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Only now, this random day, stopped to think being 30 and still having nothing in life means fucking EVERYTHING.

You never think of being 30 when you're 20. You think of finishing college by 25 and a kid on the way. Just today I noticed the manager at mcdonalds didn't look young, but didn't look old either. He looked 30. He looked like me. Do I envy him? Only because he's out there doing something for a reason. I feel like I have lived and gave up on life.

What the fuck. 30 is right enough to live a full life and back. Truly life fucking wasted. All my skills are rusty and I graduated for nothing, I gotta study back fucking again.

How do I find the strength? What am I supposed to look for in the future? Am I supposed to idolize being 50? I'm 30 now. Feels life is already over.