Looking for another job is a great first step, OP. What are your conversations with her like? Why did you break up?

>>34224886
>Why did you break up?

It's a lot. We got together under the shadow of her brother's (unexpected) death, which was an event that shattered her family. Everything in her life has been in decline ever since. Her dad has had multiple strokes in the last year and has suffered a huge personality change; he's become a really nasty person toward her, even though she's basically his caretaker. Then she injured herself at work and was out for a month. Then her best friend's mother passed and she emotionally checked out, so my ex has been involved in taking care of her two kids. She's also 'in recovery' and is back on and off the wagon in order to manage the stress, which results in seismic mood swings and depression-like apathy.

I really wanted to be there for her thru all this, but instead she kinda shut me out, which led to resentment on my part. I got frustrated, we fought more and more often, and eventually she just put up a wall and stopped seeing me and taking my calls. There was never any conversation, or closure. I've tried initiating some sort of dialogue at work when there's downtime, but it just isn't the place and something always comes up.

>What are your conversations with her like?

Now that I don't bring up anything about the past, it's just like old times. We still have our inside jokes and ask about each other's friends and family, etc. But if I text her that I miss her and ask if we could get together, she'll leave me on read. Or if I'm more playful about it, she'll respond enthusiastically, but the plans will never materialize.

>>34225008
It sounds like if she’s moved on from that stressful period, you unfortunately became part of that too when she moved on. It’s easy to keep up inside jokes and light chemistry because you guys had that, but that doesn’t mean she wants you back either.

I’m sorry OP, that’s my read. I’ve been in the same situation of a gf going through a mega stress period, wanting her back, she still even says I love you, but it was completely on her terms and in the end she didn’t want me.

I’ve also been on the side of joking with my spurned ex, calling each other pet names, conversating like normal, even saying I love her and still having sex. It was a “situationship” and it was true I loved her, but didn’t want to get back together either.

>>34225136
I think you're probably right. In any case, it's not a good idea for me to hold out hope; it's become a toxic coping mechanism and seriously poisoning my ability to function.

I wish I wasn't like this. When I'm single, I am so productive, bright, focused, creative, socially alive. Then I catch feelings, and it becomes all consuming. When it's good, it's better than religion. But when it falls apart, this happens. It's worse than anything.

I just wish I could find another job and get away from her. It's all I can think about anymore. I dread seeing her everyday. It makes me physically sick.

>>34225187
I’m literally the same as you OP. I’m charismatic, charming, funny, confident. That’s what my ex fell in love with, but then I became an anxious mess waiting by the phone and drinking/smoking myself half to death when she pulled away and didn’t text. It’s always this cycle. I hate being single, and when I’m not it becomes my universe.

Keep looking for jobs, you know how much good it’ll do you. It’s painful but you’re in more pain in this limbo state.