutts what you are. N'wahs need not reply.
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Guys, who do you think is in the Curio files? Will the Blades ever release them?
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>>3889449
CRASSIUS CURIO DID NOT KILL HIMSELF IN THE LATE 3RD ERA! This was a House Hlaalu trick. He is still alive on living in a massive castle on an island in the Illiac Bay continuing his dangerously debaucherous dark rituals. He needs to be exposed and eliminated in the interest of honor, serving justice to the wicked
>>3889451
What a dumb thing to say
>>3890697
Incorrect. Curio's popular mainstream books are freely available for trade/barter in most book stores in all Provinces. But what most Tamrielians do not know is Curio also has published a great many forbidden books as well that are quite hard to procure. These "unholy" books detail vile sexual acts so fucking foul & terrifying to the point they would make even the Daedra themselves go blind blushing with overwhelming shame. Copies are only available from the most experienced of fences lurking within the blackest of markets and command exorbitant prices
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>>3885760
Love from Akavir!
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>>3895055
No! Lord Vivec shall have your head on his spear if you dare pronounce N'wah wrong!
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>Be me
>Age 37 Imperial
>Born in beautiful hamlet 45 clicks east of Imperial City on a beautiful Hearthfire afternoon in 4E164 to 2 awesome parents
>always treated like an unexpected blessing since age 3. told I'll probably grow up to be a prodigy who'll one day change Tamriel forever becoming the one of the wealthiest men on Nirn
>always knew I was special. different from other children, Doom-Driven
>Immigrate to Skyrim about 14 years ago around Hearthfire 4E201 around age 21
>Within 72 hours of moving to Skyrim I'm told by their mightiest Yarl I'm their Prophecised Hero here to fullfill my Destiny by saving Tamriel
>Based
>Now when Peasants give me even the slightest bit of attitude I can politely stfu them in 4 simple words whenever I choose
>I say "I am the Dragonborn" they always immediately kneel in respect, apologizing begging for my favor
>Brilliant!
>1 year after moving to Skyrim I'm named Loremaster of Winterhold
>Nice
>Was raised in a somewhat agnostic household by 4th Era Imperial standards
>Growing up always told pride myself on being a faithful servant of the Nine, but never forget the Nine may very possibly just be a fairy tale. Nobody truly knows..
>1672 days ago I renounce the Nine
>For years I now worship Clavicus Vile exclusively
>Ask anybody who knows me, they'll all tell you
>"I never met a man more obsessed with Daedra Worship than anon, I doubt any man ever born loves his God as much as he!"
>Finally find right words/proper environment to strike another Pact with my beloved dark Lord
>our agreement was a success for all parties
I just won the game nigger I can mod irl now. CHIM.. An even higher level!! Whenever I wish I can have 4 beautiful cockhungry wives fighting over me, 16 even hornier daughters doing the same, whilst carefully guarding all muh grAND new playerhomes and shit! perhaps i'll give Maven Blackbriar humiliating walk of shame; giving away ALL her gold whilst proudly shitting in her royal diapers in central Riften! DOUBLE based!!
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>>3896105
First of all I'm not racist, elf. Morepver to answer your question sir I have been warping the timelines lately. I invented a new shout that causes a DRAGONBREAK every time I spam it. The 3 word version even invents a brand new Last Dragon Born of a random race and gender in fact. That is why you exist, comrade. think of yourself as my alter ego
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>>3896466
>wah waah enough with the racism outlander!!
The only racist here is you. Like most Imperials I love Dunmer women and I even happen to think your People's culture is quite fascinating for your information
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>>3899145
Yes. I am the Dragonborn. Yes I drink alcohol and yes I eat moonsugar approximately 5 or 6 days each week, practically a teetotaler by Riften standards. Why do you ask?
>Grab a Honningbrew with the lads
Wholesome idea
>If you drink Black-Briar go kill yourself
What if I drink Black-Briar mead I loot off Maven Black-Briar's corpse? That way she's at least not profiting off my alcohol habit in any way
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Anyone else feel bad with their farm tools when they get older these days?, like we brought this lizard few decades back, thought nothing about it, she worked the fields, did the cooking and never once caused a issue or tried to escape and yet she grew onto us like a another member of the family, well more like a special pet that some humans do with dogs and cats, actual cats not those mangy skooma n'wahs
Now she getting older, showing signs of health issues and I'm afraid we might need to put her down if it gets worse, I don't wanna do it, what should I do?
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>>3899757
>showing signs of health issues
Alchemy, brother. Why not just give her some potent health potions to drink?
>like a special pet that some humans do with dogs and cats
Do Morrowinders really not own Dogs and cats? What the fuck is wrong with your province?
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>>3899845
>Alchemy
We have been giving her potions but it seems like it only delaying the inevitable but I wanna get help with a mage but my father hates magic as much as a Nord after he got scammed by a telvanni wizard over a 100 years and he still hasn't forgive them so it's a pain
>wrong with your province
There are dogs here, the Cyrodilics brought them when they came but the issue is our local fauna is aggressive as hell, they fucking kills anything they see, have you seen Cliff racers? they scary dangerous flying creatures, 1 in 10 children get killed by those fuckers every year on Vvardenfell, so a mere housecat or a dog can't do anything than hope for a quick death
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>>3899857
>We have been giving her potions but it seems like it only delaying the inevitable
Perhaps she caught a disease. Mix hawk feathers, a charred skeever hide and a sabre cat's eyeball, this will craft up a useful potion that restores both stamina and health as well as curing almost all known diseases on Tamriel. Also make sure you use the best apparatus available. A master's mortal&pestal, a master's alembic, a master's retort and a master's calcinator should get the job done properly
>have you seen Cliff racers?
I have. Good point, thanks for the reminder not to bring my Dogs to Morrowind
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Guys I was fishing around Azura's Coast and I found a talking Mudcrab. It scared the s'wit out of me, but he seems alright. Tried to hawk some goods, but can I trust him?
What if this is some Dreugh trick???
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>>3885991
Greenmote got a n'wah high so it's High Rock when I'm cookin'
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Why are Nords so bent out of shape? They're just like the Aldmeri. I'm a Colovian Nordic descent from Chorrol and I've spent enough time in the Imperial City to think past this 8, 9 Divines thing or whatever. Just worship whoever you want man, nobody knows whose really right.
I think we should have fewer wars and more bards and wineries. Everybody should walk their own path. Like the Stendar Vigilant thing is wrong. Worshipping Stendar is good and all, but who are you to judge someone worshipping Azura.
When people ask me who I follow I just say Kyne is for me but I'm open to talk rationally with any mortal or god about what they believe and why.
Stormcloaks are basically incel neckbeards who don't even really understand the history of Ysmir worship before Tiber Septim.
You know Argonian culture has this entire thing with sleeping tree shamanism? It's really crazy shit. It would be an honor to visit and observe a hist ritual, but I wouldn't want to claim their culture.
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>>3903450
>Elven girls lust for Elven dicks
... and other "water is water" tier observations. Why do you guys bitch at orcs but never at the beast races? Like, when 2 identical races come together, it's a no-no! But when somebody wants to fuck a cat or a crocodile, everyone's a-okay! Hypocrites...
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>>3903457
I see nothing wrong with loving with the beast races as long you are on top, to remind them their place on the totem pole in Tamriel
Men
Elves
Beasts
That how it goes, sure sure the high elves and dark elves love to bitch how they are the superior with their magic and pointy ears for flicking but one is stuck in a region where everyone is breathing volcano ash and now suffer from lung cancer and the other are all inbred morons, they should be more like the wood elves who know their place in this world, when was the last time you ever seen of heard a wood elf bragging of being superior other than archery?, never that's why
Anyways where was I?, ah yes the beast races, you see milk drinker, here in Skyrim having a Khajiit for a mate is only acceptable in the more frozen parts of Skyrim for hugging something fluffy and furry brings warmth in the bed and for Argonians, well let say holding onto their tail and sometime horns are better to grip and yank is better than hair as you won't end up with a axe in your chest and let me tell you from experience pulling the hair of a female Nord is like flicking the balls of a sleeping cave bear and folk like to say Orcs are the most aggressive race on Tamriel
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>>3903472
>here in Skyrim having a Khajiit for a mate is only acceptable in the more frozen parts of Skyrim for hugging something fluffy and furry brings warmth in the bed
... how much of a bitch does a Nord have to be to be like this?! You fuckers are literally resistant to cold!
>when was the last time you ever seen of heard a wood elf bragging of being superior other than archery?
Yesterday, when my neighbor shot some random Imperial for breakfast. That's the thing with you, non-mers - you see a childish exterior licking you ass, you lower your guard, assume that you'll you rape it later and get your ass cooked on a grill in turn. Kinda the reason why I'm moving to Anvil next year - not only are Bosmer insufferable among ourselves, their food is ass. LITERALLY!
>pulling the hair of a female Nord is like flicking the balls of a sleeping cave bear and folk like to say Orcs are the most aggressive race on Tamriel
Dunno, we used to just spike their drinks and shit. Bone meat and rat meat works wonders I tell you, but since we don't fuck our food (usually), I couldn't tell how long that would last for.
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>>3903493
>You fuckers are literally resistant to cold!
There a difference being resistant to the cold shivering winds and breezing snow compare to standing out in the middle of a blizzard without a shirt on besides I heard a lot about how you dark elves are resistant to fire yet how come you still get set ablaze and charred to a crisp, I how about I go find you and throw you into a forge's fire and we will see
>Yesterday, when my neighbor shot some random Imperial for breakfast
All I gather from that is that wood elf is a cannibal and a murderer, clearly a follower of Namira and should be put to the sword and secondly the amount of times you mentioned ass, you must be a ass eater as well, typical elf
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cat
>I'm a kitty cat
and i meow meow meow
>and i meow meow meow
cat
>I'm a kitty cat
and I dance dance dance
>and I dance dance dance
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>>3885760
THE THALMOR CONTROL ALL SIDES OF THE POLITICAL SPECTRUM FUCK THIKES FUCK THIKES FUCK THIKES!!!!
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>>3905332
The Thalmor want to destroy reality so they can leave it. So surely wiping them all out would actually help them achieve their dream of dying.
You don't want to help the evil Thalmor, do you? If you kill them, they win.
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>>3905334
This one hopes Pelinal comes back and finishes the job
(no targeting khajiit this time, that was honest mistake on his part)
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PLEASE STOP THREATENING TO FORM YOUR OWN MILITIAS AND SECESSIONIST MOVEMENTS IN JARL GROUPS CHAT. WE MUST MAINTAIN ORDER. NO WE ARE NOT AT WAR WITH EVERYONE ANYMORE. STOP POSTING THAT IN WINDHELM. THE ELVES ARE FINE. LEAVE THE ELVES ALONE. EVERYONE RELAX. BEHAVE. YOU ARE FEAR MONGERING. DO NOT MAKE ME TELL YOU AGAIN!!! ANYONE WHO IMPEDES THE MOVEMENT OF AN IMPERIAL LEGION PATROL IN THIS PROVINCE WILL BE PUT DOWN!!!
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>>3899757
You might want to buy yourself a bull lizard and get her bred. I can loan you mine. Hes only 3 decades old and is incredibly strong. We keep him shackled to prevent his escape of course. Dont let the off spring have access to any hist sap though. This will keep him autistic and unable to communicate with other farm tools
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>>3885760
so get this
I was walking in the imperial city looking for a gift for my wife, I forgot about our anniversary and it was getting dark
placed my hand right on the door handle of the shop when I heard strange grinding noise behind me, right on the walkway beside me sewer lid started to move
few moments later a lanky tall figure emerged, clad in dark garments, skin so yellow you would think it was Almalexia herself but no
as he rose beside me, he angled his vulture like nose in 45 degree angle and looked at me for 5 seconds before pushing past me
"move along CITIZEN, this doesn't concern you" he said in authoritative voice before running away
next day saw guards emerging from the same sewer canal with dirty mattresses in tow
I wonder what was that all about
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>>3907593
Uhhh, that's a interesting proposal my friend but might I ask how lending us your bull will solve my Argonian's health issues? which I will say after listening to the advice from >>3900386 her health is slowly getting better and thankfully still be with us for the future
Although I do guess we might need to think of the future replacements as some of our tools here on the estate are getting rusty here and despite being a bit old she still fertile for a few more years, how long would it take for you and your bull to let say the outskirts of Vivec? our estate isn't far from there
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Some fucking argonian nigger came into my shack bouncing around shouting FUS, knocking over all my shit
Cunt fucking stole all my sujamma
I hate this country
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fucking zoomers istg
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>>3912529
You can just buy a custom-made lock and key, you know. Had one installed on a tool shed for shits and giggles and caught a retard spending days running around it trying to get in. I then tossed a copy of that key nearby. The look of disappointment on that asshole was priceless.
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>>3914200
>Elves are beasts!
ftfy, savage
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>>3885768
>>3886142
>>3907069
>>3889389
I'm any apprentice at the Arcane University. Inbetween my Conjuration lessons I'm trying to brush up in the library on 3rd Era Morrowind History and must admit I struggle with understanding the naming convention behind their Province's fallen Gods. Would any Dark Elf historians itt care to explain it to me? Take your Vivec for example, beloved and worshipped by your ancestors under Names such as:
>Saint Vivec
>Warrior-Poet
>Poet
>God-Poet
>Child of Verse and Metaphor
>Blade
>Sword of the Triune
>Martial Axiom
>Our Lord
>Lord
>Champion
>Guardian God-King
>Lord of Middle Air
>Master of Morrowind
>Man-God
>Mastery
>Living God
>Son
>Mother-Father of Monsters
>Ansu-Gurleht
>Lyre
>Magical Hermaphrodite
>Circle Talker
>Sneed Bringer
>The Devil
>The Liar
>The God of Makes Us Woman
I guess my question is what in Oblivion was wrong with your ancestors? Why would they worship a tyrant who demands to be named "The Lying Devil-God who makes us women"? by his subjects? Yes I've read the 36 Sermons of Vivec twice so far but I can barely decipher a word of that rot! Perhaps it's just poorly translated but it is almost like it reads like the scribblings of an mad 10 year old intoxicated on skooma and mead. Half the chapters (if I'm even reading this correctly) seem to be about Vivec fucking his children (spawned in his marriage with Molag Bal?) to death with his detachable "Penis" he titles mighty "Muatra" that doubles as his "Spear"...? What the fuck am I reading? What foul race of people would happily worship this abomination as their God for over 35 centuries?
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>HOT BRETON SORCERESSES IN YOUR PROVINCE WANT TO FUCK