shit thread

old bald cunt

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Last night I found a steak in my fridge. A month past expiration date. Smelled funky. I added extra seasoning to cover it and ate it. Today I have explosive diarrhea and don't want to go to the gym because I might have an accident.

>>153211546
Little broke reddit le ironic shit thread is still a shit thread.

UFC 328: Soprano vs White

I was always more of a WEC and Strikeforce guy than a PRIDE guy.

UFC Fight Night: Bautista vs. Oliveira

ufc 325 will be the first fighting event i watch! :)

>>153211631
Classic good main event complete ass undercard Apex fight card

>>153211652
>undercard
back to /box/ pillowpoofter

My Pancrase tape collection would astonish you. You'd feel unworthy of ever posting alongside me again.

UFC 400: The Rock vs Roman Reigns
Riyadh, Saudi Arabia

alexander volkanovski is one of the founders of pankration

"Bro" gets triggered by "undercard"

>>153211662
Undercard is a basic term

with the mustache especially, diego looks pretty australian now. since fans already like him for being entertaining, i think he will get more crowd support during the fight than he could imagine, encouraging him, and perhaps even confusing volkanovski. this could be the straw that breaks the camel's back and allows diego to land his one big shot. i pick diego now.

I fear Volk may have cooked.

>>153211759
used by pillowpoofters

>fights on the day my wife has to pay the rent
not fair

just watched petmuangdet heem pepsi

Is Volk’s food actually good? How would Anthony Bourdain judge it?

bourdain is a dead ass reddit bitch

UFC 330: Harry Hardwick vs. Alex "Poatan" Pereira

>>153211818
Bourdain actually practiced martial arts so he’s more of a heemer than you

tai tuivasa has mentally and physically checked out
he's done

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is this the scruffiest card of dirty dogs in ufc history?

>>153211851
punched that bitch's grave and he turned into a skeleton

>>153211884
paramount is really stacking fight nights thats almost ppv quality

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me to schaub haters

real fans won't forget khamzat missed weight

Benoit "God of War" Saint-Denis is THE most entertaining fighter in the Lightweight division of the UFC. Prove me wrong. Hold on: you can't.
He WILL be champion soon. He walks through everybody in the top ten. Only Tsarukyan would give him a run for his money, but BSD is a WARRIOR and is not afraid to get into a WAR. Tsarukyan isn't ready for that "smoke". Furthermore he eats Topuria based on sheer SIZE alone. Benoit Saint-Denis is a CHAMPION in the makings. Screencap this, mark my words and remember them very well.

>>153211571
today i had a battery of bloodwork done because my psychiatrist thinks im low T. the lady tried unscrewing the first butterfly needle in the wrong direction first and then decided to use a straight needle for the second draw. on the second one, she totally missed the vein and instead of tyring to hit it just dug deeper and deeper until blood gushed into the vial. i nearly passed out. thats never happened to me before but at least i might get on TRT.

saint-penis got beaten half to death by moicano

>>153212013
Hey man hows life

>>153212060
He would have won the fight if the doctor let him continue

ilia only fights famous people now

>>153212136
His wife and daughters are famous?

>>153211614
what a blast watching those two fat bald goofs go at it would be, they'd need to challenge each other in combat and also a buffet table

>>153212060
and poireir

Fuck these new captchas it’s almost impossible to pick out the one four pointed star while driving a school bus full of screaming kids

>>153212182
pull over b, nothing can fix those retards

>>153212197
I try to do em at red lights and railroad crossings where I’m required to stop but it’s still impossible to get first try

>>153211571
Why did you eat it then? Couldn't get your fat arse to the supermarket and buy a new one?

>>153212060
Shut the FUCK up
>>153212105
This is factual
>>153212169
This was shameful but every HERO needs a LOW moment to prepare for the HIGHEST of peaks. The peak in question being the UFC lightweight CHAMPIONSHIP.
>>153212083
Not bad still no new clients for my business since my only client dropped me at the beginning of the year but I got a loving girlfriend so at least I got that. Also comfy fight night on Saturday night. I have started exercising again, I really wanna get back into actual fighting, hopefully next week. Thank you for asking.

>>153212251
I fucked your girlfriend while you were in the next room. Do something about it.

>>153212281
What is your fucking zipcode you low T faggot I'll hunt you down and give you an anal injection of Testosterone with my penis

>>153212060
and grandpa ZDS

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BEASTSD decapitated Pooriush and Dan Prostututa is next on the kill list

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>YOU'S ARE IN FORA TREAT!!
>scoots around the cage pitter pattering at range
>WOWEEE LOOK AT VOLKS LE LEVELS!!
*pit pat
*scoot scoot scoots away
*pit pat
*scoo scoot scoots away
>WE'RE WITNESSING GREATNESS

Catherine O’Hara from Home Alone just got heemed

Interim champ is supposed to be the best guy in the division when the undisputed champ's not active but Gaethje can't even say that when there's multiple lightweights better than him

Are you a good poster trying to be bad or are you a bad poster trying to be good?

>>153212396
An interim champ is just someone who won an interim belt

>>153212396
oh yeah? why aren't they interim champion then? dumbass

>>153212464
Politics

>>153212060
Moicano heemt Islam.

>>153212494
MMA?

>>153212513
Politics in mma

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>>153212001
What I do to CP lovers.

>>153212396
Interim champ hasn't really meant anything in years, it's a gimmick belt that they need to stack shit cards. It's BMF-tier.

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arman is lucky he isn't exiled like mokaev. he ruins everything he touches.

>>153212525
Smile at them while getting heemed?
Thats pretty cool

>>153212528
BMF is more prestigious of a belt, because it gives fans the certainty that whoever holds it is, in fact, a bad motherfucker.

>>153212542
Honestly good advice from Arman, I'm sure Chimaev will put on a more exciting performance against Imavov. Why risk losing a guaranteed championship?

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If sleep=slept, then heem=hemt? Food for thought?

Who is the Luigi Mangione of MMA

>>153212396
no need to cry about it. look how well danar played you like the mark you are! Arman is a huge name now! When he returns, it will be almost as big as Khabib vs Conor.
If he actually wins the title, we'll ALL celebrate like we taught Danar a heckin lesson! (while he's laughing his way to the bank).
We've ALL complained that UFC has a le 'STAR problem' and the matches are boring. Well now we've (you AND me) got what we wanted!! We can all be brain dead retards together!!

Spelt

>keep clinching
>get throttled in the pocket
one friday was heemtastic

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boring fighters win battles, but lose the war.

>>153212528
But we LOVE the interim belt for fighter pay! We all get very upset about fighter pay. We must pay the fighters and the interim belt pays the fighters some good fighter pay when they unify! AND THATS A GOOD THING!!

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Win the battle of having long and successful careers where they win championships and make more money than their contemporaries, becoming a lasting part of the sports history and culture
Lose the war of losing half their fights and becoming retarded

WE cannot follow THEM.

>UFC PPV is finally reasonably priced
>literally nobody gives a shit, sport is more irrelevant than ever

Dead sport. Dead league. UFC? More like WGAF.

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>>153212628
>>153212664
ffs we are kind of pathetic bros... All we had to do was support the PFL's tournament structure with our wallets and views. But the truth is consoomers like us are too retarded to know what we actually want... All promotions need to just have the balls to do the opposite of what fans say they want and they might become successful.

boxcel hands typed this

Guys I think he really likes sucking Dana's balls

heroes die on the battlefield. boring fighters are just politicians.

Heroes die on the battle fields while Politicians bang their wives and decide the shape of the world

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What went wrong?

>>153212750
lookin sharp og

I think Volk is getting zeemed lads and it makes me sad

>>153212750
Cain and Abel. Ying and Yang. And everything in between.

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He took a year off to party and eat as much as he wanted to instead of changing his game and learning new skills. He only started getting in shape at the start of this training camp. All the commentators are pretending he's in excellent shape but he's literally just as fat as ever?

>>153212750
Nates a little bitch he would be nothing but another little cholo boy from the hood if it wasn't for Nick

a politician lives and dies in a world their soul never knew. in many ways it's as if they never lived at all. very much like a boring fighter when you think about it.

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>>153212750
>You WILL wear the shirt, Nick...
SOON

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>>153211546
Somebody check on Chandler

If you look up the definition of hero in the dictionary you see a picture of James Vick

>>153212750
Add tito and you have an iq black hole

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FACT: BSD will beat Arman this year.

>>153212869
You know that won't happen

WE CANNOT

>>153212838
It's always the most utter room temp brainlets who mention anything about IQ

>>153212888
Bro it's a friday night for you what are you doing here

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>wake up
>make coffee
>remember I'm Australian
today is a great day!

>>153212907
my room's a furnace, playa!

I'm 4 miller lites deep yeah I'm thinking I'm having wild sex tonight

>>153212956
What's his name

>>153212956
Nooo way FOUR!?!? Somebody stop this guy!

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>>153212789

hardest hitting 145er ITT right here

>>153213003
Anyone know who this bum is?

>>153213021
yeah

Bro come here this guy is drinking beer from a shoe!!!

>>153213021
i saw him drop tom aspinall in sparring with a jab

>>153213060
that was is bluddy orb ye wanker

This guy >>153213003 TKOs people when I touch them they don't fucking move

>>153213003
look at the little lad! hes like a human, but smaller!

I'd run /heem/'s atomweight division

I'm the Dana White of heem

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Two numbered cards in a row why aren't people more excit- oh

>>153213123
salkilld is the next darren elkins

>>153212251
Thats cool you have a business. Good luck with your training friend.

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>>153213123
>people aren't excited
Dear whoever the hell u are. Nobody gives a shit what u think UFC 295 is sold out in Sydney and fans r pumped for 2morrow. Ur opinion=WGAF

Plugs on the way it's about to call for snow in my living room if you catch my drift

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Surely next card will be b- oh...

>>153213161
Nigga keeping TABS on electrifiying prospect Amir ALbazzi

>>153213161
A true "Who's Who" of "Who's That?".

>Heavyweight Champion has no date for his next fight
>LightHeavyweight Champion has no date for his next fight
>Middleweight Champion has no date for his next fight
>Welterweight Champion has no date for his next fight
>Lightweight Champion has no date for his next fight
>Featherweight Champion is fighting tonight
>Bantamweight Champion has no date for his next fight
>Flyweight Champion has no date for his next fight

Lightheavyweight and Lightweight are probably being saved for the White house card, what about the rest?

UFC Fight Night: Bautista vs. Oliveira
UFC Fight Night: Strickland vs. Hernandez
UFC Fight Night: Moreno vs. Almabayev
UFC Fight Night: Emmett vs. Vallejos
UFC Fight Night: Adesanya vs. Pyfer

>>153213197
Paramount exec bros, what were we thining?!

>>153213202
*the*?

>>153213202
strickland vs fat hernandez is solid gold

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Lets speculate on upcoming fight announcement
>DDP vs ???
>Islam Makachev vs ???
>Poatan vs ????
>Yair vs ???
honestly it will be interesting to see the upcoming matchmaking in the WW division fuck it is exciting

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>>153213286
Yeah surely that card is go- sweet jesus...

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I'm livin in the 21st century, doin what sneed do, anyone you any youbody you ever seen do

Honestly? Keep an eye on a kid named Aaron Tau.

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>>153213197
Cope

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Blood rack, Barbed wire
Politician's funeral pyre
Innocent's rape with napalm fire
Twenty first century schizoid man
NAAAAAAAAANANANA NA NAAAAAA NA NA NAAAAA

>>153213387
You're right I forgot about the BMF. It should be a good fight.

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Doo spent 500 dollars on this

Donte Johnson vs Dusko Todorovic

>>153213413
Certified banger card right there cazzie

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>everything sucks nothin good, loow how cool i am
performative outrage

Yoo Joo-Sang vs Gaston Bolaños

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>>153213413
>3 rematches on the main card

Cody Durden vs Nyanjargal Tumendemberel

>>153213413
500 dollars is literally a days wage poorfag

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WHen the fuck did RDR vs Caio get announced? I completely missed that. RDR is getting TKO'd isn't he?

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I'll watch yom jos ong vs Gadson Bolognese before i watch a single Wmma fight

Luke Fernandez vs Rodolfo Bellato

>>153213465
Whatever to this demonic nigga?

>>153212990
Yeah exactly, that's a good comparison to where he looks like he's eating a lot but still training hard. Now he's back to his ultra obese form.

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>Bro no you need to watch mason barber vs natasha namakunes for the wmma bantamweight title
Nah i'll watch the two no name bums tug it out for a 10/20k.

>>153213400
Shalom, may peace be with you

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The Gojo vs Sukuna of UFC

>>153213465
One of them got pulled
Moicano vs Paddy's teammate is the likely replacement

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Wmma watchers are like the faggots who roleplay with female avatars in RPGs,

>If you aren't excited for Cody Garbrandt vs Xiao Long you must like WMMA
???

>>153213502
Hello. Lets hope for a nice card tonight.

Does Israel even have a single fighter in the UFC? or combat sports in general

this one sucks outside of main card.

>>153213545
None in the UFC as far as I know. Some Olympic gold medals in Judo I think, but I think we suck at MMA.

>>153213545
Kike rats can't fight, that's why they scam and swindle with interest loans

>>153213545
Yeah Salkilld's victim. he's horse thief from Circassia though.

Apparently nick diaz likes cock and it's the reason why his wife is ruining his life

https://www.tumblr.com/losingprogress/805812376205131776/da-full-vid-was-deleted-but-i-ss-it-this-was

Our boy Dana is squeaky clean and not even mentioned once in the Epstein files if I was him I would distance from Trump

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>tumblr

>>153213545
Haramkalaev, Ashmoz and Natan Levy. They own the UFC, though, so in many ways all fighters are Jewish.

>>153213567
https://x.com/ThatchEffendi/status/2017030218397958562

*hides post*

woke ass ufc saw quillan salkilld calling himself the minority killer and matched him up with a white guy
cringe

I can fix Nick’s wife.

"That's it.com"

A couple of years I used to weight 165lbs now I’m weighing 190lbs with 9% bf%. I am 6’3’’. I am a fucking war machine. When I was 165lbs I was a fucking boxing menace. Then moved to a different country so I never went thru with more sanctioned fights. Now I’m training mma. Already did 3-4 years of bjj before starting boxing. I would kill all of you gay faggots without even breaking a sweat.

>>153213608
His original opponent was chinese

>>153213673
Fuck you

Sean Shelby be like "Salkilld seems hot right now let's book him against a guy who's gotten KOed 4 times in the last 3 years"

>>153213697
Yeah as stated before his original opponent wasnt mullarkey. He just happened to be there after the original withdrew

>>153213683
You wouldn’t dare saying that to my face. You would apologize but that would not be enough as I crush your skull like an empty beer can.

hating Petr Yan is a sign of low IQ

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>>153213545

OH! DOWN GOES THE PLEASURE MAN!!!

When Belal Muhammad wins a scrappy decision by leaning on his wrestling it's boring and cowardly
When Petr Yan wins a scrappy decision by leaning on his wrestling it's high IQ

>>153213724
>he drinks beer out of cans

uh.... bet it's basedbeer

>>153211884
>salkilld vs mullarkey
one sided beat down
>tai vs teixeira
sloppy fat guy fight
>fiziev vs ruffy
proper fight will be very good
>bsd vs hooker
one sided beat down
>volk vs lopes
the rematch no one wanted but will be entertaining

6/10 overall. Not bad, not great

>oban elliott cried on embedded
bruh...

Movsar Evloev is literally the exact same type of fighter as Petr Yan and has an almost identical fight style but heem isn't ready for that conversation

>>153213784
These disgusting names alone make me tune out tbqh

is the card thos weekend any good? unironically

who should i look out for?

>>153213834
The 3 final fights are terrific. The rest of the card is Apex prelim shit

i'd drink Payton Talbott's douche water

>>153211546
Low-key I think Dan is winning vs BSD.

Just a while ago, some guy got psyched out after seeing his opponents kid at the weigh in and couldn't fight viciously.

I definitely think BSD got shook after seeing Dans daughter

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>>153213862
why am I in these threads

>>153213834
Look for this

*Heems you*

>>153213872
We will never submit to the faggotry that is usernames is why, we are pure

>>153213870
that guy most likely has shot a good amount of African kids for that shit to matter.

>>153213870
high iq 4d chess move by dan the hangman hooker

>>153213870
You have to remember that BSD is french

BSDDS

>>153213966
Why do you have this saved to your personal computer

>>153213161
Matsumoto vs Basharat is the only fight worth watching, everything else is a miss.
Won't be staying to watch that shit even though it's my day off. Bautista as a main event is torture

Dana vs. Paramount Bean Counters, has there been a more one-sided heeming?

u cant escape the fr*aking rapist
mcgregor

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>Matsumoto vs Basharat is the only fight worth watching,

>>153211884
Rongzhu withdrew? what a bum

The UFC has no young stars. Why is the marketing department so bad at UFC?

Moot's in the epstein files. It's all over /pol/

Are you seriously still talking about the Epstein files?

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Some men aren't looking for anything logical, like money. They can't be bought, bullied, reasoned, or negotiated with. Some men just want to watch the world burn.

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Would you rather eat Volkslop or Danaslop?

cooking with war machine

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>>153214243
Yes I concur, men like me and those are of a dying breed

my ufc fighting nickname would be mahoraga

>>153214345
mine would be mahoraga raper

>>153214345
Adapt to this shit nerd *body kicks u*

my ufc fighting nickname would be The Pleasure Man 2: Pleasure Harder

About 8 miller lites deep I am definitely going to have wild sex tonight

>>153213870
Lol
BSD beats him worse than Arman

went 8 mile on your mother's pussy
that's M&M
munch and mash

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>the card starts in less than 24 hours
>guru still hasnt posted his predictions

>>153214409
His MMA picks loicense expired

I thought Arman was rich why is he taking desperate streaming appearances for adin ross, not a good look for his brand desu

>>153214409
fat piglet is on thin ice lately. little faggot's getting a bit too uppity with his eceleb fame and shit instead of working for us like hes supposed to.

for what, five videos in a row now we get to hear him brag about how he touched Armen IRL because hes such an autistic shut in weirdo thats some special achievement for him. little fag needs to get back to work like he owes us.

Guru Vs Joey. 3 rounds. Pride rules.

>>153214348
>>153214361
these 2 are boyfriends like chris curtis and sean sxtrictland

>>153214435
He’s trying to develop a fanbase so Dana can’t deny him a ti’ul sho’ anymore

>>153214485
I don't think so he bragged about making a measly 20k or whatever he was paid and anyone truly rich would never so essentially he was exposed as a fraud

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Paddy the Saddy :(

Ohhhh Paddy the Saddy!

Ohhhh Paddy the Saddy!

>>153214634
A day without grief is a rare occurrence, I’m afraid.

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>>153214677
unforunately true

Powerslap??

What's the most fun martial art to watch?
For me, it's muay thai. Shame it blows compared to other ones.

>>153214748
ultimate surrender

>>153213161
>3 WMMA
It's like Dana wants to lose money

3 wmma fights? Good fucking God can someone drown Dana in the snow he orders for his Las Vegas home

You'll watch anyways you fucking pig

>>153214815
>me to Dana while replaying him his blackmail “Creampieing Dana” tapes

WE GOT A POWERSLAP EVENT ANNOUNCED BOYS
MARCH 6TH WE SLEEM
Power Slap 18: Wolverine vs. Da Crazy Hawaiian

>>153214842
chat is this true?

Payton Talbott legitimately, like unironically has a fetish for men almost twice his age btw, i genuinely think he mightve gotten groomed around like 2016 when his dad left

>>153214634
was this after the leavitt fight? why is he crying

sounds like payton talbott should hit up nick diaz

DBX starts in 8 bings on youtube

power slop

man Jessica Rose Clark needs her ass fucked by me

peenor yam would grapple talbeast. how does that make you feel?

what is peenor yam's cock power rating?

>>153214939
I think you would be surprised

Tai Tuivasa

>>153214955
cuts weight to make 265
lay off the taco bell you fat slob

eat more taco bell you fat slob! tai tateryumyum should be 400+ at least by fight night

>>153214853
>Wolverine vs. Da Crazy Hawaiian
Wtf isn't DCH like 400lbs?

DBX has begun
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FvOrAnRJIEg

need to piss on jessy rose's tits

>>153215011
What the fuck is that Anik’s twin bro on commentary?

>less than 24hrs before a huge event
>2 posts the last 40 minutes
holy fucking dead sport

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>>153215373

>>153215373
were watching dirty boxing retard

I gotta fuken poo and the toilet on our floor has been out of sevrice for 3 months

>>153215452
drop it over the railing to the lower floors, that's what they're there for

>>153215373
We're raiding on Turtlewow you retard

>>153215467
The guys in the stairwell will hit me

>>153215482
not if you run by them and tell them that someone dumped over the railing and that you're gonna go catch him

>>153215482
I hope they pour maple syrup on you

>Donald Trump expects 100,000 people in new ‘stadium’ for UFC White House
holy based

>>153215525
If Trump said it then it must be true

TrumpBEAST tells it like it is

Trump feeds hangry TKO piggies while he blows Bubba!

If Trump says 100 000 expect 250 000 patriots screaming "Lets go O'Malley" as he knockout that Russian worm Petr Yan

WONK WONK
its the nose of the police

what time does this Australian card start for civilized people

>>153215656
normal time kek

>>153215656
9pm est I believe, its normal time Aussies have to suffer

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>pretty please, stay still so I can hit you NOOOO

>>153215637
Yan won't be in shape for a title fight until the back half of the year. He just had lumbar surgery. Expect him to be back around October-December

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>last title fight of the year til May
thank you Dana

>>153215698
how they dont even have march scheduled yet, let alone april or may

UFC on Paramount 4: Shevchenko vs Silva

Yan underwent a 9 hour back surgery. He's completely fucked. He's going to be totally washed form here on
https://x.com/RedCorner_MMA/status/2016538736335749414?s=20
Also, Yan gets a major operation done in his back. No interim champion
Topuria gets a divorce, interim champion?

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zalal moves forward, topuria retreats in fear

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hang in there volk

What does the bong neet look like irl?

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Soon

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>>153215776
one of these fellas

O'Malley beats Ya'dong and Yan gets his back rebuilt the next day...

They should strip Yan honestly

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tai got that 200 yard petrol sniffin stare

>petrol sniffin
love Aussie slang

>>153212241
You want me to throw away a virtually edible steak?

Everything else is VIRTUALLY EDIBLE Joe

Tai will celebrate his return by shitting in the octagon and yelling in front of Bruce Buffer as he does so

So is the white house card still happening after all of this

>>153216026
all of what? You doubt the word of DonDADDY?

Anyoen there

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>>153216179

heem is dead and vacant
much like brie chandler's broken pussy

hey pussy watap

Jon Jones just got arrested for throwing beer cans at the audience

>>153216538
he's slurring on the mic

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>>153216538
>>153216560
finna tryna gonna molest this doo

When Jon Jones speaks Jon Aniks Brother listens

you finna want dbx?

fight in the crowd during a fight lol

can alexander volkanovski win a decision against diego?

>>153216641
no way dude
he's getting knocked out just look at the first fight

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>FUCK ICE

my nigga ice cube

looks like a bloody fool

>walking uuuhhhhh out uuuuhhhhhh to face his uuuuhhhhh opponent uuhhhhhhhhhhhh

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1 more sleep before the Volbussy is critcally prolapsed beyond repair...

Pride of the UK Ben Wooliss

>>153216291
considering he's a manlet, that dicklet is 5.5 inches at most

I walk a lonely road, only one that I have ever known

My shadows the only one who walks beside me, my shallow hearts the only thing that's bleeding

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Don't ask me about Tom's eye

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oban elliott fight day

>>153216726
How come this twiggy little dweeb has got so much aura?

Dont ask me about Thomas Eye

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CODY "STEEL" BRUNDAGE FIGHT WEEK

Jessica Eye

We're going down, down in an earlier round and sugar we're going down swinging

>>153216712
>>153216825
alright relax

Now sing an Imagine Dargons song faggot

stray bullet from the heavens above

>>153216832
You relax faggot, don't tell me what to do ever

damn that bitch 38?

>>153216849
38DD I'm afraid

UFC niggas at Trump's ballroom

is tuivasa maori?

>>153216832
quelled that spastic

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>>153213784
Isn't he more of a grappler

I'm sad and afraid :(

>>153216947
Uh huh

>>153216841
For me its Godlike. Respectfully.

About to have wild sex

it snowed outside, I'm scared