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>last year I've been in a spiritual journey
>trying to distance myself from the ego, trying to love even though there's no love in my life
>get away from friends because they're too much into drugs, it's not fun anymore
>trying to get away from family because they're too materialistic, they don't understand me
>I'm kinda alone but that's okay
>get a text from a friend of my cousin
>she wants English classes, knows I speak it well
>even though I'm a loner, try to teach her without expectations
>we get along very well
>I tell her I'm an artist and she wants to paint with me
>we paint and have a delightful talk, I start to develop feelings
>next meetup (about fifth time) she tells me she has a boyfriend
>we talk, she says that she's attracted to me 'mentally' but that she's somewhat asexual
>feel hollow and slightly devastated

I've been friendzoned like, 4 times already. It happens every time, and I feel like it happens because I start to have expectations. I start to feel needy of love, and since I'm a desperate virgin retard, I really want to touch someone, to kiss them, lick them, and run my fingers through their back - However it seems like no part about me is attractive. I'm a good conversationalist and I believe my spiritual transformation has been true. I'm improving as a human, and I find myself loving unconditionally more often, but

Why is romantic love is elusive? I want to stop desiring it, because in a way, every time I've rid myself of a strong desire, I find myself getting what I wanted - But it obviously works in a strange loop of wanting and unwanting. I can't pretend not to want to have sex, and experiment carnal pleasures - along with intimacy, passion and love. Is it even possible to stop desiring love from another person?

Has anyone had experience with this? This last girl fucked me up because as usual, the connection is emotional and intellectual, but never physical. How do you stop desiring physicality? How can I be okay being a 'friend'?