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Any thought or creation to share?
Tell us everything about it, please.
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Since the threads just starting, and as I'm sure the activity will pick up soon, I'm just going to make my presence here known.
As I said in the previous thread, to anyone that I interacted with, or was inspired by what I drew, don't hesitate to give me a call, if you want my attention, be that for my thoughts on something, or because you want me to see something.
Let's make this another active and enjoyable thread!
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I quite enjoyed talking about the bird last thread, though I am fairly fond of all 3 foxes as well. Here's to actually being productive this week.
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>>3918678
>>3918680
I've never understood swimming fetishism, because this request has been floating around (pun not intended) for months. It could be worse, at least it doesn't involve drowning, but if one is so obsessed then he should get a commission.
>>3918686
Threads last a while here, but during that I time I went from being completely unproductive to slightly less unproductive. I now have a pretty good, if untested, idea of how to write Martlet in particular.
Speaking of, any ideas for conversation topics if DRY1 Martlet was to date a human? I'll include all the obvious ones I can think of but I'm always open to suggestions.
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I was gonna bring it up in the last thread during the discussion about utilitarianism, but I think I have a more interesting question now.
How would monsterkind react if they broke the barrier and found the surface was in the state it's in in the ORCA ending to Armored Core: For Answer?
The surface and atmosphere is heavily irradiated, massive technological ruins scattered across the landscape, the human race reduced to a tenth of it's former population, and everyone left alive just fighting to survive rather than existing in any major civilized societies.
How does the monster kingdom react to this state of affairs?
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>>3918692
I was only able to come up with generic ones myself last thread, but Is Martlet still into carpentry in DRY? If so asking about how she got into something unique like that.
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>>3918684
Here's a tip drawanon, Martlet sucks. Zenith Martlet also sucks, and Ceroba's the best, not to mention the most popular character in UTY. That's why she gets the most attention. Just focus on drawing her and only, Ceroba needs more art.
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>>3918697
Sorry anon, Ceroba is too retarded to be the best. I love her but she went too far and had to get horse cursed.
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>>3918697
Jeez man, I spent like more than half a day arguing about Martlet and all that last thread, but you don't gotta go shitting on other people's interests like that, come on now.
This is UTY, everyone's waifu's are stupid.
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Since it kinda got buried last thread, reposting.
A fanmade secret boss was updated to better fit with chapter 3. Not a fangame, but a music video with sprites and drawn art.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JQXcToAQHVY
the maker also released the midi files, concept art, finalized art, and sprites.https://drive.google.com/drive/folders/1VMag7W1jMsMn4cDvTB6x8D4_k7VsqS mX
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>>3918694
Yes but keeping a hobby takes time that might not be available.Is it lazy writing if I tie in the same explanation as UTY, with Chujin teaching her? He won't be a major character in my story but I thought it works as well as any other reason.
>>3918693
Monsters being able to use magic and make magical food would mean they are uniquely poised to help the surface. In this scenario, more intelligent humans would realize they're not threats but possible saviors.
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>>3918703
If the drawanon spent more time drawing Ceroba and only her, everyone would be happy, and she'd get the popularity she deserves.
Ceroba's the only character that matters. They should be drawing her, not Martlet or Zenith.
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>>3918707
I don't think the same teacher is an issue, though perhaps neither of them took it as far as they did underground? I'm not sure if martlet built her own house in dry as well.
But it would be a good question still because even if she hasn't had time to invest in it, maybe her date could pick up that she chirped up a bit at the topic and pushed to find out more about her interest. Get her talking about herself kind of thing you know? She might reminisce and stuff like that. that could lead to talking about dreams which is another good one
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>>3918684
Hey drawnon, there's something I've been meaning to ask you, but didn't get a chance in the previous thread, and I'd like your thoughts on it, while I'm working on my fic based on your Martlet and Clover.
So while Clover's soul is within Martlet or Zenith, what exactly would it be like for Clover? What would they be experiencing?
Or what kind of process would be happening?
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>>3918711
Wrong, of we keep telling the drawanon to draw Ceroba and not Martlet, they'll eventually just draw Ceroba, and she can get more quality arts.
Martlet doesn't need any, Ceroba's the way to go. Always has been. Always will be.
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>>3918719
keep this up and YOU'RE gonna get horse cursed for being retarded
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>>3918707
>Monsters being able to use magic and make magical food would mean they are uniquely poised to help the surface.
That's a good point, though I wonder if the lethality of the lingering Kojima radiation (yes, that's what AC:FA calls it) in the Earth's atmosphere would be extra dangerous for them, given how fragile monsters tend to be. Unless it's affected by the whole "intent" thing, in which case it might actually be less lethal for them than it is for humans.
>In this scenario, more intelligent humans would realize they're not threats but possible saviors.
Eh, maybe, maybe not. Given how much of the Earth's surface is flat-out uninhabitable by the end of AC:FA, I think most large groups of surviving humans from the fallen Cradles would mostly be in it for themselves, unless they actually took the time to hear the monsters out rather than just immediately attacking them for their resources.
I bet Alphys would be stoked to see that huge mechs are real though.
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>>3918724
>Unless it's affected by the whole "intent" thing, in which case it might actually be less lethal for them than it is for humans.
A big fan of this idea personally. They'd be in extra danger from the AC pilots of this world since people have insane kill counts in armored core though. lot of high LV pilots out there.
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Not sure if this was posted months ago, but someone made an entire dark world spritesheet for DRY1 Sadie.
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>>3918726
>lot of high LV pilots out there.
I dunno, immediately after the execution of the Closed Plan? I think there wouldn't be as many skilled pilots out there for a while, since a lot of the real heavy-hitters would've gone down fighting during the final phases of the plan. I think the League's NEXT pilots are all dead by the time you take the Arteria Cranium, and you're the last standing ORCA member by that point too, so I think the only ones left would be whatever independent pilots are still kicking after the Cradles fall.
I bet this would all put a massive wet blanket over monsterkind's morale, too. Imagine hyping yourself up for the potential of having to face an ancient enemy of your entire civilization, in order to reclaim a beautiful future on the surface of the planet, only to find said "enemy" in complete chaos in the ruins of an entire planet, just trying to survive, just like you had to after your war however long ago.
I bet that'd take the wind out of a lot of monster's sails.
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>>3918730
I missed that this was at the ending and not at the beginning of the game leading to that ending. That's my bad.
on that note as they found out, a lot of monsters would be drilling holes into the back of frisks head with their eyes to say the least.
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>>3918733
>I missed that this was at the ending and not at the beginning of the game leading to that ending. That's my bad.
Don't sweat it, that could also be a pretty interesting scenario.
>a lot of monsters would be drilling holes into the back of frisks head with their eyes to say the least.
I mean, it would explain why they went underground to begin with, escaping the nightmare of the surface is a pretty good excuse here.
Maybe that recontextualizes why Frisk was trying so hard to get to Asgore, they were trying to warn him that going back to the surface was a bad idea, but everyone always talks over them before they can say anything.
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>>3918735
>but everyone always talks over them before they can say anything.
I really like to think about the fact that the monsters learned clovers name during his journey, but no one asks frisk until the end, just as a related note.
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>>3918739
I would catch and eat someone alive in order to give that child a good home, but I think that would be more concerning to Martlet than anything.
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>>3918738
>retreat back underground and lock the doors.
I feel like it'd only be a matter of time until someone comes around to knock on those doors with a pile bunker, I dunno how long they'd be able to hide for.
>Maybe if Frisk can save scum their way out of any trouble, they offer aid to the human survivors and help them rebuild as an act of goodwill.
Oh no, Frisk is gonna turn into one of those AC players that just restarts the level as soon as they take any damage
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>>3918698
Reminder that the drawanon that drew your picrel drew this as well. Ancient UTY art
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>>3918728
I think it's the same guy who made these right?
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>>3918713
This is one of those things were you can interpret what's happening, or how things are going however you see fit.
It's for that reason the images themselves are very open ended, that way your creativity can come to the surface.
As for my thoughts on what it would be like, I think the best way to look at is everything Meta Flowey was doing to Clover, Martlet or Zenith could also do.
By that I mean, what Clover experiences while his soul is within her, is influenced by what Martlet wants them to experience, and how she wants things to proceed.
Martlet for one isn't going to even think of doing what Meta Flowey was doing, and if the intention is to make it so that Clover's pacified and at ease, then Martlet would ensure that while he's within her, she'd do whatever's possible to achieve that.
Martlet's the kind of person that would talk things out, help Clover in whatever way she can, and address the known problem, so it can be resolved, and while Clover's soul is within her, she literally has all the time in the world to do that, and set up an environment within the mind where she can do all those things.
As for process, Clover has to willingly allow Martlet to fully absorb his soul, so she can, as many of you were discussing in the previous, go about having him been reborn within her. I'd also imagine once Clover's soul is fully absorbed by Martlet, he'd probably slowly lose conscious until he goes fully dormant, at which point he's gradually developing within Martlet, until he eventually comes out.
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>>3918746
>>3918745
I didn't experience the 2024 UTY fandom/community at all, but last year, I was curious to see if I could dig up some Starlo art posted only to 4chan. So, I went to the archives and found this drawanon (just a local guy) who posted back in the early days of the UTY fandom (so early 2024 or late 2023). They were a Starlofag drawanon who posted to utg, and they drew a bit of suggestive Starlo stuff. I doubt horse Ceroba was a fetish, but this milk shit might be
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>>3918742
If the surface is a desolate and destroyed as you say, then they may not have the resources to do that. You described it like it was a secondary apocalypse that wiped out the last vestiges of civilization remaining after the last few. At that point, its only a matter of time until machines break down, ammo runs out, and people's food and water supplies run dry. If the population is low enough and disorganized enough, they may all die or simply lose the capability to operate pile bunkers before they can find the monsters.
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With all respect, can you guys save this for the actual UTY thread?
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>>3918760
we're not getting lost in philosophical arguments or any nonsense like that, isn't discussion about what characters would do in a situation on topic, being related to fanworks? the threads on topic right now, unless you're just jonesing for another can of coke
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>>3918752
Well yeah, I brought that up a bit too with all that, not a whole lot of surface to actually fight over at this point.
>>3918757
This scenario takes place specifically within the ORCA ending to Armored Core: For Answer as I said in the initial post, and canonically people start building more primitive versions of the technologies they just lost not too long after the fall of the Cradles across the world. The human race did (mostly) manage to survive this event, and the Earth did (mostly) recover after an unspecified amount of time, they just got stuck in a radioactive apocalypse with mechs for a few hundred/thousand years.
I just think the monster kingdome finally breaking the barrier and gaining their freedom only to find Earth in the worst state it's ever been in to be kinda funny, but also a legitimately interesting idea as they have to figure out how to survive and navigate this new(ly destroyed) world.
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>>3918751
And this right here is why I'm so motivated to write a fic based on your drawings.
Thanks for sharing some of your thoughts in regards to one of the things I was thinking about with Clover and Zenith Martlet.
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>>3918760
there just hasn't been many fangame news so far this year (besides projects posting stuff like "finally done progress on X! with either no screenshot or a unrelated screenshot like pic related)
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>>3918760
It's the weekend and we're all active. You could just make the thread. Or, post about a different fangame to get the discussion ball rolling. This thread is one big basket and we just talk about whatever immediately catches our interest.
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>>3918684
I wasn't the anon who this drew momlet unbirthing image, that was a fanwork of your Martlet and Clover drawings.
But would you be willing add lines and colour to this image?
https://files.catbox.moe/ubfmkz.png
Also just to make sure, you're definitely okay with anons here drawing fanworks of what you've drawn?
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>>3918788
I have no issue adding lines to it, if I find the time to.
Granted as your not the anon who drew the image, the anon who drew the image needs to let me know they're okay with it.
>Also just to make sure, you're definitely okay with anons here drawing fanworks of what you've drawn?
Oh Absolutely! I actively encourage it. If you want to draw or write a fanwork inspired by what I drew, go right ahead!
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>>3918779
it's a little late, chance a thread could die in the night like that even though I know there's anons across different timezones with us.I'm also desperately working on finishing a chapter of something small before I let another week pass me by
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>>3918812
yeah, nothing new under the swelterstone. Don't worry I'll IMAGINE a solution.
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>>3918751
Considering how souls function and what occurs when one is absorbed, I find it natural to become curious about how Clover and ZenithMartlet would interact, and what kind of relationship would form in this context.
I’m especially interested in exploring the dynamics of their interaction, particularly how Martlet would work to alleviate Clover’s trauma while he's within her.
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>>3918817
NTA but, I feel like it would be quite literally facing those traumas. I like the idea of her physically facing them by somewhat reliving his memories, I don't think "defeating the memory" should be a thing because It would just handwave the trauma away, but her personally coming to understand the feeling clover felt when "Clover wanted to cry but had no eyes" would help her in supporting clover. By Truly knowing what he's been through she can actively be a bulwark against that.
Maybe also an element of untangling all of the memories that are crossing together though in a sense better helping him see the "here and now"
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>>3918854
They banned one of the guys actually making stuff and that's nothing to say about the absolute state of the last thread.
I'm not giving up on the people making good stuff that haven't purged yet but it IS that bad.
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>>3918819
I to was of the idea that Zenith Martlet would "embrace," or "take in" the all the traumatic stuff with Clover to help him not be shackled by them anymore.
Not matter how painful or close of the memories are, Martlet will confront each and every one. I like that you said Clover's kind of stuck in the past, or mentally stagnated from everything's that happened. It's an interesting thought.
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>>3918855
>last thread has OC, active participation every weekday, possibly a record-shattering number of posts for a thread on this board
>"this is how we lose guys"
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>>3918934
Yeah when writing stories you want to have a clear idea of what you want the story to include, as well as what happens within each chapter.
Once you done that, it's just about writing the story itself, making sure you fall back on your notes, until a rough draft is written.
From there you can edit it, however you like, be that adding more to certain parts, and going into more detail in other areas.
If I was to use myself for example, I asked drawanon on their thoughts in regards to Martlet and Clover. Once I heard them, and wrote down some notes, and then started writing.
The main thing you want to do is just start writing, as you do more, it just gradually because easier, especially when your working on a story.
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>>3918852
Dont be a drama queen, youre complaining about a shitposter making a nonsense post as if its the end of the world, and the last thread had far, far more on topic discussion than anything else.
If a thread is slow you get people doomposting that its over for us and if its fast you nitpick shitposters which will always exist, meanwhile we had 3 artfags give us deliveries back to back, several writefags working on things, and devs confirming they're still alive. Theres always going to be autism so its a blessing that its mostly on topic autism
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chinese kanako still stuck in limbo and maybe dead forever
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>>3918970
yes, also changed their username twice
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How do you even get a good excuse for someone to fall into the underground without being the usual ones? (Tripping, suicide, etc.)
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I feel like this delivery vanished under all the discussion in the last couple threads. I wonder if that anon was still doing any other requests.
>>3919000
>>3918995
yeah I remember the going joke or theory that chara was his roommate, and at some point cole/clover just got tacked on there
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>>3918855
would you prefer that the discussion was about foxes instead of birds?
on a serious note, I know we just got that update newsletter from wildfire, but it makes me excited to see the possibility of it actually going somewhere. in a strange way I have a hard time having faith for projects outside of here, but I get the impression wildfire is chugging along maybe?
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>>3918941
I think most people feel that way, especially when they're starting out. My personal theory is that it's a dissonance between what's in your mind's eye and what you're actually writing, like the idea itself is being let down by your efforts to communicate it. To a certain extent this feeling is justified, because unless you have a ridiculous degree of inborn talent, many of your first works are going to suck.
And that's fine. Every artistic work sucks in one way or another. If they didn't, then they'd be perfect, and if they were perfect, then why would anyone else bother? Just make the next one suck less, and you're golden. Hell, if you have an abundance of will, then you can go back and remaster it when you feel the time is right.
I don't think its possible to really escape that feeling, but you can work around it. For me, I just think of it like this: The worst thing I can do to my ideas isn't butchering them in the execution, but letting them rot away into nothing inside my own head.
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>>3919064
I'm sorry to hear that, but glad to hear you're better now. I mostly typed that as an excuse to post that since it got buried under all the discussion and thought it should be seen.
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that's unexpected
if someone is going record something I guess
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What's your methods for coming up with names?
My main thing lately has been Wiktionary dives, looking for cool foreign words.
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>>3919080
For Undertale, I try to give all my characters either pun names or names that describe their personality. Like Skully is named that because his goofy looking skull is his most defining trait, or Racter because he's the player cha-Racter, but I can go with more in depth ones like Reynault being a portmanteau of Reynard (famous fairy tale fox) and Renault (french automotive manufacturer), or Royce being named after Rolls Royce. Or Wiki, she's related to Toriel (tutorial) but she's not as outgoing and is a bit harder to get a read on, so I call her Wiki (since wikis are less user friendly than tutorials).
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>>3919080
are you making a game?
anyways, I usually do whatever, anagrams , names of mythological entities or when I'm feeling extra lazy, I take a normal word and corrupt it a little, either by removing or adding leters
I always try to pick names that have a meaning related to the character, even if its not the most relevant
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>>3919026
Yeah that was my request and I love it.
>>3919064
Get well soon anon!
>>3919074
I mean it has to be shown somewhere. It's not like we have a dedicated Undertale con.
>>3919080
Mythological names with some sort of pun are probably my favorite, like Shy-ren in the OG. You could play them straight; Martlet's name is genius for being mythological, obscure and unique. And of course foreign words work well too. I had to figure out a surname for Starlo's family and decided on Weltraum (German for outer space) since I wanted it to be space-themed as well as fit a headcanon of them being German immigrant descendants in Deltarune.
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>>3919099
>I mean it has to be shown somewhere
it really doesn't. I highly doubt most devs here have some kind of live showcase planned for their game. I know I don't. I'm just gonna drop a demo whenever I have one ready.
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took me the whole day but I managed to get somewhere with my writing
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>>3919138
I've made some progress as well, and I have no excuse why im taking so long for like 2000 words but I'm going to try having something out before the weekend is over.
also nice, dalvkeeper I didn't already have.
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>>3919144
Huh, I'm sure that pic was reposted here somewhat regularly.
Anyway, I'm dreading how I'll have to go through and rewrite the entire thing once I'm finished with this draft. I wish I could get this whole thing finished by the end of the year.
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>>3919149
don't be too hard on yourself about it. Its good that you're working on it. I have company that just arrived so sadly I wont finish what I was working on today likely, but I'll try to put it out tomorrow even if there are some mistakes in it. Gotta get better at moving forward instead of getting stuck trying to resolve every mistake I dont know how to handle.
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deltamon update + undertale promise devlog
https://gamejolt.com/p/we-re-back-our-silence-is-solely-from-universit y-for-many-startin-nd2kykdz
https://gamejolt.com/p/january-devlog-a-new-track-was-added-to-the-mai n-page-do-give-it-w6e33bgn
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>>3919150
I'm scared shitless Chapter 5 will wreck everything I wanted to do.
And not in the sense of getting the lore right or wrong, I'm not even trying too hard to stick to that. It's in a sense of
>the idea presented in this story only makes sense if we don't know what happens in Deltarune, or if it came before that, without any influence from the canon revelations
Chapters 3+4 already beat me to the punch around a certain aspect, I don't want to miss out again.
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>>3919167
I really don't wanna spoil anything.
I'll say something: I took as a challenge to write something that incorporated meta aspects more meaningfully than most fan games I see out there, since most don't even care about that side.
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>>3919168
nta, but just write something good. If you want to tell a meta story, then tell the best one you can. Most fangames have already accepted that they'll never be better than the original, because its very hard to be better at telling a Toby Fox story than Toby Fox when you aren't him, so they don't try to be. They just try to be the best they can be.
Even if Toby does one up whatever meta plot you had planned, that doesn't mean yours loses its merit. It can still be great if you make it great.
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>>3919138
>>3919144
I've hit 5000 words and the end of the first "chapter" for what was going to be a quick smut fic. I'm proud of this start but I'll be prouder when it's all done and at half-decent quality.
>>3919161
Looks cute. I've noticed that off-chan fan content doesn't elicit many (you)'spossibly due to an addictive predilection to talking about bird puss/cloaca. While it's fine to prioritize our own, I do try to keep abreast of other projects.
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>>3919194
I'm going to assume the WAIT has major plot or thematic relevance because of meta fuckery. There's still probably a way you can rework it to make it timeline agnostic while still capturing the overall idea of what you want.
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on the note from that thread about undyne attacking frisk by surprise. not only does she throw the spear in front of him, but she only throws one spear, then steps forward into clear sight, and begins to throw volleys of 3 spears consistently. I think its pretty clear that the first attack wasn't meant to hit. She's definitely someone who wants her opponent to know she's there "in my opinion"
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Hey guys, it's me the Martlet Drawanon.
For those that missed it, on the previous thread here's a list of the image requests that I drew.
Martlet taking a shower in the Royal Guards shower courters, with other Royal Guards talking about Clover's disappearance.
With them being completely unaware that Clover is within Martlet, and being turned into a monster.
You can view it here:
https://files.catbox.moe/hwtgml.png
Zenith Martlet taking a shower in the Royal Guards shower courters, with other Royal Guards talking about Clover's reported death, and his soul nowhere to found, while also speaking ill of Clover.
With them being completely unaware that Clover's soul is within Zenith Martlet, and being turned into a monster, as she values his life, and doesn't see it as something to exploit.
You can view it here:
https://files.catbox.moe/zi6i7d.png
What Clover looks like as bird monster if he was reborn within Martlet or Zenith Martlet.
Also a little disclaimer for clarification as I did a lot of comments about this.
Clover's doesn't have skin on his face, it's all feathers just like Martlet.
The design is meant to resemble Martlet's colour pattern with his face being the lightest, and the the rest of his body being darker.
I hope that clears anon confusion lol.
You can view it here:
https://files.catbox.moe/568jzf.png
Here's a Bird Clover design with a slightly different colour scheme to:
https://files.catbox.moe/huummz.png
Feel free to send me request ideas here too! And don't be afraid to give me a shout if you want to ask or show me something!
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>>3919530
Thank you for all the drawings that you did they look great.
And the bird Clover designs look amazing to.
I'm going to request Clover and Martlet or Zenith talking within her mind, like how Flowey was doing with Clover, when he tried to absorb his soul by force.
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>>3919542
Here's the image in question:
https://files.catbox.moe/3y4vjh.png
It was an image that was requested a lot, and the Martlet drawanon delivered.
It also got a Game Over gif with Flowey commentary, that was also requested, which ended up being popular to:
https://files.catbox.moe/903i04.gif
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>>3919530
>send me request ideas
draw a blue flower
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>>3919546
you should check out that artist wandering. they didn't do much but they have I think 3 pieces on their nsfw account of something you'd like.
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>>3919530
Martlet or Zenith talking to Clover within the mind, while she's pregnant with him, after fully absorbing his soul.
I’m genuinely fascinated by the concept, how it works in practice and what Clover experience as he's reborn into a bird monster.
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I completely forgot I started this one and never finished it. Here's the finished version.
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>>3919556
Honestly, I was thinking thathim aura farming would be a running gag, and this would be a later instance of it.
Honestly, I'm still not happy with this sprite. I hope I'll be better at drawing at this scale by the time I get to the disk he's on, but if I don't I may have to find someone else who is. I hope I'll have enough clout by then to do that.
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>>3919530
After getting to see more of your stuff I hope it continues to get more popular, and inspires more people or anons to make stuff based on what you've drawn. Seriously you Martlet and Zenith drawings are awesome.
>>3919543
I'm honestly not even surprised that this image of Ceroba would end up becoming popular because it's genuinely very well drawn.
>>3919550
I'm also intrigued by this concept. As I've seen people talk about it, and the scenario's presented, I've become very interested in it overall.
I for one support this request idea.
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>>3919559
Darkblade is a character from Oldentale. He's a kid who larps as an edgy anime character. Thinks he's Shadow, but he's more like Coldsteel.
>>3919564
I drew Darkblade in the style of an old piece of edgy Tails fan art once, and he had a "Nine Inch Tails" shirt on.
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>>3919569
That is my apology, I missed the context, saw him wearing modern clothing in that nine inch tails image, and mistook it for being chujins highschool oc. I also wasn't around when Oldentale was first getting worked on so I don't know the whole publicly known cast I think. There's some fox that people made bathwater jokes about but I didn't catch her name for instance.
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>>3919548
Yeah he's pretty great. Does he have a page anywhere that's not X? I don't have an X account and I'd hate to make one just to look at NSFW.
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>>3919573
I'm not sure sadly, I personally made an account just for the sake of following artists, but it takes hours of blocking posts to remove retard idiot baby teenager drama from your feed so it's not really "worth it".
well, seeing the pieces of art I mentioned themselves may be worth it if you only log in just to see that and ignore all of the other insanity on that hellhole.
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>>3919576
Didn't take me long to figure it out. There is a site called twitter viewer. This piece of crap Epstein-controlled site thinks any attempt to give the link is spam, so just search for it.
Wowee there's some good stuff there. Just watch out for generic furry art since he does that too.
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>>3919611
>>3919615
don't say I didn't warn you
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I like the detail of Kanako in her late teens being some sort of steampunk engineer in training, while Clover has a bunch of patches on his clothes and a feather in his hat. It opens a lot of possibilities for what this alternative world looks like. Did Chujin never go down the dark path of his experiments? Was Clover in hiding with Martlet for so long until receiving a sort of official pardon?
>>3919667
On the bright side, I will be a little less distracted writing for the rest of this weekend. Dunno if I will have anything to show for it by next week, but progress has remained steady.
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>>3919676
here's what chujin says in this btw
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>>3919679
>>3919676
the idea of chujin begrudgingly tolerating clovers existence underground after his own daughter attacked him and clover spared her, only to some time down the line later hear about clover getting badly hurt by some other monsters he refused to hurt and feeling compelled to go check on him is compelling to me. Possibly then hearing that this isn't clovers first close brush with death as a significantly injured clover tries to brush it off saying this happens all the time. If I can finish working on other stuff I may dwell on this further.
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>>3919690
I don't know what you expect him to see except for either pitch blackness or the pink interior of her womb, if his SOUL auto-generates light. Can a SOUL even see without eyes?
Maybe you mean his perspective within Martlet's consciousness in which case the answer is "whatever she's thinking of." He comes to a chilling realization that Martleteats pizza with corn on it.
>>3919693
This version of Clover reminds me of Vash from Trigun.
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>>3919699
>that spoiler text
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>>3919699
>This version of Clover reminds me of Vash from Trigun.
there was a conversation a while back of "what if clover had vash as an imaginary friend" and while Im not looking to retread that, it makes me think of it a bit.
Pacifist clover could potentially be like that though, and any time I think about chujin, I think about the whole "innate good in him" thing. so if he didn't go off the rails into schizo "inject myself with soul" science, I think it being proven that clover is good over and over again to him would cause a real reaction from him when he learns that the kids having to get patched up frequently like vash in order to survive the underground. especially since while yes humans are stronger than monsters, Clover isn't a plant like vash.
whats the breaking point for Chujin in this you know? when does his desire to help people override his wariness of clover
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>>3919701
Also I suggested this last thread, but the inverse of that image: Kanako forces Cole to take off his clothes (maybe because of a chemical spill or he got drenched in cold weather) and he is incredibly bashful.
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I lost my drawing, have spent the last hour trying and failing to draw it, after the one I drew the first time was perfect, it looks fucking awful now, and now the thread gets deleted.
I say this not as a joke or any kind of hyperbole, this is making me feel like I'm actually going have a mental breakdown. Like I'm going to get up, start screaming, smashing expensive things, and then ball up and cry. I've lost my fucking mind over this.
I don't even care if this makes me the thread lolcow, that's how bad I'm losing it.
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>>3919708
I have faith in you anon. even if the new version isn't coming out the way you want it, it is appreciated that you have worked on things.
My best recommendation is to take a breather, literally get some fresh air for a bit, and maybe spend some time with something other than the drawing. I know you wanted to get that done, and essentially already had it done, but sometimes there's no better option. We exist in solidarity that the jannies are trash, so for now get some rest.
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>>3919708
all things pass, so too will this
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>>3919713
>My best recommendation is to take a breather
My mistake was taking a breather. If I had kept working after my first attempt was lost, I would have finished it before the thread was killed.
>so for now get some rest
I can't sleep like this. It'll be hours before I feel good enough to sleep.
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>>3919712
It was horrible, but I'm looking on the bright side. we've had weekends where we didn't get deleted where we had close to that many posts.
I have faith that no matter how much /v/ jannies want the board to not be about video game discussion, that we are in the right. Both morally, and by the books. I was going to suggest I make another thread myself, but someone said they wanted to do one tomorrow.
the fact is, even if we had one thread every two days, we still would not be breaking the general rule, because generals are something specific. There is no logic behind it, just one janny getting their feelings tied up in something stupid or another.
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>>3919715
no it won't, abib will be here tomorrow and the next day, and the next week, and the next year because he's a top level mod and has no life. He'll do this shit again, and I'll be left with a bunch of wasted effort again.
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>>3919723
then pour some tea if you own any, if not you should own some for days like this. Accept that the lines on your art aren't going to be the way you want them, and put something on the paper.
I could absolutely embarrass myself with my complete inability to draw if it makes you feel any better, though I'd prefer to get back to writing myself. You've drawn before, and you'll succeed again. Every failure brings us closer to where we want to be, even if we were already there for a moments time.
it wont undo the agony of now, but there's virtue in effort.
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>>3919708
>>3919716
I've been paranoid about saving and backups since a month and a half ago, where I lost just about every file I had stored in the past four years. It hits you in the gut like you lost part of yourself, but you just gotta get back in the game. I don't what works for you, but whether it's taking a break, trying again or making something new, just do what feels natural and you'll feel better soon. There's no time crunch btw. You're not paid to do this and we're not going anywhere. Don't stress about making some arbitrary deadline for one of the threads.
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>>3919530
Sequel to that wholesome scene of DRY Martlet/Zenith bathing with Cole.
But this time Cole's more used to it.
The scene in question
https://files.catbox.moe/le8ckp.png
https://files.catbox.moe/dlyvn5.png
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>>3919728
It feels like the moment has passed. The /v/ threads have an energy that /vrpg/ doesn't have. I can't submit art that causes discussion and then ask for more reqs here. And I'm niether I nor the requester will care about this picture by next week.
At this point I'm just debating whether I should finish it out of sunken cost or post my shitty lines and wash my hands of it.
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>>3919730
There's no law against posting your work here at any time this week, and then reposting it on /v/ next weekend. I get as an artist you want to get heads to turn, some (you)'s, but again there is no time crunch. You could also just finish it whenever, hold onto it and upload next weekend.
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>>3919730
I can say that when making requests, even if it takes weeks, its exciting to see requests fulfilled. I'm sure that the anon in question would be glad it was done even if it was weeks from now.none of my requests have resulted in anything, but it still feels good seeing the deliveries. it makes me think of the older days on this website when /v/ was all "bros" over the vidya and OC was the gold standard.I am sure that even knowing his request was one getting worked on made the anon happy.
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>>3919530
Martlet seeing Clover's bad home life by looking through his memories once she absorbs his soul into her.
Resolving herself to ensure she gives Clover a better life no matter what, after seeing how bad it was.
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>>3919740
yeah, it's a good feeling. Its even fun seeing some of the ideas for requests people come up with.
>>3919742
I went a while back to try and find remixes of all the uty tracks and I'm surprised I didn't spot this one. that's not a bad looking dalv imo, much better than that one "uty sprites redone" someone posted the other day.
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>>3919733
Don't worry. I finished it anyways. I still think it looks like shit, but I at least hope you like it.
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Found this map of the monster kingdom's political borders in the modern(ish) day, what are you guys' thoughts on it?
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>>3919755
I already put in a request in the last time you put out the call, and would feel weird mentioning it again as part of all of this. I only mentioned that because in the back of my head I thought "what if someone asks you what requests got filled". The brain worm gets me some times, I'm sorry. Assuming you're the anon that did the handhold request above though, it came out very nice.
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>>3919530
Zenith Martlet going through Clover's memories after absorbing his soul, and seeing all the messed up stuff he had to got though.
After seeing that deciding to have Clover be reborn within her, and to help alleviate his trauma.
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>>3919760
I feel like I've seen this request 6 times now, am I imagining things? I'm not going to scroll back through requests myself.
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>>3919752
That's an odd placement but I'll respect it. Now I'm imagining an AU where the Kingdom of Monsters is a nominally independent province under the Habsburgs like Krakow was. It's a fun concept.
>>3919751
That is amazing! Who is this Twilight Velvet fox and how did Anon score such a femme fatale?
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>>3919757
>Kitsy's sleeves are bad
>Hands look bad
>Kitsy's eyes are worse than the first attempt
>Anon's pants look bad
>That Japanese shoulder cloth thing looks worse than before
>Couldn't get her hair right
>And lots of minor errors that I don't care enough to correct
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>>3919766
the shoulder cloth looks good, her hair may not be right but it looks good. I understand that there are things that could improve, but it was genuinely nice to see. it has character, I the eyebrow line on anon makes me chuckle, the overall shape of her body is good, and it put a smile on my face.
>>3919754
and I'm willing to bet you made that anons day.
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>>3919774
Zartlet doing the storm eagle pose with her wings. Like I said, I'm not complaining about requests not getting picked up. It's been a good time seeing all the deliveries we've had in the last month. were you also the one that did this one? It is in my vault of "I want to talk about chujin" images.
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>>3919766
Truth be told that there's nobody more critical of an art piece than the artist who drew it. Really, the only thing that looks off to me is that she isn't gripping the knife, but that may be a stylistic choice to show the pattern on the hilt.
I sat down to writing, and it only now occurred to me how anachronistic it is for Anon to call Martlet's number and for Cole to pick it up at home. Am I really a boomer? I'm not sure whether to scrap this plot detail or to explain it away as "landline phones are cheap so that's what they have." Worse, I remember now that it contradicts DRY canon since both Martlet and Cole have handhelds.
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>>3919772
I don't know enough about this character though I do understand the reference. I am still going to IMAGINE that she has such a good time that she decides that she'll "kill him next time" like that one manga about the fox and the condemned man.
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>>3919770
I found the exact same idea copy pasted from the most recent /v/ word for word, with another version of the exact same idea worded very slightly differently, among similar ideas in that and the thread before.
I'd be surprised if this wasn't just a single anon posting the idea over and over again.
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>>3919780
characters in yellow were a bit more old fashioned, so maybe they also owned a landline. if nothing else, I grew up with a landline so I would think nothing of it if you hadn't mentioned it, and could still read it dealing with it just fine. if anyone asks just tell them "Martlet still owns a land line" and let that be it.
I've been having trouble with the thing I'm writing, tried to get a friend to proofread it for a few days, and haven't heard anything back yet, so I'm mentally readying myself for all of my failings to be revealed as I just go ahead and post it. but I'm slowly getting over that mindset, and have appreciated that anons here have given a lot of constructive criticism when they take the time to read a fic. Even if what I've done is dogshit, I'll probably learn something from it.
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>>3919783
Chances are then the same anon or a different anon posted the request here, so it could be seen on the of chance it wasn't seen on the closed thread.
I don't blame them though considering how many requests the Martlet Drawanon gets.
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>>3919764
>Twilight Velve
Damn it, I try my hardest to make her not look like horse show character and she still does.
>Who is she
Kitsy, the greatest pop idol of the antebellum monster kingdom and prolific IRL streamer. (also the princess of the East Quater and a powerful boss monster, in case you care about boring stuff like that).
>how did Anon score such a femme fatale?
What can I say? He's just a great guy, he has such a kind heart, one that she'd love to steal.
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>>3919783
>Zenith Martlet goes through Clover's memories, bracing herself to see the horrific stuff that could drive a child to do such things
>inexplicably, she come across a memory on a computer
>it's that's post
>"Wow, anon really was a faggot, wasn't he?"
>"Yeah."
>>3919786
Whenever I repeat a request, if I don't know if Drawanon has already picked up on it, I always say that I brought it up before. Decent posters don't samefag.
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>>3919792
>Whenever I repeat a request, if I don't know if Drawanon has already picked up on it, I always say that I brought it up before. Decent posters don't samefag.
good chan ethics, the power of anonymity, your good behavior and your bad behavior are mostly seperated from societal expectations. Good threads start with (you)!
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>>3919779
Yes, I drew that one.
On the subject of Storm Eagle, this is has been the "theme song" for one of the bosses I have planned for a while. Obviously its not actually going to be in the game, but its what I hear every time I image the fight.
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>>3919792
The idea was still repeated multiple times even outside just those two instances, this idea has been spammed a bunch lately.
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>>3919771
>>3919773
>>3919780
Thanks anon's, it really helps hearing that from you
also
>I sat down to writing, and it only now occurred to me how anachronistic it is for Anon to call Martlet's number and for Cole to pick it up at home.
She could have just left her phone at home. She's absentminded enough to do that. Alternatively, maybe they have a landline in addition to cellphones, I know I do. Its handy when you live in a rural area with bad reception.
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>>3919795
very nice, Storm eagle is rad from start to finish, stage, stage theme, fight intro, and the fight itself. There's a lot to draw inspirational energy from, or however I should put that. Its a bit off topic but when I stumbled around to find a reference image, I instead found a storm eagle version of whatever my next image is also based on
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>>3919800
I do not know what the source image is, but it was funny enough for me.
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>>3919781
I don't imagine anon being nearly as sharp as Rokosuke. He's completely oblivious to the man eater he's just entered the home of. Still, with how smitten anon is, and how easy he is to string along, maybe she shouldn't kill him. After all, grappling with a human soul for control of her own body is a huge risk. Why bother chancing it when she's already got a human at her beckon call? He just needs some training is all.
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>>3919780
actually in DRY1, cole does not have a phone and that's actually a plot point
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>>3919804
I like that a lot, Im just imagining anon maybe not being the most clever in the world, but not johnny bravo dumb. The type to be fiercly loyal as time went on even though he was clearly getting manipulated. I don't know if its on character at all, but maybe someone attacking HER over the situation at some point, telling the stupid human that he's being obviously manipulated, him saying that he realized that at some point, but he still loves her.
I don't know the character at all beyond what has been told to me in this thread, but the idea of that being enough to shock her a little is, something we as men strive for.
alternatively if he's too dumb to catch on, he'd just say "I don't care, I love her!" or something like that. it's hard to not IMAGINE about characters evevn if I don't know the first thing, so I understand if none of this is fitting.
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>>3919808
storm eagle, Combat Reploids are immensely powerful, and storm eagle was, to the best of my knowledge, extremely competent. I know his fight isn't actually that tough in the game, but you're also playing as one of the strongest beings in the setting so I can excuse video game mechanics you know?
I know Martlet is also immensely powerful, but I don't think monsters would stand a chance against anything in the x or zero series, and since reploids have souls, I think they can summon killing intent. I'd like to think it would be a good fight, and Storm eagle would have some respect for her even as a maverick.
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>>3919810
Now you've me thinking about that. You could write some real game of thrones shit out of this. Kitsy seducing a human, then using him as a weapon against here political rivals. At some point someone anon's fighting in her name confronts him about how she's using him, and all he can answer with is "yes, I know". I'm just imagining the reaction that would get out of his opponent.
Its a shame I can't fit this into the story of the game, because this is really cool.
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>>3919819
that'san extremely difficult question the series avoids answering all the way up to the zx series when the distinction between the two is nearly nonexistent. I think X and Zeros soul would, they are perfect replications of humanity. Other reploids souls would be slightly off, probably still stronger than monster souls, but due to literallly being copies made by a fucking archeologist which is still baffling, their souls have some flaw that makes their spirit slightly less powerful than a humans. Even copy X would have a flawed soul. So maybe they'd be very strong, but unable to be used to break the barrier due to not resonating with it or something? Its not the kind of wrong like they are each wicked in some way since we know many reploids are virtuous, but they've got that little hole in their soul that lets the original wily virus seep in. missing just one component.Lumines whole thing in this situation is that while they're souls are STILL not quite the same as humans, he'd argue that new gen reploid souls are better than both monsters and humans!
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>>3919820
that's some good shit right there. Let me ask, it sounds like even if he realized what was going on, he'd probably not say that in front of her. but would her finding out that he's been fighting for her despite knowing she's manipulating her fluster her at all, or give her any cause to blush? I don't know HOW stone cold she is, so I was wondering if this built up over a long time if there was any hope at all of this anon mattering to her even a tiny bit. not enough to stop using him, but enough tomourn his death
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>>3919826
She would blush, but I don't know if she's doing it genuinely or as another act of manipulation. I don't even know if she knows which it is sometimes.
>spoilershe learned at a young age that there's no point in crying for the dead, they'll never answer
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>>3919832
>She would blush, but I don't know if she's doing it genuinely or as another act of manipulation. I don't even know if she knows which it is sometimes.
I like that answer,
>spoiler text
also really good. I may try writing a green sometime that follows something from the ending of lufia 2, so if she sheds a tear without realizing it unconsciously, please understand I am not trying to bastardize your character and am simply getting caught up in the concept of IMAGINING, and I welcome you coming in and saying that she would not do such and such.
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>>3919000
Because clover is friends with flowey in uty and many relationships between UT characters in DR tend to parallel or contrast or be the same as their UT counterparts, so cole being friends with asriel would be a natural expectation for a deltarune yellow take
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>>3919833
I have to admit I'm quite surprised I'm being approached for art advice. lol
The best advice I can give you is to get used to drawing 2D and 3D shapes.
Once you've done, you want to get used to drawing from observation.
After that use references. Use lots, and lots, of references. Don't ever try to force yourself to draw from your head.
From that point it's just a matter of practicing and slowly developing your own style of art.
>>3919835
Oh that's always me 24/7 lol
I'm always questioning if what I've drawn is good enough or if it looks okay.
As well as if the character I'm drawing, be that Martlet, Kanako, Zenith, or another character, is drawn well in my own style.
But at the end of the day, I just draw regardless, because thinking to hard about it prevents me from drawing, and what's important is that I have fun.
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>>3919852
>just don't laught when I unironically use the name darkblade in text.
I might, but that's the reason I gave him that name. Its funny.In case it somehow wasn't obvious, that is not the name his mother gave him.
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Imagine if deltarune yellow cole or kanako learnt a spell that allowed them to have a % chance to steal an item/weapon/armor from the enemy, stealing stuff spells is a common staple of jrpgs that you can find commonly in many rpg games (final fantasy, chrono trigger, lufia i think, etc.) but it's strangely absent in deltarune and its fangames aside from like a susie ACT you can do against the mizzles/miss mizzle, so i think having a theft-based spell and some exclusive stealable items in deltarune yellow would be a huge opportunity i'd like to see taken.
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More of actually on-topic question than usual coming from me, but if you guys had to make a bet, what UTDR fangame that's currently in development do you think is going to be the biggest trainwreck?
Like, a Fallout: The Frontier scale disaster for the UTDR community?
I feel like it's only a matter of time before a fangame comes out that manages to be the perfect storm of bad game design, extremely questionable writing in more ways than one, and some kind of major behind-the-scenes controversy, but what fangame do you think it's gonna be?
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>>3919853
alright anon, here goes nothing. Just know I didn't bother proofreading. I didn't want to stop myself thinking about things like "I don't know how these character should act"
>Anon was bleeding severely, trying and failing to stand as his ladies rival stood over him taunting, ”You blithering idiot, did you really think you could just storm in here and take on monsterkinds strongest warriors all by yourself?” the Monster walked stood in front of his own guard, oozing confidence. Perhaps it was foolish of anon, but he would do anything for his lady. As the Regal commander boasted, venom slipping off every word, “And for what. Loyalty, love? I bet you even think she loves you!”
>When anon winced at his words the commander scoffed in disgusted disbelief, “You really do, how utterly pathetic. You know she’s manipulating you right?” He nudged one of his guards who was still sweating nervously at the presence of a human, however injured, “can you believe how stupid humans can be?” He started laughing pompously before commanding his guards, “it’s funny right? Why aren’t all of you laughing?” the guards each began nervously laughing as the commander walked circles around the human, “Come now human, you should be laughing too before you die, It’s the most hilarious thing I’ve heard all month!”
>Anon looked down for a moment, watching his own blood drip, he wished more than anything he could see Kitsy one last time. He thought of her smug laugh, the way her words were always laced with unmatched confidence. She put the rest of them to shame.
>”I know,” Anon said quietly. The commander stepped closer with a hand to his ear, his high and mighty demeanor unbroken
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>>3919876
2/?
>”I’m sorry, what was that? It almost sounded like you said ‘I know that she’s manipulating me, a pathetic and worthless human’”
>Anon couldn’t find the strength to stand, he found a small mercy in that his lady couldn’t see him failing her now. His voice shaking he spoke a truth he’d known in his heart since he met her, “But I still love her”
>Now even the commander was stunned for a moment, staring in disbelief. Through shrill laughter he mocked, “You love her, that harlot? Did you think that she would grace you with her affections? No, no this is perfect! Perhaps she would, no better than her whore of a mother!”
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>>3919879
3/x, sorry I'm breaking it up so small, please forgive the post count usage, I meant for this to be combined with the last post
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6gyiPK-8hko&list=RD6gyiPK-8hko&start_r adio=1
>Anons soul flashed, causing the regal bastard to stagger backward as Anon stood up through his injuries.”Even if the sun will never rise on our love,” anon walked towards the embodiment of scum before him as he tried to drag himself backwards, he along with every guard in the room panicking as the man on the verge of death stood tall, bellowing the truth of his life to the cowards surrounding him, “Even if I’m but a tool, I will love my lady… until the day I die!
>The commander knew nothing but terror in that moment as anon charged forward
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>>3919883
4/4, should have been able to fit it into 3 posts.
>Across the island smoke rose in the distance as the manor belonging to the greatest thorn in Kitsy’s side was engulfed in flame. Darkblade walked up the steps towards her with a sly grin across his face, snickering to himself as he spoke, “Well sis, it looks like your little ‘pet’ managed to pull it off! Not bad work if I do say so myself, personally I would have done it faster, and more painfully, but it’s not bad work for a human I guess.”
>Kitsy felt strangely annoyed when he said ‘pet’. Odd, maybe it was just his tone. Regardless, her plan had worked flawlessly. Perhaps she could start thinking more… ambitiously, if Anon managed all of that then perhaps she hadn’t been thinking grandly enough. Kitsy started laughing smugly at the thought, she always was destined for greatness. “Do return soon my dear.” she said to herself, though as the words left her lips, her tone was softer than she intended. She found it difficult to think about her next plans, the excitement of things going so well must be getting to her.
>Darkblade looked up at her confused, “Hey, sis… why are you crying, I thought you didn’t do that?”
>she put a paw to her face, and found it wet. Voice barely above a whisper, “Strange, perhaps I’m not feeling well.” Dizzily she walked back inside, a strange shaking in her chest making her breaths uneven. She closed her bedroom door and laid down, ignoring darkblads further questions. She simply needed to regain her composure, if there’s a sickness that makes you cry then surely its a waste of time that she has no time for. She forced her eyes shut to dispell the tears, crying was a waste of time, it’s not like the dead can answer them after all. Even so, why did she feel like so terrible. As though She just lost something important.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f5zoFZq3Frw&list=PL6BB4862ADAA12E48&in dex=48
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>>3919887
Oh, it's got bad writing to be sure, but as far as I've heard there really isn't any major drama going on behind the scenes, and the gameplay seems at least competent as far as most UTDR fangames go, so I'm not sure it'll be able to compete with the cataclysmic dumpster fire that was The Frontier.
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>>3919890
Anon... I
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>>3919892
I don't know how to tell you this
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You know I always thought undertale should have had 2 more endings
Crybaby ending: run away from everything
The characters would treat you even more like a little kid and ends with asgore feeling bad and letting you leave. Maybe Toriel has a bigger part to play.
Bully/deliqent ending: fight everything until they are almost dead then mercy.
There are already a few fights that do this in the game so it seemed to me that was an idea that got abandoned.
Ends with you fighting sans while the song that might play when you fight sans plays.
The run is harder to do because of accidently killing characters and perhaps the final fight will be harder because you fight sans and papyrus together as papyrus isn't dead.
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>>3919838
I disagree. I bounced a concept of a noir story involving Cole and Kris fighting crime in a dynamic similar to "The Persuaders." People pointed out the premise is inherently contrived and not very believable so I scrapped that conceptI do plan to write a heavily modified version of it however.
Cole and Asriel would be even more contrived. They live in completely different parts of the country, with Asriel being a middle-class university student and Cole being a lower-class resident of a rural town who has basically zero likelihood of making it into university. Their UTY relationship aside, it makes no sense. But then again, getting a story like that to make sense is part of the challenge, isn't it?
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>>3919895
I feel like you're sort of missing the point that running away from (most) encounters is a perfectly valid way to get the pacifist ending, same with pummeling enemies into submission.
Hell the beating enemies into submission thing was going to be a standard spare condition since it was the only way to spare vegetoids in the demo, but was dropped for potentially being "mean" and made completely optional.
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>>3919885
I did have a thought to this, but I wasn't sure about adding anything more to what I was doing. regardless of if anon returned or not afterwards. an event like this would strike fear into the heart of her future rivals right? I was thinking of something afterwards like
"rumor has it a human cleared out the (rival name) estate last night, the servant staff that survived are claiming he died too but... no one could find a human soul anywhere"
Regardless whether you like it or hate it, I'd love your feedback if you get time.
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>>3919885
>>3919883
>>3919879
>>3919876
>To this day, historians still disagree on whether The Man In the Fox's Court had any basis in reality
>So much had been lost in the war and the ensuing the imprisonment underground
>And what was left has been dramatized and romanticized to no end
>We may never know what really happened to Sir Anon, The Savage, nor to Lady Kitsy, the performer, nor if they even existed at all
>But do we need to?
>After all, even if it was pure fiction, the message it conveys is real, the thoughts and feelings of the playwright who wrote it while reeling from the loss of his home were real
>Perhaps the answer to this question lies in the romance between Lady Kitsy and Sir Anon. If an act can be so convincing that it fools even the actor, does the act become real? If the act of love can become true love, then surely the act of storytelling can become a truth in our hearts.
Sorry, but I read that and couldn't resist adding something myself. Just imagine that as the narration at the end of the history docu drama.
Thanks for the green, anon. This one is definetly going on the fridge.
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>>3919910
That's a fantastic additon, I like it a lot. Also I'm glad that you enjoyed the green, it felt awkward calling him "the commander" but I don't know what characters already exist so I didn't know if making up a name would sit right.
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>>3919908
Its of course pretty off the mark from the "canon" of Oldentale, but that's not your fault. Only I have the script to the game and all the world building notes. I thought mr Rival's dialogue was a bit corny, alongside some of the prose, but I like the spirit of it. Its pretty good, and I'm just glad to have fanfics written of my characters.
Hell, it even inspired me to write something in response.
Also, I feel like this story would really benefit from a second draft. Not saying you should make one, just that I think it would benefit from one. Hell, you (or someone else) might even be able to make a fic out of. You could frame it as a stage play or dramatization of the original story to explain away any historical inaccuracies (inconsistencies with the game) and intersperse a b-plot involving the actors, possibly including Mettaton as a director and Gerson as the historical expert advising the cast.
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>>3919913
Honestly I would have preferred you just making up a name and being confidently wrong. I respect people telling their own stories. Not that I dislike what you did, but I just prefer that when given the choice.
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>>3919916
>I thought mr Rival's dialogue was a bit corny, alongside some of the prose,
yeah I can definitely see that, I think an extra draft would have been a great idea for sure, but I felt "a mighty need" to get this out there while I was working on something else so I said "fuck it lets roll the dice". I'm glad it was enjoyable despite that, I was rereading it just now and the end felt really messy, but I still enjoyed writing it a lot.
also I really like that idea of the stage play, I intend to return to this, but I've been getting caught up in stories, and want to finish chapter 2 of something I'm already doing first.
>>3919919the name I had in my head was "Sir Dalton the 3rd, grandson of Admiral Dalton. Admiral Dalton was highly respected in his time, Sir dalton III inherited much of his wealth and power, but none of his tact. influential if perhaps fairly disliked by his peers who have trouble making their issues known due to the weight the dalton family name carries
that's what I had in mind with this character, but it felt like a lot of assumption to make when I just learned about the wonder of Kitsy tonight
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>>3919880
Its got bad writing, first of all, but its got a lot more than that. The dev team are part of the militant gender crowd, to the point that they made Dess trans and have non binary Kris as a central plot point. That combined with the fact that its the Deltarune community means there is almost certainly at least one groomer on their team. Then there's the fact that the devs were confidently wrong about the plot of deltarune, so confident that they claimed to have predicted the entire plot of deltarune, and wrote their entire fangame around that. Then chapter 3 and 4 ruined that and they had to throw out their script and start over. Now its stuck in dev hell while main dev keeps threatening to kill the project on twitter.
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>>3919896
Maybe Kanako went to university and dragged Cole along with her. He barely managed to get his grades high enough and Kanako somehow managed to talk her rich parents into paying enough of the way to get him there. He'll probably be fucked by student loans later, and he's having to work a job in addition to college to pay his tuition fees, but he is there.
Alternatively, maybe Cole is just friends with Asriel on Xbox, and they literally never meet in person.
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>>3919920
Tia is a sweet girl who wants nothing more than to be a home maker for the man of her dreams, Maxim the main character. Maxim unfortunately wants a life fighting and defending. they are not a match for eachother and the game makes this pretty clear
spoilers in case you want to play lufia 2, which is genuinely one of the best "by the books" rpgs I've ever playedtia eventually comes to terms with this and goes home to live a peaceful life, at the end of the game maxim dies sacrificing himself to stop a floating continent from crashing into a city. Tia had long since made peace with her differences between maxim, but at one point she told a little girl that was being picked on earlier in the story "women shouldn't cry too easily, our tears are important" or something like that. in the ending credits she's standing outside, unware that maxim just died. someone walks up to her "Tia, are you crying?"
I didn't use her personality for that little Kitsy part, but that ending has always stuck with me and when you said the thing about Kitsy not crying because the dead wont respond, my IMAGINATION lit on fire.
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>>3919923
Hm.
That does all sound bad, but I feel like it needs to actually come out in order for it to be a real catastrophe, instead of just a badly managed project that got taken out back.
I guess if it actually ends up being finished we'll see how bad it is, but otherwise it'll probably just end up as a footnote.
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>>3919928
and again, spoiler image for lufia 2, the game delivers what is on the surface, a straight forward plot really well to the point I'd argue it stands the test of time. on the anniversary stream toby actually mentioned lufia 2 which caught me off guard. it feels sometimes like "the game everyone played that no one played"
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>>3919922
What was the "something else" you were working on? If you don't mind me asking.
>also I really like that idea of the stage play, I intend to return to this
Whenever you do, feel free to keep this in mind. It doesn't have to be a stage play, it could be a docu drama or a movie. All that really matters is that its modern actors performing a very old play, older than Shakespeare, being more like an ancient Greek tragedy like Oedipus. And of course that Gerson and Mettaton are there. Also, take as much creative license as you want, I genuinely want to see what you're idea of the ancient monster kingdom and these characters in it is. Seeing the differences from what I've written would be fun.
Not rushing you though, wouldn't want to hold you up from your work.
>sir Dalton
so what is sir Dalton? What kind of monster is he?
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>>3919933
>It even got its own sneedclave equivalent with people memeing the shit out of CATHARTIC
Has it gotten that bad for the devs, people doing raids (i imagine this project has it's own discord or whatever, what doesn't these days), majority of people talking about the game shittalking it, etc?
I'm asking mostly just because I remember The Frontier being a disaster of monumental proportions that people were talking about all over the place back when it happened, whereas most discussion of Deltatraveler I've seen mostly just seems to be treating it like a small wet fart, definitely not a good game by any real means, but nowhere near as much of a circus as The Frontier.
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>>3919931
>>3919928
Its funny, I'm developing an Undertale fangame, which nominally makes it a jrpg (or is at least styled after them) but I've barely played any JRPGs. I think the only ones I've seriously played are RPG Maker games. Everything I just picked up and set down a couple hours in. The closest thing I've seriously played aside from those is Solatorobo, but that's an action RPG with very few RPG elements.
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>>3919934
Ok, its not that bad, but the dev was getting really mad over the cathartic jokes for a while. I guess it probably won't ever be as bad as the Frontier, but its about as close as an Undertale fangame can get.
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>>3919932
I'm working on the second chapter of a Momlet thing centering on "If martlet changed her mind about just letting things happen in the pacifist ending". I know in the recent discussion there's been people who do and people who don't like Momlet, but regardless it's the brain worm that's stuck in my head. I'm seeing if I can hold myself to not abandoning something that is multiple chapters. I have a friend I mentioned that normally proofreads stuff for me and I proofread his, but its been radio silence, so I'm going to just do the best I can and let anons tell me if its coherent if anyone ends up reading it.
I definitely want to return to that idea with the play or movie. I'm trying to get the hang of having multiple characters talking in the same "scene" without it being jumbled. The idea of Gerson potentially getting facts mixed up gives a lot of leeway, aside from you just being gracious with seeing where I take it. I like the bits and pieces I've learned about the world you're working on, so that's why I was really wary to just add in my own idea for a character.
as for Dalton, My original thought was Alligator like, but with a Narrow snout, angular features. the grandfather probably lost an eye, and was highly trusted before he died in a battle. I'd like to think that battle was won because his actions, and so the Dalton name is respected, with Datlon III keeping up only the slightest veneer of appearances himself.
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>>3919925
>Kanako somehow managed to talk her rich parents into paying enough of the way to get him there
The Ketsukanes never struck me as rich. Sure they have a nice house and aren't visibly struggling like Martlet is, but they still rely on a small-town electronics shop for their income and they eat corn chowder every night (they're Japanese foxes; foxes are carnivorous, but I looked it up and Japs do indeed eat corn). Normally when you're well-off one of the first things you improve is your diet.
It also begs the question of what Cole would study, besides Cowboy studies.
>Alternatively, maybe Cole is just friends with Asriel on Xbox, and they literally never meet in person.
Having them be Discord buddies makes a lot more sense and I like that headcanon. All it takes is a common interest to meet interesting people.
>>3919928
That is a great tie-in. Now I want to play this game.
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>>3919935
so I wont sit here and tell you "you're going to like lufia 2 even if you don't like rpgs". it's very by the books with just enough extra mechanics to make you say "oh hey this is cool". most pieces of gear have a unique ability on them that can be used as a special attack when your rage meter builds up (IP meter? I think in japanese its an abbreviation for something that means rage) you can get a little monster pet that you feed weapons you no longer want and it will grow stronger, but theres gear you can get early in the game that is really good due to its rage thing so it has a bit of personal touch to the gear instead of all flat "new town replace all gear" across the board.
what lufia 2 does best though, is it tells a story we already know the ending of because you play as the peoplewho die defeating a great evil at the beginning of the first game. it tells a game where you know where its going, and it makes that journey heartfelt. its a by the book story about an ancient evil tyrant, a floating continent, and the chosen one that is fated to save the day, and it commits to telling that story so well, making the characters really good, and adding an optional 100 floor dungeon that is randomized every time and some people still play the game to this day just to go play "the ancient cave". It's probably one of the best "this is rpg and you're going to get what you expect out of it" that I've ever played in my life, and just about anyone who's ever played it looks back on it fondly.
but yeah its definitely a turnbased rpg.
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>>3919939
>, but they still rely on a small-town electronics shop for their income
I figured they didn't rely on that, and Chujin just did that to keep himself busy and to at least pretend that he's supporting himself. In my mind, Chujin came from money, and he's essentially living off of that. He could probably go back and live on his parents' estate with Roba and Kanako and there'd be more than enough room, but he's too proud to do that.
>they eat corn chowder every night
I think that's just because Roba grew up in a poor farm town and acquired a taste for it. She's such a pampered house wife that she doesn't even bother wearing shoes, the corn chowder is clearly a choice.
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>>3919940
I know (I think) that asgore isn't the king, monsters live on a floating island, humanity is kind of the up and coming kid on the block and tensions are high because on one hand humans could fuck up monsters but if a human accidentally dies well that changes everything, so its a bit of a stand off I think?
the main character is to my understanding a duo of racter and the soul he absorbed. I don't know if racter killed the human, or if the human died and racter just happened to be in the right place at the right time (I think you've said wrong place at the wrong time before?)
racter is deathly afraid of everything, I don't know if the soul racter got has any presence at all or if there will be a dynamic between them.
There's an anon that is fiercely in love with racter,
it takes place long long LONG before undertale, monsters were all over the world but are now on the floating island which I think there was a discussion where it may have religious significance to them, but I may be misremembering that.
oh and I think there's some form of "technology" but not like super high tech, but like weird magic used to do technology things. I think the floating island is held up by some super magic or super tech the monsters had. I say tech because I don't know how to describe what I heard, but its "special" some how.
I know racter wears what looks like conquistador armor
this is what I've gleaned from just watching everyones discussions, I wasn't here from the start so I've just been picking up bits and pieces of conversations. It sounds really interesting all in all, but I have little concrete knowledge.
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I made Him a robot
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>>3919886
Yeah thats what i said, its just that i'd like a proper thief spell since itd make for a cool mechanic, there could even be an in-universe excuse where maybe the deltarune yellow criminals have stolen items from other darkners so clover or kanako can be like "ok lets steal them back and see if we can find the stolen-from darkners to give back the stolen stuff" (ofc you'd have the option to simply not give them back if you really like the thing you got, also maybe the generic enemies get regular items you cant return to anybody so its still an useful spell by working on non-unique encounters
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>>3919935
My reccomendations are: final fantasy 6, chrono trigger, lufia 2 then 3 (i think 3 is a remake of lufia 1), fire emblem games (theyre good, especially if you write combat-focused scenes in your undertale fangame), etc.
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>>3919941
Its not that I dislike JRPGs, its just that basically no big studio JRPG has managed to grab me. I like RPG maker games despite their shit RPG maker combat because they usually have really interesting unique elements, which is what I come to role playing games for. Like OFF had a really unique and eerie nightmare world to explore alongside a cool meta narrative behind that. Or Seventh Stand User apart from being based on a really good anime, is unique in that it lets me influence and change the events of the story in a meaningful way. Undertale isn't an RPG maker game, but it also has a bunch of really unique elements that keep my interest.
I think maybe why I get bored with so many JRPGs is that they have a lot of boiler plate components. Generic enemies, generic archetypes, generic locations, generic tropes. So even if they do have really good elements, I have to wade through a bunch of stuff that either isn't all that interesting, or would have been interesting if I hadn't seen it before. Probably also that I'm just kind of ambivalent to the gameplay loop.
Recently I have been thinking about trying an RPG called Feda: Emblem of Justice, I'll let you guess why (hint: it rhymes with box biddies)
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>>3919955
>box biddies
I wonder whatever could this mean.
but no I get that, and like I said I don't expect you to magically like lufia 2 when you don't like all that stuff. The ancient cave in lufia however is an extremely unique thing for a game on the super nintendo. at the very least I just say that "it's the best vanilla icecream with sprinkles I've ever had" but if you don't enjoy the vanilla icecream at all then there we are. Sick soundtrack though, but an rpg with bad music is already something you don't want to see in the first place.
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>>3919742
>>3919745
Good music! But yeah Dalv would look better if he just didn't have a bland purple circle for a head. Character design makes or breaks their likability and I think it's no accident that Dalv and Alphys are among the least liked characters of their respective games with overly simple and unappealing appearances.
>>3919955
This is true. It might be heresy to say such on /vrpg/ but jrpgs are infamous for being generic and having excessively similar aspects. It's mainly the exceptions that become wildly popular and help people to forget or forgive the stereotypes.
And no being generic is not inherently bad. If you boot up a Minesweeper clone you want something that plays like Minesweeper, not Arkanoid. But this is a community that likes avant-garde games for the most part.
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>>3919944
>monsters live on a floating island,
Some of them do. Upside Town is just one city in the monster kingdom, and the rest of the kingdom is on the ground. Granted Upside Town is probably the second largest city in the monster kingdom behind Old Home, though it only won that title after the previous second largest city got destroyed by the war.
> tensions are high
A bit of an understatement, they're in the middle of an ongoing war.
> I don't know if the soul racter got has any presence at all or if there will be a dynamic between them
The idea is that (you), the player, will have a dynamic with Racter via the soul.
>. I say tech because I don't know how to describe what I heard, but its "special" some how.
The whole place is basically one big science project, run by the Royal Alchemist, a dragon named Royce. It has all manner of one of a kind technological marvels in it.
>>3919946
>I saw something about pilotable golems
Upside Town has a few magitech automatons, but I don't think I ever described them as golems. So that might be the other guy.
Also Kitsy and Darkblade live in Old Home, which is the monster capital, and its divided into quarters where four different monster principalities live. Kitsy and Darkblade are the prince and princess of the East Quarter.
I'm telling all of this to you because I figure this is the kind of information that would be printed on the back of the box or in the manual if it were a retail game, so I don't really count it as spoilers. Also, its probably information that would be preserved, names of cities that existed at some point. Though I could easily see people thinking Upside Town was a myth, like Atlantis.
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>>3919950
Honestly, what I'm eyeing up right now are SMT Devil Survivors (entirely because I own a DS and think the intro rocks), Feda Emblem of Justice (because it has monster party members and furry women), and Fuga Melodies of Steel because I liked the other games in the series (though I don't know if it counts as a JRPG since it seems to be more of a tactics game)
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>>3919965
What if she just opens up a hatch in her belly and clover steps inside, FNAF style? No vore or anything, just the equivelent of a trash can lid being open and shut. And he even gets air conditioning and radio in there.
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>>3919969
>four quarters
Reminds me of that game Conquest of Elysium. There are different era you can spawn into and the Imperial Era is the one which has massive cities each with four different districts. Eras before that have smaller settlements but more magical monsters, and eras afterward have the collapse of civilization and a sort of rebound. It's a fun game even though it was sidelined in favor of Dominions.
>>3919958
Jenny from My Life as a Teenage Robot has a roughly similar color scheme. Why not?
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>>3919969
>Some of them do. Upside Town is just one city in the monster kingdom, and the rest of the kingdom is on the ground
ok gotcha, I thought I read something about "all the monsters gathered to one city" so I just assumed kitsy was on "the floating island" thus me mentioning the rival was on the other side of the island in the green
>A bit of an understatement, they're in the middle of an ongoing war.
I assumed it was right before the war actually broke out. I'm sure you've said that before in these threads, but I missed it.
>The idea is that (you), the player, will have a dynamic with Racter via the soul.
I imagine there's a certain anon out there who is very happy about this.
>So that might be the other guy.
I probably got my signals crossed between the two.
That gives me an idea of what I'm working with here. I want to keep up with the other stuff I'm trying to write because obsessing over the bird and the foxes gives me life, but engaging with you on this and writing that green was also a good time tonight. I did find time to complete the chapter of what I'm working on but I need to reread and grammar check which isn't happening tonight. I will continue to inflict these threads with my writing as often as I can manage.
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>>3919974
>There are different era you can spawn into and the Imperial Era is the one which has massive cities each with four different districts
Probably a similar inspiration, since I based Old Home's quarters off of the Ottoman practice of dividing cities into quarters. I'm sure they took inspiration from that as well.
>>3919978
>I probably got my signals crossed between the two.
I think his did have Metal Gears (or the monster equivalent) in it.
Oh and there's one last character in Oldentale who might have been recorded in the history books. Wiki, she's Toriel's older sister, and is high ranking soldier (still unsure of whether she's in the royal guard or a separate organization). Also a writer of informational texts, so some of her writings might be still around and may be cited by Gerson from time to time. That is, if any of them were relevant to this story, and if any of them survived and said surviving passages are at all relevant to the play, which I leave for you to decide.
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>>3919984
oh shit, ok I forgot about wiki, but I've snagged the art i've seen here including the sig one and the one that needs to be catboxed.
Thank you for catching me up on some things though. I remember seeing you say something prior to this thread about not wanting to spoil things, but i was a little scattered on if the things I had picked up were oldentale or not. I'm going to go to sleep and hopefully have time between work to obsess over all of this some more.
goodnight to all of you wonderful anons, may our next THREAD be free of the janny menace.
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>>3919987
No, Home is the city the ruins used to be. Old Home is named "Old Home" intentionally, because its the old home of the monsters. Yes, that does mean its referred to as "Old Old Home" in text books printed after the founding of New Home.
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>>3919991
>No, Home is the city the ruins used to be.
Oh yeah, you got me with that one, I forgot about that.
>Yes, that does mean its referred to as "Old Old Home" in text books printed after the founding of New Home.
Yeah, that feels suitably Tony Fox, that works.
Maybe in the future after the pacifist ending to UT the monsters will establish a new "Home" on the surface, extending this chain even further and giving the preceeding cities even stupider names.
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our little heros
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>>3919937
I'd definitely want to read this!
It's nice to see people delving into momlet in this way, and exploring what if she did things differently in this moment, in regards to Clover.
I for one, definitely like momlet, the exploration of it, as well as how naturally it progresses.
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>>3920117
The caster's fight move being to just beat their opponent to death with the spellbook is an underrated idea
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>>3919912
I actually like drawing both forms equally as much as each other. Whether I'm drawing Martlet or Zenith Martlet, both forms have their own appeal, and charms.
Not only that, when drawing them, I have a lot of fun showing the differences between the two forms, be that in their personality, their bodies, or even the scenarios they're in.
I also enjoy exploring how the two different forms interact with Clover, and they're mindset when deeply involved in something.
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finally sadie shows up in this AU
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>>3920157
Smug Sadie needs correction
>>3920161
Its a really cool look. Of course, me being the creative narcissist I am, it makes me think of Darkblade and a look like this (or really any of the ow the edge compositions this guy makes) would really suit him. Especially since, unlike them, he actually has a connection to musical instruments, since he hashis own personal nu metal band following him around to play his theme music
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>>3920187
Kekfor those who don't get it: https://youtu.be/xRy_Z1FwgH4
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finally got this thing done, took me a long time (room look is temp)
also fixed a glitch, some people had reported sometimes events were not triggering and I finally figured out why: if you interact with an event trigger, the interaction check would cause the event to be deleted. so pretty much pressing Z before any event trigger would delete it
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https://youtu.be/3XapX47_Tmo BREAKING NEWS, THERE'S A BRAND NEW DELTARUNE CHAPTER 2 ALTERNATIVE ROUTE MOD, it's the SLAUGHTER ROUTE, and it allows you to actually obliterate the shit out of the darkners by hitting them hard enough when theyre at low hp
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posting my feedback on the naranja demo (1/3?)>make the platforming a bit less slippery overall
>change the slide to require just pressing down while running, it's really hard to pull it off on controller and needing 3 keys to do it is a bit much for most players, specially when you gotta do it in tight spaces
>make the slide always be the same speed on controller instead of whatever you have the stick on
>the bullets after the dummy room seem too fast for a first area (maybe lower overworld damage overall?)
>the HP bar shows above the dialogue box in overworld segments
>make the battle help boxes be able to be closed with X
>sometimes using the control stick in battle will not change options and you have to use the dpad
>there needs to be a save point after that section since a lot of players might take a lot of damage there
>when starting a fight with the cockroach on the left of the first bullet area, there was no battle music
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>>3920563
2/3>dying to a overworld bullet in the platforming segment on the right made the game over animation but did not stop the overworld music
>the game over animation is too fast (both the time until the soul shatters and the particle speed)
>some fading in and out during the shadow boxer are too slow
>when talking to the snake, the "strongest" talk topic and "who would win" are the same dialogue
>the robbed npc in the explorers area changes dialogue bleep after the reward joke
>game locked after talking to the bat guy in the explorer area
>intimidating gives no gold (intentional?)
>music stops in overworld after intimidation
>duendo's knives move too fast/need a bit more delay before they fall
>the roach's wave attack is too fast/big
>the water area you have to go before pastra needs more indication that you can walk on it (sure there is the npc but the terrain looks like an edge)
>pastra's impasture attack is too fast
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>>3920565
3/3>music pitch goes up when exiting the shop
>diner dash hp healing is inconsistent (increased HP to 17 and then back to 11 at some point, pastra was not "sour", though intentional? unsure)
>spawned on top of the bullet box during one of pastra's attacks (the one where a thing comes from the left and grows with the narrow box)
>the item option will become orange even with 0 items when you retry
overall it was fun, looking forward for more of it
the snake was also cute (but is it a boy or a girl, this is important)
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>>3920566
>(but is it a boy or a girl, this is important)
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>>3920566
right some more things I remembered:>make the south path to go after the dummy fight more visible (some markings on the ground?)
>you can dodge all the bullets in the intro slide part by sticking to the top (and there are way too many bullets for literally the first segment of the game)
>see if you can make the sound of the warnings during the slide not overlap, you can probably add a decibel limiter using godot's sound mixer settings or just not play more than one instance of the audio
>for some reason I had to press X to confirm on controller instead of A (was playing on linux/steam deck if that influences something)
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>>3920568
What do you think anon? Would you take the risk?
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>>>/v/732218680
to the anon that posted this image, it's an amazing image and once I spend some more time thinking about the DRY setting, and get around to playing day 2, I want to write something connected to it.
I want to see more stuff from that artist in general to be honest, there's a lot of SOUL that shines within the simple art.
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Alright, I'm back, I'll try to reply to as many posts as I can
>>>/v/732182775
>think the glyphs are a bit confusing. Maybe consider switching them out for standard Z X C icons, or at least add the option to do that
I went for those icons instead of Z X C because you can remap the buttons and because of the controller butttons too, but I suppose I could switch them to regular Z X C icons if this is a common complaint
>>>/v/732184474
>I'm back and already done. The platforming has hard filtered me. Its not just that its difficult platforming (which it is, especially for the first level of a game that isn't about platforming), its also bad platforming, the character slides around like he's on ice all the time
Alright I think I can fix that, I got used to the aceleration deceleration but it seems like it makes a lot of people confused,
>and the controls are not suited to platforming at all.
You mean the button layout or how the character controls? if you are playing on controller I can see the button layout being bad, I should add an extra run button to one of the shoulder buttons
>Not to mention constantly dying and being sent three rooms back because I fell in a pit is not fun.
>I understand that reworking the platforming will take time (and I seriously hope you actually do rework it) but in the mean time, could you please add some way to just skip the platforming so I can get on with the RPG part of the game?
I knew there would be issues with the difficulty since I'm the only one that has tested it, I guess the main problem is the lack of save points between the tutorial room and the campment
I did have an idea to reduce the dificulty of the platforming sections by adding an object on the overworld that gives you shield HP during these sections, I'll probably add a gear item that turns off the overworld shields too, for those that want harder platforming sections
>>>/v/732184483
I'll keep it in mind
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Sharing my momlet fic update in here as well since I finished it right about the same time we were blessed with Naranja
https://archiveofourown org/works/77850791/chapters/206718006
any feedback is of course, fully welcome and appreciated!
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>>3920669
>I went for those icons instead of Z X C because you can remap the buttons
You should implement a system that changes the glyphs depending on what the controls are bound to. That's what most games do.
>Alright I think I can fix that
I actually did manage to beat it eventually, but I stand by my criticisms. Its not fun landing on a platform then falling to my death because someone recently waxxed all the floors near the bottomless pit
>I should add an extra run button to one of the shoulder buttons
No don't do that. If anything you should remove buttons. Most platformers use 1 button and a d-pad for their movement, and the do it for a reason. Running should be automatic and sliding should be doable by just pressing down. X should either not be used at all or reserved for some special non movement action.
>I did have an idea to reduce the dificulty of the platforming sections by adding an object on the overworld that gives you shield HP during these sections,
I'd say remove the ability to actually die entirely from these sections. Just send the player back to the start of the room an infinite number of times until they complete it.
Additionally, the platforming levels themselves are too hard. This is the first level. 1-1 in Mario didn't expect these kinds of jumps, neither did Green Hill Zone. I get if you want to have challenging platforming in the game, but you can't just throw players in to the deep end like that. Especially when these are rpg players who may not be used to platformers. Save the difficult platforming for after the player has gotten good at platforming.
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>>>/v/732184595
I think I'll add another overworld room after the slide introduction and put a save point there
>>>/v/732184597
>also dunno if a bug or not but when I got the odd disc it went into the equip inventory but i couldn't equip it, then later when I checked it was in key items
That was one of the bugs I fixed in the newest version
>>>/v/732184819
This one was fixed too
>>>/v/732185261
I'm really against the idea of letting the players skip them, but this might be a difficulty curve problem, I could make them easier and introduce that shield hp I talked about
I thought the very first platforming sections were too boring so I added obstacles, I guess this was to be expected, if you are playing an RPG you don't expect to find sudden platforming sections (unless that game is Mario&Luigi)
>>>/v/732185296
>Also maybe the jump arc shouldn't be locked and you should be able to turn midair
You can turn midair, unless you mean something else, the only time your movement is locked midair is at the very start of the wall jump
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>>3920675
>I thought the very first platforming sections were too boring so I added obstacles,
Generally tutorial segments are going to be boring. Just make it easier for experienced players to breeze through these areas so they won't get bored while the newbies struggle with the boring easy areas.
Also consider adding some way to leverage the other mechanics if you suck at platforming. Deltarune lets you lean on the rpg mechanics if you suck at bullet hells. You could add a consumable item that makes jumps or climbing easier, but costs money, so the player has to do battles to afford it. Skilled players will be rewarded by having money left for healing items and armor, while low skill players still have a chance to get through at a cost.
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>>3920679
>>3920675
this is a generally good approach to keeping a game engaging to both crowds when you want to add some challenge. I know in general these are rpgs and not platformers, but look at how people approached the mega man games over the years, E-tanks are a crutch in a non derogatory sense though people often don't look at them like that immediately. They are a tool to make the game more beatable for more casual players while not making them feel bad over it. Using an Etank even feels kind of nice with the sound feedback you get from it, but more skilled players will do things like "no etanks, no boss weapons" to engage with the games mechanics more.
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>>3920673
>You should implement a system that changes the glyphs depending on what the controls are bound to. That's what most games do.
I got lazy and I like what the symbols represent, but I'll keep it in mind
>because someone recently waxxed all the floors near the bottomless pit
I'll make sure to remove the slipperiness
>Most platformers use 1 button and a d-pad for their movement
The platforming is based on Mega Man X/Zero and those games use a button for dashing which is extremely important for the platforming, hell Super Mario game has a run button too and so does Super Meat Boy
>sliding should be doable by just pressing down
I think I'll just do that
>I'd say remove the ability to actually die entirely from these sections. Just send the player back to the start of the room an infinite number of times until they complete it.
I could add a "retry" button to the game over screen when you die in one of these sections, it would send you back to the start of the room
>This is the first level. 1-1 in Mario didn't expect these kinds of jumps, neither did Green Hill Zone. I get if you want to have challenging platforming in the game, but you can't just throw players in to the deep end like that. Especially when these are rpg players who may not be used to platformers. Save the difficult platforming for after the player has gotten good at platforming.
I actually thought players would get bored because the first 3 platorming rooms where too easy. I think I just got too used to the systems I made, no one else besides me had played this game before.
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>>>/v/732185930
>Also remove enemy encounters from platforming entirely
I think I will remove them from mandatory rooms but I will keep them on some of the optional paths
Also it turns out I didn't even need to go that way. This game desperately needs better signposting. I spent an hour going the wrong way down a terrible platforming section because I couldn't see the south exit of the save room.
>Also it turns out I didn't even need to go that way. This game desperately needs better signposting. I spent an hour going the wrong way down a terrible platforming section because I couldn't see the south exit of the save room.
Alright I've seen too many complaints about the low visibility of the south entrance, I'll add some broken crystals to make that entrance standout more
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>>3920687
I have a bunch of ideas for "challenge items" they put some limitation on Val, like one that blocks your item button during fights, another that makes you take extra damage and one that limits your max TP.
They have the benefit of giving you more equip spaces, there is also an extra one, whose only purpose is to fill all your spaces, making you unable to equip other gear items (besides the limitators)
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>>3920682
>I got lazy and I like what the symbols represent, but I'll keep it in mind
At least add an option to change it to z x c
>The platforming is based on Mega Man X/Zero and those games use a button for dashing which is extremely important for the platforming
In practice all the platforming in utn requires the player to be constantly running. At that point its not a dash, its a button you need to hold constantly if you want to move at a non-worthless speed.
If you want a dash, then make the current run the default speed and the dash be a higher speed on top of that.
Personally i think you should just ditch it altogether because it doesn't work.
>Super Mario game has a run button too
I never even figured out it had one until the last set of levels. The game hardly uses it, and if you ask me would've been better without it.
>Super Meat Boy
The last thing you want to do is copy a rage game like super meat boy. Nothing of what's in that game should be in this game. Its way too hard.
>I could add a "retry" button to the game over screen
No, its the death screen and the wait that causes the frustration. Just skip straight back to the start immediately if the player dies.
>I think I just got too used to the systems I made, no one else besides me had played this game before.
You really need playtesters
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>>3920695
>I never even figured out it had one until the last set of levels. The game hardly uses it, and if you ask me would've been better without it.
not naranja anon, but I have to ask. did you experience "the noob bridge" as we used to call it in super metroid?
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>>>/v/732188712
I already adressed some of these points so I'll skip them
>Sliding in the platforming segments is way too hard to do
You only need to press Z + down to slide, you don't need to run, I guess I'll have to make that more clear
>You introduce way too many gameplay elements way too early and info dump them all on the player, I still have no idea how anything works despite beating the game. Cut half of that stuff and save it for a later chapter
see this is one of the things I was fearing would happen, the prototype also had an info dump in the "how to play" option, but things were explained there using images and not just text, but this gave me an an idea, I'm not sure how to implement it yet, but I could add minigames on the overworld that teach you those mechanics, the text would still be there but now it would be complementary, I would also spread out more those tips and add a new save point on the path
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>>3920690
>I think I will remove them from mandatory rooms but I will keep them on some of the optional paths
The problem with isn't the difficulty so much as its the whiplash of going from a platformer to a bullet hell rpg then right back to a platformer. Even Deltarune kept its overworld dodging sections and climbing sections away from normal combat.
You should try having an alternative way of killing enemies like Deltarune did in the climbing section with its dash.
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I dropped honey on my dev notes
Does this means something?
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>>3920695
>At least add an option to change it to z x c
I'll do it
>if you want to move at a non-worthless speed.
I think the walk speed still has its uses when you need to make more precise jumps
>If you want a dash, then make the current run the default speed and the dash be a higher speed on top of that.
>Personally i think you should just ditch it altogether because it doesn't work.
Ehh, I don't think I will, if it bothers too many people I could implement an "always run" option that turns the X button in a walk button instead and makes the sprint your default, sounds like a headache to implement with the current system but I'm willing to try
>super meat boy.
I was using it as an example of a platforming game with a run button more than anything, besides there are no insta kills in Naranja which already makes it a very different kind of game from Meat Boy
>Just skip straight back to the start immediately if the player dies.
With the shield hp implementation this might not be necesary anymore, but I will keep it in mind
>You really need playtesters
I really do, I need a proper team in general
>>3920697
I'll admit that I too fell victim to the noob bridge
>>3920704
>The problem with isn't the difficulty so much as its the whiplash of going from a platformer to a bullet hell rpg then right back to a platformer.
I don't see the problem if its an obstacle at the very end of an optional platforming section, at that point it's more like entering an overworld room and then going back to platforming one
>You should try having an alternative way of killing enemies like Deltarune did in the climbing section with its dash.
I had the idea of adding a "pogo" mechanic like the one from Shovel Knight or Hollow Knight, you press "down" in midair and you can bounce on enemies and certain obstacles, but that might be too much
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>>3920710
Super metroid has a run button, but it's only pointed out to you in the instruction booklet (which many people growing up didn't have) and in the options menu which many people barely paid attention to. There was a bridge some hour or so into the game (at a normal pace) that aside from a really silly skip that someone figured out as a joke, required the run button to get across. It was called that because of the hundreds of people that would join forums to ask the question "How do I get past this bridge?" and of course the answer was "the run button"
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5w9FYWR_RYM
Im not meaning it as an insult, it's just one of those ancient things related to run buttons in video games.
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>>3920698
>You only need to press Z + down to slide, you don't need to run, I guess I'll have to make that more clear
Just make it down. The z is too much.
>Minigames
The problem isn't that the information is improperly conveyed, its that there's too much for the player to digest. You have to put off the introduction of those mechanics until much later in the game. Like I said earlier, cut out half of the mechanics from chapter 1 and teach the player about them later. They may be present, but they aren't necessary and the player isn't told about them until later.
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>>>/v/732189120
>First of all, this game is really funny.
>the tutorial texts in the platforming section were funny
I never know if my jokes are going to land so its
>Is the shopkeep snake a girl? I like the design either way
There are already 3 posts asking for the snake's gender, I could reveal it right now, but I find this a little funny, so I'll keep the mystery until someone else asks.>the concept of OOB areas. Its a really good explanation for why none of this appears in Undertale, and it adds to the meta stuff in the main game.I felt so smart when I came with the idea of making OOB areas part of the worldbuildingAs a side note, in one of the platforming sections, I managed to get on top of the level. You should add secrets there, maybe an entrance to one of those oob areas so we can see the Undertale farlandsWhere? I have some ideas for FUN events but I could implement one of those there
>Val's shadow boxer.
I do have some ideas for the shadow, if you ever watched or read Baki, the mechanics behind the shadowboxer should be pretty clear
>I found Val's walk cycle in the platforming section to be hilarious
That was unintentional, but I did want to give Val a funny stride in the overworld, either as the default or as an easter egg, either way, I wasn't skilled enough to draw it
Btw, thanks for all the feedback you and the other anons have given me, I knew there were tons of things that needed to be improved but I didn't know exactly which ones
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>>3920712
>I think the walk speed still has its uses when you need to make more precise jumps
I for the life of me couldn't find them. If I tried to make precise jumps, I'd just undershoot and fall to my death. The only way forward is to spam jump and keep running until i hit a wall.
>if it bothers too many people I could implement an "always run" option that turns the X button in a walk button instead a
That should be the default setting
>sounds like a headache to implement with the current system
How? You're just inverting a value from 0 to 1.
>I don't see the problem if its an obstacle at the very end of an optional platforming section,
At that point why have it at all? You're just including an annoying mechanic in an out of the way place to compensate for it being annoying. What you should do is replace with a good mechanic that players will enjoy you using
>I had the idea of adding a "pogo" mechanic like the one from Shovel Knight or Hollow Knight,
Maybe try using the slide as an attack. Players are already familiar with a similar mechanic in Deltarune and you need players to learn the dash anyways. By making it an attack you'd encourage players to get good at it, and it even fits Val's character, with him charging in to deal with problems head on.
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>>3920723
ah that's a shame,super is probably one of the best games of all time, had some fond memories of hunters though
>>3920712
>I'll admit that I too fell victim to the noob bridge
classic, when I first started playing I wasn't sure if the run button was "real", it almost seemed in the first tiny bit of the game like it did nothing but I held it down regardless.
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>>3920716
>Just make it down. The z is too much.
I'll probably just do that
>The problem isn't that the information is improperly conveyed, its that there's too much for the player to digest. You have to put off the introduction of those mechanics until much later in the game. Like I said earlier, cut out half of the mechanics from chapter 1 and teach the player about them later. They may be present, but they aren't necessary and the player isn't told about them until later.
That's want I'm going to do know, the minigames will only for some of the new mechanics, keep in mind that this alpha/beta/demo whatever only represents the first half of the first area, so there is more rooms where I could place these minigames, I will probably explain the less relevant mechanics in another chapter/area too
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>>3920725
>super is probably one of the best games of all time,
I get really picky with 2d games and especially with Nintendo style platformers. I don't even like Super Mario, I prefer the older static screen type of platformers like the original Mario Bros or Manic Miner. I do like the Sonic games though.
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>>3920722
>How? You're just inverting a value from 0 to 1.
state machine shenanigs, besides 1 year ago I always used to say "this should be easy to implement" only to discover that it was in fact "not easy to implement", maybe this time it will be different
>At that point why have it at all? You're just including an annoying mechanic in an out of the way place to compensate for it being annoying.
variety, I don't really see how it is annoying in this case either.
>Maybe try using the slide as an attack. Players are already familiar with a similar mechanic in Deltarune and you need players to learn the dash anyways.
The pogo works as an attack and its in my opinion one of the best mechanics of any platforming game, but I could make the slide work as an attack too
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>>>/v/732189797
>>>/v/732189847you can only find that disc if you pass the slide without dying, if your hp reaches 0 during that section, then you will miss the disc, it currently does nothing anyways
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>>>/v/732190041
The reason why the shopkeepr looks like a dino from Snoot game is beacuse both are scaled anthros with feathers, this is actually afeathered snake
>>>/v/732190140
It'san anthro
>>>/v/732200136Quetzali
I do have an overworld sprite for the shopkeeper but its pretty shitty, in case anyone wants to see it
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>>3920743
If this is a reference to the dorito game, no, hissy boots hasn't been added, yet
>>3920744
alright, but this is still a WIP, I still struggle to draw hair, its much easier when the canvas is bigger
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>>>/v/732212343
>I think some attacks are just way too fast in this game overall, including some of the regular enemies too
Another problem derived from a lack of playtesters>also took me way too long to figure the wake up slap is the mercy act, does a npc mention that cuz I think I missed it.
This being the mercy option is intentionally a secret, I thought I made it a bit obvious from reading the technique's description
>you should still get at least some gold from intimidation though, even if only a pitance
Not really, intimidation in Naranja is literally just a reskinned "flee" from Undertale, you don't get gold from fleeing in Undertale
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>>3920731
>state machine shenanigs, besides 1 year ago I always used to say "this should be easy to implement" only to discover that it was in fact "not easy to implement",
Fair enough, I'll probably end up eating my words at some point whenever I run into my own version of that while programming
>variety, I don't really see how it is annoying in this case either.
If it were adding variety, it'd be mixed in with the other stuff. If its shoved in a secluded corner somewhere its not really doing that.
>but I could make the slide work as an attack too
I'd say do one or the other. I just prefer the slide because its already there and I think simplicity is important in games
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>>3920749
>Not really, intimidation in Naranja is literally just a reskinned "flee" from Undertale, you don't get gold from fleeing in Undertale
The context is substantially different. Obviously running away isn't going to get you any gold, but intimidating someone into surrendering probably would.
I also feel like fight/spare system, or rather its replacement here are very poorly explained. I assumed intimidate was this game's spare and that the intended playstyle for non genocide routes is to beat the enemy to low health then intimidate them into surrendering.
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>>3920563
I'll skip the points that were already adressed
>make the slide always be the same speed on controller instead of whatever you have the stick on
I wasn't aware of this, I'll fix it
>the bullets after the dummy room seem too fast for a first area (maybe lower overworld damage overall?)
adressed too
>the HP bar shows above the dialogue box in overworld segments
Another glaring bug that I somehow missed
>make the battle help boxes be able to be closed with X
I didn't think of that I usually open and close them with the same button, I'll add it
>sometimes using the control stick in battle will not change options and you have to use the dpad
I think I know what might be causing this issue, I'll see what I can do
>when starting a fight with the cockroach on the left of the first bullet area, there was no battle music
fucked up something with the debug options again, already fixed it
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>>3920719
I gotta know...
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>>3920565
>>dying to a overworld bullet in the platforming segment on the right made the game over animation but did not stop the overworld music
No idea what could be causing this
>the game over animation is too fast (both the time until the soul shatters and the particle speed)
It might be for the best if I keep it like that.
>some fading in and out during the shadow boxer are too slow
explain?
>the robbed npc in the explorers area changes dialogue bleep after the reward joke
>game locked after talking to the bat guy in the explorer area
already fixed, for some reason one its properties got unassigned
>intimidating gives no gold (intentional?)
yes its intentional
>the water area you have to go before pastra needs more indication that you can walk on it
There is an area in Waterfall that looks almost exactly like that tho
>music pitch goes up when exiting the shop
okay I'll admit I knew this one but I forgot to ever fix it
>diner dash hp healing is inconsistent (increased HP to 17 and then back to 11 at some point, pastra was not "sour", though intentional? unsure)
did you use the stretch act? I think I might have fucked up one of the bools
>the item option will become orange even with 0 items when you retry
okay
>the snake was also cute (but is it a boy or a girl, this is important)girl
thanks for your input, I'll try to fix some of these now and make another hotfix
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>>3920573
>>you can dodge all the bullets in the intro slide part by sticking to the top
really? I though I made sure there were no blind spots
>(and there are way too many bullets for literally the first segment of the game)
thats intentional, you aren't supposed to pass this section on your first run
>>see if you can make the sound of the warnings during the slide not overlap, you can probably add a decibel limiter using godot's sound mixer settings or just not play more than one instance of the audio
I'll try
>>for some reason I had to press X to confirm on controller instead of A (was playing on linux/steam deck if that influences something)
No idea for this one, I'll keep it in mind
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>>3920636
forgot about this one, no, the name is just the result of me giving up on coming up with an original name for a monster made of dough
>>3920755
>The context is substantially different. Obviously running away isn't going to get you any gold, but intimidating someone into surrendering probably would.
it would in theory, but you literally see the enemies run away when you intimidate them
>I also feel like fight/spare system, or rather its replacement here are very poorly explained. I assumed intimidate was this game's spare and that the intended playstyle for non genocide routes is to beat the enemy to low health then intimidate them into surrendering.
I didn't think of that to be honest, I should make it more clear that the intimidate tactic ends battles abruptly and it isn't related to the spare/fight system
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>>3920773
>Still prefer it as an actual snake though, rather than that sprite you showed off. Feels more UT that way.
I already had a monster with a "serpentine" body just a few rooms ahead, I didn't feel like repeating the body type
>>3920754
she is meant to be resting her chin on a table, I got too lazy to draw the rest of her body
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>>3920749
>Not really, intimidation in Naranja is literally just a reskinned "flee" from Undertale, you don't get gold from fleeing in Undertale
I always thought that the way intimidate worked was that the lower the enemy HP is, the higher the chance of success so I kept hitting them until they were halfway before doing it
maybe in that case they give a little bit of gold?
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>>3920782
I only figured it when fighting the boss but what you're "supposed" to do is use check to see what the monster is weak too and then use the move that does that
I still think the game gives you too many options at first, maybe slowly unlock new methods as you beat bosses/do quests instead of all in one go
>>3920785
>>3920781
or the joke could be that the counter is just too tall for no reason or it was made for a taller monster that isnt in for today for the snake is filling in
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>I always thought that the way intimidate worked was that the lower the enemy HP is, the higher the chance of success so I kept hitting them until they were halfway before doing it
>maybe in that case they give a little bit of gold?
I didn't expect for the intimidation tactic to cause this much confusion
>>3920785>sourdough starter monster is somehow related to a feathered snake monster
>>3920787
Maybe I should remove the intimidation option and let you unlock it later, or explain the mechanics via a npc
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I believe its a good idea if there were special bad ending cutscenes (before being taken to the game over screen ofc) for if you lose to the final boss of an undertale fangame/the boss of a deltarune chapter i get why it wouldnt make sense for vanilla undertale to have "lose to the final boss" bad ending cutscenes for omega flowey and asriel dreemurr, but man, itd be cool to have those for the deltarune fangames, imagine losing to porky in deltatraveler section 2 and seeing a cutscene of him raiding deltarune's hometown and turning it into part of his empire or losing to the big bad of deltarune yellow chapter 1, it would be especially cool in the latter case because i always wanted to know what the fuck did that oversized plushy actually plan to do all along and what was he gonna do after killing cole and kanako, its such a huge opportunity to let us see what these baddies do or plan to do after you're defeated rather than leaving us clueless as to what they would do if they actually won
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>>3920790
"running away is for cowards, but of course you already knew that."
"A tough guy like you probably already knows this, but if you're not feeling it, you can just make the OTHER guy run away. now THATS 'intimidation'"
on second converasation
"what, you think that's still running away from a fight? I'll show you just what intimidations all about!"
>starts a fight where he can be intimidated easily.
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>>3920789
>Spoiler
Not by blood
>Maybe I should remove the intimidation option and let you unlock it later, or explain the mechanics via a npc
Do both. You already have a technique learning mechanic, just add a tactic learning mechanic. Then you can have some Mr Satan type poser explain the concept of bluffing as a way to honorably win unfair fights (how to avoid getting your ass kicked while preserving your ego.) you should also probably rename it to bluff to better communicate the idea.
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>>3920672
Wish this got more attention but a chapter upload to a fic when there's been a cornucopia of fangame and art content in a single day is like bringing the casserole to Thanksgiving. I'm not putting you down; last Thanksgiving I think the pecan casserole was the best part of the meal and likewise I love your work. The scenery descriptions are brief but vivid and stand out!
Just because I'm a contrarian, I read it again. I apologize for the nitpicks.
>The last few hours were already beginning to haunt her; deep circles were carved under her eyes and she had no doubt there many more sleepless nights ahead of her.
I fixed this sentence's structure and grammar. I hate to sound like a schoolteacher but every clause should have a subject, verb and (optionally) object, and clauses need to be separated by something.
Don't be afraid to have a quotation be its own sentence with a previous emote ending in a period. If an emote doesn't relate to the act of speaking, then a comma doesn't quite belong.
>I’ll just bring them to Snowdin!
Clover has been established as male and Martlet knows this. Is she referring to more than one person?
>Canine unit
Both units should be either uppercase or lowercase.
>smugly and shifted
ftfy
But really, not a lot of mistakes. Okay, I can play Naranja now.
>>3920708
Cute pic!
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>>3920820
Thank you for reading it!
I'm really happy that we got some Naranja, but even if it was going to get buried under discussion I wanted to share the chapter as soon as it was complete
>I apologize for the nitpicks.
the nitpicks as you call them, are fully welcome. Grammar was never my strong point, so even if I don't make the change on the spot, I keep the advice in mind as I go forwards. That said if I make the same mistake in the future, understanding those grammar rules is still a work in progress for me.
Semicolons in particular still feel like mysterious wizardry.
>Clover has been established as male and Martlet knows this. Is she referring to more than one person?
personal habit growing up around people that used third person singular they completely separated from modern gender stuff. Talking about someone that is present but not involved in the conversation, sometimes people would do that. I'll watch out for it though, as I assume in most contexts it doesn't really make sense if the person is known.
>Both units should be either uppercase or lowercase.
makes sense, and I'll watch out for things like that going forward
>smugly and shifted
I don't quite get this one, does the pause after "smugly," not come across right?
I'm going to spend time rereading what you said about the clause subjected verb part. An anon recommended me a book on grammar after the last chapter that I wrote down somewhere and plan to pick up, but sometimes I have to sit and think on these things to grasp it. Thank you again for the thought out response
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>>3920834
You absolutely should give DRY a try. I put it off at first, but when I finally sat down and gave it the time I was thoroughly impressed. It does a great job doing more than just being "Deltarune but with a thin coat of paint". I went into it having no strong feelings on Kanacole, but the fact that it tried to be more than just shipping bait, sold me on the experience.
instead of getting a 1:1 retread of deltarune, I now genuinely want to know what happens next
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Is this Val's future?
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Reminder not to reply to ragebait posts
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>>3920854
you were just a little too slow.
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always nice to see new stuff pop up. It would be mind blowing to see art of one of the local fangames out in the wild one day. If I were capable of drawing currently, I would be creating it myself.
regardless, I come bearing roba
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>>3920862
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>>3920863
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>>3920865
Big Naranja doesn't want you to know this, but the shonen battle poses are free, you can just take them.
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>>3920839
>I don't quite get this one, does the pause after "smugly," not come across right?
I was deathly afraid of the character limit. The first issue is that "smiled" is past tense and "shifting" is present participle. They're not necessarily incompatible but they feel incongruous. You generally want the same tense in a sentence though exceptions can exist. For example, there's a similar situation in the last paragraph.
>Ceroba crossed her arms, tilting her head in confusion
This has a little better flow because "tilting" and what's after it can be considered a descriptor of Ceroba's action. You can also rearrange the sentence to read "Ceroba, tilting her head in confusion, crossed her arms."
It's more of an advanced topic and I'm not a good guide on it. In my opinion, using a verb of a different tense as a descriptor can be confusing compared to just using a compound verb with the same tense. You can do this in multiple ways:
"The jab went over the bluebird’s head as she was smiling smugly and shifting Clover in her arms."
"The jab went over the bluebird’s head as she smiled smugly and shifted Clover in her arms."
"Ceroba crossed her arms and was tilting her head in confusion."
"Ceroba crossed her arms and tilted her head in confusion."
Both sentences are past tense because that's what the whole narration is written in, and it's important to stay consistent.
>I'm going to spend time rereading what you said about the clause subjected verb part.
Clauses are just full sentences as roommates. It's grammatically correct to just separate them. It will come across as a little choppy. This is an example. But, when clauses have their boundaries respected, they will clearly convey meaning and your work will have a nice "flow" that is a joy to read through.
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Another hotfix for Naranja with a bunch of miscellaneous bug fixes + now you can close the battle info boxes with X and sliding is now done by only pressing Down
remember to use an antivirus
https://files.catbox.moe/eg96l4.rar(Win 64bits)
https://files.catbox.moe/4nk6ch.rar(Win 32bits)
https://files.catbox.moe/4nk6ch.rar(Linux 64bits)
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>>3920875
>The first issue is that "smiled" is past tense and "shifting" is present participle. They're not necessarily incompatible but they feel incongruous. You generally want the same tense in a sentence though exceptions can exist. For example, there's a similar situation in the last paragraph.
ok, I see what you mean now. I've seen situations where the tenses in someones writing were noticeably terrible, but I wasn't making the connection that I was shifting the tenses myself.
That said, I guess I'm still having some trouble digesting the information.
>"Ceroba crossed her arms and was tilting her head in confusion."
>"The jab went over the bluebird’s head as she was smiling smugly and shifting Clover in her arms."
these sound wrong to my ears when I say it out loud, and I think its the "was tilting" and "was smiling" making the sentence feel like it lasts too long without pausing. That may just be an incorrect feeling in my head though.
I can't guarantee I won't make these mistakes again, as most of my proofreading is reading what I wrote out loud and changing it until it doesn't make my ears go "somethings wrong here". I'm going to spend time thinking about this, but I didn't want you to feel like I wasn't taking this sincerely if the next thing I do still has some of this issue. This is all a work in progress for me.
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>>3920889
on this note, reading into it more there is no end to the literature to dive into explaining this stuff. I'm going to keep writing, but maybe now in my grand old age I can start to grasp some of this stuff better
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>>3920889
Past participle ("was tilting," "was smiling") is a little long and can be awkward, yeah. That said, not only am I rusty but I am also tired and tipsy, so take my advice with a hefty grain of salt. I'm sure there are better resources online.
>as most of my proofreading is reading what I wrote out loud and changing it until it doesn't make my ears go "somethings wrong here"
That's the best method of proofreading and the one I use the most. If you're a native English speaker, something that sounds off probably is.
>I didn't want you to feel like I wasn't taking this sincerely if the next thing I do still has some of this issue.
Bro you don't have to tell me that. I dreaded my reading and writing classes in school because I kept making retarded mistakes over and over until the rules were drilled into me. I still make mistakes all the time. At least you're out there publishing chapters and asking random people on the internet to review your work. After I finish my own work and proofread it, I'll ask close friends of mine to check it, and only afterwards will I post it online. That process is more cumbersome and not everbody has that luxury.
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>>3920894
>>3920875
if I can ask, I see a lot of stuff saying that "present participle in past tense sentences" is a normal convention.
is it something that still works in moderation?
I see sentences like "She was running down the street when she fell"
so wouldn't was be what sets the tense, making it coherent? I'm sure you could shift it like "she ran down the street and fell" but I was under the impression that each sentence has it's own "feeling" and was right for different reasons.
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Hey guys, it's me the Martlet Drawanon!
For those that missed it, on the previous thread here's the image request that I drew.
Zenith Martlet taking in Clover's soul from the beginning.
The event that leads into the various scenes shown in the other images I drew previously.
Highly requested by anons, as I never drew what started it all, only aftermaths.
You can view the image here:
https://files.catbox.moe/5b2q6x.png
A separate normal Martlet version is being worked as well, as that was a highly requested image as well.
As always, thank you for all the kind words and support.
And if an anon here was the one who made a pool collection of the art I drew on e6, I appreciate that very much!
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>>3920896
>Bro you don't have to tell me that
fair enough, I really appreciate the time anons have taken to give feedback. When I posted my first fic here, it was mindblowing to me that anons were willing to take that time and share their thoughts at all.
>That said, not only am I rusty but I am also tired and tipsy, so take my advice with a hefty grain of salt.
I do get what you are saying altogether, and have been looking at the different ways you can get "the same sentence" across and get a completely different feeling. Someone suggested in one of these threads a book called "the element of style" which I plan on picking up in between obsessing over fangames and stories.
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>>3920898
I said this on previous thread, you're doing gods work Martlet Drawanon.
Your efforts have lead to another quality Zenith Martlet image to add to the collection of the one's you've done.
I'm also quite surprised the stuff you've drawn that's been uploaded on e6, doesn't have a lot of comments, and discussion there.
They absolutely deserve the attention, especially with Martlet and Clover stuff.
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>>3920904
You can find the weirdest of the weird on e6.
Honestly what they've drawn is pretty tame, compared to some of the out there stuff you can find on e6.
Still with that said, the Martlet Drawanons art appears to be gradually getting more attention.
Here's hoping their stuff gets more recognition, and interest.
Like I said, their deserves it for sure.
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>>3920897
>so wouldn't was be what sets the tense, making it coherent?
Exactly, it tells the reader when this was going on in relation to the other action.
>I was under the impression that each sentence has it's own "feeling" and was right for different reasons.
Also right. "Ran down the street and fell" is a simple compound action. It gives equal weight to each action and there isn't any complexity to it. "Running down the street when she fell" gives more importance to the falling part, with running giving context to it. I wish I could explain it better.
>>3920899
This.
>>3920900
>Someone suggested in one of these threads a book called "the element of style" which I plan on picking up in between obsessing over fangames and stories.
I should read that myself but my best advice is to read well-crafted literature with different styles and really looking at how the author writes prose. For example, what stood out to me about Tolkien was his vivid descriptions of scenery which immersed the reader into the world he created. A master writer can use language to make a reader feel mystified, cozy, terrified, or any other emotion.
>>3920898
I like how this work is extremely pornographic with its posing and framing yet Martlet is solemn in her actions. It's an interesting juxtaposition to have a highly detailed and well-drawn vagina doing something arguably non-sexual. I can't help but wonder what she's feeling. Does a soul feel unpleasant to push in without lubricant? Is she squeezing her walls to keep him trapped inside? Her blush implies pleasure of sorts.
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>>3920908
>I wish I could explain it better.
I think it makes a lot of sense as you put it there.
>what stood out to me about Tolkien was his vivid descriptions of scenery which immersed the reader into the world he created.
I tried to start with the hobbit when I was a kid, but I think it was a bit much for my hyperactive mind at the time. I don't know how good of an author Vance was on a technical level, but I was reading the dying earth not too long ago and it was enjoyable. Point taken though, I haven't really let myself sit down and read much outside of fanfiction these days. There's a few people from here that did fics that really inspired me, but I know people write fast and loose in these so it wouldn't hurt to pick up some books again.
>>3920899
I can't argue with that. Thank yall once again for the input.
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>>3920908
>I like how this work is extremely pornographic with its posing and framing yet Martlet is solemn in her actions.
This is something that I really like about the Martlet Drawanons work. They draw all these details, and you can see the explicit parts, but it's not meant to be sexual in nature.
The fact they go the extra mile to add in all those details, even going as far to draw Martlet and Zenith's wombs differently, makes me respect them even more.
>I can't help but wonder what she's feeling.
Considering she's taking in a soul into her body, I'd image she'd being feel something very unique.
>Does a soul feel unpleasant to push in without lubricant?
I don't think it will feel unpleasant in the slightest, as chances are Martlet's vagina is naturally lubricated. So pushing a soul into there, wouldn't be to much of an issue.
>Is she squeezing her walls to keep him trapped inside?
I guess this is up to interpretation. She could be doing that, or it could be that her womb is naturally sealed shut, once Clover's soul settles in there.
There's lots of difference ways you interpret what's happening.
>Her blush implies pleasure of sorts
Well her vagina would naturally be a sensitive area, and since she's taking in Clover's soul within her, with that being the entry point, I'd imagine she'd be feeling a lot.
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Good news everyone, the Ceroba breastmilk image is nearly complete!
Just have to do the colors, endure 100000 years of pure agony (do the shading), and it's all good to go.
In the meantime, look at this funny XKCD comic I found that's sorta relevant.
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>>3920931
that wouldn't be bad, it just depends on where you're hearing it from. Minecrap was perfect what with spampton and all, super smashing fighters felt like what your parents may have called it while calling samus "metroid".
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Dina unbirthing......
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I'm trying to find video of going into the shop at MTT in the pacifist with martlet but every single video, people just skip right past it once they have martlet following one video even ran to the door, then away from it and to the elevator.
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>Naranja
There's a typo during the training part: "You are meant to [do] something when you have your chance to attack"
>grazing
Being chased by the imaginary SOUL was unreliable when it came to generating TP. I felt like I was in grazing range but it didn't work some of the time. Moving out of range, or getting hit fixed it.
>cockyroach attacks
Some circle openings are way too close to the source, giving very little difficulty to move through
>water room
Should have clear indication it's the end at the room at the bottle
>second training room
"difficult at firt" [sic]
>later room
"inefective" [sic]
>overall difficulty
Other anons pointed out it's too difficult and obtuse. I like difficult games like Rain World but difficulty there feels more justified. Also it's less linear than Naranja. I like the platforming which is a lot of fun. The mechanics in general are good, just too much too soon. Enemy attacks also are too difficult to avoid.
>other thoughts
Cute snek. Also I like the stuff about out-of-bounds, great tie-in to the meta
>>3920913
>as chances are Martlet's vagina is naturally lubricated
It would start out dry though. But you know how some guys get hard-ons when excited? Maybe some monster women are the same way and get wet when they're in intense fights.
>Considering she's taking in a soul into her body, I'd image she'd being feel something very unique.
But what? SOULs aren't natural so do they feel like an object of infinite smoothness? Like a glass dildo? Warm or cold? These are important questions!
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>>3920944
actually here we go. Had to go through like six videos but found it. Didn't really want to start the whole game up just for a few things near the end, even if I've been thinking about replaying
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>>3920915
>some monster women hyperlactate and demand that males in their proximity relieve their discomfort, regardless of how appropriate the setting is
Okay maybe that's a little absurd but that's what came to mind with that picture. Maybe in that scenario they'd carry breast pumps to not be tempted towards sexual harassment.
>>3920949
I'm disappointed. In better circumstances Martlet would find Bits cute/endearing.
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>>3920791
This gave me some inspiration, what if there were bad ending cutscenes for losing to the deltatraveler bosses
>Flowey, pacifist run: After Kris and Susie are killed, flowey hears noelle's voice coming from snowdin, noelle is effortlessly defeated, and flowey checks around in the ruins to see if there's anybody else who popped up, the camera switches over to frisk walking through the ruins until flowey pops out and pulls the old same "touch the friendliness pellets" trick from canon, with flowey actually succeeding and taking their soul, then the screen goes black and flowey is on the surface, being all like "tee hee hee, it was about time i got the chance to shake things up for once, now, let's get started!", flowey starts laughing and the save point sound is heard, cue gaster popping up to talk "IT SEEMS LIKE YOU HAVE REACHED AN END, BECAUSE OF MY INTERVENTION... THINGS HAVE CHANGED FOR THE WORSE, YOUR HAPPY ENDING, THE HOPES AND DREAMS YOU HELD... ALL UNDONE IN AN INSTANT, SO THEN, WHAT WILL YOU DO?" with two options, "Recover my save files and try again" and "Give up. (WILL DELETE YOUR UNDERTALE SAVE FILES)", self-explanatory.
>Flowey, hard mode: same but faster, flowey kills frisk, kris and noelle then finds the gray door before gaster can delete it cus he doesnt waste that much time with frisk on the ruins, cue cutscene of flowey holding paula up with his vines while fighting ness, "It doesn't matter how many times you beat me, i'll always come back, and with each try, i get closer to becoming GOD!", then, same black screen and blah blah blah but since this is obviously a separate timeline you dont get asked to recover your save files.
>Porky: the shit >>3920791 anon said would happen lol, just add in a montage of porky colonizing/conquering gg!underfell, the legend of zelda's world, ts!underswap, porky getting his ass kicked in mario & luigi's world but he leaves, etc.
>Ness & Paula phase 1: After beating the fun gang, they check the gray door behin-
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>>3920951
>I'm disappointed. In better circumstances Martlet would find Bits cute/endearing.
sadly the only video I could find where she's in the shop, they just leave without opening the shops talk menu so I don't know if there's any further interaction. I do agree though, she would absolutely love it, and probably accidentally set off the whole "sock" conversation.
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>>3920924
>even a mere million years wait would be of no concern.
That would be of great concern to me, given that I would have then spent a million years working on this one image, and that would imply horrible things for my schedule next week.
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>>3920960
alright fine the million years can start the week after next then.
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>>3920952
>-d them, asking to each other "what do you think is in here?" and blah blah, so they go in, fight the gritty fucked up monsters of gg!underfell, so their immediate assumption is "so those murderers came from here, huh? We should make sure they dont find their way back in here", and thus, cue montage of ness and paula no-diffing the entirety of gg!underfell's snowdin, eventually finding a gray door in snowdin town and coming back to their own world.
>paula, phase 2: after beating the fun gang, she smashes the gray door behind her in rage, only to start crying, she walks away in sadness, but then porky pops up and he boasts about how she can't stop giygas from destroying the world now, laughing and belittling her until she snaps and starts fighting porky, obviously, with porky's machine being an endgame enemy, porky just beats her down and throws paula back into the prison she was in a while ago, with paula simply dropping down and crying while the screen fades to black, showing the game over screen.
>jerry: it counts, so, Jerry absorbs kris' soul and heads off to face gg!fell sans, where he actually starts winning until papyrus and a worried UT sans swoop in to stop jerry, where it then becomes more evenly matched but jerry does end up winning massively injured from the KR2 stack up, passing out and leading to the game over screen
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>>3920962
>Fell Sans: laughing as susie and noelle dust away, he shoves his hand into kris' chest and rips out the soul like a fucking mortal kombat fatality, but before he can absorb it, gg!fell papyrus swoops in and confronts him, starting a fight, of course, depending on how damage you did to sans before losing, either sans or papyrus ends up winning, if sans wins then he absorbs the soul and walks into the gray door, entering the undertale world, now, post rewrite fell sans might prob just settle in with UT papyrus while UT sans stares off thinking about what happened to kris, or fell sans just kills himself out of guilt after a while of living in the undertale world and seeing how better things couldve been and wondering if he made everything worse, pre rewrite fell sans would just go doom guy on the underground. If papyrus wins then he grabs kris' body and soul and knocks on the gray door asking for help, with it opening, papyrus goes in and calls out for help before falling into the ut world, fell papyrus would be confused and all but he takes kris to ut papyrus and sans then they tell him that alphys is a better fit for this kind of stuff, a timeskip happens then you see fell papyrus and alphys on the true lab talking about how kris is too wounded to go on no matter how much determination she keeps pumping into their body (inserting the soul back in doesnt work either), fell papyrus walks away in sadness and you see kris close their eyes for the last time, taking you to the game over screen
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>>3920964
had to look it up, it sounds like a reference to the jaunt, and looking back on things it actually sounds like I'm the one getting in the pod.
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>>3920965
Yeah, I actually flipped a coin on whether I wanted to reference Emesis Blue or The Jaunt specifically.
Point is, I'd prefer not to get put in the torment nexus if at all possible, I'm already going to have to do shading which is already like every circle of hell rolled into one.
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>>3920966
fine, I'll press the 100 million year button but I expect Roba in return.
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>>3920968
I'll try and get it done by sometime before the 5th, ideally.
It's a shame there's no real trick to shading and whatnot like there is for coloring or anything else, that'd make it go by way faster.
At least I don't do lineart the way I used to, that was a real time-sink.
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>>3920969
Good luck on the art anon, I'll stop harassing with vague discussions of fates far outpacing death.
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>>3920926
I don't think it would be anything that ends with -"mon" since that's short for monster. You wouldn't play a game called "pocket humans" (or maybe you would, but that would be a very different game from Pokeymon). They'd have to be called something else instead of monsters, that is unless its like that one anon said and they're all actually socks.
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Deltarune Kanako over susie would solve most of the bullshit in deltarune ngl
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I wonder how many poor schmucks have wondered here from the UTY Reddit and been filtered by the fetish discussion.
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>>3921019
I mean me personally I don't consider entirely theoretical people for the sake of them potentially being worse to have a conversation with to make it okay or even good to be an obnoxious pervert that people don't want to interact with a positive thing.
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>>3921019
>the fetish discussion.
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To the anon who wrote that "Worthy" fic on AO3 who I was talking with in the recent /v/ thread, I finally got around to reading it.
It's good, though sappy stuff isn't usually what I go for most of the time, unless I'm in a mood. I gave it a kudos.You did forget a period after the second to last line of the fic though, shame upon you for one million years.
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>>3921053
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>>3920945
>"You are meant to [do] something when you have your chance to attack"
noted.
>Being chased by the imaginary SOUL was unreliable when it came to generating TP. I felt like I was in grazing range but it didn't work some of the time. Moving out of range, or getting hit fixed it.
I need to make the grazing mechanic work more like how it does in Deltarune, currently it only triggers when you first enter the hitbox of an attack.
>Should have clear indication it's the end at the room at the bottle
I'll push the camera limit closer to the right.
>"difficult at firt" [sic]
>"inefective" [sic]
I didn't fix any of those typos on purpose.
>Other anons pointed out it's too difficult and obtuse
I'm thinking on ways to reduce the difficulty, at least now I know on what to rebalance.
thanks for playing and thanks for the feedback, anon.
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>>3921061
You don't have to partake in the fetish discussion to post here you know. You do have to know how to scroll past discussion you dislike. Its a basic necessity of using 4chan. If they can't stand that, they wouldn't stand any of the other off putting autistic shit people do here. And they would most certainly feed any trolls and schizos they see.
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>>3921061
>>3921050
Thats a fair concern, but I kind of get what anon is saying about "they wouldnt last anyways". When i first found the threads, well before some of the current discussion, the first thing I saw was someone posting that green from earlier in the the threads life about ceroba pissing. Youre always going to find some thrown off shit here, and having been on the site since 2007, its best to just have a mental filter for some of it since people are going to use the anonymity to engage in some unusual thoughts.
Personally not into the fetishes that get brought up, and Its possible some people have been driven off by it, but if it wasnt that it would he something else if you can't manage to tune it out.
That iq chart the one drawanon made gives me a good indication of the "variety" of older thread topics, the more things change the more they stay the same
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>>3921141
it is what it is anon, not the guy you're talking to, but if you want to discuss stuff here (because where else in the entire internet you will) you gotta learn to ignore it
I'm not big into this fetish so I just scroll past it
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>>3920791
I thought about the same at one point in regards to Undertale. Imo, bad endings work best if the material is very serious. If you've ever played the OG Fallout you know what I'm talking about. Undertale's whole thing is that you control destiny via determination so even in a meta sense it doesn't work very well.
>>3921005
Susie is the real star character of the game. I love Kanako but her chemistry is better with Cole while Susie is better with Kris.
>>3921025
>>3921130
We gotta ask drawanon to lower his standards. His fetish art is just too high-quality to avoid talking about.I think people find it less weird because it's Clover's disembodied soul which is basically an object; if it was his whole body more people would be grossed out
I still find it funny how this is a game about anthropomorphic animals and all the fetish talk has nothing to do with their animal attributes. They're not "vanilla" but they're the same fetishes you would find on a hentai board. The average /mlp/fag is more wild than this.
>>3921127
Kek. I should hang around the DR threads again but my spare time is better spent here.
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>>3921161
Litteraly how? /utg/ spent four years on life support so the madness is expected for a general - but we had two new chapters six months ago, with another one set to release this year. How could they degenerate this quickly?
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>>3921164
my guess is that factions settled in during that time so they have a decent amount of control over the flow of conversation
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>>3921176
Generally OC creation puts that kind of shit at bay. We dip a little off topic at times, but OC helps keep things on topic and focused on what we're all here for after all. having active devs, drawfags and writefags is important, and normally we keep the pace slow here on /vrpg/ and save the bulk of discussion for a weekly thread, which also helps keep things fresh. Clique-like behavior that forms on generals generally drives the creatives away as the quality spiral dives
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>>3921181
that is to say, us not treating threads like generals and continuing to make stuff means that the threads stay good, even if I know some of the discussion makes people uncomfortable. It's really best to just continue ignoring the discussion you don't like and making stuff yourself when possible. That's how discussion avoids that fate
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>>3921182
Shit tends to just pass too. Eventually a different topic will set in, and the unbirth stuff will just become another small part of the history of these threads.
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>>3921183
yeah, people forget that while that anon has been drawing for a while, the topic has only been really active for less than 2 weeks now, and THE VAST MAJORITY of that conversation has been around every bit of that topic except the uncomfortable part, and the majority of the discussion in the weekend threads had nothing to do with it, by volume.
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>>3921185
Fundamentally, yes actually. The act of creating improves you, makes you better for the next time you create something, and contributes to the overall energy of the threads.
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>>3921187
I know I'm hammering the point here, but people willing to create stuff in a community does that as well. OC is the life and spirit of what 4chan used to be like, and it attracts people who like that kind of place, and makes it easy to ignore people who want to cry about actual video game discussion.
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>>3921181
>Clique-like behavior that forms on generals generally drives the creatives away as the quality spiral dives
Yeah, after a certain point generals become active hostile to OC creators since the OC either offends them some way or isn't "pure" to whatever the general is about.
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>>3921196
yeah, it's a sad state of affairs and personally I've always felt like creating /vg/ in the first place was a mistake. Lots of changes over the years drove off much of the creative minded people and we've had an entire decade or so at this point where some people flat out think OC is not welcome on the site.I miss when it was just a bunch of /v/ros talking about the vidya
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>>3921183
Funny you mention the unbirth stuff specifically when then major part of the convos were about anything but that.
In fact funny enough the images themselves aren't even really uncomfortable, as the Martlet drawanon who drew them, doesn't fetishize it despite it showing explicit body parts.
From what I've observed, outside of haters, just being asshats, no one really finds it that uncomfortable.
Their stuff have even inspired people to write, and make images of based of what they've drawn, as the concept and idea in of itself it admittedly pretty interesting to explore and delve into.
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>>3921206
>no one really finds it that uncomfortable.
I'd say many find it uncomfortable, but most people who stick around are capable of just not looking at things they don't like.
It was really uncomfortable for me at first, but the effort behind it put me at ease on the matter.
also
>doesn't fetishize it
I think its clearly fetish material, it's just handled with a surprising amount of tact despite that.
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>>3921206
>no one really finds it that uncomfortable
Oh people definately find it uncomfortable, though I will say the way the drawanon goes about doing drawing it, is what makes it not so bad.
Over time I've come to accept it, or more specifically the way the Martlet drawanon goes about doing it.
Especially with all the thought and time that goes into making the image
>>3921211
>just handled with a surprising amount of tact despite that.
Yeah that's what I was going to say. They approach it in a very smart way, so that even though the image contains it, there's more to the image that just that aspect of it.
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>>3921206
I think a more accurate thing to say is that people have come to not mind it that much.
There are people here that find it uncomfortable, but that way it's handled by the drawanon, makes it more tolerable.
I'm honestly more interested in the story behind the images themselves, and the concept in question, rather than the fact they just so happen to contain unbirthing elements.
It's rather fun idea admittedly.
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>>3921206
Chiming in to say that I also find it uncomfortable, as I do with other weird fetish posts like the catbox asshole or the piss stuff from early on, and I usually just scroll past it, but the sheer length of arguments with this one is making me skip to the end of threads instead of trying to find the other, better posts.
You can do fetish content in a way palatable to people without that fetish; Out-of-Placers is a comic by an author with a TF fetish and the inciting incident of the comic is a character getting TF'd, but I really enjoy its characters and worldbuilding despite not having the fetish because it's handled with tact. That's a comic you have to seek out, though, and not inserted into the middle of our threads.
I haven't really bitched about these discussions but I don't want you painting them as being okay by everyone but a few assholes, I personally don't like them and it's causing me to read the thread less frequently.
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>>3921249
>I personally don't like them and it's causing me to read the thread less frequently.
what I don't get is the last part of that though, the actual amount of discussion around it aside from the very first thread about it, has already dropped to negligible levels. The last thread in fact had more posts from that weirdo with a grudge against the anon than people actually talking about that art, and even that was dwarfed by literally every other context of discussion. People keep acting like this one off situation has been a major part of discussion for months.
also the thread where discussion went crazy, 90 percent of that discussion was about the moral weight of clovers actions before that, and was almost entirely divorced from the original subject matter.
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>>3921250
that's cuz naranja released but the thread before was kinda taken by people discussing the thing. I am not the anon you are talking to but I just ignored past it and looked for the topics that interested me and replied to those instead
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>>3921251
>that's cuz naranja released but the thread before was kinda taken by people discussing the thing
that was only true the prior weekend. I'm looking at the threads from this recent weekend right now. Naranja didn't get posted until about 3/4 through the last thread, and the other threads were still vastly about other topics, with most of the posts actually about that draw anon being the person who needed to insist that no one would ever be inspired by him.
We had one single weekend where the topic was actually focused on that art, and that weekend itself, the majority of the discussion was around everything but the fetish itself.
the whole unbirthing thing makes me uncomfortable as well, but it's being blown way out of proportion.
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>>3920898
>>3919530
Not further words needs.
Proof no one likes your drawings here.
Your art isn't wanted by anyone or needed here.
All you do is push people away from threads.
We could have had actually had other talented drawanons and writers here, but your the reason they're gone.
Once again your art isn't going to inspire anything.
You're not going to motivate people to write or draw like Sig, and the other talented people here.
All this is because of you, and your unwanted art here.
Face reality. You're doing nothing good for these threads.
They were better and more active, when you weren't here.
>>3921213
>>3921249
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>>3921051
Hey! Thank you for taking the time to read it man, I think I get overly sentimental at times and so I get a kick out of sappy stuff like that, but I'm glad that you liked it some despite that.
I want to explore more angles of writing over time with the different characters, and am testing the waters on some horror stuff that's not related to ut fangame stuff, but I feed the obsession as it calls to me
>spoiler text
there's no recovering from this one
I'm tempted to go fix it, but since it was my first fic, I'll probably leave any mistakes it had to look back on as I improve.
I may take some green requests to practice inbetweeen working on my next fic chapter as well. Maybe when the thread isn't losing its mind so much.
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>>3921264
Thanks for your contributions to the thread writer anon.
Unlike the Martlet Drawanon, who's stuff isn't wanted or any good, you're on your the way to create some great.
I'm sure in time you'll inspire others to write and draw a stuff based on what you've written.
Something which the drawanon will never be able to do.
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>>3921272
My current fic is that one I posted the chapter update for yesterday, it's momlet stuff. I plan on doing more Momroba, but I'm waiting on the scenario to come to me.
I'm also thinking about that oldentale discussion. I had a lot of fun with that but I don't know quite how to handle it.
I want to do things in between working on "the best in me", so that it doesn't feel like I'm dragging myself to the keyboard even when im not sure how to handle a part, but that one is my first attempt at something multi chapter so I want to successfully finish it eventually.I also want to throw dalv in a chapter, but that Dalvkeeper anon is the only material that really gives me an idea for a Dalv personality.
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>>3921275
oh, and I do want to do do some Kanaclover childhood friend stuff in the mix, but I feel like I'll just stumble through it unless an idea comes to mind.
I may just do some green requests when I get off work tonight and see where things go.
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>>3921275
Oh, you are the best in me writer anon. Cute work! I'm the angsty zart 'writer', though I've only shared wips of it here. Unsure whether the entire package will be posted as one big thing or should split it up into chapters.
Keep it up anon!
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>>3921279
oh awesome! I'm practicing doing things in chapters so if I get a long idea, It will feel like I can tackle it in manageable chunks at a time, and enjoy other ideas along the way. I'm glad to hear you're still working on that zartlet story as well, I look forward to the next update when you're ready.I hope in some way she can find happiness, time will tell
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>>3920898
You see drawanon, this is the momlet and Martlet fanwork that people actually want to see. Not your stuff.
What this anon is doing is something that people will be interested in, and want to see more of. No one's interested in your stuff.
This is what people really to see. No one wants to see more of what you draw.
>>3921275
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>>3921282
you're responding to the person that did a green about Zartlet exploring clovers memories because of that anons art. I'm not going to give you attention again, as I understand that being unkind to people may be how you get their kicks, but I don't think people on either side of this discussion enjoy your posts. Please take a step away from the computer and reconsider how you're spending your day, it makes even the person you're "praising" feel bad.
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>>3921279
Share what you can share whenever possible. That's usually the best way to go about it.
Personally I've always like stories that focus on Zenith.
Specifically the one's that explore her character in interesting ways.
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>>3921286
don't reply to the schizo, anon
just hide the post
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>>3921286
You shouldn't feel bad about a drawanon who's insignificant to these threads.
You should be happy that your stuff is likeed and appreciated here.
You're a positive influence on these threads.
Unlike the Martlet Drawanon.
No one here should bother looking at their stuff, let alone doing anything based on their art.
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>>3921287
I can give the updated story a link. Though didn't manage to get much done because I've been heavily procastrinating as well as drawing stuff for a friend. But I'm still in the process of fixing some grammar in what I have so far.
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>>3921286
I was interested in seeing what you, did when you first brought up you were working on something in that big thread. I never knew you did a greentext for it.
Would it be possible for you to share what you've done, or have you been adding more to it, and your going to post a rough draft of an entire story?
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>>3921164
I'll give another perspective:
The new chapters were very lacking in terms of the kind of content most anons enjoy, specially considering the length and waiting time.
Comparing the release threads for Chapter 2 and 3+4and ignoring the schizos, I think the new release had considerably more negativity for the game, even if 2 had it's criticism back in the day.
It somewhat reflects how the characters in the game are feeling in each release, in a cosmic sort of way.
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>>3921294
>>3916195
>>3916196
I know how I want to continue it, but not how I want to start it since, personally the draw anons fetish is not my cup of tea, but the inspiration still hit.yes, that 5 million post argument later in the thread was largely my fault
Regardless, I'm doing my best to manage my time and actually spend time writing the different ideas that are living rent free in my head. I don't want to just jump to a new idea and abandon the old one, and in the past before I was willing to post what I did online, sometimes setting a work aside and coming back to it after working on something else gave me the ideas I needed. I haven't really bothered saving my greens, so I'm surprised this one is still accessible with the thread falling off the board.
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>>3921299
Have you thought about asking the Martlet drawanon for some insight to help you with your story?
I imagine they'd definitely be willing to help, or share their thoughts, judging by how they've responded to other questions asked of them.
Also I agree, the inspiration their images have provided has been strong for me to.
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>>3921305
yes but, not right now. I'm going to let it sit for a bit while I think on the different stories I want to do. Especially because there are people who are getting sick of hearing of the topic, even in situations where the fetish isn't mentioned at all. I don't mean to actually re-ignite that discussion right now. It's fair to give them a break.
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>>3921310
ah, yes the 500 posts thing was definitely a case of me not knowing when to call a discussion. I've tried to be a bit more mindful lately. I'm not the draw anon, but I had a big part in that discussion that did spiral out of control. still I think these things come in waves and this last weekends discussions were very very fangame centered
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>>3921301
>>3921303
I actually love the idea that both Zenith Martlet and Clover find some happiness together after all that's happened.
It's for that reason I've been also looking into developing a story inspired by that drawanons art.
After seeing that discussion with all of those ideas been shared, I ended becoming very invested in the concept.
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>>3921306
that's pretty wild to think of.
I remember seeing the first screenshots on OLD /vg/ (not saying it was good then, just before it had gone COMPLETELY off the rails) and thinking "an undertale fangame? what a strange thing to make." amazing how my thoughts have changed.
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>>3921309
I actually don't mind, of you want to ask me questions. I've never once considered it bothersome or that I need a break!
I actually really like when anons ask me something, or want to hear my thoughts on something.
It's nice to take part in some discussions while I'm drawing requests and my own stuff.
>>3921299
I enjoyed reading the Greentext anon, and I'm happy what I drew inspired you, even if some of wasn't your cup of tea!
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>>3921322
>I actually don't mind, of you want to ask me questions.
It's more that I want to give the anons who aren't fans of the topic a breather. I assure you though that the story is still something I want to continue, but people have expressed what they have so at least for today I'm easing up so perhaps the topics they are interested in can take the spotlight instead.
I'm glad you enjoyed the green!
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>>3921206
It's a fetish since it's the exact same concept as "What if she absorbed Clover's soul?" except she literally shoves it into her cooch. Nor is it completely tactful since it's not implied; you see it stuck in there. I do get what you mean though. It's just a vagina and not something fancy like a cloaca, which would definitely alienate more people. Nor is Clover in his entirety there, just his soul, so you can pretend it's a more generic [heart-shaped object] insertionIt's the idea of a full-body insertion that really activates a disgust response. She also doesn't make a creepy face or play up the sexual aspects; it's the unbirth equivalent of casual sex.
It helps that unlike the resident creeps and weirdos who make us play catbox roulette, drawanon is always clear about what he posts, so you can just skip over it. Maybe it's because I've seen a lot worse stuff on the internet but the unbirth drawings neither turn me on nor leave me uncomfortable.
>>3921264
>horror stuff
I'm intrigued.
>throw Dalv in a chapterIf there's a hiccup with Snowdin plan I could see the cast letting Clover stay with Dalv for a little while. Besides his spartan living standards it's a perfect place to hide.
I really gotta do more writing tonight....
>>3921322
Bless you, man.
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>>3921330
>spoiler text about dalv
that's a good idea, but here's a question about Dalv, do you think [/spoiler]if royal guards showed up where him and Clover were, could he summon the courage to stand up to them or at least cover for Clover in some way? He seems extremely reserved but not afraid of conflict despite that right?[/spoiler]
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>>3921330
>drawanon is always clear about what he posts
This is in many ways why I greatly respect them, even if some of what they've drawn may not be my thing.
They're incredibly upfront and honest, as well as being mindful of what they draw, and how they do it.
And just the fact they're open to talk, and answer questions.
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>>3921287
>>3921314
Here is the story updated to what I have so far. the last 1.5-2k words have been completely rewritten to make things smoother but overall I'm more satisfied with how things are now.
https://pastebin.com/zsqkg5hE
And with that I'll go to sleep now, let me know what you anons think.
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>>3921297
>, in a cosmic sort of way.
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>>3921333Like when Dalv encountered Clover, he would tell them to get off his property. A somewhat humorous legal discussion might arise over the need for a warrant and whatnot. I see Dalv as someone who knows Underground law pretty well. Also royal guards might be spooked about going into the Ruins in the first place since it's normally off-limits to them.
>>3921351
I'll give it a read.
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>>3921358
>Is the whole stage play thing not working for you?
I like the idea, I'm just trying to piece it together in my head. Mettaton likes to be an actor in everything he does, and I actually just came up with an idea of how to handle that "in between the story" in the shower, home to many great thoughts.
I think if while the stage play was being told, that I shouldn't acknowledge in any way that its a play during the writing, only doing so "between acts" if that makes sense. I'm still learning a lot so it was an unusual idea I needed to wrap my head around.
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>>3921372
>Mettaton likes to be an actor in everything he does
Honestly, I feel like he'd be great at playing that villain you came up with. Though I could also see him casting himself as sir anon. The real question is who plays Kitsy?
>, that I shouldn't acknowledge in any way that its a play during the writing, only doing so "between acts" if that makes sense
That's what I had in mind too. Like when the story of Sir Anon and Lady Kitsy is being told, its all done seriously as though that story is actually happening. Then after you get done with that segment, the scene in the play will end or someone will flub a line (honestly the more I think about this the more I think it being a movie or tv special where cutting the camera is an option has more comedic potential) and then it switches to the actors' POV..
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>>3921375
Ok, I just thought of an example of what I mean. Its like the distinction between the scenes in The Princess Bride. The whole movie is framed as an old man reading a book to his grandson, but half of the movie is the old man and his grandson, while the other half is the scenes in the book. Funnily enough, this is also how the actual Princess Bride novel does it, since the movie is a direct adaptation of a novel, which itself is parodying another novel.
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>>3921264
>I'm tempted to go fix it, but since it was my first fic, I'll probably leave any mistakes it had to look back on as I improve.
Even if you did fix it, the weight of this minor typographical/grammatical error shall be a burden on your wretched soul for the rest of eternity, the damage is simply already done.(joking, to be clear)
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>>3921375
>Though I could also see him casting himself as sir anon
the thought I had wasthat he wouldn't be playing sir anon, and this would be a point of frustration for him between scenes, until even he himself became sold by deceptions of love between kitsy and sir anon.
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>>3921378
Maybe Mettaton isfor the first time in his career swallowing his pride as an actor, even if its only because its in direct competition with his pride as a director. You know he wants to be the star, but he knows for a fact that the movie will suffer for it, and people will know it was him that caused it
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>>3921380
I like that, and I think in this case maybesince you, or whoever it was suggested that Gerson was around as a historical consultant on the show, Gerson was adamant that Kitsy's co-star couldn't be a monster, not for this one
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>>3921377
I have already sentenced myself to the pit of wailing for 3 aeons, it is too late for me.but yes I know
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>>3921264
>I think I get overly sentimental at times and so I get a kick out of sappy stuff like that, but I'm glad that you liked it some despite that.
Joking aside, I actually can be affected by sappier/emotional stuff, but I think it usually has to be something that I can relate to or otherwise see myself in one way or another.
That usually involves some kind of self-sacrifice, or with some character suffering a fate they don't deserve that I wish to save or comfort them from.
For as cold and unfeeling as I can/would like to be when judging some situations, I admittedly start to feel very empathetic when seeing another person in immense suffering, though I try not to let such things cloud my judgement.
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>>3921386maybe this is sort of like that episode of Star Trek where Kirk was force to kiss Lieutenant Uhura by some space romans. With the human monster romance having an intentional social message to it promoting monster and human unity. But because Mettaton didn't want to just make a propaganda piece (out of ego, he considers that sort of thing beneath him), he chose this story over a more obviously saccharine one, or one that paints the monsters in a purely positive light.
alsowould the actor also be named anon? or would it be someone else?
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>>3921390
>alsowould the actor also be named anon? or would it be someone else? [/spoiler
still fighting with myself on that one. I think it would be jarring to call him "sir anon" in the play segments, and then "Sleve McDichael" in between
and yeah I can see what you mean on the propaganda, "even a star has standards darling, find me a human who has 'the right stuff' and we'll talk"
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>>3921391you could have it be Clover and Kanako as the stars (with Kanako caked in loads of white makeup, or conveniently white because of amalgamation). Or if you do want to do anon, it could be explained that anon became a common name due to sir anon, with him having an entirely different story in human mythology, and this guy's name is Anon Y Mous
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>>3921392
>does Clover give you that feeling in the pacifist ending?
They give me the first feeling, not the latter.
I think it's a shame things had to be the way they did, but I believe very strongly that we are our choices. Clover made theirs, and if I were in their position, I do believe I would make the same choice they did, to sacrifice my own life for the freedom of others.
This ideology has been a part of my being for a very long time now, so long in fact that I'm certain that I would make the same choice even when I was Clover's age.
It may not be a particularly pleasant choice, but it's the only choice I'd have. It's only right.
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>>3921397
I see I see, I wasn't bringing it up to start an argument or anything, just curious.
I feel very strongly that clover deserved a better life based off what we do see of him in the game. I'm sure you already know this, but I will IMAGINE such things until the sun burns out.
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>>3921396
I'm starting to lean towards the idea asclover as Sir Anon. Though I'm still caught up with some things and have time to think on it.do you have any strong negative feelings on post pacifist revival
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>>3921399
Oh, I'm not looking to argue either, you just asked a question and I gave you my answer.
>I feel very strongly that clover deserved a better life based off what we do see of him in the game.
That is fair, but I would not deny them their agency in the matter. If I was a character in the context of UTY and some other monster was trying to take Clover's soul for their own purposes (such as if I was replacing Starlo or something), then I would do what I could to prevent Clover's death at the hands of another, but if it's their own choice based on their assessment of the situation they find themself in, that's their decision to make.
Perhaps they did indeed deserve better things, at least in pacifist, but all you can do in life is play the hand you're given.
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RB Storyshift first battle footage
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nnkKr5S01so
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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VeMi55U0TGQ
kinda upsetting they make those big videos but not a proper game
unless they are actually working on a game in the background
maybe this premiere will have some announcement (haha)
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>the artist behind the teenage angst Kanako DRY is 25 years old
What the FUCK
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>>3921477
while it's still clearly vent art, it feels like they should be venting over something other than 14 year old girl problems.
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>>3921482
I expect something like fallout equestria to have come from a grown up with a lot of time on their hands, but I guess I just really expected angst like this to come from a middle schooler or something
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>>3921482
I think I'm just shocked because I gave the artist an extreme amount of slack with their lackluster writing and characterization by assuming they were, at most, 19 or 20 if not underage. It made perfect sense to me that someone that young would be so indelicate, I remember the cringe I wrote in that time period. Now I feel foolish
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>>3921485
it's probably not wrong to think like that, I'm sure a large number of the worst fanfictions I've read are in fact kids just trying to vent and all of that. and I mean it still is this person venting, it's just kind of a shame that they can draw decently but write like this.
that said I honestly haven't read almost any deltarune fanfics, but I have to assume it's the same kind of situation as edgy undertale fics.
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>>3921494
I don't know about /a/ anymore, I've seen too many anime fans who refuse to watch anything more than one year old and who haven't seen any of the classics to believe there aren't a lot of newfags there. Boards like /m/, absolutely. I also imagine the slower a board is the higher the average user age
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>>3921493
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>>3921484
my main issue with that take is that it is just deltarune with yellow cast instead of its own thing, even including FRIEND and I guess gaster
and of course kanako lesbianing with an OC and clover being mega emo
still interested to see how far it will go (doubt it will be made into an actual game)
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>>3921497
I've mentioned it before but it's honestly best when it's just artsy panels. especially knowing more about the creator, which is generally not an important thing for me to find out, but now that I do I can't help but think even harder "go back to just making cool screens pal"
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>>3921504
here is another one with maybe ERAM based not!Ralsei
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Reading the /v/ thread at work made me start thinking about Fallout after seeing a few of the images of Martlet getting chewed out by Undyne. Started thinking that something following Fallout with the humans running underground into vaults as the Earth gets fucked up could be a neat idea. Also didn't help that I've been playing Olympus 2207 and the idea of the Underground being Tartarus and the humans living in a tower above it keeping the monsters working for them using the Angel religion would be a neat parallel.
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>>3921503
This is actually old art from a drawfren that I haven't seen around in a while
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This is admittedly a random rant, but I feel considering the subject of these threads, it has been on my mind a bit. But I feel when it comes to actually criticizing fan-content, these threads one of the few places I feel I can lurk in and see takes that actually felt like it took some thought to go into why something is shit
Anywhere else it's just calling something mindlessly shit, slop, or just plain bad. I assume it has to be due to the fact that most UTDR fans are just retarded kids or adults with the mentality of kids, but it still ends up catching me by surprise to see how some of the reception towards the fanworks is met with so much vitriol without any real attempt to provide any reason behind such contempt.
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>>3921505
>whole project is literally this
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>>3921510
That's most fan ideas though
I've seen my fair share of it in thepaper mario fandom before sticker star released
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>>3921509
it's a weird phenomenon, and on the internet at large you're either going to run into "it's all shit because (completely half assed crowdsourced opinion)" or "its super amazing (because I'm scared to give critique)". These threads are a nice microcosm where people do give a lot of thought to things, even things you'd never expect someone to spend time thinking about.
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>>3921514
This is the only other one I have
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Hey guys, it's me the Martlet Drawanon!
Back again to post another finished request!
The highly requested image in question was the normal Martlet version of her taking in Clover's soul from the beginning.
Just like the Zenith Martlet image, this event leads into the various scenes shown in the other images I drew previously.
You can view the image here:
https://files.catbox.moe/onmd2a.png
And with that, Martlet and Zenith Martlet both now have origin images of them taking in Clover's soul.
As always, thank you for all the kind words and support!
Now onwards to work on the next requests!
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>>3921515
I think the thing is that, as a phenomenon, when it's applied to UTDR fanworks, it feels more retarded than if it was for any major project out there--UTDR included. I guess from the mindset that any actual criticism is more helpful, since it's more likely for fan creators to see those sorts of comments. So just saying that 'it's shit' or that 'it's good' doesn't really help. Especially if said comments are done out of spite for the original fanwork, since I've seen people who use fanart and covers for fanworks as a way to put down the original game/concept.
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>>3921507
As far as crossovers go it's not a bad concept. I've mentioned before how Deltatraveler would have been far better with more grounded and grittier settings like Fallout as those would contrast the idealism of the heroes without having "cathartic" moments like Underfell. Then again, nothing can save bad writing.
>>3921509
Anonymous imageboards are uniquely suited to avoid groupthink due to being mostly anonymous. Of course some boards end up that way anyway because of an influx of enough stupid people and normies, but we've been okay so far.
>>3921521
That's pretty good. I like how you switched which way she was facing for the sake of variety.Don't take this as criticism, but since normal Martlet is half the size of her Zenith form I had the mental image that she would be really struggling to squeeze that soul in there. I guess soul size isn't a constant and can shrink when convenient.
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>>3921523
maybe some of that is that bitterness in people just lashing out, kind of like when our threads get shitposters that absolutely seem to hate video game discussion. just finding a "side" to be on and hating as harshly as they can
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>>3921524
Absolutely none taken, I welcome all comments and thoughts about what I've drawn. That's what makes the discussions enjoyable.
Personally I don't think either form of Martlet, whether that's her normal form or Zenith, would have any issue taking Clover's soul into their bodies.
The size of the soul is really up to interpretation, but from what I've seen, it's surprisingly not shown to be very big.
It's around the same size as Flowey's face, in which case, both forms of Martlet wouldn't have an issue taking in Clover's soul into their bodies.
Saying that, as someone else commented, Zenith Martlet would definitely have an easy time keeping Clover's soul secure, because of all the changes that's happened within her body.
>>3921526
Happy to see you caught onto that detail!
And thank you for the kind words.
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>>3921521
I love the attention to detail you added, to where the egg in Zenith has determination within it, and the egg within Martlet doesn't.
Which of course leads to the different appearances of bird monster Clover.
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>>3920879
Hey, I updated the fangames archive with the builds you've posted, making sure to note the original release is very buggy. Also, the link you posted here for Linux is a duplicate of Win32, may I ask for a corrected link?
Haven't played it yet, but I'm definitely looking forward to it. Thanks for all your hard work!
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new milflet and tall kanakola drawing
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>>3921550
Martlets ass feels like its trying to escape there
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>>3921519
I'm still here! Just haven't had much time to draw because of some really sudden changes in my lfie, and focusing on making my own game unrelated to UT/DR.
I'm happy to see those doodles I did are still around, I actually went on a bit of a Don Bluth watch spree after you made the same comparison when they were first posted. Secret of NIMH is still probably one of my favorite movies of all time.
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>>3921550
Martlet leaving her tail feathers out? How scandalous!
It's a wholesome interaction, and I always like those.
>>3921556
Love your style anon. Where can I keep track of your game?
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>>3921566
The daughters propeller powers are advanced
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>>3921575
It's important do do stretches every day before you "need" to do them anon. I'm 34 and I started doing that and swimming weekly. Does wonders for you.
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>>3921581
it caught my eyes immediately, though I forgot to take note of the artists name.
and yeah, even just a little bit of extra activity a week will do wonders that you'll thank yourself for when you're 60 and yet somehow you still have life to live. you don't have to become a 6 day a week gym monkey
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>>3921565
I wouldn't want to talk about it too much just because it's off-topic, but I will at least share it's a turn-based RPG and based on a dream I had that I want to change. That pic is a semi-recent doodle of the main characters. She normally wears some protective goggles, but I've been struggling to get them to look right for me.
>>3921566
Thanks! I haven't posted the game anywhere yet, but when it's presentable I'll make an itch.io page, and probably post progress in the RPG Maker Dev threads on this board.
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>>3921160
I suppose that it wouldnt work with undertale, but im sure that itd work well with deltarune, it's serious enough that it could have bad ending cutscenes without feeling too out of place, maybe not in ch2, but ch1 is serious enough that a short cutscene would work and ch3&4 could pull it off without being too jarring, we already have kris and co. not dying from losing to the knight and kris being blown off after the knight hurts them enough in ch4, it wouldnt be too hard to go the extra mile with some bad ending cutscenes, especially in the titan battle
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I got busy playing mechs and forgot I was going to take green requests. I can't make any promises, but if you have some ideas throw them my way and I'll see what I can do with some of them. I'm not ready for lewd at this point.
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>>3921605
I did not. after a miserable work day I went straight to blowing things up and being unproductive to blow off steam. Could you link me to the post you put it in? I'll start it before I go to sleep
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>>3921351
>>3921574
That was a big update and I finally was able to read through it as well as reread the first part. The new content balanced its heavy exposition with activity and emotes very well which kept the pace together. Speaking of, it was a good mix of urgency for the sake of Valravn and Clover and need to rest for the fatigue they are feeling. Ceroba is very well-suited to comforting Valravn and that comes across well, though I think later passages glossed over how tired she was feeling since that was emphasized before. Starlo's unique speech mannerisms stand out well.
You have a tendency to conjoin sentences with commas improperly. Example:
>Starlo’s fists clenched and unclenched, the star-headed monster was doing his best to come to terms with his and his best friend’s demise
It would be better to either use a semicolon or split the sentence entirely.
>Last name
I like that you headcanon'd this. We don't know the last names of most monsters and there's no Underground phone book but most people are afraid to IMAGINE. I've always thought Martlet has a French name but what you picked is thematically perfect.
>She took a couple deep breaths to stabilize herself, with Ceroba staying silent throughout the exchange. She knew that healing magic also required a certain tenderness and care towards the one you want to use it on to have a greater effect, and the kitsune was not blind to the signs of Martlet caring more than just a bit about Clover.
It's hard to describe two characters of the same sex because it gets confusing. Is it Martlet or Ceroba who knew?
>someone who has been watching
Would they be aware of Alphys's cameras? Sounds like something to bring up.
Anyway this was delicious edgekino and I love schizo Clover.
>>3921578
Great art! Is that Toriel on the right?
>>3921585
I'll look for it.
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>>3921606
Completely understandable anon, I would have done the same too. No rush in reading it but if you are interested, here it is.
>>3921351
>>3921607
Thanks for the review anon. English is nit my native language so a lot of things fly over my head sadly (I know its not really an excuse but lets me cope with inadequacy st leasg a bit). I'll see if I can do another pass to use semicolons and commas better.
I can't take credit for the last name sadly, it was used by a writer who originally took a crack at this story (it was originally a secret santa prompt i sent out and wanted to take a crack at it myself too and he was ok with me using that last name too) and after he explained the origin of it, it felt really fitting.
For the other point you brought up, it's Ceroba too, I'll makd it clearer when I get home.
Both Martlets should recall the cameras but neither of them thinks about it consciously.
The lad and the bird(s) will have their happy end.
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>>3921611
Thank you! I'm reading some of it right now.
>>3921609
I will do my best
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>>3921590
Thanks anon! He's an incorrigible Starletfag and I respect that though it's not a ship I'm particularly interested in. I'm a sucker for good suggestive art which he has a lot of. Martlet's talons are just a little too large to fit into regular workboots, not that he'll see this post.
>>3921602
Martlet adopts Clover and carries him through the air for the first time. She doesn't know if she can lift a whole human and he's understandably reluctant, but they have to try it before he gets any heavier.
>>3921606
Also have a good sleep.
>>3921611
>English is nit my native language
You know I keep forgetting that? You write much better than the majority of native English speakers.
>I can't take credit for the last name sadly
Good artists copy, great artists steal.
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>>3921615
I just want to point out that I wholeheartedly hate typing on phone, so easy to miss typos.
Also that guy's martlet is one top bird. I'm still incredibly happy with how he did my comm and I don't think that will ever change.
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>>3921617
Was that the one with the engineer diamond dog? That one was very well-drawn and I regret not having saved it. I don't have any anthro OCs but I'll have to consider commissioning him one day. He's not the only artist I have my eye on.
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>>3921618
She's still not a dog, she's a black panther but yes, that's her! I'm planning on writing another uty/ut story where she and another character of mine will play a major role. Well more like the story will focus on them and the uty cast trying to save people from getting murked.
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>>3921620
Sorry, I knew I was getting that detail wrong but I couldn't quite remember. It's always good to have more stuff to read. Speaking of, tomorrow I have to get back into the swing of things with that romance story. With everything that's come out as of late I haven't had time to sit down and work on it.
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>>3921611
Alright anon, despite needing to go to bed, once I started reading it, I couldn't stop. I'm not sure if you changed the parts that you had already written the first time you posted this, but I know that this time the readability was great, and just kept getting better as I went on. I kept telling myself "i'll stop at X point to get some sleep and pick it back up tomorrow" but I just kept going as I kept wanting to know "hows this going to go? whats going to happen?". There are mistakes, sure, but it was coherent, interesting, and a lot of fun to read. Thank you for writing it!
I'm in no state to give more specific feedback as it's almost 4 am now, but It may help to break it into a couple chapters just for the readers pacing. I've heard lately though that chapter length is both author and reader preference.
you mentioned that english is not your native language, but you've done a great job of trying to take in feedback and apply it despite that.
I hope you continue working on improving and I look forward to the next time you share your work.
>>3921615
>Martlet adopts Clover and carries him through the air for the first time. She doesn't know if she can lift a whole human and he's understandably reluctant, but they have to try it before he gets any heavier.
I will try my best on this as well, but I must fall into the void of dreams now.
I would post a picture of martlet sleeping, but the only ones I have are already posted in the thread somewhere.
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>>3921616
Depends on what constitutes an Undertale clone for you, but aside from text box noises and furry characters, I'm not going for the same tone or gameplay style. I'll still share it here when it's available since Undertale is one of my inspirations, but I'd feel intrusive talking about something that isn't a fangame, especially when I'm not a frequent poster.
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Oh yeah, it was the ten-year anniversary of UTY's development beginning a while ago.
Should we do a special thread this weekend?
I figure if Tony can celebrate the 10th anniversary of his own game like a week after the actual anniversary, we're probably not too late.
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>>3921627
I'm working an Anon x Martlet "smut fic" right now. Well, it was going to be a 5000-word smut fic but I realized that it would be disrespectful to the characters to jump straight to that, so now it's a full romance novelette. Something something, maturity is realizing that budding romance is the best part. The smut is actually the easiest to write and I could bang just that out in a couple of hours if I really wanted to. However as of right now they're both in a Mexican restaurant trying to figure out what to order, since for people new to dating it's as good a place as any other.
Over the past couple of weeks it's gone from "I can get this done before the weekend thread" for when it was just smut to "I'll get it done by NEXT thread" to "Two weeks tops" and now to "It'll be done when it's done." Don't worry, for despite my laziness I'm still committed.