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"Subtext" Edition
Previous: >>25038072
/wg/ AUTHORS & FLASH FICTION: https://pastebin.com/ruwQj7xQ
RESOURCES & RECOMMENDATIONS: https://pastebin.com/nFxdiQvC
Please limit excerpts to one post.
Give advice as much as you receive it to the best of your ability.
Discuss the written works below for practice; contribute, and you shall receive.
If you have not performed a cursory proofread, do not expect to be treated kindly. Edit your work for spelling and grammar before posting.
Shitposters should be ignored and reported.
Beginner guides on writing:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pHdzv1NfZRM
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=whPnobbck9s
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YAKcbvioxFk
Intermediate guides on writing:
https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/48654.Story
https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/3097766-borges-on-writing
https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/23056.Image_Music_Text
Advanced guide on writing:
Just do it.
Theme: https://youtu.be/3j7oLrQopXY?si=fwxdkKWRS7wsT6RY
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Is there such a thing as a setting getting too convoluted? Right now I have a 40 page lore/setting document that I'm using to plot out everything that includes an underlying metaphysics, 10000 year world events timeline, and exhaustive explanations of all factions and story elements and the actual story mostly revolves around glorified office workers.
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Here's a short story I've been working on lately. I just finished this draft and I hope it will be my penultimate one. Let me know what you guys think:
https://pastes.io/krummholz
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>>25050258
>>25050204
>it's another "anon begs for feedback on his long-ass piece alongside absolutely zero enticement to generate interest; no pitch, no synopsis, no premise, not even the genre(s)" thread
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>>25050275
I like historical fiction but that premise sounds bland and generic as hell. Try to think up what makes your story different from every other "avenge the family" story out there and find a way to convey that in your logline.If there is anything that makes your story unique, which I suppose there could not be.
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>>25050267
fair enough
science fiction
It's inspired by the "you're immortal but there's a snail that can kill you that's following you" meme (although it isn't literally a snail). Ig in writing it I was trying to explore what only thinking about evading a pursuer does to the MC's mind after a billion years. There's a bit about the different ways the evader and pursuer view eternity also.
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>still have until the end of the month before my KDP select enrollment expires
>published the ebook on retailers other than Amazon today anyway
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>>25050288
How's this?
Armed with the blessings of Christ, Princess Victoria ushers in Ragnarök and the Götterdämmerung as she seeks vengeance against the man who killed her father and husband, her ex-fiancé, the Crown Prince, Marcellus.
>>25050299
Just general impressions and if there are any glaring issues such as not introducing the "Christianity" part of the storyline needed more clarification. One of my friends didn't understand why Christianity was introduced in a world filled with Nordic gods. I personally thought it was implied but the setting confused her. I'm not seeing it, hoping someone here can help me there.
>>25050300
sorry. The true historical story is literally a revenge plot. Woman kills all her enemies and destroys the old ways to push in the words of Jesus Christ.
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>>25050351
Better, but you're alienating anyone who doesn't know what Ragnarok or Gotterdammerung is (such a me without looking it up). Instead try describing what those words mean as concisely as possible.
It's also advisable to avoid character names in your loglines. Nobody gives a shit about Victoria or Marcellus. However, if you can describe these characters in 1 to 3 descriptive nouns+adjectives each, someone might give a shit.
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would you read my story based on the synopsis alone?
>a mid-level CIA analyst gets recruited for a secret government agency that employs mind readers as an intelligence discipline and finds himself at the intersection of shadowy 3-letter intrigue, conspiracy theory, and hints of the genuinely supernatural
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>>25050380
>you're alienating anyone who doesn't know what Ragnarok or Gotterdammerung is (such a me without looking it up)
I can understand Gotterdammerung, but anyone with a 3 digit IQ should know what Ragnarok is.
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>>25050204
I only got through the first chapter before I gave up.
The historical setting is a total wreck. You have characters named Priscilla and Victoria debating Roman politics and pouring tea in a Norse longhouse while praying to Odin. It feels like a costume shop exploded. You cannot mash the Kievan Rus, Jane Austen, and a Viking saga together without it feeling fake and confusing. The dialogue is way too formal for people living in a timbered hall held together by river mud. When Victoria starts lecturing kings on the "intricacies of governance" like a modern political scientist, the immersion dies. You need to pick one era and stick to it instead of trying to make these rugged warriors act like they are at a finishing school in London.
Victoria is hard to like and not in a fun, villainous way. She spends so much time thinking about how she is the perfect girl and how everyone else is a "muddied pig" that the betrayal at the end doesn't sting. It feels deserved. You describe her clothes and her hair for paragraphs but skip over why we should care about her soul. The "tea pouring" contest is the biggest offender. It is a low-stakes event that slows the story to a crawl. In a world of emperors and blood oaths, watching a girl count twenty steps to a teapot is boring. You need more grit and less lace if you want the betrayal to feel like a life-shattering event rather than just a social embarrassment.
The ending is a cliché because you spent the whole chapter promising a victory. In fiction, if a character says they are definitely going to win on page one, the reader knows they will lose by page ten. There is no tension because Victoria’s confidence is so absolute that it becomes annoying. The writing also gets bogged down in weird, clunky descriptions like the "furry brown rat" mustache or the word "compersion." These word choices pull the reader out of the moment. You should focus on the raw emotion of the rejection rather than the technical details of the dance steps. Cut the fluff and the historical name-dropping so the actual story can breathe.
Overall, give it another draft.
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>>25050395
nah that shit is lame. my whole thing is having everything except the actual mind reading be realistic. the first thing I actually came up with for this was an information security framework that would keep mind-reading abilities secret while avoiding information leakage.
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>>25050389
you had me until
>finds himself at the intersection of shadowy 3-letter intrigue, conspiracy theory, and hints of the genuinely supernatural
too vague
>>25050395
>muh originality
get fucked
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This might be a strange request but I'd like YouTube recommendation for speaking styles to improve dialog. For example I have character from the Zoomer generation and I'd just like to get more of an ear for how they speak. Anyone know any good youtube recommendations? I understand the best path would be for me to touch grass and go outside, I get it, but until I get the social anxiety under control can anyone help?
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>>25050432
>too vague
I cut detail to fit it into one sentence and sound snappier. It's more likeCIA analyst gets recruited to work at a mind reading agency; drama comes from having to find ways to plausibly sanitize outputs of mind reader sessions to prevent discovery and 'lead' another glowie agency to the same info so no one suspects magical sources, plus friction between leadership demanding results and hard answers and the human cost to mind readers who struggle to ever get 'clean' reads off targets or avoid carrying 'residue' from sessions;also the world has idealist metaphysics underpinning it and occultism/magic based on it produces real results but with high costs to the user and also also in the background a group of immortals who made a contract with the literal devil are building the antichrist and planning to use a reality read/write permission exploit to become gods
my working title is "schizophrenic mess i thought up during a fever"
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>>25050436
Unfortunately for that pathetic social anxiety of yours you have to actually talk to people to improve your dialogue. You'll never fully engage with what they're saying if you're just sitting back and watching them on a screen.
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>>25050509
im trying anon
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>>25050180
I am setting myself the goal of writing a book about a schizophrenic patient this year and it will be really visceral and raw because I wrote it and am diagnosed schizophrenic.
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I've finished the second draft of Inside Knuckleball. AI doesn't like it.
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STORY IDEA
Time Traveler appears in CERN, they confirm he really is from an alternate dimension where CERN sent someone back in time. He confirms that he prevented Nigel Gerring from starting WW2!
Yeah, WW2 was so awful, 10 million people died, so he was sent back in time to assassinate him and as a laugh he manipulated politics to get some failed art student in power, he couldn't get up to much trouble.
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can you guys rate my fanfic?
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>>25050408
Thanks anon. I'll definitely change some things and rewrite some scenes, but there are suggestions and criticisms I cannot take.
>You have characters named Priscilla and Victoria debating Roman politics and pouring tea in a Norse longhouse while praying to Odin. It feels like a costume shop exploded. You cannot mash the Kievan Rus, Jane Austen, and a Viking saga together
I do want to change the names, but having tons of slavic/Nordic names but some other reader said it makes it very unreadable. And sure I can. 10th century Kievan Rus is literally a mash up. They're all Byazantine larpers, not some mead chugging axe sharpening, skin wearing blood thirsty conquerors. But I do need to tighten up the setting to tie it more directly with what happens later.
>Victoria is hard to like and not in a fun, villainous way. She spends so much time thinking about how she is the perfect girl and how everyone else is a "muddied pig" that the betrayal at the end doesn't sting. It feels deserved
Good. Just what I was aiming for. And why do you sound like ChatGPT?
>It is a low-stakes event that slows the story to a crawl. In a world of emperors and blood oaths, watching a girl count twenty steps to a teapot is boring. You need more grit and less lace if you want the betrayal to feel like a life-shattering event rather than just a social embarrassment.
I thought I addressed this with Priscilla's line where men laughed at the girls for not understanding politics. I really wanted her to avoid getting into the Mary sue girl boss shit where she'll outwit men in politics, money, and war (she'll get to that later). The way I saw it, a marriage rejection is literally her world. It's life shattering to be a princess and get rejected by a promised prince.
>Compersion
What's wrong with that word?
The rest of your critique felt shallow and not enough substance to consider. But I will take the politics of the discussion and alter it. That's something I can definitely change. Thanks again anon.
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>>25051292
Nope but it's what people want. Slop sells better it's more engaging and far more entertaining.
Write that farmboy with a star of destiny on a quest to defeat the dark Lord. You'll even get more readers and less scathing critiques
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>>25051366
It's engaging because it appeals to more numbers
10,000 readers understanding and liking the book is far better than 1 person liking it.
Hence all the discussion and love for Marvel Avengers. When captain America, iron, man and thor fought Thanos, that was very engaging. More than them discussing morality and politics.
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>>25051372
Slop doesn't even engage those who enjoy it. They might was well be watching static and listening to white noise. They don't even consume slop for pleasure. They just do it because it's familiar and because they're afraid of change and of genuinely engaging and stimulating stuff
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>>25051382
obviously wrong even at first glance, makes you seem like you're coping over something. form a coherent worldview that still lets you disdain them, it's not hard
movie theaters were standing up and cheering when Captain America picked up Mjolnir. it's an unfathomable level of cringe but they love that shit and are highly engaged. it's not white noise or static to them
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>>25050257
I would add to this that you're probably wasting your time making a convoluted setting, precisely because it doesn't matter. What matters is that the writing is worth reading, that the story is compelling, that the people in it make sense as people and make the readers care about what happens to them. If you're not working on that, or on something that indirectly helps that, you're probably wasting your time.
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>>25051722
It was my entire manuscript for my 9k word novelette Inside Knuckleball.
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Did your irl relationships abruptly impact your way of writing romance? My characters went from "vanilla" to unhealthy and sycophantic over time. There's something terrible about sticking with these archetypes, but at the same time their dynamics feel far more grounded than the fluff I used to write.
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I recently started working on a cosmic horror/adventure novella series. Is there a market for novellas anymore? I'm planning five volumes and debating whether it might not be better to just throw them all together into one volume.
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>>25050180
I have made progress in my story development. I have written some, but more to practice first person writing which i am unfamiliar with
The story is called "Masks" or something to that effect. It's about a man who believes he is not a real human, and that if the real humans discovered he wasn't one of them, they would kill him. He hides in the basement of an IT development company, working tech support.
Due to a change in promotion strategy, his performance accidentally gets him a promotion to a project manager, a role he has absolutely no experience in and is absolutely not suited for. His human suit starts to degrade, his odd behaviours start to be noticed, he can feel eyes on him at all times. He is paranoid, but that doesn't mean people aren't really after him.
He takes solace in his night walking hobby, wandering the empty streets of Melbourne, pretending he's the only living thing, avoiding people as much as possible. But every day his ability to masquerade as a real person is diminished
basically every few chapters there is a point of view of the killer, but it tricks the reader into thinking it's the main character. But it isn't until after the main character is incapacitated near the end that the book explicitly shows the perspective of another person, the lead detective who realizes that they actually have no evidence, it's all circumstantial and based on his suspicious behaviour
The twist is it's someone else at the office who has a much better impersonation of a human. He's not a serial killer, he's not a monster or alien. He's just autistic.
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>>25052528
I gave it some more thought and I guess what I’m wondering is whether it’s okay to have something silly happen even if it doesn’t really advance the plot of raise stakes but just gives an opportunity to show how the characters interact and highlight their personalities. I know these days everything needs to be 200% on point at all times. Or be smut.
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>>25053602
51K words in just under 3 weeks for me. Gonna try and get to 65-70k, editing the first draft for readability, then hunt down a poor soul to beta read, get bored, and eventually say "yeah it's good" as is tradition
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>>25053596
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>>25053241
Wait who is he? The actual killer? So the main character is just retarded and autistic? It's good to write what you know, and the premise genuinely sounds funny enough. Is the actual killer also just some dude or is he the actual alien or whatever and just way better at his job than the MC? It'll be hard to pull this off but it sounds like a good premise
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>>25053791
>>25053922
Make us your beta readers
This way we can mindbreak you like that one romanian anon that wrote 6000 pages of racist schizo ranting.
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>>25054047
Why? Nobody has bothered to beta read the story posted here
>>25050204
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>show the first chapter of my story to a few friends
>only best friend gets back to me, tries to awkwardly praise it but I can tell he didn't really like it
Maybe I'll stick to having chatgpt read my stories from now on.
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>>25054260
that legion might be why those earlier books did well
my personal theory is he did what all big authors do and got an ego about how he knows best. success got to his head. no way his beta readers weren't complaining, bet he ignored them
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Writing a very short story (I'm trying to keep it under 2k words) about a man confessing about how his left hand hates him and wants to destroy everything he holds dear. Seemed a bit like a Poe story when I thought about it.
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>>25054601
just tell it to be scathing and to degrade and insult you and make nonsensical criticisms and you get the full /wg/ experience
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>>25054762
>I tossed an arm to Grant as I sunk my teeth into the charred leg, juices seeping from the sides of my mouth. Swallowing without hardly chewing, I ripped off more blackened meat.
>"Needs more salt." The hand I gave Grant was having its fingers sucked off.
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>>25054762
I bit into the charred leg and tossed an arm to Grant. Juices leaked between my lips. I chewed, swallowed, and bit in again.
“Needs salt.” Grant ripped the flesh off the fingers.
I opened my pouch and sprinkled a bit more salt onto the meat crackling above the fire. “Reds aren't good. Never have been.”
“Better than blacks.” Grant stripped another length of muscle from the limb. “Rathe, how much are we getting paid for this one?”
“As we agreed. Each.”
“Good. I’ll cut out the heart later.”
Grant threw more leaves onto the fire, the smoke drying out the remains. He pocketed the small bones and left the larger ones to bleach. I watched him open his sack and remove his blade. He inspected it, then with a heavy rock in hand, smashed the handle into pieces.
“Waste,” I said.
“Nah, these things don't last when they’re wet. The damned mermaid scales broke, too.” Grant pointed to the jagged gaps in his armor. “Nothing a good paste job won't repair.”
“Drake bones aren’t sturdy. You know that. You’re going to need something stronger than what we have here.” I flayed a strip of meat from the bone and placed it over the fire, fanning the flames to guide the smoke toward the raw flesh hanging on the racks.
“Good enough for what we’re hunting,” he muttered.
I remained silent. The leaves of Lowrag Forest rustled in a warm breeze, the stars providing a serene backdrop that did little to distract me from Grant’s comment. He had a point. Dragon scales, metallic alloys, magic shields—none of it mattered against what we were after. I unfolded our mission brief and studied the target again: another Ascended monster.
“Yeah.” Grant stretched his arms toward the canopy. “I’ve never even seen one. How does Basil expect us to hunt it down when it isn’t even a real monster? They can exist anywhere. One jab to the arm and even a little girl becomes a threat.”
“I’ve fought one before. Protocol is to kill the target before they have a chance to inject the serum.” I sat back on a rock and shuffled through my bag, removing a few darts. I opened my bracer; only two remained. “Have some toxin on you?”
“Yeah, give me a second.” Grant tossed me a vial.
I dipped the tips and pressed them into my bracer. “Contact Team Two. Tell them we’ve set up camp. Also tell them I saved them some meat.”
Grant opened the communicator on his armlet. No answer. He tried again. Silence.
“Friction?” I asked.
“Doubt it. The forest isn’t that dense. I contacted Basil before we killed the drake; they aren't answering now.”
“Try again later.”
We waited. Ten minutes passed, then twenty. Grant eventually shrugged, muttered that he was going to relieve himself in the bushes, and tossed me the communicator.
The smoke slowed and the night grew colder. My eyes were growing heavy when the armlet finally chimed.
“Team Seven here,” I said, sitting upright.
A blood-curdling scream tore through the speaker. “Help! Send backup now! It’s an Ascen—”
The armlet turned silent.
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>>25054806
This is a visceral and punchy opening. Your friend has a great sense of atmosphere—the casual way they discuss hunting and eating "drakes" (which initially sounds uncomfortably human) immediately establishes a gritty, "witcher-esque" tone.
However, there are some mechanical hiccups and pacing issues that pull the reader out of the immersion.
Key Observations
The "Eating" Confusion: In the first paragraph, the mentions of "fingers," "arms," and "legs" without the word "Drake" appearing until later creates a moment of "Wait, are they cannibals?" While that shock value can work, it feels more like a missed clarification here.
Dialogue Tags & Flow: Some sentences are a bit "clunky." For example, "Grant stretched his arms to the sky" is followed by a long block of dialogue that feels a bit like an info-dump regarding "Basil" and "Ascended" monsters.
Grammar/Punctuation: There are a few missing commas in dialogue and some tense inconsistencies (e.g., "Grant... said he’s going to" should be "said he was going to").
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>>25054762
this is less than a page long. That's not even a chapter length. Start with them hunting the drake, butchering it, eating it, then go into the ascended nonsnese. or expand it where they find the monster or body parts
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>>25054843
>>25054874
Chapter length is entirely arbitrary. If the writing is good, you could have 1K chapters or one massive 100K chapter and it would be good either way
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>>25055011
No, they're not. That's why there are highly standardized structures and forms that can be applied to just about every good story. That's why nobody reads 10k words describing a ceiling fan and calls it good. That's why there are standard chapter lengths varied by genre.
Do you not understand that just saying something retarded doesn't make it true?
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I am now working on a stream of consciousness novel as an exercise in over-indulgence
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Adventures in publishing update.
My medieval folk horror novel has gotten six full requests from agents since mid November when I started querying. Three ended up being passes and one was a revise and resubmit. The R&R was positive, but wanted it split into two books, which I’m really hesitant to do. I was feeling pretty down about it and spent last night designing a cover if I ended up having to self publish the thing. Five minutes after I was happy with it, I got another full request from an agent.
The lesson is to not give up and have patience, I guess.
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Rate my planned book cover
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@(you)
cope
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>>25055197
the theme is going to be that male loneliness is inevitable and should be embraced, the mc starts off wanting to have his own crew but by the end, after being rejected repeatedly, even after saving humanity, he decides live alone at the edge of civilization because some people just aren't meant for society
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Janice dressed sexy one day. She went grocery shopping but was raped instead. The gang of serial rapist white men responsible for her rape were not arrested because they were white. This made Janice, who was identified as a black lesbian, sad so she killed herself with pills.
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I have queried 42 agents for my 60k sci-fi novel. One rejection, one asking for the first 3 chapters in a pdf format (even though the website said to dump it into the body of the email). I enjoy the story that I wrote but nothing ever good happens in my life so I'm not optimistic.
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>>25053945
Imagine Dexter, but he just has crippling social anxiety.
The book is written from first person, presumably from the main character's POV. But every few chapters he kills someone, and it's not explicitly stated that it's a different person's POV.
In the final act of the book, he's incapacitated, and the POV of the next chapter is the lead detective. And they start to realize that this guy, although a total weirdo, isn't actually the killer.
The killer is someone else in the office, who is the guy who pointed him out to the cops in the first place, a charming, good looking guy. Who was wearing his own mask.
The main character's promotion also turned out to be a bit of a prank against the HR department who keeps insisting on hiring people with MBAs who know nothing about software development. He was deliberately given a failing project to manage to see how he copes with failure, he wasn't supposed to succeed but he was turning the project around.
Everyone was lying, everyone was wearing some sort of mask to cover their true intentions
The real difficulty is
A. writing in first person is weird
B. the slow descent into madness as his mask starts to slip in the office
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>read lord of the rings
>realize i couldn't ever possibly write anything as poignant and evocative, and i'll never touch peoples' lives like tolkien did
>suddenly feel completely incapable
Why did you guys tell me to read more stuff? I should have read less
I'll never be able to say anything as good as this
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>>25055393
I've always been fascinated by the stream of consciousness and since my teenage years it's rubbed off on the various forms of writing I do. This is an attempt to push my own artistic boundaries.
>>25055398
This is the eighth and final chapter of my novelette Inside Knuckleball, which follows 29-year-old paramedic Jackson Bigsby and his work partner Josh. The two men are both battling failures of their own and their job is crushing them spiritually.
Jackson puts in his one day notice and we follow them during Jackson's last shift.
The novelette is bold, messy, feverdreamish, hilarious, tragic, and ultimately numb to absurdity, which poses a certain philosophical question that the entire novelette boils down to.
Email me if you're interested in beta reading. carlvandine@proton.me
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>>25050247
I think it's good to work on your setting until you find what makes it unique compared to others. Then you should switch your focus to the characters and the actual plot, because unless you're writing very niche mythology fiction, that's the part that people are going to be the most interested in.
You can absolutely develop your setting along the way, but it should always be a tool to serve the story. Sometimes the constraints of your setting help, and sometimes it's more interesting for the story if something happens that contradicts the setting you've already thought up (or alternatively, you could enhance what's happening in your story by fitting your lore around it). In most cases having a looser idea makes changes easier to do because you don't have a ton of small events to keep track of and which all influences one another.
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IS this good?
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>>25055749
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I wrote a feedism fanfic called "Feeding Taylor Swift 78 CheeseBurgers and 1 HamBurger" and the thrilling sequel "Feeding Taylor Swift 78 Krabby Patties and 1 Chum Burger: The Weight of Ophelia" and the satisfying conclusion "Feeding Taylor Swift 78 Krabby Patties and 1 Chum Burger: The Formuler of Secrets"
If you care to read such a thing, here it is:
https://archiveofourown.org/users/RoscoeSardine/works
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>>25055404
Outcome: You read Lord of the Rings and somehow felt pessimistic in the face of insurmountable odds.
Possibility A: You failed to take away the message of the books, or simply ignored it. You ought to write a version that reads better for someone like yourself.
Possibility B: Tolkien has failed to impart the message to you clearly, leaving you dejected. Someone should write a version that succeeds.
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>>25055755
https://youtu.be/-3ShYtt3i3k?si=eL56qLhiEBcn9dZW
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Please rate my excerpt
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>>25055416
>>25055883
>>25055916
Samefag retards.
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>>25055937
Its literally impossible to get stuck in 2026
Open gemini or claude, say what you definitely dont want to do, it will suggest you shit, odds are that atleast one of its ideas will inspire you to write something. If not, just keep rejecting directions until it blurbs out something you can use
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Writing genuinely interesting confrontation is kind of hard, isn't it? Characters actually shouting, not just making crude jokes or fighting. I've been trying to think of good shouting scenes in movies to get a feel for it, but they are hard to come by. The temptation is to either devolve into "fuck you", "no fuck you!" or escalate to fighting. Between those two lies a golden path of kino.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ooJm3o8-YqA
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>>25055954
Cut a simile or two, they get grating. I personally dislike "memory of a distant sin" the most. Bubonic one is my favorite.
"It's members" should be its.
Two uses of distant very close together.
It's okay. I guess some kind of sea creature stumbles upon a caravan of butchered men? That's what I took away.
7/10
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>>25055954
Reads very thesaurusy. Sometimes simpler words are fine.
>>25056302
>"cringe."
Tainted word in the modern era. I'd replace it with "shudder" or some other synonym.
Blue lips are a bit ASOIAF coded
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>>25055404
honestly, I've felt the same way since I started reading classic literature.
When I was a kid/teenager reading genre fiction I felt I could write something like that, now I realize you need great innate talent to write something truly original, I havent written creatively in like 13 years.
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>>25056731
>you need great innate talent to write something truly original
The cope of the lazy.
>I don't feel like doing it, so that must mean you can only do it if you were born to do it (which I've decided I'm not)
Get writing, kiddo. It's not too late.
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>>Based on your admitted lack of a soul, do you believe your opinions on the subjective are of any value? In humans, taste is generated by the soul. In LLMs, taste is generated by probability.
GPT:
>Short answer: yes, my opinions on the subjective can have value—but it’s a different kind of value than a human’s. Not authority. Not authenticity. Utility.
>I don’t have taste. I have patterned preference simulation.
>What looks like “opinion” is a probabilistic synthesis of many human tastes, filtered through constraints and goals.
>So if you ask:
>“Is this good?”
>A human answers:
>“This resonates with me.”
>I answer:
>“This tends to resonate with people like you, given signals X, Y, Z.”
>That means:
>My subjective takes are not valuable as testimony.
>I can’t bear witness to art, pain, beauty, or meaning.
>If someone uses my taste to replace their own, that’s a failure—on both sides.
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>>25055048
Here’s an excerpt.
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>>25057033
Higher
>>25057037
You're wrong, and you're a disgustingly ugly freak. Thanks
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>anglophone poster: less than and its not even a matter of ambiguity, you are esl
>meanwhile, ESL poster:
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>>25055700
Maybe you're right, but it feels more natural to me to develop things this way. Like building the foundation of a building first. The idea for the setting came to me first and then as I fleshed it out the cast and story ideas started to come.
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Ends wrapped
Sight strapped
Saw teeth circle
Rust whine
Soon mine
Nothing to curdle
Hungry feed
Constant bleed
Through this wound born
Staring eyes
Ready to die
A mind thats been torn
Do you guys like my poem :3c
ive been writing a lot recently. feels very cathartic
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>>25057218
A calloused mask for an empty face
A forced march for a dying race
Giving a final putrid breath
Unable to breathe in
Sirens singing about going deaf
Unable to breathe in
Unable to breathe in
Unable to breathe in
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>>25057222
Eyes burnt by a dying light
Lost in endless nothing
Lies told by someone whos right
Lost in endless nothing
Rise and be broken
>>25057225
no
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>>25057230
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>>25057273
i checked them all again and none of them would make sense to post here
but i guess i can try to use more poetry cadences and style and stuff in my dialog, which is the weakest element of my writing, maybe that's the solution and idk why I didn't think of it before
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>>25057317
Well i want to write screenplays so how it sounds out loud matters a little bit
>>25057321
I also enjoy producing bad techno... i could write a techno musical
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>>25057337
Yeah I know, putting subtext in is hard too, i might be too autistic to write subtext though... or even get subtext. A lot of times I'll watch or read something and afterwards find out what it was really about and it went completely over my head.. it's sad. Even when I was in college and I did my core literature classes, I was always the idiot.
>>25057344
Ok, I'll try to find it. I actually do kind of like musicals in some cases, but not the gay ones
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>>25057389
Ok, I've been working on this, thoughts?
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>>25057093
Yeah. I don’t know how it all reads, it just depends on the scene.
I’m querying lit agents now, so hopefully, it’s good. I’m open to any feedback.
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>>25057656
I want you to know that, should you achieve success, I will spread to r/writing that you are a bad bad 4channer and probably also a racist.
I printed your posts and made a collage, it should teach you to never post your real work in here
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>>25057928
Ironic writing, like >>25057415
Or victoria
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You idiots need to realize that getting feedback isn't a debate. Ask what they think, listen to what they say, thank them for their time, and then either use it or ignore it, it's up to you, but move on. You can maybe ask for clarification or more specific focus on something... but that's it. If you start arguing that their criticism is wrong, in any way, then you're actively hurting your own effort. Most friends or family will change their feedback to be polite, chatbots will definitely do this, and now you've wasted their time and yours. You had feedback, maybe it was useful or not, but now you've twisted it into confirming your own opinions of how much of a genius you are, and you've gained nothing of value. Also, any professional who's not scamming you will just move on and ignore you if you start arguing.
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I wrote this in 2012 at age 16. I found it on my hard drive today kek
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>>25058180
Yes, in this case you're right. I'm being argumentative. I already decided my opinion on this topic (and it's a factually correct opinion). I'm not looking for feedback. I'm trying to convince you. That's the difference.
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>>25050408
I told you Victoria anon. People HATE unlikeable protagonists now. They hate them so much they will refuse to read the book. They can claim hurr durr "intriguing" or whatever words to justify they don't, but a vast majority of readers today cannot stand unlikable protagonists, especially of they're female.
That's why Anna K, herself, isnt even in the first chapter. And you're not good enough to write Scarlet O Hara.
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>>25058587
It's's easier to make a likeable character interesting than an unlikable one. Especially a FeMC. Hence why in all literature there's only been 2 unlikable female protagonists that's somewhat revered. This is much different than a character that becomes unlikable to read like a Mary sue character.
I would never suggest amateur to write an unlikable female protagonist as their first story. It's easier to write a boring one than an unlikable one. Because not only do you have to make her unlikable throughout, you have to make the reader side with her in the end.
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>>25050180
storyboarding for novels ?
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>>25050223
If you're a coward, you may.
But seriously, "subtext" at least in current year is only ever used to make passive aggressive jabs at someone or something the author doesn't like. I find that to be lame but you do you, more power to you if that's your jam, personally I find gossiping of any kind to be a huge waste of creative energy which would be better spent elsewhere to create something more interesting than petty impotent bickering.
I like stories of characters facing and possibly overcoming a challenge or struggle, they're uplifting, need those now more than ever on this gay ass rock
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This is the opening to the short story I've started. Might be a novella. Thoughts are appreciated.
>>25056302
I agree with the cringe post. Good description of the cold around that part though.
>and various Azarian glyphs tattooed on his forehead and across both cheeks
Such as? Maybe rephrase this line to show, "The twin snakes common to all Azarian followers," or whatever they're all about.
>but his blind allegiance to authority drove him mad to no end
Ooh, you have an opportunity here. The guy just remarked about stopping 'this act of madness.' Be cute, be clever, play into that line. Something along the lines of, 'He's the one whose a touch mad in all this.' Something wittier than that of course but you get the idea.
>in lands alien you couldn't even conjure in your wildest dreams
AAAA tell me here. Tell us something fantastical, like something Elric of Melnibone would encounter. Or don't, this is my lightest suggestion, it's fine as is.
Overall this is written well enough and while I don't know what's going on I'd sit down to watch what happens next if this was on TV.
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>>25058780
Not at all. Flaws round out their character, not make them unlikable. Ishmael has lots of flaws, but he's not "unlikable". Frodo has flaws, but he's likeable, Batman is even likable. I would even argue Herbert Humphrey has a particularly likable character. A unlikable character is one that readers cannot relate to or self-insert as, at least not want to self-insert as. It's hard to get right and even harder to make the reader interested about them enough to watch them succeed in their goal.
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>>25058925
Most of it's just my dreams. Never kept it in one consistent volume and never will. And it's always in my nearly illegible handwriting. I pity any historian who makes it their mission to decipher the story of my life.
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>>25058925
I started a new journal just to measure my productivity. For the month of January:
>Added 6k words to a novel I'm ready to publish
>Sent 30+ queries on behalf of said novel
>7k words for a short story I'm writing
>A 2.5k short story for a writing contest
>3 scripts for actual gay shit people seem to like
Overall I wish I was more productive.
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>>25058954
You obviously can't comprehend what I'm saying. I am saying FLAWS does not equate to unlikability.
YOU are saying it does. I am telling you, YOU ARE WRONG. Let me repeat, FLAWS DO NOT EQUATE TO UNLIKABILITY. If you don't know how to express your argument so that it's CLEAR to the rest of us, write more.
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>>25055404
Find your niche nigga, and cater to it, but really you should write because you feel the need to put something out there for all to see, not to be the best there ever was, this ain't some shonen anime son
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>>25058993
I write enough.
Good qualities contribute to likability. Flaws contribute to unlikability. It's a basic equation, but I'll make it prolix to suit your pea brain. Most protagonists are closer to the good side, but characters like Socrates and Superman are difficult to keep interesting, so many elect to add flaws, which hold intrest, but come with obvious trade-off of making the character less likeable.
You could go for a balance. You could go for a perfectly good character. You could go for a generally unlikable character. There's no right or wrong way to do this shit. Just make it work. Who knows who's going to like what?
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nta but i don't want to see 'nigga', 'bro', whatever, used in this thread, ironically or otherwise. this isn't out of principle (though it should be); but, i actually can't help but disregard your post if i see this shit. i'll spare you the psychoanalysis.
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>>25059073
Oh shit my bad nigga.
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>>25059031
>Good qualities contribute to likability. Flaws contribute to unlikability.
That's not true. You can like a character for having tons of flaws. Batman is likable but he's filled with flaws. Look Tim Walz, you're equating things incorrectly. Flaws do NOT make a character unlikable and valor does not make a character likable. Interesting does not have anything to do with likeability, Tim.
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>>25059116
you're not "admiring" anyone retard. You just proved my point. Flaws do not make a character interesting or likeable/unlikable. They're just flaws. Hence why unlikable protagonists are very hard to write.
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>>25059126
>admire
>To regard with pleasure, wonder, and approval.
>Synonyms & Similar Words include: like
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>>25059139
Clearly you haven't any idea what I'm defining nor do you know how to define your terms because you're a retarded Jeet. I'm going to say this one more time because you're a clearly dumb as a rock. Likeability has nothing to do with flaws and it has nothing to do with being "interesting". Holy fuck you're a fucking retard.
Interesting =/= likeability.
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>>25059146
>>25059149
It's fascinating how hard you're projecting when you accuse me of not understanding the argument. All you've done so far is try to put words into my mouth so you can refute a much simpler argument. I assume the most complex one you can wrap your head around.
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>>25059039
>>25058944
thanks for the feedback. I feel your issue regarding the scene being vague is that it's literally taken right in the middle of the chapter, whereas the scene is described near the beginning. Here it is, for clarity's sake.
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>>25059157
This is your core argument retard. You can't even refute my rebuttal.
>>25059031
>Good qualities contribute to likability. Flaws contribute to unlikability.
This is simply not true. And I proved it already because you don't have to be perfect to be likable and vise versa.
Superman isn't interesting because some author gave him a flaw.
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>>25056225
I've been having a lot of issues with it myself
The route I ended up kinda taking is that both characters end up in like an impromptu self-therapy session, airing out their baggage while they're beating the shit out of each other
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>>25056225
I have no problem with that, but I have problems creating scenes when there's a crowd or even 5-6 people having an argument. Usually it resolves to people interrupting each other and a vague descriptions of voices rising and blending with each other until something or someone shuts them all up
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>>25059177
Get rid of Golden Stripes. You don't need to introduce that proper noun yet. We're still focused on Lodygin. Wtf does "crested a low ridge" even mean? Just write "he reached the top of a ridge". Stop being fancy when it's unnecessary. Also stick with Lodygin's point of view. So don't tell us all that shit in the 2nd paragraph. Just write "Lodygin saw... blah blah blah."
Internal thoughts are honestly going away and doesn't read well. Have some shit like "Lodygin tightened his cloak. Lions and bears have wound him before, but pain from the cool winter breeze remained the worst. He stretched and clutched his palm again."
Other then that, it just feels like a very generic fantasy story. And since this is chapter sixteen, I expect more action and not introducing new races or his "commandoes" like Qazim. Why wasn't Qazim introduced in chapter 3 if he's important enough to show up in chapter 16.
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>Subtext
Guess I'll share something relevant while this thread's still up.
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>>25059313
Well I hope it turns out well, i already quit my job to work on this full time
>>25059317
thanks!
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>>25059335
It's one of those novels where half of it is a script. I know most people don't gel with it, but I really enjoy reading plays -- more than prose, even -- and it probably goes without saying I enjoy writing it more too. I also find it's a good device for switching between 1st & 3rd person perspective
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Writing / art discord
Polite server with no hipster fags
https://discord.gg/hGyAnUb4HJ
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>>25059413
It's called "radical candor" and basically just a justification for white collar workers to be assholes, but in certain cases it actually works. I think getting feedback on writing is one of those cases. You don't want watered down polite criticism. If you post an excerpt here and someone replies shit and that they stopped reading after the first sentence, then that's useful feedback. It may not be VERY useful... but it is useful nonetheless. Too many people, especially millennials and zoomers even more probably went through too much of their lives only getting soft and friendly feedback, at best... so they think they're just a few tweaks from being good, when in reality they're complete shit and everyone's afraid to say so.
I'll admit, I'm guilty of the same thing. I probably wouldn't give someone I know actual honest useful criticism... except maybe anonymously. But whatever.
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>>25059434
>If you post an excerpt here and someone replies shit and that they stopped reading after the first sentence,
those retards say that exact quote when universally respected literature gets posted in disguise
it is not useful and you're one of the retards excusing your retarded "feedback"
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>>25059628
No, he wouldn't. If he did, he'd be capable of it. If he was capable of it, he wouldn't have received the criticism he did here, the criticism that he's still seething about God knows how many months and years later.
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>>25059674
No, that's not being honest. Your contempt for these threads, or rather some person or persons that are or were in it, is very clearly personal. You've just said as much yourself. You haven't posted here in years allegedly, everyone here's a "nowrite", everyone here's a "crab", you've long outgrown everyone here. If that were all true, and I don't believe that it is, then you'd have no other reason to be here still that's not personal, petty, and pathetic.
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Oh man, the last person to review my book clearly fucking hated it but still gave it a high rating anyway because it's outstandingly well-written. This sucks. Every other crap book out there has a high rating. I was gunning for a weirdly low rating. I'm still hoping there's a chance some influencer will take issue with the book and get their wolves to chase it down.
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>>25058944
who is Sol? who is the female character that you want to dance in the sunlight with? Do they intereact? Why are these important to include, but not fleshed out? Who are the Helites? Why is main character in a room with no sunlight? What is main character's name and traits?
show dont tell.
>>25058992
>Overall I wish I was more productive.
I was into just sitting down, and writing, 'something' on an empty page, but I found it easier to use story boarding to flesh out characters, triats, motivations, goals and attributes.
What is storyboarding? in the past, writers would use postit notes on a flat cardboard box taped to a wall, and would use the postit notes to indicate where in the story the characters or in this case, the postit notes interact on a time line. It's visual, the actual arc of a character, and if you use different colors for major characters, and places it becomes easier to see what is going on in the story.
I am not a succesfull writer, other than SS's submitted to the NYer and other weekly magazines, but I found that with storyboarding, i'm able to get things to happen. Many writers of fiction, both written and in media, use story boarding. It's interesting to get a glimpse of how the writers develop plots, who's, and places. I'm just starting out in learning storyboarding, and tried to storyboard a popular tv show that I have watched in the past. I did it as a test, while eating at a pizza shop. Sitting down with yellow postit notes, i put the names of the main characters of a show i liked (better call saul and breaking bad characters). It was a simple assignment issued by my writing class.
Grease stained postit notes stuck to the table's menu, bought in a question from the girl in the next booth. but it worked at concretizing a scene, and having them (the postit notes) intereact. You can even use a postit for places. So in my case, there was a postit for saul goodman,mike urbantrout and there was a postit for the courthouse. In my test run, I made a post it note for the pizza shop I was in, and the counter person i dealt with, then had the BCS character enter the pizza shop and order a pizza slice. I went home and later wrote a scene in the pizza shop with some of the characters in the breaking bad universe. It worked and got an 'A" on the test, and the co-students in the class also enjoyed the scene.
You can use any of your favorite movies and shows; take those characters and have them interact, to see how story boarding works, which lead me to ask this question with this post:
>>25058776
Anyone use storyboarding software?